Does It Ever Come Back?

I have struggled with no sex drive for a few years (daughter is 3 years old). I still do not have a sex drive but I found that I enjoy sex more in the past year.

Ideas:
-- Take time for yourself (bath, a walk/run alone, shopping, spa or whatever you enjoy alone).
-- A glass of wine (or two) has always helped to relax me (I have troubles letting go of the mom part of my title and wine helps me to be just a wife/lover for awhile).
-- Date Night, or anything romantic the two of you enjoy doing together but without the little one.
-- A biggy while I was still breastfeeding I did not want hubby to touch me at all but once I was done with that I said fine but still had him stay away from the breasts for another three months because they were still super sensitive. Plus I had to get out of the mode set of them as food producers.
-- Lubrication and that female intense cream/gel has really helped me enjoy it more.
-- maybe get a sex book, no necessary for the positions but there are some that have great message and foreplay advice that has helped us... touch/massage and fun little notes through out the week then by the weekend you will be filled with desire for sex but you have to wait after the date... this sometimes work, it depends on how busy the week gets.

In the end it may not be the same as it was while dating/beginning of marriage but it can be enjoyable. After a year of doing the above we have sex at least once a month (I know he wants more but for now that is where I am at).

1 mom found this helpful

Yes. I haven't read the other responses but for me it was when I stopped breastfeeding and got some sleep. It may have been 2 or 3 years before it was really back. I think it's nature's way of spacing babies out a little bit.

I think this is one question women rarely ask their doctors about and it is extremely common. Don't be too hard on yourself about this - motherhood is tough work and sometimes it just doesn't seem all that easy to compartmentalize enough to get all worked up about sex. I found after my son was born that the combination of not enough sleep, not enough exercise, not as great of eating habits and a tiny bit of resentment of my husband for not having to cope with middle of the night breastfeeding made me highly uninterested in sex.

Do some things for yourself. Go for a run, do some yoga, take a long bath with a book and a glass of wine, take a nap instead of doing laundry, the dishes and vacuuming. Seriously, this is important not just for your sex life but for your general mental health. Don't give up the things you enjoyed before baby came along. Get a pedicure, go out with friends, buy a new item of clothing - anything that might boost your mood or remind you that you need to take care of yourself too.

You are not alone. I went through this pretty bad with my first son...then it came back, then I had my daughter...not too bad after that, and now I just had my last son 10 weeks ago, and have no desire to start up again. (I am NOT nursing) I know that it will eventually come back, and you sort of just have to do it. But I do struggle with the whole Mom/Lover roles. I just can't seem to turn the one off and the other one on! I am an overthinker! I agree with the wine suggestion. I will be curious to see what other people suggested! Good luck! Just remember, you are normal!

Oh my gosh, I hope you get some good answers :) I've had 3 babies in 5 years (05, 06 and 08) and I'm ready for mine to come back too. Are you nursing? I really think that can make a difference for me. I've been pregnant, nursing, or pregnant and nursing since 04, and I've struggled to get any energy for sex most of the time.

Somethings I've heard are, make time for date nights, have a glass of wine to relax a little, make time for yourself so you have something left to give at the end of the day, and sometimes, just do it and then the more you do it, the better it gets :)

I'll be watching your post for more good ideas.

J.