Help with My 13 Year Old Daughter - Happy Valley,OR

Updated on February 02, 2011
S.A. asks from Goose Creek, SC
11 answers

How do I make my daughter understand I am the mom and she is the daughter? I take care of her and she does not have to carry the weight of her taking care of me?

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L.G.

answers from Eugene on

Sorry but she is growing up. I had my daughters doing laundry and cooking a couple of nights a week. If it is just the two of you it is a shared task to run the home and listen to each other.
She is no baby. Are you going to prepare her for life or be a helicopter parent.
I never have been the latter. I prepared my kids for life in the world and we do listen and suggest different ideas or help each other out. That is family life.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Be the mom.
If she is taking care of you then you are letting it happen.

4 moms found this helpful
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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

Some more details would be helpful...

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Is there a reason, she thinks she has to take care of, You?

2 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Your question is pretty vague.
Is there a reason she feels she has to take care of you?

My daughter was an angel until she it 15/16. Convincing her I was the mother was a whole different subject.
She became very selfish and didn't care about anybody.
It changed, thankfully, but I'm just curious as to what taking "care" of you means. Is she controlling? Does she doubt your ability to take care of yourself or the family?

It's hard to answer without more info.

Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree, more details.

Meanwhile, I don't think most kids feel like they have to take care of their parents unless their parents are acting unusually helpless.

If you're ill, however, I think it is reasonable for a 13 year old girl to take care of you to a certain extent. There is nothing wrong with teenagers learning the responsibility of caring for others.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

Please can I switch your daughter for my son. You can care all you want for him and he will care squat back. And I would give anything for a child who cares about me.
Count your blessings.

B.K.

answers from Chicago on

I have a 13-year-old as well. I don't think she's ever felt the need to take care of me. Why does yours feel that way with you? We need a lot more info here to be able to answer the question helpfully.

L.G.

answers from Eugene on

Sorry but she is growing up. I had my daughters doing laundry and cooking a couple of nights a week. If it is just the two of you it is a shared task to run the home and listen to each other.
She is no baby. Are you going to prepare her for life or be a helicopter parent.
I never have been the latter. I prepared my kids for life in the world and we do listen and suggest different ideas or help each other out. That is family life.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

Maybe family counseling will help. Sometimes input from a third person can be very useful in understanding each other's perspective and establishing new patterns in the relationship.

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E.D.

answers from Spokane on

Wow, because we're all able to read minds.

If you can't communicate on here, I am not sure you can communicate to your daughter - and perhaps that's the problem there.

And, in what world is it that daughters take care of their parents?

M.L.

answers from Seattle on

First I will say I am no expert. I have a 13 year old step daughter who we have 7 days on and 7 days off. I know she treats me different than her Mom, her mom gets the eye rolls and attitude but I don't even though I know she feels like doing that to me since I am strict and lay down the law pretty quickly when I see an attitude I don't like creeping up. I have to think that she treats me better because she knows she will not get away with it at all. First offense is pretty harsh, I ground right away or take away something that really means a lot to her like her laptop.

When I have an issue that I am unable to resolve on my own after trying and trying (like her daily chores not being done) I get my husband (her dad) involved and when Dad is involved you know things have gotten pretty serious so she staightens right up usually.

My husband and I have a 3 year girl and a 18 mos old girl together so I am sure I will be asking the same question in 10 more years, I hear these are real tough years and you would rather deal with the terrible 2's again.

One thing that is guaranteed to work is prayer, get on your knees and ask for wisdom!!!!

Big hugs!!!!!

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