32 answers

Three Girls Picking on My Daughter

My daughter has three classmates that like to pick on her. She may bring some of this on herself because she's a super extrovert and it may bother some of the other kids, but she's usually friendly and her behavior is usually listed as "wonderful" in her school folder sent home weekly.

Some examples:
The ringleader told her she was ugly
They ask if she wants to play, then play a trick on her (once told her to sit on a whoopie cusion and then got all the other kids laughing at her
They block the bookcase, then won't let her get a book that she needs
She goes to sharpen a pencil, one girl was by the sharpener and told her to get away from there
Accuse her of things she didn't do
and so on

My daughter has told the teacher, and she deals with it, but I think the teacher is getting tired of my daughter tattling.

I keep telling my daughter to stay away from them, but they're all in her class and she sits by one of them.

I have a parent teacher conference next week, do I bring a list for the teacher? Does this fall under bullying or just "deal with it" category?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

It's bullying and if the teacher is "tired" of dealing with it, then by all means, go above her to the principal.

7 moms found this helpful

Yes, that is bullying.
I would absolutely talk to the teacher, and I would let her know that if she can't get these girls under control, by talking to their parents or SOMETHING, that I will be talking to the principal.
If that doesn't work I will talk to the principals boss...

Bullying is out of control, and not too long ago a 11 year old boy killed himself after years of being bullied.\.
I refuse to put up with it.
I have told my daughter that if anyone picks on her, she is to us right away so we can get it sorted out.

I ALSO told her that if I EVER hear about her picking on anyone else for any reason, she is going to be in a world of trouble.

I am really sick and tired of parents and teachers making excuses for their brat kids and letting them get away with this stuff, it is not right.

4 moms found this helpful

I believe my daughter's school would clasify this as bullying because it is continuous behavior. I would definitely take a list to the teacher and also ask for a meeting with the counselor or prinicple if no counselor is available.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

It's bullying. Trust me, I was in her shoes when I was in 6th and 7th grade. These girls are just getting started with your daughter. I went through mean comments about my appearance, jokes about inviting me to do things and then finding out it was a joke, getting blocked from getting things I needed. A group of mean girls, including a former best friend. Just as you describe. It didn't take long for it to escalate to threats to beat me up after school. It got so ugly and the school was so incapable of preventing it, my parents sold our house and moved us to a better school district. Thankfully, the new school made all the difference in the world for me and I was never bullied again.

I would tell the teacher at your conference that you need to schedule a separate meeting to talk about the bullying problem. If you don't feel like you're getting anywhere after that meeting, talk to the principal. This is serious.

Your daughter isn't tattling. She's doing the right thing and it's up to the adults in charge to protect her. Make sure they're doing their jobs.

10 moms found this helpful

Hi Tally,

It's not an "either/or" question. Bullying exists on a continuum, and while these mean girls aren't throwing fists and elbows, they are throwing horrible and hurtful comments and physically blocking her from things she has every right to access (books, pencil sharpener). What's next? Not allowing her to go to the bathroom?

This is how bullying starts, and unless it is stopped, it often progresses to more name-calling, more torment, more physical interactions, and worse.

Why would we grown-ups ever think this is okay? Nearly all school districts now have anti-bullying policies and bully prevention programs in place. Talk with your daughter's teacher during the conference but also check in with the school counselor about your school's policies and programs.

Ask the counselor for any literature he/she may have on age-appropriate anti-bullying tips. In addition to stopping the bullies, we must also equip our children with the tools to deal with bullies (e.g., whether it is ignoring and walking away or speaking up....depends on the situation and the ages of the children involved). Not that it is ever a comfortable situation, but if our children feel confident that they can stand up to bullies, they are less likely to become targets of further bullying.

Also, google "how to prevent your child from bullying," and you will find many useful articles and practical suggestions on this subject.

Parents, teachers, school administrators, coaches, scout leaders----all adults must work together to educate all of our children (including the "bullies") on this topic and do everything humanly possible to stop bullying in all of its forms. Our children deserve our full attention to this.

I hope this helps.

J. F.

ETA: I went back and read the previous posts, and for anyone who doubts the seriousness of these situations, all you have to do is read the words of the moms here (and on other recent posts about bullying) who were bullied as children. After all these years, you can still "hear" the hurt in their experiences, how fresh it still is, even though in some cases decades have passed. Please, let's all realize that bullying, whether it's words or actions, has lasting consequences, and let's work together to end this nightmare for our children.

10 moms found this helpful

I wouldnt wait for the confrence, this needs to be addressed immediately. My daughter went through the same thing when she was in the 4th grade, it was a group of 6 boys and girls. My daughter is very quiet and doesnt bother anyone. I brought it up to her teacher several times but there was one day where she almost passed out in class! She was hyper ventalating and her face turned a reddish blue color, it was from being soo scared of those kids-BULLYing her. They have called her every name in the book and made fun of her, they called her "fat", "ugly", "uni-brow girl", she was really hurt by all those thing said to her. I ended up getting a call from the nurses office that day and was told that I needed to take her to the hospital, I called her dr and took her in, I asked my daughter about what was going on with her and she just said she felt dizzy and tired. We got to the dr's office and he was asking her questions and she wasnt answering until he asked her if someone was picking on her at school and there she was bursting out in tears! My heart dropped and I myself started to cry. It's hurtful to see that something like this is bothering your child. I ended up going to her school the next morning and literally went off, I was livid! I felt that I tried my hardest in letting the school know what was going on with my daughter but I felt as though the school wasnt taking it serious enough. I gave the principal the names of ALL the kids that were picking on my daughter and told her teacher and principal that if this were to happen again that I am holding the school responsible for it. This shouldnt be going on, especially while they are at school, they should feel safe and confident with being in a learning enviornment, they shouldnt feel threatened at all and should also beable to go to a teacher with confidence in knowing that his or her teacher will do something about it. I personally wouldnt wait, I would go in asap. This subject is a sensitive one for me only because of all the things that our daughter went through. It's sad. Good luck and I hope I was helpful...

7 moms found this helpful

In my opinion, it is bullying. What is the school policy for bullying? Our school is ZERO tollerance. I would email the teacher and copy the prinipal on it. Say this is happening daily by the 3 girls and its got to stop and how do they suggest it gets handled? Give them these exact examples. They need to put a stop to it immediately. If there are no consequences for their behavior and if it doesn't stop immediately, contact the school board. That's why you need it documented in writing. Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

It's bullying and if the teacher is "tired" of dealing with it, then by all means, go above her to the principal.

7 moms found this helpful

That is total bullying. I was bullied in school (middle school) and this is the form it took. I'd get my locker blocked, etc. It was all very passive aggressive. You should talk to the teacher, counselor and principal. If they take a no-bullying stand they will do something about this. It makes me feel very mad for your daughter. If she was like me, she is downplaying how much it bothers her and she acts like everything is fine. My mom never knew how awful it truly was for me. If only I had really told her about things and she had talked to people in charge at the school. Go kick some butt on your daughter's behalf!!!!

5 moms found this helpful

You know, all you have to do is call the school and call it bullying. It will be the fastest way to correct their horrible behavior. I think it is bullying too. When they are calling names and flat out being nasty over and over again, I think that's exactly what it is. Schools are so afraid of bullying being a problem, that they will take fast actions to correct it. I can assure you, from my own experience, that when you go in to the principle and tell her whol is bullying your child and you want it stopped now, that it will.

I've learned in the 5 years that my kids have been in school that I need to be serious when I have a problem and let them know I'm NOT kidding. I want things fixed and I don't want it to take months. Last year I had to threaten to call the police for the school to get the 4 boys who were grabbing my 2nd grade daughters behind for it to stop. One of them is doing it to a friend of hers this year. One of the neighborhood girls is nasty to my daughter on the bus, and after 2 months of me trying to get them to move their seats, I spoke to the principal and told her I was tired of my daughter being bullied. Seats were moved that afternoon.

You have to go in and talk to them and let them know you'll go above them if they don't fix it. Teacher, principal, superintendenet, and so on. I always work in that order, and have only had to go to the super once.

5 moms found this helpful

Calling her names, making fun of her, preventing her from getting a needed book, or a sharpening of her pencil.....call it what you like, but it definitely needs to be mentioned to the teacher!

Sure, it's easy, in out adult minds to tell her to "deal with it" but she's a kid (not sure her age/grade), so if she's under 10....definitely time to step in and let the teacher in on what's going on under her nose.

4 moms found this helpful

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