6 Year Old Girl Needs Major Attitude Adjustment

Hey C.~ We're having a similar situation with my 4 year old and we're going to try flower essences (bach Flower Remedies). In the book Smart Medicine for a Healthier Child there is a whole section on them. I just read that willow is for 'refusal to be pleased or satisfied'. Also a daily meditation routine might help. I know there are cd's and books that have guided meditation for children... hope this helps!

Try ignoring her when she demands something. Completely ignore her like you can't hear her. When she throws a fit, send her to her room. Tell her she can come out when she is ready to be nice.

Be an excellent example of how to ask nicely. We don't realize what we sound like to our kids until we listen to them play "mommy." And oh was I shocked when I heard how I sound to my kids! So check yourself because ultimately she will follow your example far more than she will do what you say.
As far as the time she didn't want what you gave her because it wasn't a Barbie... If my kids do that (and they have) I gently explain that this is what I got them because I was trying to be nice (but don't guilt trip them, my brother does that and it doesn't work, ugh). If she still says she doesn't want it, then she doesn't get it. She gets nothing at all. Say something like "I'm sorry you don't like what I got you. I guess I'll have to take it back" and follow through.

It's also possible that she doesn't quite "get" what you mean when you tell her to 'ask nicely.' After she's calmed down, talk to her. Tell her you want to give her what she needs/wants, but she must ask nicely. Then practice it together. You go first, pretend she's the mommy and ask her "may I please have ____ ". Then have her ask you the same way. And when she does ask nicely give her praise as well. There will be times when she asks nicely for something that she can't have. Recognize for her how she asked the right way and then gently tell her why she can't have it. "I'm so glad you asked me nicely! I'm sorry, we can't have cookies right now because it's almost dinner time" or something like that.

My son is 6, and he does the same thing. He'll say something like "me want milk" (it's partly being silly, he knows the right way to say it). We've talked about the right way to ask a lot, so we just calmly say "how do you ask" and wait for him to say it the right way. But for a while, we would say "ok, lets ask the right way. Say, may I have milk please" and wait for him to say it. I'll warn you that it's not going to be an overnight change. It may take weeks, even a month or two, for her to change her habits (it takes adults 21 days to change a habit! Think of how that could be harder for a kid) But stick with it, be consistant, and you will see a gradual change in her behavior. And that's what discipline is all about, teaching her the right way to act. Hang in there mommy! :)

Don't give in when she asks nicely the 2nd time! Let her do without if she can't be nice! I bet she doesn't act this way at school. Tell her that you know she is such a nice girl at schoo, and that is what you expect here at home too.

Discuss the new rules ahead of time with her (that only the first time counts). Explain that from now on we will all be treating eachother with love and respect. Our home/family is a place where everyone should be treated nicely the FIRST time.

D-"I didn't want that! I wanted a Barbie!!!!"
M-"Oh, okay." then TAKE IT BACK. Wrap it up and explain that you will be donating it tomorrow, or walk right over to a friends house and give it to her instead.

or

D- "I don't want that stupid graham crackers! What a dumb snack! I want cookies"
M- "I don't like how you're treating me" then turn and walk out of the room. -or- "I don't like to be spoken to like that. Until you can speak nicely to me, I will not be talking to you" (then don't engage in the tantrum that follows until her tone is nice)

You WILL get a lot more tantrums for a few days, but then it will subside. NEVER be rude back, always stay in control yourself and be nice. This is not done out of spite or revenge, but out of love.

Sounds like a strong willed little one! Which will serve her well if managed correctly. I think you are on the right track not giving her what she wants when she doesn't ask nicely. However, because she is given it (it sounds) when she does ask nicely, she is not learning to ask nicely first. I would explain to her that if she doesn't ask nicely for something the first time, she can't have it and stick to that. I'm sure you'll get some tantrums at first, but set clear expectations about that and stick to it. She sounds like a smart little one and she'll catch on. I also have found the concepts of Love and Logic Parenting really helpful - nothing is perfect, but it gives you a new perspective if you want to check it out. Good luck!

I disagree with the first two responses. I think that throwing a fit shows her that is how to act. After all, if Mom does it, it must be okay. Second, I think spanking a child shows that child that violence is the answer. I think that Beth is on the right path. I love the Love and Logic way of parenting. It will take a while so you really have to stick to it because she will test you. You can also try 1-2-3 Magic. That works too and is closer to the way I was raised as a child. There is another one that is sold through the radio and it does work but is very expensive. She does need some direction and you have to find the right method that works for you and her. If these don't work, there are plenty more you can try. Check the library for more sources. I understand what you are going through. I have 2 nieces and my daughter that all went through stages. Good Luck. You can do it.

If she's demanding stuff & not happy with what she gets, isn't asking nicely for it... just don't give it. Don't remind her to be nice. I read this amazing book (Have a new kid by Friday) that reminded me that I'm the parent, they're the kids & I wasn't doing them any favors by not being in control. His 2 basic principles are "say it once, turn your back, walk away" & "B doesn't happen until A is completed". If she's got a gratitude problem & a case of the gimmies (mine are working on that now)-stop buying stuff for her. Provide her w/the necessities, but no more. If she's got a problem being happy with what she gets, save her from herself & don't get her anything. It goes against all parents want to do (making our kids happy) but with boundaries & knowing that she's not going to get anything until she works on & fixes her ungrateful & gimme problems, you'll have a more grateful, happy little girl & you'll be a happier mama!
And with the stuff she's got at the house, if she throws a fit about how she doesn't like it-get her a bag, have her bag it all up & ask her if she wants to hold onto it in the garage/your closet/a locked place until she decides she likes it, or if she'd like to give it to kids who don't have anything, since she doesn't like it anyway.
Be strong mama, you can do it! Good luck!

Love and Logic - that's your answer! You can take a course or pick up the book at Barnes and Noble. Google a class near you and make it a priority! Little ones just like to test us to see how far they can really go. It's time to let your precious girl know that you're the boss and in charge. She wants to know her place and feel secure and Love and Logic will offer many tools for you to be able to create that relationship with her. All the best to you!

Us moms are lucky to be moms... There is a solution for u and your daughter. It is as simple as treating her the same way. Throw a fit i mean really throw a fit.
Stage it for one day that everyone else knows whats up besides her. Play it just as she would .... Be her for a morning. And then when she sees and doesn't comply she will think you are crazy!! It's like shock therapy. Do this several times that day so it is to the extreeme. And then she can taste her own medicine. ( if possible do it directly to her. )
for every action there is a consequence. If she does this what are you going to do??? Not say you will do... Actually do.
Here is what i do ... Put them in time out and while they are there i go get a garbage bag anfd fill it with their favorite thing .. All the barbies, all the stuffed amimals . All the favorites. And they may be earned back after a week. If they get taken again you could have her take them to be donated for girls who will appericiate them.
Stay consistant. It will pay off!!
Good luck and god bless

My favorite response to a bad attitude is "try again"

She says, "I didn't want that, its stupid!"
you say, "Try again?"
If her response is still not appropriate you just keep saying it until the tone and words change to something more appropriate. Its kind of a self checking tool, they have to keep trying until they can think it through enough on their own to get it right. We have given them the tools and they know what they need to do, so now we have to give them the time to get it right, and they usually do get it right pretty fast. If it takes too long, I usually throw a consequence in there too. After 3 wrong answers and I can see that they are just in a mood I usually give them some time to think on a chair or time out spot, she's 6, so 6 minutes, and ask them if they are ready to talk. Replay the conversation, ask where it went wrong and what she could have done differently in the future. I also make my kids give me 3 examples of ways they could have done/said something without getting into trouble, so hopefully they will use it instead in the future.

Best of luck to you...

Watch Super Nanny with her! So she can see other children with bad behavior and recongize that it is unacceptable (as Super Nanny says). Not only will she understand how horrible being demanding is but you might learn how to solve the problem too. Another good movie to watch together is the new Willy Wonka and explain to your daughter that Veruka (sp) is a BRAT and people who say "I WANT" is rude. Anytime anyone says "I WANT" in our home we call them Veruka or say we need to call Super Nanny for an attitude adjustment -- It works every time. GOOD LUCK!

Put your foot down. If she doesn't want it, fine, take it back. She'll learn to appreciate what she gets and what she has.

If she demands, she loses it. The punishment fits the crime, and she will learn. Be very clear when she asks you why she lost the ice cream.

Be careful, I once heard that children learn all of the habits they use throughout their lives by the time they are 8 years old. She's nearing that stepping stone.