For Moms of Teens and Older

Mine were not allowed at all. When my daughter was 16 she was allowed with her mentor who was 25. Once they all started to drive, rule was no other kids in car certainly not each other. No one was ever involved inam accident. My husband is a cop and volunteer firefighter and we have seen the horrors of many accidents involving young teenagers. The kids all saw cars involved in accidents of teens and drunk drivers. Harsh, maybe but they are all now grown with families of their own. P.S. They were all a year apart so they were all learning to drive pretty much together.

They are usually 17 once they've passed the one year probationary period, during which they are not allowed to drive other teens.

I'm not familiar with the laws in your state. In my state, kids who get their licenses cannot drive anyone under the age of 18 (other than immediate family members) until they reach a certain age and qualify for an adult license.

I think you are wise to understand that inexperienced drivers pose a much higher risk. (The same applies to someone who is, say, 21, when they first get a license. Add to it the teenage propensity to act now and deal with consequences later (which is a function of brain development), and you have a recipe for disaster. So yes, she could get into an accident with an adult, but no, it's not just as likely.

I know nothing about the boy's driving experience and whether he is equipped to drive 25 miles. Assume distraction is a factor, even if they weren't interested in each other and trying to make a good impression, which they are. And how is this not a date? They are going off together with no companions and no supervision. A date doesn't have to be at a place where you pay money for a movie or a meal - it can be a walk in the park or a day at the beach or a picnic. It's a date. She's 15, and he must be at least 17 to be able to drive her, right? And she won't be going someplace in your town where you and/or your friends might run into her. So there is far less incentive to behave as if someone is watching. How will you know if they are where she says they are? So if there's a no-date rule until 16, she's just 2 weeks away, but still, are you comfortable with her driving 25 miles? Does she even carry any sort of ID that would let someone contact you in an emergency?

I think you are easing her into dating in a sensible manner - group dates, lunch with a friend in town, rides home with neighbors from band practices. I think if you're going to make exceptions, you have to look at exactly how long the driver has had a license, how well you know the driver, how far they are going, and on what kinds of roads (high speed interstates with exit ramps vs. local roads), and how distracted the kids will be with each other. You can't live in a bubble, but you have to make decisions (even unpopular ones) with kids who don't have the ability to predict consequences and assess hazards.

In my state, a teen driver under 17 is not allowed to carry passengers who are under 18.

Are there not laws in your state about inexperienced drivers?

In our state, a child can get a permit at 16 and a driver's license at 16.5. For the first 6 months that a new driver has a license, she or he cannot have any child/teen passengers other than siblings. Friends can't have friends in their cars until they have been driving for at least 6 months. We abide by that rule. If a friend has been driving for 6 months with no accidents and it's a friend we know and trust, then driving around town is fine.

For this particular scenario? No way.

In Oregon teen drivers are not allowed to have other teens in the car. I think there are exceptions for family members and perhaps after a certain time/age there can be one other teen. That makes the decision easy.

Before that law I did let my teen daughter ride with a teen driver and she could have teens in her car when she drove as long as I knew that the teens were responsible and would drive safely. One time I didn't know the driver I asked to see license and insurance card. Embarrassing for the teens And necessary for safety. I suggest that asking for that information puts the driver on notice that I am watching and they may drive more carefully.

It depends on the driver. Local laws here limit who teens can drive with, and we insisted that the sks follow those laws, both as a passenger and as a driver. Some of SD's friends were not good drivers and we asked her to either drive herself or we would drive them.

Further, if you think that this might be a pseudo-date, then call her on it and say you are not comfortable with it. I think that's a far way to go and if she has no other plans other than to hang with him, I think that it's semantics not to call it a date.

FWIW, I often caught rides from friends in HS, boys and girls. It saved my mom a lot of trouble getting me home from afterschool clubs.

I also like the 1 yr rule. If they have been accident-free for 1 year, that's better than a newly minted driver.

I think you are better off using the 1 yr rule. If the driver has driven for 1 yr without accidents then they are safe enough to drive your child. Brand new drivers are easily distracted. They also don't have the ability to foresee problems ahead or the skills needed to get out of a bad situation. You know when you drive by kids playing ball to slow down because you know the ball might go into the street and the child might run after it. New drivers don't think like that.

As far as her weekend plans? Since she never lived there and really likes this boy I'd say no way. She has no ties to the town and there's no reason for her to go other than to keep this boy company.

Here in CA the law is that 16 and 17 year old drivers must have their license for a full year before they are allowed to drive with other teens, so we follow that.
Of course some kids break the law, but what can you do? Our kids know if they do that they will lose their license and so far (knock on wood) they haven't gotten into any trouble.
As far as dating? Well she IS going to be 16, old enough to drive and have a job. Two short years away from being old enough to vote, join the military, go to college and be a legal adult. I think you'd better start letting the leash out NOW mom, she needs a chance to earn some independence, and making some mistakes and poor decisions is a hard but necessary part of that.
You do not want her going to college as a sheltered and naive young woman. Those are the girls that have the hardest time and get into the most trouble when they leave the nest :-(

Well, if it is just her and this boy.... that is a "date" mom. She's pulling wool over your eyes if you believe differently. If you have a rule of no one on one dates until she is 16 and she is not 16, then she doesn't go. Period.

Secondly, Most 15yr olds have a permit by now and are preparing for their license. When a license is obtained in TX, it is like a graduated license. NO car can be full of teens with a teen driving. They can and will be ticketed,,, at least they are in my area.

The exception is a family member in the car.

Other than that, I believe 1 other person can be in the car that is under 18 and that is it. They have to renew the license EACH year until they turn 18 and then at 21 they get the 21 license.

Having rules is one thing but if you don't enforce them, it means nothing.

At the same time, you have to let the purse strings go a bit because teens can't learn to be responsible and independent if they are kept under a rock or in bubble wrap all their lives. True, tragic things happen and it is tragic, however, something tragic has just as much of a chance happening on your watch as well.

My daughter is 20 now. She did ride with others occasionally per state rules. She drove herself to school (20 minutes from our home) daily 1-2 times depending on schedule. So a 25 minute drive from my house is nothing, it is just across town.

As someone else mentioned... the most sheltered and over protected teens are the ones who end up in trouble at college most of the time because it is their first taste of freedom.

what are the laws in Texas on teenage driving?

I know here in Virginia, under 17 are not allowed to have passengers.

I know things have changed since I was a teenager. I'd find out the laws for your state and go by that!

I think that the rule (16 before single dates) isn't the big factor. You're not talking about 2 or 3 months from now... you're talking about 2 weeks. She won't magically be some sort of wonder child who has no issues with dating b/c 2 more weeks have passed... She's probably about as mature as she is going to be in 2 weeks right now.

The issues I would weigh more heavily are the driving, and the location. As another poster pointed out (I think it was DianeB) she knows no one there. You have no way to verify she actually went there, or where there she went/goes. There is no oversight of them whatsoever. Who are they going to see? Friends of his? Do you know anything about them? How they plan to spend the time?

What is his driving record like? What is his history with other girls? Is he a serial dater? Has he had any accidents? How long has he been driving? Is he familiar with the 25 mile trip and driven it often?

Where we live, like many of the other posters, we have graduated rules. The first 6 months after obtaining a Class D license a driver cannot have non-family members in the car at all. After 6 months, only 1 non -family member under the age of 21. And that remains the case until they qualify to test for and pass the test for a Class C license. The Class D license is NOT the same as a learner's permit. But also does not carry the same privileges as a full Class C license.
I didn't see a mention in your post of how old the boy is. Is he even legal to have a non-family-member passenger in his car? How much older than her IS he?

Rather than focus on the 2 week window she hasn't yet attained, I would focus primarily on whether you are ok with her dating THIS boy (because this would be a date) and whether you are ok with dates consisting of taking your daughter out of town where she knows not a soul.

how old are the drivers? around here a 16 year old is not allowed to drive with kids in the car. (maybe it's allowed if an adult is present- i'm fuzzy on that.) but a 16 year old would not be allowed to drive a 15 year old.
the laws were different when i had my first 15 year old and was confronted with this. i did let him get in cars with young drivers until a friend (thank all the gods for experienced parents who help out others) mentioned to me that one boy i had allowed to take my precious, precious baby in his car was a very wild and dangerous driver. i clutched my chest and laid down the law.
and the laws were much more restrictive when my younger hit that age group, not that i would have been relaxed about it then.
i'm a very free range sort of parent, but i'm with the law on this one.
and yeah, that's a date.
khairete
S.

My oldest didn't start riding with other teens until he was about 17. And those were friends who are almost a year older than him (but same grade).

My best friend in high school was a boy. We went to lots of things together and I promise they were in no way dates. I had lots of friends that were guys.

He is still one of my very best friends and we still go to events, shopping whatever and it is totally platonic.

Back to the teens in cars. I know you are nervous, I was too. But you will need to pull that bandaide off and know with confidence your child will be smart enough to be a good passenger. She will need to judge if she feels safe with every driver she is a passenger with. Our daughter knew if she felt uncomfortable or unsafe, she could text or call us d we would be her excuse, that we would be picking her up because of a family emergency.

You know your child best. Tell her the truth about what you worry about and she can tell you how she would handle it. And mom, let her know the consequences of her not following the rules. And then follow through.