E.M. asks from Rochester, MI on June 27, 2009
Husband Is Being Transferred!!!
Hello ladies... I have been reading about you for a long time and decided I need a turn. I'm not really asking for advise, just for someone to listen. My husband's company is leaving MI. He is one of only a few that were offered a transfer. I guess I should be thankful he will still have a job, but we never planned on leaving MI. We love it here. And, of all places to go, they want us to go to Alabama! My 8 year old son is devastated!! He doesn't want to go. Has anyone had to move their family and didn't really want to? How can I make this easier on him? Or any of us? Thanks for listening...
J.B. answers from Detroit on June 28, 2009
I don't have any advice, but I wanted to sympathize. My husband was laid off in February and I'm a SAHM, so he's looking for anything and everything, but the thought of leaving Michigan has me depressed as well. The only job interviews he's had have been out of state (New York, Georgia, Tennessee, California!), so it looks like we may be moving. I wish you the best...maybe you'll learn to love it! :)
D.D. answers from Detroit on June 28, 2009
Hi --how lucky you get to stay employed! We were moved to MI --no friends or family here for us, and my inlaws were so positive. I was devestated (sp?) to have to come here and lose my job and friends. It has been a struggle at times. The are i live in , the people keep to themselves.
My best advice is to get involved in groups - Moms groups, school volunteer, etc.
I can tell you that the people are VERY friendly in the south, and will be outgoing somewhat. The hospitality there is incredible. (get used to smiling)
Just understand that things are going to be different, and embrace those differences. Do some research about the area, and go online to the city you are moving to and try to make a connection through the welcome center. Just having 1 person show you around will be a big help.
Churches are a big help as well, and you can contact your local parish/church to have someone help with whatever you need.
Once you make human connections, it will be a lot easier to adjust.
(ps--I would gladly trade you places. We are 2 professionals out of work now over a year. At this point, alaska is looking good! lol.)
K.H. answers from Lansing on June 27, 2009
My husband and I just moved from Dallas to Mi a year ago. We have an 9 year old and a 5 year old. They were 8 and 4 at the time. None of us wanted to ever leave Dallas....and although hard at times....we certainly miss Dallas and our friends....we have looked at it as an adventure! We are a family....and we made it a fun experience TOGETHER! The kids have done great and we are settled and have met some wonderful NEW friends! The world is a big place and there is lots to experience! Enjoy and embrace your new experience! You might end up loving Alabama! Best of luck to your family!
D.L. answers from Detroit on June 28, 2009
I moved here 10 months ago from Chicago. My sons were 10 and 14 at the time and we had to leave all our family and friends and everything that was familiar to us so I know how you are feeling. My husband got a job offer here and we had to go where the work was. The moved has been a good thing for us. We have become closer as a family and have learned to rely on each other. My kids love their schools and made friends fast. Look at it as an adventure. It is exciting and challenging. I miss my family and friends but the move has been a positive experience. Good luck and stay positive.
J.B. answers from Detroit on June 28, 2009
Justmoved. org is a great website that talks about having to move. There is also a book called "After the boxes are unpacked" that gives LOTS of ideas for preparing for a move and then what happens after you move. It also has Christian devotions for those moving, as well as, support groups located aroudn the world to help bring people who have moved to an area together. It's a great resource and I hope it helps you. I'll be praying that your transition to your new location is smooth anda easy for your family.
I have friends who have moved 10 times in their kids 12 years of life. 2 ideas that they did that helped their boys included calling a local school or church and asking for a pen pal for the kid to write to before the move so that when they got there they had a friend to look forward to meeting. Usually if the pen pal was from a church or schoo, it always ended up being someone on staff's kid or someone who was super active in the school or church's kid so that helped them meet active parents. Also gave the kids an outlet to ask questions about the area from a kids perspective.
Another idea includes getting one of those guides to the state by Foders or similar from the library about stuff to do with kids in the state they were moving. You may have to google search but I'm sure you could find a "Fun things for kids to do in Alabama" book. It helped the kids to find fun things to look forward to doing and also to plan things to do the first few weeks they were there to take away some of the feelings of homesickness and provide breaks from unpacking.
Oh, more more thing, you could ask your sons family and friends to create a small scrapbook page w/ their picture on it along w/ a message toyour son (and your family) and also somewhere on the page include their address and phone number, email, etc. so if your son (or you) want to quickly find their info you have it right there at your fingertips and it's a great keepsake
Hope those ideas help!
R. answers from Detroit on June 27, 2009
I can not imagine any of what you and your family are facing but I can tell you that I went to school in Alabama (Tuskegee, Alabama) and Alabama has it's +'s and -'s like any other state. I do miss the climate, I really enjoyed being warm...plus you will be close to Georgia, Louisiana, Texas, Florida-lastly you will get more bang for your buck down there...may it all work out for you and your family.
Montogomery and Birmingham are really nice so is Auburn.
C.L. answers from Detroit on June 28, 2009
I can imagine how hard it would be to uproot and move your family..
I can tell you though that I moved several times in my childhood. While it's challenging and hard for a bit, I always made new friends and started to love the new location. It's made it easier for me to adjust to new experiences as an adult as well because it was a normal part of my childhood and I've been all over the U.S. and traveled a bit.
The south is from what I understand the people are very friendly and welcoming. I've heard from some that have moved here from the south that MI people are not as warm (I would beg to disagree!), but my understanding is that in the south there is more of a sense of family and community and a slower pace than here...
Who knows you might find you LOVE it there! Plus I would guess that the cost of living and job security would certainly be better there too!
C.B. answers from Detroit on June 28, 2009
Try moving from overseas to the US. At a younger age than 8. I think someone needs to explain that this is important for dad and explain a little about the economy and how blessed dad is to HAVE the job. We all have to make a sacrifice now and then. Keep his friends' addresses and emails, etc so he can keep in touch.
I don't regret moving from Europe back to America. I regret friends I left behind and the proximity to other European countries I'd have liked to have seen. But kids adjust.
C.J. answers from Lansing on June 28, 2009
A lot of the posts have some great advice about staying positive and looking for things to do in the area you will be moving to.
I noticed your son is an only child (mine is too) and his concerns also need to be addressed because he doesn't have a sibling to go through the experience with.
When you and your husband are looking for a new place to live (either owning or renting) include your son after you have weeded out the definite "no's". Have him go with you to see the possible places to live and the schools in the area.
Contact a number of churches in the area before you move and talk to the pastors. They may be able to pair you with other families who have children the same age and they may be able to tell you more about the town and surrounding area than you can get from a real estate agent.
Your son will want to keep in touch with his friends, so would it be possible to set up some type of social networking site? Here is an article that lists a number of networking sites you can research with your husband and present as options to your son and the parents of his friends.
Before you leave you may want to throw a moving party for your son and his friends. Take lots of pictures and get him a scrap book or photo binder to put the photos into for the future. At the party, ask the parents the best way for your son to stay in contact with his friends.
Lastly, visit the local library after you move to Alabama. Good children's librarians provide lots of programs throughout the year for kids of all ages and participating in those programs will give yourself and your son a chance to meet new people and build a new network of friends.
There are negatives to moving away from family and friends, but your son will handle his emotions better if you can look and talk about the positive side of moving. This can be an adventure and can make your family stronger if you approach it in the right way.
Good luck and let us know how the move goes!