An Unbiased Opinion

L., I would like to say I am "unbiased" , but truthfully, I can not. Been there done that! My EX-husband was always that way. He wanted the single life but with a wife. That way he knew he had someone to come home to in case whatever he was doing in his "single night life" didn't pan out. I was barely 20 when we got married and very naive in love. I thought he was good to me and that I knew everything about marriage and that was just how it was. He pressured me to into marriage, he pressured me into just getting my bach degree then pressured me into having a child. Problem, while I was pregnant he started "friendly" relationship with his sisters nanny/friend. He assured me it was innocent that he had known her when he was younger and they were just friends. He went over there every night of the week without inviting me leaving me home with an extreme case of the 24 hour prego sickness ( I was admitted to the hospital 3 times for dehydration and almost lost my son in the early stages due to the amount and violent behavior of my sickness). I went through that all alone. A big hint should have been that from the beginning of our relationship I couldn't talk on the phone to a friend without getting grilled. Couldn't visit my best friend or my family without him calling every 5 minutes. He didn't trust me because he couldn't be trusted. His guilt was eating him alive, and I couldn't see it. The final straw was as I was laying in the hospital recovering from a horrible C-section while my son was in the special care unit (he was born with VSD aka a hole in his heart between the chambers ), my EX-husband was "busted" by my dad under covers with his "friend" . I tried to make it work (stupid me) offered therapy, but my son suffered because he could sense that I was unhappy. My Ex still insisted he had done no wrong. Amazingly almost 6 months after our seperation she had a bouncing full term baby boy...math isn't one of my strong suits but then again it doesn't really take a genius. That and he didn't argue with my lawyer at all even when he accused him of cheating only argued with me. Just wanted to share my life lesson with you in hopes that you learn from something that it took me WAY too long to learn from. Don't let your children be the reason you "stay" with someone you can't trust. It hurts them more than you think
J.

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L.,

All I can say in this situation is go with your gut feeling. I was in the same situation. I was married for almost eight years. We had two beautiful daughters, nice home, everything great. Then after I had my third daughter, he started "hanging out with the boys", needing some "man time", which later I found out was a 19 year-old female.

I'm not going to go into a lot of details, but to make a long story short...There were a lot of times that he would hang out and come home late and always have an excuse, but I sware to you I ALWAYS knew that he was lying to me. It would just be this "gut" feeling as they say, and it would linger in my mind for days. I should've questioned him more and took more of a stand with the situation and not just take his word for a lot of it. I think that I was just didn't want to know the truth and have to deal with it, so I would just go with whatever he said. I had alot going on with the house and the kids and just didn't want to deal with that, but it ended up becoming an even bigger problem. We divorced in 2004.

Take action now, don't let it go. Talk to him. Communication is the key. I learned that the hard way. Find out what it is that he feels that he needs and expects of you. If it's just time out with the boys...that's fine, but he is married and needs to respect that. Tell him what it is that you expect of him and what you need also. Let him know that this is a problem. There is absolutely no reason for a married man to be at the movies with another woman and i'm sure he didn't tell you in advance.

If he is out and comes home explaining to you where he has been and it just doesn't feel right to you...question it! Don't worry about him getting upset with you for asking questions because YOU are his wife and have the right.

One last thing...start to take a little more time for yourself. Just because you have the babies doesn't mean that mommy can't have a girls night out every once in a while. Get dressed up and go out. Have fun. My ex used to have a fit when I would go out, which was more like once a month, but he would seem to come and go as he pleased. Also talk to him about you two having some private time. You need that. If you take a stand now you've got a good chance of saving things because the road you're headed down is all to familiar to me.

Feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you ever want to talk. Hope i've been of some help.

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L.,
All I have to say is trust your instincts. I have been in a similar situation, and my instincts were right. There were always excuses, but when it came down to it, he was having a life crisis and found someone else to share it with, which of course led to something sexual. If he is ready to make things right, suggest counseling. It worked for us and we are still together 7 years later.

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That is just not acceptable behavior for any married man. A man once told me and my husband that he is never alone with a woman (other than his wife) unless someone else is present. He said he is being respectful to his wife and his marriage. (the man was Andy Stanley) I totally agreed and so did my husband. There is no sense for any married man to be alone with another woman other than his wife, in any given situation. And if he is happy at home, why would he want to?? Or be out till all hours of the night? He is 40 yrs. old, not 22! Nothing good happens being out all hours of the night! I dont mean to sound harsh, but it sounds as if he needs to grow up and accept responsibility for his family. And give you the respect you deserve. Follow your gut instinct! It will never lead you wrong!! God bless, and good luck!!

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When do you get to socialize??? I think that, at very least, you need to plan a night out with the girls and enjoy yourself while he gets a taste of his medicine.

Have the two of you had any time to yourselves? I would also try to see if you can get someone to watch the triplets for a weekend so you to can go "reconnect". I know my husband felt overshadowed by the arrival of our little one - I can only imagine with three!

Bottom line, his life isn't the same. That is really hard for him to adjust to (hard for you to adjust to as well!), but he made this choice when he decided he wanted to be a father. Staying out until all hours is NOT acceptable. Going out with other women is NOT acceptable. Not being there for those three adorable babies is NOT acceptable.

In families where there is a working mother and a working father; night wakings, feedings, etc are a 50% 50% thing. If you don't both see it that way, the marraige simply will not work.

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L. you need to put a stop to that quick. If right now it is innocent, it quickly could become not. You don't 'socialize with the boys' at 40 years old when your wife is at home with triplets! The whole taking another women to the movies? How would he feel if the situation were reversed? The problem with that is that the husbands feel safe because we are stay at home moms and don't have those opportunities as much as they do. That you are busting your butt raising his kids and he's taking another women out? No way.

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I am sorry you are going through this, I can imagine it is incredibly difficult.

First let me say that your husbands behavior is totally unacceptable. And I agree with everyone that something must change or your marriage is bound to end badly.

I am NOT attempting to make excuses for his behavior, and I could be completely wrong, but I imagine he feels overwhelmed and "less than a man" at this point. That could be why he is trying to recapture his youth by partying and very possible cheating.

Both of you experienced some VERY MAJOR life changes. One day he is providing (very well) for his wife and planning to become a father. Suddenly no job and 3 kids! That has to be stressful. Then he has to accept a job that can barely keep you all fed. That must be painful and demeaning.

I would suggest that you two sit down and talk. Try not to be angry with his behavior. Explain that you love him and need him to stop this self-destructive (and marriage destructive) behavior for your family. Then do everything you can to get both of you into some therapy. I'm not talking about just "marriage counseling", you both have some serious issues that need to be dealt with as individuals as well as a couple.

I hope this helps. I would love to hear from you about how this works out.

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seems to me that your husband is wanting to blame you and the babies for his hard times. He should be thankful you finally have children (3 - wow!) and try to be the day he was thinking of when you two started with the IVF. As for going out - he'd have a hard time getting back in if it was my house. Good lord, has he hit mid-life? He is a dad and he needs to realize that sometimes what you "had" is not what you will always "have". I would hate to have something that drastic happen to my buisness life, but you just try harder. Drinking and getting a rough reputation will not make him seem more attractive for future employers.
Sometimes a man's job is what he thinks makes him the man. Without the high paying job he no longer feels like the man in charge. Maybe he is trying to act like he did before the job change in an attemp to grasp something that makes him feel masculine. As for the other woman, I would go with he does not feel like a man anymore because of the job changes and he is trying to get reassurance that he still is one. Sad to be that insecure about yourself that you need to resort back to a more primitive nature. When will they learn that it only takes love and support for us to see them as men. Idiots... :)

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How does he justify the means to "socialize" with the boys when his family is struggling to pay bills?? You guys should sit down and have a serious talk about your situation. We have five children (set of BB twins included) and it is hard and stressful, there is always a child with some sort of "issue" but that comes with parenting. My husband works in the yard or goes outside to play ball with one child at a time to destress. I do get to stay home, which helps, so I understand my husband has to let loose a little, all the weight of our family is on his shoulders. Maybe your husband is feeling overwhelmed and if that is the case he needs to talk to you about that, not someone else (especially another woman). You have to make sure that line is open and welcoming, which is very hard at times. Men are truely big babies and need that reassurance. I know as a mommy how busy everything is (although triplets-Wow- you're great-twins were busy) but we have to set a time for our husbands and ourselves to keep your marriage intact! I wish you the best in this tough time and hope everything works out for your family!

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L.,

I know I don't know all the details to your situation but I can relate some to you. I am a single mom of a beautiful 4 year old son. Everything in my household was wonderful when I was married to his father until we decided to do fertility to get pregnant. I asked his dad several times to make sure he was ok with it and he always told me yes. He already had a child from his first marriage. Once I got pregnant everything went downhill from there. He too would go out til wee hours of the morning all the time and sometimes not come home at all. I felt trapped because I was pregnant and scared to go through it by myself. Then after having my son who was born 6 weeks early and had to spend 6 days in NICU I came home finally. I fell into really bad post pardum depression which my doctor said he was pretty much waiting for it to happen under my circumstances. So things became hard at home and my husband was having to work and then come home and take care of the baby all night. So anyhow, long story short lol, I finally got my medicine in my system and got better only to have to start tracking his moves. I tracked his cell phone bill and then over about a five month period tracked his every move until I finally caught him in person with another woman. Since that night my life has flipped upside down and everything ended up for the better. We got divorced, he since has married the girl, I have had the best 2 years of my life and recently have met a wonderful man who is incredible to me and my son. So, I'm not saying that your husband is like mine was and I know having triplets is harder than having just one. Just wanted to share my situation to you and let you know you are not the only one out there who has gone through this mess. I stuck in my marriage for 2 1/2 years trying to make it work and in the end it didn't. So if you need anyone to talk with just email me. I hope your situation turns out good for you guys and hopefully you don't have to suffer what I did. I will keep you in my prayers. M.

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Hello,
Been in your shoes. Although it turned out to be a drug thing with the hubby, not another woman, since has stopped. THANK GOD!! But, I gave him a choice. I told him that he can't live like he's a single fellow while being married. He can't have his cake and eat it too! It was be married and act like a grown up or get divorced. It is NOT ok to be doing anything with another woman, unless his sister or mother or the like. That was a DATE! If you are super suspicious of him, when you know he's going out, have someone watch the kids and trail him. See what he's actually up to. Or have someone else trail him. It's NOT fair that you have to stay home with the triplets by yourself. You certainly didn't make them by yourself. Giving my husband the choice to grow up, stop drugs and be a responsible adult, husband and father or get divorced helped us. And knowing that you would NOT ever give your husband custody (given a choice) I would even consider threatening him with leaving him with the three children. Then what would he do. Sometimes you have to play their game, but YOU have to be better at the game to win. Don't let this go on. This is NOT the way a married couple is suppose to work. Like someone else said, "he's 40 not 18".

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God i must say you have your hands full* About your problem... The late hours have to be stopped.. maybe somethings he does are innocent but he should NEVER be somewhere with another women like that* thats a date to most people. I would talk with him and if that doesnt help you need to leave not forever but leave to open his eyes to this and then you will know the truth. Im not is your shoes but i know this has got to be hard ive had my share of problems with things. I know this isnt much help but when you need someone to talk to im always around. Im a SAHM. Im sorry he does this and puts you through things like this. If you need to talk im around* my prayers are with you for this!

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I am a very open minded woman, simply because of age and past expiriences. By the way I am 32. Should you allow him to go out and hang out with the guys ONCE IN A WHILE. YES!! Simply because if you try to fight and argue and tell him he can't, he'll feel even more eager to do so. You have to use psycology with this men. The way to control is NOT to control. Men are like babies. The more you tell them NO, the more they want to do something.
Now considering the fact that you guys just had 3 little ones recently, I'm sure that he's a bit stressed out HOWEVER do you ever get a chance to just relax and have a ladies lunch, dinner or night out??????
In ref. to the work situation, it seems as if you guys may be struggling a little finantially. He had absolutely no business spending $$$ that he doesn't have. If $$ was not an issue then that would be a different story.
In ref. to going out with another woman on a business trip. OH NOOO!! That is completely unacceptable no matter how you put it. I can understand being put on the spot to have dinner when you're on a business trip but definately NOT the movies.
I do sales my-self, we have to socialize in order to see a pay check. I am an independent insurance agent. I do life insurance and mortgage protection. I too go out of town on business but there is no way or reason for me to go to the movies while my husband is at home watching the children.
To sum it all up, going out w/ the guys is OK. Not every week-end or all of the time. I would say maybe 1 time a month. You allow him to decide where to go and what time he comes home. Then you have a ladies night out and do the same. Let's see how he feels about it.

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L.,
I have to agree with Jamie on this...it is hard to be unbiased when you have lived in this situation. First let me say I am sorry that you are going through this! My second husband was like this. He was a truck driver when we married...and after a few months decided to get an at home job so that he would be home everynight. Then after about a month...he started "going to the bar". I asked him to limit this to one or two nights a week but he just got mad about it. When we found out that I was pregnant with our daughter, it got worse. I ended up leaving him when I was four months pregnant because he was not paying the bills or taking care of the household duties he had agreed to. I found out a few months ago (it has been almost 2 years now) that he had been going out to see a girl that he had dated before we got married. I think if you are concerned about this, you need to say something...and tell him how you feel about the whole thing. If he gets defensive, then you have even more reason to be concerned.

I hope this helps (at least in knowing that you are not alone in going through this).

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My husband takes pride in providing for me and our 19 month old son, whom we had through IVF also. Matter of fact my husband gave me all my injections during the process and once it was time for the retrieval and transfer, he never left my side. My husband prior to us meeting had a good job and also DJ'd private parties on the side for a hobby and extra money. When he said "I do" I never asked him to give up anything, he automatically did since his priorities changed. This is what happens when you get married and have children, I'm sure I don't have to tell you this. Just as it would be terrible for you to have children and then decide to act the way he is acting. If the tables were turned, what would he think of you?

If you have family support it may come down to where you may have to leave and tell him you will return once he gets his priorities straight or as one of my friends told her husband since they had a teen daughter, "if this is how you want to act I want you to leave and get help." She was not about to uproot her daughter and change their lives when she and her daughter didn't do anything. You and your children should be the most important reason your husband gets up in the morning. If his self-esteem has been hit due to not feeling he is living up financially to what he is used to making he needs help with that. If he says he works hard and deserves to go out and have fun, what about you? As mom's we don't have that option, we're on 24/7 365 days when we make the commitment to have babies and a husband, we can't choose to no longer be attached. I sure hope you have the family support you need to give him an ultimatum. When he is ready to REALLY commit that's when you can take him back. Your children learn how to respect and love you by how their father treats their mom. I wish you the best. Not sure if you are a Christian or not, if you are seek help and support from your church family.

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Hi L.,

Boy you defintively have your hands full with just working and 3 babies, then add the added stress of what your husband is doing, I can't imagine what you are going through. My opinion is he might not be doing anything while he is out, but staying out that late is not right. He has a family at home and that is where he belongs. I am not saying that either you or him shouldn't be able to go out to eat with the guys or girls, however, it should not go any further than that. Maybe gone a couple of hours. If it was me, I wouldn't tolerate it. You dont deserve that. If you need to ever chat, I am on yahoo at sandra28658. I wish you luck this. Just remember, you don't deserve to be treated this way, and it is a lack of respect on his part. Take care.

S.

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Something needs to be done, and soon or else your family is going to split and it may or may not be repairable. I would suggest counseling first. There are obvious issues that need to be talked about in an environment that is safe and one where the children do not hear what is being said. Even at their age fighting and these types of problems are going to affect their behavior. There is never a reason for a married man to be alone at the movies with another women. Never! unless it is his sister or relative. Second, marriage and children are a responsibility. you obviously wanted children if you were willing to go through IVF to conceive and he must have wanted it too, and there are certain things that must be given up when you make that committment. He needs to understand that he cannot be out all hours of the night on a regular basis and that if he tells you he will be home at a certain time, he is either calling to let you know he is going to be late and giving you a new time, or he is showing up when he says he will. This is just really irresponsible behavior. Third, if he is unable to find a job making closer to what he was making, then he either needs to look in another field, or needs to consider moving for another job. There are places that are hiring around the country, it is just a matter or knowing where they are and getting in contact with those companies for interviews. But, something has to be done and if you have tried to talk to him and there has been no change, tell him that you want to go to counseling. If he is unwilling then maybe you go by yourself and get some advise on a one to one basis. If things do not change you may need to consider making the big gesture and asking for a trial separation to sort things out. If he is truly dedicated to the family he will fight for you and the children and will make the changes that he needs to. and be willing yourself to change if necessary. I wish you the best and hope that everything will work out to the best for you, your children, and your husband.

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Okay no more credit cards, check cards, check book, car keys or cash for this guy!! lol. Okay on a more serious note! Being a car sales person, the personality alone tells you he thrives attention and loves people or he wouldn't be successful at it. For a man that has gone down from 100k to 20k there is depression and ego setting in. This explains the going out all the time. There's a lot of stress in being responsible for raising a family and taking care of business and a man has to be aloud to do somethings to make life worth working so hard for. BUT...I think daddy needs to be thrown into mommy's seat for a brief minute! He has to realize that making the money isn't the most important thing in life..spending time with the family is. Try this..
Sit down and show him all that he has to face as far as bills..discuss a plan to get it back on track and while your sitting down explain to him you need a little bit of help and you will help him also. Marriage is a give and take. Yes he can go out, but minimize it. It's important for a man (let alone a sales rep personality) to socialize. But it can get out of hand. Also reward him in small ways for doing the best he can so he will continue. Start with setting a family night..movies, dinner, the park with the kids...whatever. Set aside a night for just you and him to keep it romantic. Open your mind...you never know what's on his so get him to tell you and be open to letting him have exactly what he wants so he won't be tempted. And last but not least...TALK TALK TALK!
For the husband:
Husband and dad, there's no more precious thing to have than a woman/wife that bears 3 kids for you and takes care of them for you and loves you all at one time. Don't loose it by being stupid! Sit down and think about what happens when you mess up. You loose your wife and kids, a lot of money to divorce and lawyers, time at work for court time and for what? One tip, all the places a respectful man would go to socialize close NO LATER than 2am. Where ya been?
Back to L.: sit down and talk to him. Tell him what's on your mind and if that doesn't work, do something completely eye catching to catch his attention! If that doesn't work...refer to line one of this conversation. Have a good day and let us know what happens.

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L.,

I was in the same situation that you were in so therefore I can not give you unbiased opinion. However i can tell you that I put up with it for 5 years. I had my first son in 97 and my second son in 99 and six months after he was born I was tired of him going out every night until whee morning hours, not helping with the kids, not providing like i was and everything else not to mention all the excuses that i was told like im going out with the guys thats it...and then hed come home with lip stick on his shirts...i finally had enough and left. it was hard because at that time i was a fulltime college student and also working fulltime with two infants. if you need someone to talk to feel free to email me at ____@____.com

best of luck,
K.

i think that is so unfair..i know with sales some socializing is involved im sure..but not to this extent.he is acting so bad you dont deserve this and with new babies...if you have any support from family..i would let them know what is going on..i would front him on all this i would give him an ultimatum..he is your husband if he loves you and is devoted to being a new father to boot he will straighten out..you dont deserve this right now with babies and those children dont deserve it later if it goes unresolved believe me it will affect them..just a terrible cycle he is really selfish..please please pray to God for strength to confront him and then if need be move on dont lose yourself over this..god bless you and hope you all the best

Hi L.,

First of all I am not going to rake him over the coals, because nothing will be solve in doing so. I am a divorce woman who husband cheated twice and with the second affair being with a girl who was still in high school. When the smoke finally settled and we were able to talk again, I asked him why? His response was he was out of control at the time and apologize for distroying our family.
With that said, your husband is going through a crisis which may by midlife, or the pressure of being a provided that can't provide. His only "out" is to return to the life without being responsible for anyone other than himself.
I would suggest counseling. He will fight it because he will not admit he has a problem, but he does. You can't carried the marriage all by yourself. I tried and it is exhausted. If he chooses not to seek help in repairing what he started, than obviously, the next question how much more are you willing to tolerate?

I am not one to judge but i do have a brother that has done this to his wife...It sounds as though he is resentful of your 3 babies..when my brother had is baby,(she was born 3 months early) he used every excuse to go out with the boys..he was really wanting to be free of all the responsibilty of his home...remenber if it smell like a fish it is....taking another woman to the movies because no one would go is a bunch of crock... My husband and I have been married 22 years and he travels alot. I have questioned him about going out when he is at work with other women, his ansewer is the only reason the men at his job go out with other women is to get laid and not get caught. Sorry to tell you that but if you have a red flag, trust your gut. there is no reason for a married man to go out with any woman or friend without you....

Open your eyes! I think he is telling you by his actions where his mind is and it's not helping raise three babies and take care of his family! You can't live like you are single and expect your family to be taken care of at the same time. You have to talk to him if you can and find out where his priorities are going to be. Tell him the late night bar outings have to stop...no option. Tell him taking other women out to do anything has to stop...absolutely no option. Maybe a spark needs to be thrown back in. Try to make time for just you and him...if possible. Get a relative or two babysit while you and your husband have some adult time. Maybe this will show him that it is possible to have a night time social life, but his social life has to include his wife which is what he should want anyway. I'm sure that going from 100k to 20k didn't do much for the ol' self-confidence either.

The last straw with my husband's carousing was when he called me to pick him up after drink all day with his "friends". I left him there and he had to find his own way home. My child's welfare and safety are in my hands. I had to make him choose between us and the drinking. I was fully prepared for him to say "Screw you!" Thank the Lord he choose us.
At some point you will have to choose your children over him. Only you know when that time will be. Sometimes you have to use tough love on your spouses not just your children.
If you ask him to choose, be prepared for him to choose the fun life. I willnot color it pretty. Life will be tough but truly your responsibility is to those babies well being and yes, I know he might never hurt them but what he is doing is does effect them. And as I have told my husband in the past at some point the kids don't think a drunk father is funny any more.
This is your decision. All of us that post our opinions, are just that, opinions. You must make your decision and live with the end results.

L.,

I had the same problem with my husband. He was going out with his brother, and they usually ended up at his brothers house. After about the 1/2 dozen's time that he didn't come home, I packed up the kids and left. No note, because he never left me a note. No phone call, because he didn't have the respect to call me. It took him 4 days to get up the nevre to call my sisters to look for me. She lives 1 state away, and I know he was worried about calling my parents because they live 5 states away - but he also didn't want them to know I had left. I just wanted to make it clear to him that I would not sit around and wait for him to remember he had a family. When he called - I went home and we had a nice long talk. That was the last time he did anything without letting me know. And as I told him - it wasn't that I wanted to be his mother - but when I wake at 4am and he's not home, how do I know he didn't get in a wreck?
As to the taking a "friend" to the movies......... I would have to beat him over the head with a frying pan :-) But that's just me. And considering you did the IVF - that tells me he wanted your kids. There is nothing wrong with wanting to go out, but maybe he should be taking you out with him.

Hey L.. My name is P. and I am the proud single mom of a 14yr old son and 9yr old daughter. My divorce wsa final 06/06/06 (see the irony of the date)? I am so much happier and better off financially that I have been in years. And no, it's not because of support because I don't get it due to split joint custody.

My thought is that it is not OK to go out bar hopping or clubbing until all hours of the night. If it was a special ocassion with family or something that may be different. It would be different if you got a sitter and went out together. And taking another woman out to the movies is not respectful to you either. How would he feel if you were doing these things to him?

Since he is 40, maybe he is feeling mid-life blues or he could feel jealous because all of you time has shifted to your babies. This is natural, especially if he isn't there to help you care for them.

There is no better feeling than becoming a mom. But make sure you take care of yourself and your babies emotionally as well as physically. I stayed in a bad situation for many years and put up with alot of stuff. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel. Communication is the best tool in any situation. Best of luck.

L.,

I am the mother of twins....so I totally sympathize with your situation. They are 12 now, but I remember what it was like when they were babies.
Has your hubby fallen and cracked his head or something?!
First of all, he needs to get it together for you...period. You are his wife and the mother of HIS three kids!
Second, in what world is he living anyway? If he thinks it's acceptable to stay out all night, take another woman to a movie (and if I were you, I wouldn't buy his whole thing that it was innocent either), and basically neglect his responsibilities...well, he's off his rocker!

L., as a woman..and a mother..if I were in your shoes....I'd be considering hiring a private investigator.

Keep us posted....

C.

WOW all i can say is go with your gut !!!!! I learned the hard way. I was married for 17 years.. I thought my life was as it was to be. My husband (ex now) opened a karaoke business and kj'd for 3 years at a local bar. This didnt bother me much because it was his sisters bar. But long 3 year story short, I got sick and had 3 heart attacks and bypass surgery, while this went on,i accused of seeing someone and all i got was i was paranoid and that they are all just friends , i found out this whole time while he was at the bar he cheated with SEVERAL women and got one which is half his age pregnant. Needless to say we are divorced but he still does the karaoke and is not even with the girl he got pregnant, so,, with that being said, if you think he is lying to you ... he probably is and dont let him belittle what you feel.

He took another woman to the movies? Was it his sister or mother? If not, then it's not okay! He should have never put himself in that position to begin with, pressure or not. He has a wife, he has children, he has a family. He has responsibilities and therefore it's not okay if he stays out until 2,3,4, or 5 in the morning. He's 40 for goodness sakes not 18. It's high past time for him to start acting like an adult.

I agree with the other ladies,if something doesn't feel right to you question it. You are his wife and you have the right to question his whereabouts. L., please don't suffer in silence. You and your children deserve better than that. Call him on it.