Parent Asking My Friend Husband Out for Lunch

Would I "let" my husband go out with this parent? I'm not his mommy, so "let" really isn't the right word and I wouldn't approach it like this.

However, here's what I think about the situation. There is a problem with a parent asking continuously to go out with him when he keeps saying no. That's the red flag, that she doesn't want to take no for an answer. It's obvious that she doesn't want to talk about something regarding the child since she is proposing a movie. She is wanting to have a date with him.

So, something is wrong with this picture and he is WISE to steer clear of it. The next time she tries, he should say "I'm sorry, but I need to be home with my family." If THAT doesn't get through her thick skull, then he should say "I'm sorry, but I have plans with my wife." Repeat as needed.

Your friend is right to have no problem with him having a meal with friends who are women. However, this is not the same and is a potential minefield that he wants to totally avoid. He should be very kind to the lady, but always stay around other people and not have private conversations in the school with her. She will finally get the hint and leave him alone.

I'll add one more thing. He should not talk about her to his coworkers. It could backfire and upset her if she gets wind of it, and then she may lie about him to everyone. He really doesn't want that.

Hope this helps.
D.

8 moms found this helpful

Not just no, but Hell no!
The only relationship a teacher and parent should have is business/professional.
There is no reason what-so-ever for a parent to need to "go out with" a teacher.

He needs to make this perfectly clear to that parent.

Beyond the possibility of this parent being interested in the husband in a dating way, it is dangerous to his job.
It could be seen by other parents as him showing favoritism and the other parents might think the kid was getting special treatment or something.

7 moms found this helpful

From now on, when your friend's husband is extended an, um, invitation, he should say, "Why, sure, my wife and I would be delighted to join you for dinner on Friday!" Either the three of them will have a good time getting to know each other... or the invitations will stop.

Actually, I have friends with jobs in which they interact with many people, and they handle such situations just this way.

7 moms found this helpful

"Thank you, but no. It wouldn't be appropriate for my wife and I to attend dinner with parents outside of school. It might look like favoritism to your daughter, Speshul'Snowflayk."

:-)

6 moms found this helpful

My friend, my friend? What the heck is the matter with you and/or "your friend"? The guy either says "NO THANKS" or yes, "MY WIFE AND I WILL BE H. TO JOIN YOU"! Why are YOU representing your friend?

6 moms found this helpful

Tell him to ask if his wife is also invited. This way he will have a better idea if she is hitting on him or just wants to talk. She may want to talk to him about something at the school but not where everyone can hear the conversation.

Personally I think it would open a huge can of worms if he accepted her offer. A married man out to eat with a M. from the school he works for, unless his wife was also there. No matter how innocent it really is tongues will wag.

5 moms found this helpful

Nope its inappropriate. I would tell the husband to tell the parent----While I am deeply flattered, I am sorry, but I am a married man and I respect my wife and family too much to put myself in an awkward position. Thanks for understanding--best of luck to you!

5 moms found this helpful

I find it very inappropriate for a parent and school staff to fraternize.

In my line of work, I am not permitted to accept gifts or offers from the customers as an individual. If they would like to make the offer to the entire office, such as a flower arrangement for everyone or a box of candy for everyone, that is fine, but not the individual.

I have had to return many gifts to those who send their thank you's, but it is better than having the appearance that there is a one on one relationship in any way.

The husband should know better and decline regardless of the wives opinion. It has nothing to do with her.

5 moms found this helpful

I think he should tell the lady that he would love to, he just needs to make sure his wifes schedule is clear so they can all go together.

If the lady is H. that the wife will be coming along then you know it was just a friendly gesture. If she isn't H. about it.. well then you know what her intentions were and she should have gotten the hint he isn't interested in her with out being mean about it.

4 moms found this helpful

I like Rebecca B's answser. He needs to just say "that sounds great, let me check with my wife and see if she is available as well." Lets her know that he is married and not available to afternoon delight!

4 moms found this helpful

Yes she is hitting on him. Relentlessly. Not sure why she has his number to text? She needs to quit. He has declined every offer. At this point your friend needs to say something to her like, (big smile, very friendly) "So, YOU'RE the one who keeps asking my husband out even though he says he's busy. Any reason why you're so persistent?" or something. She sounds pretty psychotic (the lady, not your friend).

Or they can BOTH join her, but I'd have no interest being friends with this idiot to be honest.

4 moms found this helpful

I suggest that going out to lunch or dinner with a parent is inappropriate and unprofessional. Going to a movie certainly does sound like a date. I agree with Dawn that it's best to continue saying no and that he should say something that indicates that he has a wife and family.

I've noticed that teachers do not socialize with parents unless they also know each other from some other setting such as living in the neighborhood or knew each other before their child was in their classroom. It would be totally unfair for a teacher to socialize with just one parent.

4 moms found this helpful

ummm. Just my guess as a married woman yes she is hitting on him and no he does not want to see it that way cause it is akward. So yeah just tell him no dont go because he is unclear as to the nature of this hang out, or do as Ruby said, invite the wife along and see what she says and if she says sure then make sure the wife does actually go!
Personally if my hubby even came at me with that I would have nothing to think about, I'd tell him, "Go If You Want To!" and he knows what that means! (arms folded). And that would be the end of that!
So if she feels its akward then she should just say so and he will know that she is not comfortable with it...
PS I would never ask a married man on a lunch date or a movie for that matter! sheesh! This has me feeling all kinds of ways...

4 moms found this helpful

Is this person also married? He should just say, hey, my wife and I can meet you guys for dinner on Wed this week if you want. Or if she asks first he can say, sure, my wife and I would love to have dinner with you. It will be great to all hang out. I'm looking forward to meeting your husband too.

3 moms found this helpful

Why would she be texting him? Why would a parent have a teacher's personal cell phone number. I think there is more to this story.

If he REALLY has no interest, than he needs to just say so. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm a married man, I have no interest in a social meeting with you, and it would be very unprofessional of me anyway. Please stop texting me and asking me".

That simple.

:(

3 moms found this helpful

Does the man wear a wedding ring? Is it possible that the "parent" doesn't know that he's married? You keep referring to this person as a "parent." Is it a woman or a man? I don't think that married men make new women friends to go to dinner or movies with. If it is a woman and she has a husband, this friend's husband can suggest that they all meet up for dinner or coffee. Otherwise, he needs to stop making excuses and tell this woman that he's married and going to dinner or a movie alone with another woman is too much like a date and he doesn't do that, or if it's a man, tell the guy that he has a wife and doesn't swing in that direction, if he thinks the man is hitting on him.

3 moms found this helpful

Why does this M. have his cell number? That alone is not appropriate. There are plenty of other ways to reach the teacher (email, his home phone, his school phone). And texting him is definitely not appropriate.

I need more facts here. Does the husband often go out without his wife? Has she ever suspected him of an affair before? Does he have an overly-friendly personality?

A number of things could be going on here. The husband could be getting ready to have an affair with this M. and he is setting the stage to look innocent and/or that she is initiating. It could be that he has led her on up to this point (again, how did she get his cell) and now he feels guilty or that he may get caught. It could be that she is crazy and doesn't get boundaries. It could be she wants to get him in bed. It could be she wants special treatment for her child that is in the class.

Regardless of the reason, it is not appropriate. Your friend should stick up for herself here and either tell the M. it needs to stop or have the husband do it.

And her husband shouldn't be going to eat with other women without his wife being present. Period.

2 moms found this helpful

I would not be ok with that. I don't think she is trying to be just friends. She is trying to get him out on a date, not a friendly outing.

2 moms found this helpful

I think your friend's husband should not make excuses but tell the parent that "I am married and I am not comfortable socializing with parents outside of school functions unless my wife is with me". That way, he lets them know that he is married, isn't opposed to going but won't go alone. It allows no chance of mixed messages. Now if the parent says "bring your wife" it says that she may just be trying to build a friendship.

2 moms found this helpful

No...that sounds strange to me. I could see it if they would be going with a group of other folks or if it were a group of teachers together. I do go out with coworkers of the opposite sex quite a bit and it is not a big deal. The one on one thing is very odd and quite inappropriate especially since she keeps bugging your husband. I think he should continue to say no...rinse and repeat....

2 moms found this helpful

To what end? I mean that--What would be the point of just the two of them getting together socially? Are they lab partners with a report due on this movie?

Of course, she is hitting on him, but even in a case that lands me on the fence, my go-to resolution question is "Why?" If they're good with the answers, then go for it.

But, hey, if he and his wife are down for a little fun, he should accept and then show up with his wife. Oh, I would LOVE to hear that story!

2 moms found this helpful

By himself? No way! I do find that very weird and I would really believe the lady is hitting on him. I am not a particular jealous person, and my husband works, excercise and has a lot of lady friends but a lady he does not really know and have any other background of friendship or work relationship and keeps calling and texting would have my fire alarm up to the roof!

By the way, none of his lady friends text or call him unless is for a group outing and I am always invited and I like his friends a lot.

We women generally know when other person is s thread and when it is not, that famous six sense that a lot of persons like to ignore but this one is screaming!.....be careful, be very careful.... No need to be rude but not too nice with this person only polite.

Why open a door that later can bring you problems? And you may not like what is behind the door!

There must be a school policy about that kind of situations, if not your friend can make up one... Not to mess up between parents and teachers unless is a school event.

2 moms found this helpful

LOVE Rebecca B's answer. It hits all the right notes - friendly, not assuming the worst, and CLEARLY stating his commitment to his marriage without accusing the woman of anything.

2 moms found this helpful

In this case, the husband should not go. It is very strange and unusual that this parent keeps texting him, so he should say no. And asking him to go to a movie is just weird.

2 moms found this helpful

I think he needs to be blunt. "I'm married and not interested in going to lunch or a movie."

My DH will go to lunch with an old coworker if he's downtown. He'll catch up with a way exGF for dinner when she's in town. But if someone was bothering him, he'd have to make it clear that no, he was not grabbing lunch. Ever. And she needs to stop texting him. I think that even if she is just friendly (my friend's wife is like a long lost puppy dog sometimes, it's really annoying) he doesn't want the attention. He needs to tell her to stop and not be unclear or wishy washy about it. "Please stop texting me. I am not going to go to lunch or dinner or a movie with you."

1 mom found this helpful

How about the husband just keeps saying "No thank you, I already have plans with my wife." Or "No thank you, I'm making dinner for my wife" Or "my wife and I prefer to rent movies at home" And then encourage him to go on in conversation about his wife and/or what they will be doing together. Sends a very clear message, he is very much taken, not looking for any kind of "dating" action. If she's hitting on him, and he's always replying by referring to his wife in the conversation, I'll bet she'll stop.

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, why is he not telling this woman that he is married, and that she is crossing a line? It sounds like he's almost leading her on by not being direct and setting boundaries with her.

1 mom found this helpful

If they were friends, sure. If it was just a M. of a kid that is at the school and wants to hang out, go to movies, etc..Umm, no. I wouldn't even have to do anything as my husband would have just flat out told her " I'm married, and it's not appropriate to be hanging out with parents socially". It's weird that she can text him, does she have his personal number?

1 mom found this helpful

Well, my instict tells me that the parent is interested in your friends husband. However, I may be wrong. However if she does know he is married, then it is extremely inappropriate for her to ask him to dinner, or lunch, or whatever.

Well, if I were your friend I'd have my husband tell this parent something along the lines of:
"While we(my wife and I) appreciate your multiple invitations, my wife and I feel it is inappropriate(let her know that you, the wife, are well aware) for us to meet outside school functions and duties. I will be glad to assist you with anything during our regular school hours, which are ..."

I feel this is the type of thing you tackle head on. That way there is no room for misunderstandings of any kind. He doesn't have to worry about sending the wrong message, and the wife doesn't have to worry about having someone interested in her husband.
I hope you find this helpful.

1 mom found this helpful

Just to be nice?
Something's fishy here. If the two of them have school/student business to discuss why can't they just schedule a meeting at school? Lunch, dinner or a MOVIE? Those are dates, for sure. The fact that the husband didn't immediately say, oh no thanks, I'm married, well that would bother me. It's like he wants to go out with her and is trying to get his wife to be okay with it. I wonder if would he want his wife going out with other men just to "be nice?"
Very weird :(

1 mom found this helpful

I also have no problems with my husband's old or new female friends. I know them (2) and I know there is nothing going on. I trust him. He calls one old girlfriend every once in awhile (about 3x a year) to catch up or vice versa. We've had dinners together (our families, 2 wives, 2 husbands) when we visit their state. Totally cool.

This particular situation - HELL NO.

This woman is being completely inappropriate. Why exactly does she keep asking him out to lunch, dinner and now a MOVIE!?!?! Sounds like she's fishing for a date and doesn't care if he is married or not.

Is this a working meeting? Why would she need a working meeting one-on-one, with the principal? She doesn't. So I suspect something else.

He should cut this short, like the other posters said. Or be blunt. What is this meeting for? And wait for her answer. If it's a school situation, then there should be a witness. PFA president or something. Other staff member. There is no reason for them to be alone together. (If, however, they have a working, professional relationship and end up having a friendship, fine. But even then the WIFE would have to be OK with it. This is not what's happening here.)

If not, there is nothing to meet for.

I would never in a million years ask (pester with texts, phone calls, emails) my school principal (male or female) for a one-on-one lunch, dinner or a movie.

She sounds like a stalker at this point. Totally inappropriate. He needs to establish firm boundaries.

Your friend's wife sounds like a sensible person. But this woman doesn't sound kosher, so I vote no way.

HAVING THE PRINCIPAL's TEXT
Could be perfectly innocent. I had my male principal's text because he called me at home, left a message about my son and it was on the caller ID. People live on their Black Berries and smart phones and so answer emails and call parents back if it's that important. So I would not automatically jump to the conclusion that something else is going on.

I would never text him directly unless the school was on fire.

I would have no reason to text him. As a hard working principal, he's already dealing with a million little things and doesn't need that intrusion. The only people texting him should be his wife and immediate friends/family.

1 mom found this helpful

If I were your friend, I would get the phone number of the parent who is asking my husband out and call her. I would say, "I understand you have been inviting my husband to lunch/dinner/movies and wanted to let you know that I don't think this is appropriate and would appreciate it if you no longer contacted him and respected our marriage." I would also not *ok* him going to lunch with female coworkers on his own (group is ok) and ESPECIALLY going to dinner with his ex-girlfriend. Your "friend" is just asking for him to have an affair. Its some crazy-high percentage (like 74%) of men who cheat are with co-workers or women they met thru work. Its just not smart to put yourself (or allow your husband) in those situations. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

It seems weird. She's probably not hitting on him but I do sense self seeking motives. Seems she wants to have an "in" with her kid's teachers.

I'm not even married and know this is highly inappropriate AND that the woman couldn't be much more obvious in hitting on him. What parent texts her kids' teachers to catch a movie or go out to meals? Your friend's husband needs to tell this woman that his leisure hours are spent with his wife and family. If he wants to be "nice," he can suggest that his wife and he could join this woman for dinner sometime.

Not sure what to recommend in this situation.
Wonder if maybe hubby could say lets go to dinner at .... and say I will meet you there. Then have both of you go to the dinner.
She would then know that he is married and definitely is H..
Who knows if during this dinner you both get the impression that she just wants to be friends then there might be room for that.
If the lady is trying to be more than friends you both will hopefully pick up on that.

Not sure if it helps but good luck to both of you.
Would love to know what happens.
Dawn in AZ

Your friend's husband has brought this continued attention on himself by not declining the first invitation BECAUSE HE'S MARRIED. That should have been why he declined; not because he's busy at work.

If my husband went out to lunch or dinner with some woman, I would consider it cheating and we would be having a HUGE problem.

If your friend's husband didn't tell this parent that he's married, that says to me that he's enjoying this attention. Your friend needs to tell him to tell the woman he's married and BACK OFF!

REALLY!?!?! Of course she is hitting on him! Your friend should go with her hubby and the
parent out to eat as couples. As for letting your husband go out w an ex-girlfriend, that is inviting trouble! Common sence should b used with this. :-) The fact that she is asking us all this this question, shows her that her instinct in this situation is flying a RED flag! She knows in her heart that this isnt ok.