How Do We Choose What Teens Our Teen Rides With?

Any of us could have a fatal accident at any time, but you can learn which of his friends are more mannerly, responsible, accountable, kind, capable, coordinated, etc. by having them congregate at YOUR house as much as possible. Get to know them by talking, eating and playing with them on your own turf. That's the simplest way I know of.

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Hi H.,

I'll tell you what my mom did (as I don't have any that old yet). We were only allowed to ride with a driver who had had their license for at least 6 months, and this driver also had to be the same gender as us (I'm assuming that that was so we didn't have boyfriends driving us home!). Occassionally the rules would be bent (homecomings, proms, etc.), but for the most part the person had to be driving for 6 months and we had to stay in town. Hope this helps and good luck...I'm dreading that day!

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Ben there and done this one more than once now. This is a scary issue isn't it? We handled it much the same way as we handled who to let them play with as grade schoolers. We have tried hard to teach them how to make wise decisions. By the time they turn 16 we can only hope that all the teaching, training and praying will pay off. We continue to stay very involved in our boy's lives. We have lots of open discussion on who is doing what, when, where, and why. We just keep trying to steer them in the right direction and pray that God will cover them with his care. Be sure to ask around about what may be going on with the other kids. Not to cause trouble, but simply to get a heads up on the goings on.

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My children are only 13 right now so I don't have to deal with this yet. I recently went through a drivers course. In that course I was told of a TN law that I was unaware of. It was that while a child is 16, they are only allowed to have ONE passenger in the car with them. Now of course, the cops are not enforcing this because they would spend all their time pulling over cars with groups of kids in it, but if your child is 16 and gets pulled over and has a group of kids with him, there will be an additional ticket that will have to be paid. This law is there because a 16 year old does not have the experience and does not need the distractions that a car full of friends will provide. I will enforce this when my children get their license because of the exercises that we did in this class. It was an exercise to show how you can be distracted and not notice things. We had to watch a video of a group of kids passing a basket ball. Half the kids wore blue shirts, half wore white. You were to try and count how many times the basket ball was passed by the kids wearing the blue shirts. After counting that, the instructor asked how many people saw the gorilla. Then it was shown again without asking you to concentrate on the ball passing....clearly and unmistakenly there was a gorilla wearing a blue shirt that passed right through the picture. This just shows you what you miss even when you are concentrating. That being said, I believe that the law regarding 16 year olds to only have one passenger is a good one....it is one that will be followed in my house. (Fortunately, I have twins so there will always be a passenger in the car. HA HA mama gets the last laugh!!)

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Hey H.

Why don't you envite those friends over for a cook out or a dinner. A get together. Have a good time and find out what they are like. Ask question. Get their oppinions. Make friends with them if you can.

God bless
Vicki W.

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Be available to your 16 year old. My son didn't get his license til he was 17 and before that I drove him to where he needed to go. He rode with one boy from church who was a couple years older than he and that was only to youth group and back.
I have a 13 year old with many older friends and they are taking driver's ed now. I will get her to where she needs to be until she gets her own license.
VA has the same law and the schools put a sticker on the car. If it is yellow(or whatever) they have only had their license for under 6 months. Then it changes to a different color, I think there were three levels.

Some states (NC is one of them)have a graduated license which governs who can be in the car with new drivers (nobody under 18 not related or sometimes no underage unless there is also an adult). Try to use that first, so you are not "the bad guy". Good luck. I have an AG almost 17 year old with learning and other issues who doesn't have her license yet and she's not allowed to ride with anybody (usually even adults) we haven't at least met yet. Of course, that doesn't prevent her from doing so.

nobody is really "safe" we are going through this with my 16 year old. He can't ride with anyone who talks on the phone, texts, or who we haven't already met. You kinda have to trust your son to not make bad descisions. I prefer the driver to have the passanger change cd's, radio stations, reach for fallen things ect...and always buckle up!!!

i wasnt allowed to ride with anyone till i was 17 and then it was only the guy i was dating wasnt able to get my license till i was 18 and than had to pay insurance on a car bought for me but couldnt drive to school or any where really till i graduated i turned 18 in sept my senior year and didnt graduate till the following may

honestly any 16 year old would hate me for this answer. but none! My god if my parents (or the cops) know what i did when i was 16 with my friends in the car i would be in biggg trouble.its not safe until they are at least 18 kids have a tendency to distract each other and talk others in to something that sounds like a great idea but really isnt...good luck!

okay, call me devious because I would suggest hiding and following the friends to see how they drive when they don't know they are being watched.
I like the answers of getting to know them as well, but it is more than that. My Freshman year, my cousin drove us to school because my mom knew her. But my goodness - her driving scared me half to death. I would not have let my kids ride with her if I knew she drove that way.
Good luck.
-D.

Take a ride with them! Ask them to give you a ride to the store, and decide who is the most responsible. You do not want them riding with an irresponsible, aggresive driver. That is your child, your life, and you have that right. If they have a problem with giving you a ride... take them off the list of safe people.

I've experienced the exact thing, and even now my son is 19 i still find myself worrying about who he rides with. But i've learned that you hope your child makes the right decisions on who they ride with or even be friends with. My son chooses to be friends with the wild ones, but not to ride with the wild ones.