Husband Wants to Buy a House Immediately

Updated on April 26, 2012
L.E. asks from Buena Park, CA
22 answers

Hi All,

My husband, young children, and I must move in a few months (have to leave campus housing). We are in our 40s, my husband is self-employed and can work anywhere, and I will soon be unemployed. My husband wants to immediately buy a house to keep for life within ten miles of both sets of grandparents, who are now 15-30 miles from us. That would be fine if housing costs in this region weren't very high, my husband's income was secure, I could get a job within a reasonable distance from home (<30 miles?), and my kids could attend a safe school. He doesn't want to rent until I find a job or decide that I can't get a decent-paying job because (1) he thinks that renting (as opposed to owning) a home wastes money and (2) he doesn't want to move into another apartment and then move into a house, which would require us to move twice instead of once. I understand his concerns and wishes, but I am afraid that we may lose a lot of money by jumping at the first opportunity to buy. (We have never owned a home.) My husband expects me to find a job within commuting distance of the city in which he wishes to live. Many, if not most, of my decent job prospects are probably not within commuting distance of this city. Because I've heard that you will lose money if you sell your house in less than 5-7 years, I think that we should wait a year until I've had time to determine what type of job I can get, where, etc. I don't want to fight over this decision. Any suggestions on how to come to a decision that will be beneficial to the whole family?

Thanks,
L

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your feedback. I will try to honor my husband's wishes but won't sign for a house unless I feel knowledgeable and comfortable with the deal. As I do need to resume contributing to the family income soon, I will attempt to secure a job in the geographic area my husband insists upon. However, if I can't generate sufficient income in the area, then I will explain why I think that we need to expand our geographic range. Yes, it would be great to live in or near either one of the grandparents' neighborhoods (which are too expensive for us), but we do have to pay bills.
Best wishes,
L

Featured Answers

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Invest in a rental property

Buy a mobile home (not my choice) because the rental space is very high.

Buy a fixer upper, live in it a while and then sell for a better price (a small fixer upper)

Keep us posted.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

You need to rent. You need to find secure jobs and THEN buy a house.

Case in point. Inlaws decided they wanted to move to a different state. The decided WHERE they wanted to live and found a house to rent, locking in to a 1 yr lease. THEN they tried to find jobs. Guess what? They couldn't find work for 3 months! Turns out that their 'pie in the sky' location had the highest unemployment rate in the area. When a job WAS finally found, it was 2 hrs from the house and hubby had to stay in a motel during the week because that was cheaper than paying for the gas each day.

Yes renting can be a drain on the wallet. However, so can buying a house that you can't afford, or going in to foreclosure.

You should find jobs first. Keep a budget and paperwork to show a lender of how well you are able to meet your rent and other money obligations. Right now you have no rent history, or an old one and no job. Lenders will be leary to speak with you.

I understand the independence that comes with owning a home. However, renting and living off of one income helps you to determine what amount of actual mortgage you CAN actually afford. Keep in mind that whatever your mortgage payment is, there is also Private Mortgage Insurance tacked on, Homeowner's Insurance, Property Taxes, Utilities and HOA fees (possible). So where rent for $1400 vs. Mortgage for $1400, the mortgage may actually become $1800 with PMI, taxes, insur. added in. Also home owners should also plan that 10% of their monthly mortgage will also be needed for maintenance. So $1800 becomes $2000 a month.

Does he own a lawn mower? Does he own a grill? Does he own his own tools? Garden hoses? Shovels? Ladder? Suddenly all these things are needed when you buy a home.

4 moms found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

You know you may not have to worry about convincing your husband, because the banks will decide for you. We have recently re-financed and you would think they wanted a body part as collateral. I mean it is very strict. You will look at lot more secure if both of you had jobs. With jobs I mean jobs that you have had for a long period that are full-time. I know nothign is for sure as far as a job, but that's the way the banks think and their is no denying it. You also need at least a 20% down + 6 months worth of mortgage payments. You need to show income for the past three years. Be sure to show why any years your income has dropped. Also need awesome credit scores. This is all for conventional load. FHA standards are probably less strict so I don't know. I don't know what you financial picture is but is your husband aware of thte requirements. If he is still stubborn tell him to go get pre-approved. The banks won't let you buy house that you cannot afford. You are smart to wait till things get settled down.

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P.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

Oh no! My ex husband did it when we moved from a state to another one (due to his job) and we ended up hating everything about that area... Buying is a bad, BAD choice! Convince your hubby that renting for few months is a good compromise as it'll help you know the area better and choose a better home to buy too. Don't roll the dice, choose consciously!

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

Based on your description of your husband's job, I'd be surprised if you can get a mortgage. We just did the whole mortgage process (for the third time) and it was awful. So much worse than the first two times. Without a steady income many lenders will not feel comfortable giving out a mortgage.

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

It is a huge decision that you will have to live with for THIRTY YEARS, if all goes well for those 30 years, the alternative is not pretty.

Moving twice in order to make a sound decision for your familiy's future is a very small price to pay for the security of finding the right home you can afford in the right location. There are no "do overs" in real estate.
You both need to sit down with a broker and find out if you qualify and have them explain the process, it's complicated. If you don't understand something, ask again or research it on your own. It's imperative you both clearly understand every aspect of what you're doing.

Your husband doesn't sound like he even understands the financial advantages of buying instead of renting. His statement that renting is wasting money underscores his lack of knowledge. The first few years of paying off a mortgage you are paying almost entirely interest. The principal is only paid down by a few hundred dollars a month in most cases. In CA you'll spend alot more than that per month in property taxes and insurance alone.

If you do purchase, you're in it for the long haul, you both owe it to yourselves to spend a few hours learning everything you can about the process. You're sitting right in front of your best resource, google buying a home in CA and be sure you're reading current articles. Not only is the process complicated but it has changed dramatically in the last few years!

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F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I would actually check first with a local mortgage broker to see if 1) you even qualify for a loan and how much and 2) you know how much cash down you need for a loan. Because if you have neither of those, then there is no point in discussing it further. So I would start there. Good luck!

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K.F.

answers from New York on

I say listen to the desires of your husband. He wants to buy a house, great...get the names of at least 3 mortgage brokers and have them pull your credit within a week of each other this way it only counts as one incidence on your credit report. He will need the documentation supporting his income and since he is self-employed the lenders have even greater restrictions against self employed folks and require more documentation. The lender will want to see where your down payment is coming from and how long you have had that money in your possession (they won't let you borrow your down payment from anyone).

Once these things begin to come to light perhaps your husband will see the light of day and come to your way of thinking. If he doesn't, you must be wise and pick apart the possible neighborhoods you could be a part of. You must encourage your husband to see these neighborhoods all hours of the day and night. Again this adds fuel to the fire. You must also canvas schools and school systems for the children and their developmental stages.

Once all of these things come into play, your husband may be apt to see things your way but don't fight him on this. Let it play itself out naturally because there are definite deterents along the way.

Keep us posted and good luck in your mission wise wife.

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B.A.

answers from Chicago on

Is there a way to temporarily move in with one if the grandparents and pod your belongings to buy you time to become securely employed, and take time once those jobs are in place look for a home that makes those jobs easy to commute to, benefits childrens needs and beung close to family. This way you pack once, have the extra money instead of rent for a better down payment and living with relatives should be a motivator to get the job/home search at an advanced pace.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

A few things to think about...

Do you have enough money saved up to buy a home? Down payment, closing costs etc.

What's your credit like? Can you qualifiy for a mortgage? A large factor in that is employment. Does hubby have a steady, stable, long-term record of income? You'll also want to have employment for over a year.

The "loosing money" for not staying in a house for more than 5 years, depends on a lot of factors, the market, your closing cost, realtor fees, etc. But buying a house for a short period of time, in general is not a good idea.

This is a huge investment. You need to make sure you consider everything. Do some research? Make lists comparing pros and cons. Most importantly keep the lines of communication open.

2 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

I agree with you. Tell him, "Look let's rent for a while, then see if we love the area, get settled, then start looking."

We moved from Missouri to Florida. When we were looking we heard a lot of good things about the orange park area. So we looked for a house to rent. We ended up finding a rental house in a different area. Good thing. Orange Park is really ridden with crime, the schools are terrible, and we would have been miserable. Now that we know the area we are trying to buy a house across the street! Love the neighbors, love the neighborhood, schools are good. ETC. I shudder to think what would have happened if we bought a house in Orange Park.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Well, why not give his wishes a try, and if all that doesn't work out, have a plan B, C and D in place. Wouldn't hurt to try, but if you can't get all that done in a short time, then agree on what to do if these things don't work out.

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I.G.

answers from Seattle on

For us it is the right time to buy. I was timid about it as well, but we have lived here for 10 years and this is the first time there is actually a market for houses that we can afford - as in it would be the same cost for us to own as renting.
I am in a similar situation as you, still in school, done in a year... and it is very unlikely that I can pursue what I would like careerwise (grad school) right here (very competitive).
BUT as a family we have decided that financially and otherwise it would be more beneficial to buy now and deal with other questions regarding my career later. I won't mind delaying grad school for a few years and working instead. Then we can still see if you would want to move and sell or rent our home or maybe my outlook will change... who knows what happens in the next five years...
Ultimately you have yo come to this decision together, explore how much each of you can compromise (maybe you can pick a better location with more job opportunities in a commutable distance).
Good luck

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think that you can put an end to this simply by trying to pre-qualify for a loan because I doubt you'll qualify. If you are unemployed and your hubby's income is not stable, you won't qualify for a mortgage loan. So, tell hubby that the first step is to get pre-qualified and go for it. I would be extremely surprised if you qualfy for any sort of loan. They are extremely hard to get these days!

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

If his job and income will not be affected by a move, then buy a house that you can afford to pay for on ONE SALARY. In this economy, whether you have a job or not to supplement his salary, this is the only way to go into buying a home, short of being able to pay for it in full.

To buy a home or put yourself in a situation where you need two salaries to make things work is a recipe for disaster when financial forecasts still hint that cost of living is going to continue to increase, and more foreclosures and job losses are expected to continue with no change or help in sight.

If you can't afford the home of his dreams on one salary, I'm with you, rent. You can always recover financially in that situation. You may not be so lucky if you botch a mortgage or find yourself trapped in a home you can not quickly sell let alone pay for and heaven forbid you need to move right away because your circumstances change.

To come to your decision, do a budget for living expenses on his salary alone and take it from there. Go into your future thinking of your potential salary as gravy ...NOT a necessity absolutely needed to live on....and you'll fare better than most Americans right now. He needs to be thinking about paring down and living simply. If he can get a house and do that too, more power to him. But taking on debt that can't be managed on one salary or less in this economy is simply unwise.

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have owned 2 condos and a I now own a house. It is a long process and you have to have all your financial affairs in order. The suggestions from the other moms to try to prequalify for a loan is a good idea. However, even with prequalification it can take months to find a house and finalize the deal. When I lived in NY it took almost a year. My ex-sister in law jumped into a house immediately when she got divorced instead of renting first (which everyone recommended). She wound up with a house she could not afford and it is now owned by the bank. So rushing into buying is not a good idea. Renting is much less stressful even if it means moving twice. You could try to "rent to own" where you rent a house and if you're happy there the owners may let you buy it at some point. There is a lot more upkeep and more insurance costs when you own. I think the most important thing is to be in a good area for your kids to be safe and go to a good school. Being near the grandparents is a great idea but it has to be good for the family. I live a little farther from work than I would like to so my son can go to good schools. You can also meet with a financial planner who might be able to convince your husband that renting is best. Good luck!

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Is he serious? Does he know how bad the economy is right now? Buying a home when you aren't sure you can get a job is crazy. Also, if he works from home, you need to buy a home where YOU can find employment, since he can work wherever you do.

Moving twice will be a pain in the rear, but if you don't have a job, you can't afford a house...or maybe you can afford more of what you want (better location, schools, etc) with both incomes versus one.

Check on the rates and what you are preapproved for, because that may stop him in his tracks. And do not buy a house because you feel forced in to it.

ETA: To my knowledge, you can have the credit report pulled as many times as you want for a mortgage, it doesn't count like it would if you weer looking for a credit card or something.

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C.C.

answers from Houston on

Sounds unreasonable to me....and not a good finiancial decision. Sure it would be great...the American Dream....but just based on the info you provided, it sounds like he is bull headed...it's stupid to say rent is a waste of money...of course it is....we all know that...but if that is what it takes to make sure you all have proper planning and don't fall on your face. Just to make sure you can secure a job...you are right...all that is uncertain. I have my doubts if you would qualify anyway. I would certainly stand my ground on this one. It's a huge decision....you have to make sure you have all your ducks in a row.

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J.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am no expert on this I am simply writing to you to support that this is a family decision and support your anxiety and feeling that this seems a little impulsive. I do, however, understand your husband's point of view if the circumstance is always going to be to live within the 10 mile radius of both families. If this is the issue, it sounds like whether you work within 30 miles or not, he feels like your home should be closer to family verus work anyway. Definitely start to look at the job opportunities and maybe extend the commute allowance if family is most important to both of you. It was not mentioned that you could not "Afford" the home so I am assuming that you have enough income for the down payment and the monthly but that you just want/need to work for the extras...?

Nevertheless, any major decision should be considered by both of you and a comfortable one at that. Good luck to you in your new home, whether it be owned or rented. Home is where the heart is but a happy home is even better :)

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

If you are changing locations (city) then you should ALWAYS rent for a bit first. That gives you an opportunity to learn the area and figure out what part of it you a) can afford, b) like the most and c) is most convenient to your work/school/family life.

If you have not lived in a HOUSE before (I know you said you had not owned one, but you may have rented one at some point prior to "campus housing"?) then you should rent one in the area you are considering moving to. It will give you a chance to understand all the responsibilities and costs that are associated with owning a home (keeping up a yard--there is more to it than mowing grass; water bill; pest control; repairs; etc). When something breaks (and eventually something will) you can't just call "maintenance" to get it taken care of. YOU have to figure out the appropriate repair person(s), arrange for and pay for their services. And during the interim, you have to deal with whatever situation it is: dishwasher is out? Hand wash everything. Plumbing problem? Use only one bathroom, or whatever the case may be. Roof leak? pots in the floor and a tarp over the roof? Yep--hubby gets to climb a ladder and walk around on the roof for something like that. AND inside the attic, too.

Plus, you get to figure out what sort of house/yard you want to live with/take care of. Some prefer smaller so it is less work. Some actually LIKE the work and want larger yards and room to let the kids spread out.
But I wouldn't rush into home ownership before you have secured employment for yourself (unless you staying home unemployed is an option).

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Have you talked to a realtor or broker? Can you even qualify for a home? What is your debt to income ratio? What is your income? What is your credit like? These are all questions to ask yourself, of course. If you have a lot of debt, not very good credit, or not a steady employment history...chances are likely you can't even qualify for a home. If his employment does not show steady, average incomes then it will be very hard. If he makes a little one month and a lot the next, that does not look good. It's not easy, anymore. Simply put, if you do not have SECURE income, you will not qualify for a mortgage.

It is an AWFUL idea to even think of getting a home, while a job is being lost. Especially, when you've never owned a home. There are costs beside the mortgage. Taxes, insurance. The down payment. (generally 10% at the least), thousands in closing costs. You have to have thousands of dollars of CASH for the down payment, closing, titles, inspections, etc. Example: If you want to buy a 150,000 house, you better have 15,000 cash for a down payment. Then additional cash in the thousands for closing. You WILL have to fix something. Owning a home costs money, more then then the payment. Your husband should talk with a professional and get a good reality check. He has NO idea how difficult qualifying for a home actually is. How costly it is. Then there is the finding a home. The back and forth with the sellers. It took a month from placing an offer and getting our keys. Our process was actually very smooth, and most aren't. The point is, there is no IMMEDIATE about buying a home. It takes time. It does not just happen.

You really should keep renting, until your financial life is secure.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

You don't buy a house when you are losing a job.
Not having a job will greatly affect any sort of loan you might get (or they'll turn you down for one).
Your options are limited until you get a new job.
Hubby is going to have to deal with it and rent for awhile longer.

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