6 Year Old Daughter Becoming Very Distant

Could be she's having trouble adjusting to your going back to work. Not the same situations, but when I had my second son, the elder one would do something similar if I showed attention to the baby. After consulting a child's therapist, she said he probably missed the one-on-one time we'd always had. You might try creating a setting where you spend time with each daughter, call it "special time." I explained to my son that mommy missed her special time with him so we got an egg timer, set it for 15 minutes (done when Dad was home so he could take care of the baby so we wouldn't be interrupted), and did whatever he wanted to do for that time. Often he was satisfied when the timer went off, and other times we'd continue to play, read, etc. His behavior changed within a week. You may not need the egg timer, but do use the words "special time." Good luck

my daughter was acting this way for a while. Finally I went to the doctor for advise on what to do for it. He said she doesn't mean what she says, she is trying to get your attention. He said children don't know the difference between positive and negative attention, they just know that it gets YOUR attention. I just changed small things - gave her lots of phrase and attention when she was being good, told her I love her (a lot),and ignored her comments and gave her timeouts for when she was misbehaving and mouthing off. I told her she would get a timeout every time she did it, and I followed thru with it. It was tough ignoring her comments when she was in time out, but eventually it worked. Every now and again she tries it with me. And I nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. I also try and make one on one time with her. She changes drastically when we have this time together. She just needs mommy time. Maybe a shopping trip, miniture golf, bowling, movies???

My 6 year old does the same thing, the I hate you, I want Aunt Charity, I want to sit by Daddy (in the car) and having a fit if his brother gits to however come nighttime he wants me and if I lay down with him when he's ready for bed he will cuddle with me even if only an hour earlier he was mad. Sorry to say but yes it is normal. My best advise, give her as much attention when you can like playing a game, watching TV, going for a walk, anything that is just you and her. Good Luck! Of and if your nerves get shot with her just walk away and if you are really upset Hylands(homeopathic) Calms Forte is wonderful, it will calm your nerves with no side effects, I love it. http://www.hylands.com/products/calmsforte.php

Hey R.-
Sorry to hear about your problem with your daughter.

I understand how you feel. I have gone through the “I Hate You” moments myself (and dished then to my mother- as a child- often). I’ve learned a very interesting fact (smile). This is simply a “reaction” tool children use to push your buttons. If it hurts you- Great!;their “plan” worked. She may definitely be feeling a little distraught over you going back to work; but not to the point of “I hate you(s)”. Children dislike change not matter what it is. This is simply a “power tool” she uses. Actually, most children use it (at one time or another). And if/when they use that power tool on you- and it works- they make a metal note; and deal that card whenever they see fit (smile).

Here is a simple way to end this: (and I know you can do this)

Replay: “So.” Or try “Pick a number!” (They hate that one)And walk away. If you can't walk away- no big deal. Simply say your "so" and move on with what you are doing. As long as you aren't giving her the attention at that moment.

Why? Simple- it didn’t get the response they were looking or hoping for. They didn’t ruffle your feathers. So they move on from the “I hate you(s)”.

As long as you are sold in you response- showing NO hurt or negative reactions, it really works.

My first child took only 1 time of me saying that to her; and she has never said that to me again (she is now 15). My second child (more stubborn) took several times of me saying that to him; he is now 13, and he’s never said that to me since. My third child tried it twice- now 10.... again-nothing. And my fourth child tried it once. 9 now...and nothing! (smile)

Just know- They DON’T hate you! Try not to take it to heart. Just make sure you don’t give her the “expected” reaction she is looking for.

Good Luck! And may the Mother Force be with you (smile)...!!

A little about me:
I am a 35 y.o stay-at-home mother of 4 (Ages: 15, 13, 10 & 9).Three girls and 1 boy. My youngest has many disabilities due to a traumatic brain injury @ age 2. I teach all 4 children through the Mountain Oaks Charter School (state affiliated home school). I teach grades 3rd, 4th, 7th & 9th .

First of all R. this is not normal for a little girls to be saying things like that to her mother. You need to have a face to face talk and ask her. WAIT don't speak a word until she answer your question. Please don't take an "I don't now" repeat the question until she give you and answer. For whatever long it takes.
Why do you say that?
What make you speaks to me like this?
What have I've done to hurt you?
Where did you get them word from?
Don't you know that when you say that, it hurst mommy?

I have four and question help. Just keep asking them and wait for your answer. Make the time. -D.

Hi!
It sounds like your daughter just misses having you around all the time or maybe she is having some problems with some friends at school or something. Obviously something is bothering her. On your day off, maybe just the two of you could go somewhere and do something fun that she likes to do, and gradually try to talk to her. Sometimes they don't know how to express themselves, but let her know that even though you are working again, that you still love just as much as before and that you will always be there for her. They just need to be reminded sometimes and sometimes so do you. You get so involved with your work, that you might forget or maybe not have the time to spend that quality time together, as much as you did before.
Remember, that you are her mother and nobody knows her better than you do. Don't let her words get to you too much. Kids say things that they don't mean all the time, especially when they are hurting.