Dealing with a Miserable Husband

I agree with giving your hubby your blessing to keep searching for something in his field. Don't ignore him because if he feels you do not support him then he feels worse. Just make sure he knows to leave your company on a good note - giving proper notice, keep working his best until the end, etc. I can't imagine the company not understanding that not everyone will be a perfect fit in their workplace. Your husband gave it an honest shot and it just isn't for him. He was brave to give it a try. He is seriously not happy and he needs your support and understanding. He does still have to be mature about it however, and not be a gloomy gus 24/7 as that is not fair to you and the kids. If you support him, he will feel better. If he looks for other work, that might help him too until he does find the right job. I'm sure he feels miserable that this did not work out, and feels very scared at the responsibility of keeping up the mortgage, etc. Hopefully he will turn his negative energy into a more positive and productive energy in finding a new job that is a better fit for him.

I stayed at a difficult, miserable job for a couple of years for two reasons: getting another one required time and effort that I felt I couldn't afford at the time, and my husband wanted me to stay because he worked at the same company. This was one of the biggest issues in our marriage at the time... I resented him BIG TIME. Not having his support trapped me even more than I already was. It didn't improve until I no longer worked there. Now we recognize those times when he wants me to do something that I really don't want to do but feel inclined to do to make him happy... this is a certain dysfunction with us. But, anyway, things are really good now. I wanted to let you know this in case he starts to resent you.

Ultimately he needs to take ownership for his career and future. Additionally, his leaving might impact your work environment, but probably not to the point of limiting your mobility. I imagine that there will be some awkwardness for awhile, but it will pass over time. The bottom line is that YOU are employed as an individual, separate from him.

Good luck!

I wouldn't worry about how it will look at your company if your husband leaves. If he is miserable, his job performance is going to suffer and it is better for him to leave on good terms. The company knows that not everyone stays for a long tenure. Has he talked to anyone at the company about possibly finding another position there?

Personally, I think that you have to support him as he looks for another job, I am sure we can all relate to having to do something we don't like day in and day out. If he can find something else, fantastic! I left a job after only 3 months once because I dreaded every minute of it, and I still keep in touch with my boss there. She understood and she didn't want a miserable employee.

Good Luck,
D.

Tell your husband to start looking for a new job and when he finds one he can give proper time and warning to leave the job he is in now. Him finding a job in his field and finding a job he is happy with will not only help him, his self esteem and stress level, but it will also help your marriage and his relationship with his children. Isn't his happiness and your family more important than any criticism you might get from co-workers at your job?
If the people you work with know that this is not his field how can they blame him for finding a job in his field? I give him credit for trying something new, unfortunately it didn't work out. In this situation you have to do what is best for your husband.

I would tell him that he has to suck it up at work and at home until he secures another position. I would say that you understand that he's miserable, and that he has your blessing to look for another job. Really, is saving face at work worth the misery at home? Plus, if he really is as miserable as you say, he might not be doing a good job at work - which is also a reflection on you. Encourage him in his job search and ask him to back off on being so negative about work. You heard him already about how miserable he is - now's the time to channel that energy into something positive. Only he can do that.

Good luck and let us know what happens.