Husband's Didability

I think Angela gave some great advice...I would say from my experience, stick it out! It can only get better - who wants to start over with someone new after 25 years? If you take time to think about what first attracted you to him, I'm sure it may help to rekindle what you two have somewhat lost due to the arguing....and maybe recreate one of your favorite date nights....anything that can spark a nice conversation to help get past the 'issues.' Women usually don't feel up to sex if they are not communicating with their spouse...and it's tough to get past things that are not completely resolved (he still has the disability). The two of you could benefit from counseling - I'm sure he feels badly about having the disability, not only because he is in pain and has a lack of mobility, but because of how it affects you. When I have had issues with my husband in the past and didn't feel like being a loving wife, I really had to pray about God changing my attitude toward him and having a more loving spirit because there are days when I am just so mad I don't think I will ever want to talk to or be intimate with him again....(plus hormones don't help much!). Once I tried and prayed to have a better attitude toward him, I let it go - all the past resentment, all the bitterness I was holding, and tried to move past it. I tend to be a people pleaser - so if I feel like he is mad at me or holds something against me, I get very defensive and hurt.....it sounds like you are the same way - I don't blame you...but maybe if you take the first step, he will notice you trying...and he will improve his attitude as well and stop being as defensive and maybe stop blaming you for your family or not having sex with him. You can also try oral sex....that helps the who's on top issue and it still gets the job done....and he will appreciate it and you won't feel guilty for not having sex with him. Good luck - marriage is HARD WORK!

C.,
The only thing that I would add to Angela's great advice is to seek the help of a sex therapist. There are wonderful therapists in this area that can help.
L. M

oh, if there was one blog i had to respond to, this is it.
my left arm is pretty much just there for show.. i have at best 50 to 80 percent use of it, but i still manage to cook, clean, work, shop, shower and be heavily pregnant, so dont tell me it cant be done. now, have you tried to talk this guy about his disabity and how it affects you, especially when it comes to sex ?? now is not the time to be bashful. you will also notice that you are getting alot of questions, some just curious and some just plain rude about his disability, get used to it. from what my younger sister says, it comes with the territory . dont be afraid to be an advocate because thats what you are. a disability and sex are two things that most people are embarrassed to talk about, especially when the subjects are linked, dont be. we are not asexual beings, just because we are disabled
how do you think i got pregnant ?
K. h.

Wow C., Angela really covered everything for you. I couldn't add more. Having said that... Just know you are his best friend, his sounding board. He needs to know your feelings and what his comments mean to you. You need to step back and look at the situation without taking what he says personally (ha! Good luck with that! But it will give you a true view of where his--and your--heads are at.) Be your own best friend too and do what you need to do to stay happy and healthy in this relationship. Congratulations on your 25 years!