Help 5 Year Old with Moving

We did a going away party for our son when we moved. All his friends came and it was a great time. We did it with his birthday party, but you could easily do it separate. We just used the same type of ideas. Also, going to kindergarten, many of the kids are going to feel just as uncomfortable as he does, so he should do fine making friends at school. Suprisingly enough, our 21 mo. old has a harder time with those adjustments. We just always make sure he has his lovey and we put a small blanket in bed over him, so he has the "same" bedding. We moved when he was 18 months, and he took it very hard. I just snuggled with him in bed the first few nights and he adjusted okay, although we still have to snuggle every now and then. Not until he goes to sleep, but until he's calm and collected, usually coincides with drowsy.

We moved to Germany when my son was 2... and back to Colorado when he was 3. I realize your son's at a different developmental stage, but I'll tell you what we did anyway.

First off, I talked about it constantly so he knew what to expect. He knew all the logistics, like that the movers were going to come and put all of our things in boxes, then we'd stay at Grandma's, then we'd go get on an airplane, etc. (And once our stuff was on the truck we'd talk about "where our beds are.") I'd even say things like, "Oh, this is probably the last time we'll be going to ________." We took lots of photos of things we thought he might miss. And we made a point of visiting people before we left. (We had a party, too, but mostly for family.)

I put together a "Friends" photo album for him so he could look at photos of his friends & family whenever he missed them. And we'd often look through the pics on my digital camera at bedtime or whenever he was feeling sad.

When we got to the new place we jumped into as many activities as we could find so that we were meeting new kids right away. At first he talked about his old friends constantly, but we also took lots of photos of new friends as he made them so that they started to feel really familiar & comfortable, too.

I told my son that we would miss people and feel sad sometimes and that's okay. And that when he felt sad we could look at pictures or talk about the people or places he was missing and that would help make it easier. When he was feeling sad I'd just say stuff like, "Yeah, I miss them, too. It's hard to be away, but we'll get used to it. Like you've already met new friends and they're fun to play with too, right?" to let him know it's normal to feel sad but that there was happy stuff to focus on in the new place, too.

Best of luck!

Hi~ so good that you are helping your son process his experience. We moved when my daughter was about the same age. I bought a book called moving house- an usborne book. One of the cute things about the story was there was a duck to look for on every other page or so. I got this idea to buy a little rubber duck and hide it from my daughter just like in the book. She loved it. I hid it in our old house and in the new one. Just a way to tie in the story. We also did a lot of art. Lots of art to give to friends-encourage him to tell his story in pictures. I also try to give as much information as possible. (First we'll pack all your clothes and toys on Tuesday then the moving truck will come on Friday. We'll keep your special teddy with us and you can keep him safe. How does your teddy feel about the move?) Role playing is also helpful and might help him deal with his anxiety. Good Luck! S.

Hi A.,
We moved from California to Kansas when my son was 5. He was a little anxious but we told him we would visit and he could call his friends anytime. We made the journey an adventure when we drove cross country, stopped at dinosaur museums, walked near rivers we drove across, let him take pictures as we were driving. Also let your child know that kindergarten is great. We moved again when my son was 7 to Utah. He said kindergarten was easier than moving in 1st grade because in Kindergarten you make new best friends the minute you get there. They are still his best friends even though we don't live there anymore. Saying goodbye is hard but continue to talk about the move as an adventure full of new fun things. Keep in touch with his friends, give envelopes to his friends families with your new address already on them and have them fill out envelopes with their address's on them for your son so they can send each other letters, drawings, pictures...and that way your child knows he will be able to stay in contact with his friends.
Good luck and have fun,
SarahMM

Hi A.,
I've had a simular situation only it was my daughters friend who moved away. Her mom and I got together and we took their picture together and exchanged address cards with phone numbers and even e-mail addresses. This calmed the girls down. They knew they would be able to keep in touch. When they got settled up in Wyoming they sent my daughter a picture of them at their new home and invited her to visit.
Of course now that some time has passed my daughter has some new friends and occassionaly mentions missing her old friend and when she does, she draws a picture for her and we mail it off. I hope this helps.

We moved to Colorado from California in November with our two kids, aged almost 5 and 6 1/2, and I was 35 weeks pregnant with our third. Our oldest had started 1st grade at a new school in California before we left so we were worried about the transition. If you can, show your 5 year old where you are moving to and tell him all the great things about it. I was pleasantly surprised at how well both of mine have adjusted- not only did we move 1200 miles away, they also had to deal with a new baby shortly there after. Get involved in a mothers group- it has been extremely helpful for me! My kids have a ton of friends, and most of them live in our neighborhood- kids are pretty resilient to change, especially at that age- He will do fine- Good luck on the move!

I think there is a book about moving by Audrey Penn, the same woman who wrote The Kissing Hand about going to kindergarten for the first time. Maybe that would help.
Good luck!
S.

I love to move but my autistic son does not. When we moved to a new state we made a calendar and crossed out each day at bedtime. On the next to the last day we had a moving party. Each day we put something we needed to do to get ready and made sure we did it. Things like make invitations, invite friends, make a cake (decorate a plain store bought one with disposable icing tubes), buy traveling snacks, and pack our traveling bag. It helped to break the process down in small steps. A great thing to do if you can is pack his room last so it can be unpacked first. We made a goodbye/hello video of our favorite spots and friends before we left too. Since we had the opportunity to visit our new community before our move, we added video of all the new places too, even the new school. My son loved to watch it for months. His preschool made him a picture album including all the things he had accomplished during his time there. Soon enough our moving movie and album just became happy memories.

make the move an adventure, get him excited. he can also get the addresses, phone numbers, and/or emails of his friends and keep in contact that way.

He will be fine.....we moved 4 times since my now 15 yr old
was 3 yrs old. It is very hard on them, but I think it makes them grow as individuals. Of course now, at the high school age we won't be moving again, its harder when
they get older.....unless we absolutely have to.
Try and make it an adventure, new home, friends, etc.....
be excited about it all the time. Its tough, especially when YOU have anxiety about it. Good luck, it will be
tough at first, but its amazing how they bounce back. Think they do better than the MOM's.

Have a Party barbeque or something where you can invite friends and family take pictures so he has those memories to look back on.. We did this when we moved from one state to another- where everything was going to be new.. my daughter was the same age and we also talked alot about all the new people she was going to meet. Turned it into sort of an adventure I guess You could say.

Hope that helps!

C.
www.AHomeCareer.com

Talk about it, and about the great things you will get to do in your new home/town etc. My family never lived anywhere more than 3 years. When I was 5 I had already moved over a dozen times. I went to 5 elementary schools, 3 jr. highs and finally one high school. so we moved a lot. My mom helped me when I was little to collect addresses (you could do email...new world lol) and write a letter with our new address on it. When we moved I sent the letters off. Most little kids don't write back but some do--I have stayed pen pals with a friend from 4th grade. We've seen each other 2 times in the past 26 years but we still keep in contact and she is one of my best friends. One thing I realize now is that my parents did not treat it like our world was ending and what do we do...your attititude will shape your son's attitude. He's old enough to talk to you about how he is feeling if you ask questions. A great book, "Moving House" it's an Usborne book and runs about $5. You might be able to find it at your local library and check it out--or if you want to buy it, online www.celestsbooks.com (also check out amazon, they sell a bunch of usborne books and often for a bit less..hehe) the reason I suggest the book is it helps bring up the topics about moving. As you read it you can ask how he feels about that part of the move. He can bring up his fears etc. in a safe environment...ex. you ask how do you think (boy in books name) feels about having to pack his things? and your son can answer for the character but it is really for him. Whenever I got sad about missing my friends my mom would always say, yes, that will be hard. You are great friends with (friends name) huh? Won't it be great to get to know another friend like (friend)? We had a poem on our wall in our bedroom as kids too. Make new friends, Keep the old. One is Silver, the other is Gold.
It helped.

We have moved and it will affect your 18 month old also.
Try and keep your schedule as consist as possible. Meals at the same time bedtime and naps the same. AS for your 5 year old, he will make friends. See if there is a soccer league or baseball to get him involved. Set up play date with the other team members. Take him to his new school to meet his teacher and see the classroom. Make the summer a vacation by going to the zoo and local festivals with activities for kids.
I hope your move goes well.
C. B

i didn't read through all your responses but i was just thinking aside from keeping in contact it would be great to help you son find a way to meet one or two boys from his soon to be kindergarten once you guys get moved. may get in contact with the school or his teacher and find out if there is a kindergarten orientation of somekind where you could make some contacts with the kids in his class. then maybe you could do a play date or two before school starts. that way he would atleast kind of know some one in his class before he goes. just and idea. best of luck with your move, N.