Help Please Going Nuts!

I can relate to how you feel and it's ok to have mixed emotions. I have three children now, 9,7, and 1 1/2. My last 2 were "surprises" with the 3rd leaving me devastated when I found out I was pregnant. I was not ready (when are we are we ever) and had too much happening at that time and alot of stress, and was pregnant after 6 years, right when my kids were getting more self sufficient. I felt very very guilty later for feeling this way, but fell in love with him (of course) and now could never dream of living my life with out my baby. I call him "my favorite"! I feel spread very thin as well because I work full time, and my husband works nights, but my kids love to play with their baby brother. Having the support and love from your parents and siblings is priceless and will only become more valuable as life goes on. I say, if you and your husband are not 110% sure you are done having children, then don't go through the sterilization process. You may regret it later if you start to have a change of mind, and may even become resentful of the other if you at all felt pressured into the decision. Bottom line, no matter what, if you some how had a third child, you will love them just as much as your others and cannot imagine your family or life complete without them.

Hi R.!

Currently, I only have one so I can't address the "three" part of your question, but I do want to say that I relate to the going back and forth. It took us nearly seven years to "surrender" to going for #2. And surrender is truly what needed to be done. I don't know if you are a spiritual person (I am, though not religious), and when it comes to this kind of stuff what works best for me is to just find true acceptance for whatever the universe presents in the moment. Try a little meditation- if you don't have a meditation practice, don't be intimidated. Just set aside 10 minutes a day to just "be" with your breath. Everytime your mind wanders, guide it back to focusing on the breath. You may find a greater sense of peace, allowing you to see your situation with a little more clarity. It has certainly helped me to see that having more than one is right for our family, even though it will mean major adjustments. (We've been out of the baby stage for *years*!) Hope this helps!

Love, J.

I think that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I also think that in time it will pass no matter what the outcome. If you went ahead with the sterilization then you would probably always wonder what could have been. By trying for a pregnancy you took a chance and I really dont think that you would have done that had you not deep down wanted it in many ways. If you arent pregnant and feel relief then go ahead and get fixed. And if you are enjoy the new baby and get fixed. It really is a kind of win win situation depending on how you view it. Good luck and I hope the eventual outcome is what is best for your family.

R., My advice to you is if you and your husband have love to give and you BOTH want another child, then go for it. My feeling is that it will only make your "party" bigger and it will increase the number of siblings your current children have to "lean on" when you and you husband are gone. If you go into the pregnancy with a great and positive attitude then you kids will embrace it. If you have doubts and feel that you have a comfortable family now, then don't increase your stress. Talk with your husband because that is whom you have to share this expierence with. Good luck!

Hi R.,

I am not a mom, but actually a soon to be step-mom to two children 3 and 9. However, I am writing this as a child from a family of 4 children. I was the third child. Although my parents were stretched, they wouldn't change a thing. We were all two years apart, until my younger brother who is four years younger than I. Growing up with a big family, is like growing up with any family, it's full of challenge and support, growing and learning. It's all good. Whichever way you choose, just know that it will be the right one.

Cheers,
T.

Well I had a similar experience. Except my third became third and fourth. It wasnt till I had the twins that I became resentful that I wanted more children. Then as they got older I just figured it out. We would take time for each induvidual child and do family outings. You can make it work. One of the 4 is a girl so she feels a little jipped but I have two neices that she loves to hang out with. I came from a family of just my brother and I and I wished I had more siblings. You can make it work. And if you do get pregnant again count it as God's plan for your life. He'll never give you more than you can handle. Hope this helps.

The older they get the easier it gets. For about a month last year I had an 11 yr old, 2 7 yr olds, and a 1 yr old. I have to say I found it a lot easier to have four than to have 2. Plus all my friends told me I looked happier, and more rested; and I felt happier and more in control.

What did I like so much? Well, having two I can run to a store or run an errand pretty easily. Having four forced me to be more efficient with errands and because I had less time to shop and more people to buy for I spent less on unneccesary things.

Having two I had to keep reminding the older one what she was supposed to be doing while I chased the one yr old around. Having three older ones getting themselves ready together helped them all stay on track and the one yr old joined right in not wanting to be left out.

The three older ones sat and did their homework and helped each other. They talked about playground conflicts together and found solutions themselves. Once a "bully" was picking on the two 7 yr olds and the 11 yr old "took care" of it (the right way). How nice is that!

It was a lot more work but being busy for me was a lot better for me. With two I have more time to myself. But when I had four I didn't miss checking my e-mail, shopping, or talking on the phone. I still had time for myself after all the kids were in bed.

If you have another now, it will be hard having three so young but it won't be long before you have the pay off of having 3 so close.

Hi R., I am a mom of three. I'm not going to lie to you, three can be tough, but once you see your other two kids loving on that baby, the worry disapears! My oldest is six and I have a two year old and a one year old. The bond between my boys (yep, three boys) is priceless. My husband stays home and I work. He took my two year old to his first day of pre school this morning, when he picked him up he gave his brothers hugs before dad! We find the time for quality moments for all three, and the love is equally spread.It took me about three weeks to get used to a family of five but now I wouldn't have it any other way. And remember, you've already done the baby thing twice, you're a pro, the third seems so much less complicated because you know what you're doing now, you know what diapers you like and who your pediatrician will be, when to start solids.....the guess work is gone and the sailing is much smoother. You will not be streched to thin, ( I even have time to write to you!)and there is no way adding someone else to love will ruin the lives of your other two. I hope this helps! You'll do great! S.

Hello R., You would probably think I am nuts too, I am the mother of five wonderful children and I am open to life. It wasn't an easy decision for me. My family background wasn't the happiest; however, my husband is the first of nine children and his family is great. We spend all our holidays with them and it is a joy to see such an united family. I think that seeing this help me to realize that you and your husband would make the best family possible if you give of yourselves. I would not say that it is easy; but, I love those moments when we are all together and talk about our day and our children tell us that they love us. I have several friends with big families and they are very nice. I think what matters is the values that you are passing on. I hope God helps you make the right choice for you.

I am an old mom and grandma to 3 wonderful boys. My husband and I both come from large families (5 kids in each) and I can tell you that now that we are older we automatically have people who understand us like no other friend ever could. I can not imagine any of them not in my life. Having a large family is a lot of work and the kids don't always act loving towards each other, but in the end it's good to have connections like that. Also, your feelings are SO normal. I kept that up and down going until my oldest started dating!