I consider myself a pretty "in control" parent who commands respect from my kids. My 2 older children are extremely well behaved and have been from an early age. Then along comes my 3rd, and she seems to think that the sun rises and sets for her and that all of us are simply pawns in a world that revolves entirely around her!! She is 2 1/2 and I love her to death, but the last few weeks she has been driving me NUTS!! Every two seconds she is saying "Mommy, Mommy I want..." or demanding SOMETHING, anything from a cup of water to watching a show to setting up her paints for her etc. Her basic needs are ALWAYS met, and she has NO reason to be bored, she is constantly being played with or has something to do etc. I correct her every single time and teach her how to ASK for things with a please and thank you and she will ask properly at that point but two mins later it is back to being whiny and demanding. She expects to get whatever she wants at the drop of a hat and will whine and cry when she doesn't. I would understand this if I gave in and she got her way from doing this but I DO NOT cater to her "tantrums" and do NOT give in when she begins to cry if I have said no. Yet she still does it. I place her in a time-out and do all the "right" things as far as letting her know that she is NOT in charge. I have never had a kid who will act like this despite not getting anything positive out of it. Is this a third child thing or has anyone been through this with their toddler? My guess is to just keep standing my ground with her but the constant neediness/whining/etc is making me craaaazy.
Normal. I use the phrase, "sorry, I can't understand you when you use whining voice. I only understand talking voice. Is there another way you can ask for what you want?" It's boring and repititious, but teaching is our neverending job. Keep letting her know that sometimes people have to wait for what they want, etc. You're doing fine. She is who she is.
Oh my! This sounds like a story from my mother's mouth about me!! Up side: I am a successful attorney, and am no longer like that at all! I grew out of it at about age 21...sorry!! I'm all for discipline, with inappropriate behavior, but maybe she's just not receptive to negative consequence? I wasn't because ultimately exhibiting my behavior & standing my ground was my goal & purpose, so no punishment could over ride that (even @ age 2!!) You might try rewards for when she is respectful without reminder. Or unless it is a necessity, don't give her what she wants at all unless it starts off w/ the right behavior.
Good luck! All I know is NOTHING my parents did worked, it took the real world to show me that it in fact does not spin on my demand.
You've started to understand what is going on when you describe her as needy. She is telling you she needs something and the way you're treating her is telling her she has everything she needs which puts you in conflict with each other.
It sounds like you're pretty rigid in the way you treat her. This works well with some toddlers but as you've found not with others. Yes, they need boundaries but they also need a sense of control. I have two ideas. One is that she is whining because she needs more time with you. Perhaps she needs more snuggle time or play time with you. She's the third and so you do have less time to spend with her than you did with the first two. This may be why she's whining and they didn't. Or she may just have a different temperament.
You could also try giving her more choices so that she feels that she has more control. She may have a different temperament than your first two but you also are likely to be treating her somewhat differently because she is the third.
In this situation, I would try both giving her more attention when she's not whining and giving her more choices.
By the way it is normal for a 2 yo to think the sun rises and sets in her. I wonder if you accurately remember that age with your older two. A 2 yo has no experience outside of themselves. A person must have their own emotional needs met before they can even be aware of anyone else's needs. Their brain must also be more developed than it is at 2.
I suggest that this child has a different temperament than your first two and has different emotional needs. Once you figure out what she needs and is able to provide that she will be more pleasant and less whiney.
My first two were like yours, easy, not demanding, never a tantrum, not making messes everywhere.
Number 3 comes along and WOW! She's a whole different bird. I had to pull out the patience card and I use it all day every day. Oh - and the creative card too.
I think the demanding and whining are normal for a 2 1/2 year old as they are trying to figure out their world and their place in it. (And how to push your buttons!!!) She is trying to find her limits with you. This is the time that you use to teach teach teach!
No more demands - correct her EVERY TIME she demands something (mine does this too - "Mommy I want a snack NOW"). I have no idea where she got that from, since my other two never do that. So I gently say "Barbie, please ask nicely - May I please have a snack Mommy". And she gently repeats "May I pwease have a snack Mommy?". Do it every time she asks in the demanding voice and eventually she'll surprise you and just do it herself. You said you make her say please and thank you, so just keep doing it. Eventually she'll get it.
Mine tantrums too if she doesn't get what she wants. Screaming, crying, etc. This is where the creative card comes in. It depends on the situation, but typically I can distract her with something else. It doesn't always work, so I tell her she cannot have that and I let her just cry until she realizes she's not getting it.
I don't know if time outs will work the way you want them to on a 2 1/2 year old. They are still a bit too young to understand the concept and I really believe redirecting/teaching is better at that age. I would only use them if she is hitting or doing something harmful. And some kids don't respond to time outs at all. You have to figure out what works for your child. They are all different and what worked for the first two may not work for #3.
And believe me - it drives me crazy too, but before you know it she will be a teenager and you'll have a whole new set of issues. Enjoy that little sweetness while you can and make sure you get some mommy time without kids once in a while. Soooo important when you have a toddler!
ADDED: i just have to add - this morning she came into the kitchen and said "May I pwease watch Nemo Mommy"? Oh - soooo cute. I praised her for asking so nicely and now she's watching Nemo nicely.
She really is getting it!!!
i think your third is just going to be a little more challenging. i do not think it is a 3rd child thing. and as you say you do have experience. but all kids are not alike. i was raised as the oldest of four very non-challenging siblings. none of us pushed the envelope much or caused much of a stir. we were not perfect but we did not push boundaries too much. yes i have an awesome mother, BUT. now that mine is 4 and we are having issues with him ("tantrum" is an understatement!) my mom has admitted - her kids were pretty easy. (and since my son is nothing like any kid i have ever been around, it's been a wake up call) some kids are simply more challenging. period. i think the moon and stars rise and set in my son's eyes. but he is not an easy child. it does, however, make it all the more wonderful when all the hard work pays off. one thing i have done with my son is tell him i can't hear him when he's not using a nice tone. that goes for whining, demanding, any kind of tone you don't like. sorry, can't hear you. could you repeat that in a nicer tone? i have had to tell him a hundred times, but i will keep telling him. he doesn't get anything from me until he asks nicely. at least this way you'd know she knows the difference, even if she doesn't do it on her own, at least with you. thankfully i have seen that my son acts completely differently (FOR THE BETTER) around everyone else. so i know i'm doing something right. hang in there!
PS, i also agree with Marda - it may not be the child that is that different, necessarily - it may be your family situation. perhaps with the first two they WERE more the center of the universe for you. now that you are a family of 5 the dynamic is different, and the baby isn't the focus as much. so that could definitely be part of the issue if she thinks she needs more than she's getting (attention-wise)....so okay, maybe it "is" a bit of a 3rd child thing. lol.
Sounds like you are doing it the right way, this is just one of those 2 yr old phases that will pass eventually if it isnt working to her advantage. She's not like the first two kids because she's her :)
I think it's perfectly normal developmentally. It's a stage. Just keep on being consistent and she will snap out of it.
