A job change is stressful in it's own right and many times we say things we don't really mean to say to our loved ones. I'd just tell him what you said to us. However my feelings are he can still make a difference it may not be the same like his last position but he can still make a difference. I did in my own little corner of my world at my job you just have to see that if you do something to help one person or 1000 a change is a change and you did it. About the children and you being home well it's a job to and it's better that you are able to sacrifice as you and your husband should for your children (and many others before you have) instead of having someone else be their influence like a sitter. Now don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with sitters or daycares but what a great thing it is for you to be there for them some children never have that except at night when a parent picks them up and has a few hours with them before their bed time. I am what I call a mother of privledge in that manner I'm a 24/7 mom no holidays no weekends but I get to spend a few short years taking care of my family instead of trading my pay check to a sitter and seeing my kids a few hours. I have been there and done that so I can speak from my own experience.
About your husband one last thing my husband said to me once when I was short on temper and attitude with him as he was telling me something. He said " I tell you things I don't share with others you are my wife and I feel I can bend your ear without complaints or judgment". I asked myself would I've acted the same way with a girlfriend? my answer was no so then and there I thought I should treat him even better then a girlfriend he is for that matter my bestfriend I mean if he wasn't why would I of married him? After that I listen to my husband and I tell him your bad days are my bad days but it's my job to tell you what you told me when we were homeless 5 1/2 yrs ago "come on I have enough faith for the both of us I'll drag you up the hill of success or whatever I'm your bestfriend". Then I do just that I tell him things will get better, you can do this I'm standing right next to you. Then we go on to another day of life and try our best to enjoy it I mean why not? I have a home (rented but a home), I have food, heat, a vehicle that runs (a 1990van) and pretty much a healthy family. I don't know if this really helps you I hope it does in some manner I hope you both find peace with each other and just realize you may have just had a bad day like everyone else can. My thought are with you.