Couples Therapy

Get a copper IUD in place ASAP...it is simple and you cant get pregnant for 10 years, unless you have it removed.

Second, it takes TWO to make a baby...he needs to grow up and deal with it. You need to tell him how to feel and ask him to help you with the kids. You need to tell him that it is not right that he gets to sleep in, then go to the gym and shirk his parenting duties. Stick up for yourself (you are teaching your kids that is it OK for you to be treated like a second class citizen). and it is NOT OK for him to say curse words to or in front of the kids. NOT OK. If he didnt want kids he should have used protection or he should have had a vasectomy...too late now.

I dont envy you. Stick up for yourself and show personal integrity... you deserve to be treated like the mother of his children not an unpaid nanny with sex benefits.

Good luck to you

Hi J.:

Kids are a lot of work, and you need a break from time to time! I understand what it's like when your husband isn't supportive enough and you feel both physically and emotionally drained. Maybe it sounds cynical, but I really think that moms need to find help whereever they can instead of counting on the husbands. Family, friends, etc. A babysitter for a couple of hours here and there would do wonders if you can find one within your budget limit. If your husband complains about the extra spending, calmly explain that some help for your is essential to keep you sane and healthy so you can take care of the whole family. As my kids got a little older, I find myself using the kids club at the gym more and more - mine has a very reasonable rate. Does your husband work out at a gym where he could possible drop off the kids a couple of times a week so you could get some extra sleep in? If not, is it possible for him to go to a different gym that has a good childcare facility? It's a win-win since he doesn't need to watch the kids and you get some time off. The health club I go to even has a low-cost program for dropping off the kids while you are not working out! So my point is be creative and find other ways to get over this hump and give yourself a break. I hope you can find the couple therapy from other advices.. but whether your husband changes or not, you need to find a way to take care of yourself and get a break.. Best of luck!

Hi J.,

Sounds like your marriage is a lot of work. A good book to read is Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix.

Good luck,
Wendy

I think you need to let your husband know that you need more help from him. It doesn't matter who "wanted" them more, the responsibility for raising them belongs to BOTH of you. You are doing yourself a disservice by taking on everything. You'll be a better parent and person in general when you have some sort of a break. You need that time to re-group and breathe.

The other thing is, why don't you just use birth control? I'm sure you know there are several kinds available. Talk to your gyn about your choices and figure out which one will work best for you and then use it.

I wish you and your family the best.