Asked to Pretend Everything Is Getting Better/feels like a Lie

Updated on August 21, 2012
K.B. asks from Dulles, VA
14 answers

We have been asked by the administratrs and two school board members to not divulge the facts about how bad our child's school is doing. It will close unless a miracle happens because there is no money and the same people are tapped out. It feels like a lie. The people in charge say telling anyone how bad things are will become a self-fullfilling prophecy and make it close.

The reason many left and most won't donate is becaues there are many things wrong and the people in charge won't really change. We plan on leaving at the end of the year.

Soon the DA will indite two former employees for theft. It will be public knowledge.

Also, they mistreated two teachers who will not come back. One of them was the top-performing teacher and she was lied about and plotted against by other teachers. It is the most freakish thing I have ever seen at a workplace.

We offered to avoid family nights, the school parent meetings, and the PTA so no one questions us. We have stopped trying to help fix the school. We have made it clear we have given all we are going to and to stop asking us.

They asked us to stand up publicly and make a show of support for the sake of the school. We think they are a huge part of the problem We want the school to succeed. It has changed our daughter's life to be in a tiny school with zero tolerance for bullying. She has finally learned to stand up for herself and we want to reinforce this. What would you suggest?

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So What Happened?

My husband and I are staying because the choices are go back to 5th at the public school where she was bullied or homeschool, which doesn't seem ideal. The counselor we see thinks she needs more time to be able to stand up to the kids in public school.
I am so glad I asked. I am going to talk to my husband about it some more. The public school lost 21/82 kids to private schools due to the bullying. Some are going back this year and have been told the school is going to have more adult supervision on the playground now and other things.
I really apreciate the perspectives. Thanks.

Featured Answers

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Get out of the school. This throws up red flags all over for me. Don't give any more money and stop living the lie. Call it like it is. Best wishes!

5 moms found this helpful

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K.G.

answers from San Diego on

Why would you still have your child in this disfunction junction??? Get your child to a real school with less problems.

6 moms found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Columbia on

Skip it. They're circling the wagons in hope of a miracle. Only a handful of parents will help - but they're just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Sorry they asked you to lie, but they are just trying to find out who will give - either money or reputation. Don't give them either. Up to you how many people you want to tell the real story to.

5 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

You say they do not bully your child, but they sound like they are bullying you and they bullied the teacher..

I would have too much trouble with lying by omission. I would not be able to be a part of this.

But that is ust me.

I do better knowing the good, the bad and the ugly and then deciding what I can handle and if i could trust them with my money, but even more importantly, my beloved child.

4 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

You basically ask the same question in regard to this school every time. I see how much you struggle with this and frankly it's not worth this sort of stress no matter how much positive you think it's done for your daughter.

The positives have been done. There won't be any more positives from this point on. Why tolerate this atmosphere for another year when you could find another school equally suited academically with a much better atmosphere for both parents and students? Get out of there.

If you decide to stay then you simply say, "I'm sorry, but we don't feel comfortable speaking publicly about the school." It's not as if they can force you. What are they going to do, blackmail you? Whip out a signed contract where you agreed to publicly hail them as the bested skool evar?

4 moms found this helpful
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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

How very sad.

Just say no. Not to your daughter; to people who have asked you to lie.

What would it teach your daughter? Do you want her to cover up for her buddies when she is older?

The most I would do would be to say, "I won't go about gossiping about the school problems, but if I am asked, I am not going to lie." (I started to write, "If I am asked, I am going to say what's true"; however, the word "true" has very little objective meaning these days, while the word "lie" still does.)

I hope you will be able to find another good school for your daughter.

4 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Instead of leaving at the end of the year, leave now.
Your child may not be being bullied, but you are.
I'm not seeing anything to support.
This place has too much drama and too many issues to be an effective school.
You are in no position of power and can not fix what is wrong here.
Just walk away from all of it right now and don't look back.

3 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, you can either be part of the problem or part of the solution, right?

3 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Stand up for the school where? A specific meeting, to the press, in sales literature? Where would make a difference. If it's just to people in general you can talk about the positive aspects that are helping your daughter.

I'd never lie but I could focus on the positive side.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from New Orleans on

If you want the school to succeed and it's been good for your daughter, help them succeed. You don't have to lie to people but you can focus on the positives, the reason you want them to succeed.

However, if they are crooked and they are not trying to fix it, move your child ASAP. I don't see how you can stay in limbo like this -- as OneandDone says, you're either part of the solution or part of the problem.

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Who is the "they" that is asking you to stand up publicly, the administration?
You have complained about how dysfunctional this school is before, yet you say how wonderful it's been for your daughter.
I'll give you the same advice as last time, if your daughter is thriving then continue to send her every day but stay out of the drama. No one can make you do or say anything you don't want to.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.M.

answers from Dallas on

Please do not do something you clearly feel uncomfortable doing. If you were supportive of these people, it would be a different story. But you said in your notes you do not think they are the right leadership for the future. So don't do it. Change is so often uncomfortable but more often necessary. Help them see their way out the door so you can hopefully get a fresh start coming in the door. Just tell them no and move on. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.P.

answers from Birmingham on

In one paragraph you say the school is bad enough that you are leaving a the end of the year but at the end you make it sound like it's great and has been beneficial for your daughter. I'm confused and wouldn't want our child around thefts, liers, and those who plot against fellow collegues. Nearly all of our local schools have adopted a zero tolerance policy and the attention to preventing bullying is pretty big now everywhere. I encourage you go ahead and look elsewhere for the security of your daughter, not the administrators unless you plan to fully support them.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

You tell the truth. And find another school NOW. Why on earth would you wan to support such a crooked organization? They're not looking out for your child's best interest.

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