Reactions..How Do You Handle Them?

If it is any consolation, I tell people that I am still post-partum, 87 months post-partum! I went from a 6-8 to a 10-12 since the kids have arrived. If people are insensitive enough to comment on your weight, just tell them you are perfectly happy with your gorgeous, curvy body and thank them for noticing!! Tell them you love rockin' this new bod and you have no intentions of changing a thing!~ And, then love your body!!

(And then secretly hate them for being such jerks!)

1 mom found this helpful

There isn't much you CAN do about it. One thing I can say is don't EVER apologize or make some excuse about baby weight or being on a diet. It's really no one's business. Work on losing it and getting healthy at your own pace! I gained a lot of weight a couple of years ago and am STILL trying to get it back down at a slow, regular way with the help of a doctor. Unfortunately most of my weight is carried just above and around my stomach so if I stand a certain way, it sticks out. I HAVE been asked if I am pregnant. Now, that is so embarrassing, it makes me want to cry. But I just turn and say pointedly " No, I just got fat." and that usually shuts people up.

Hi A.!!!

I know exactly what you mean and how bad you feeel.
So the only thing I have to say is that we all have something we could improve about ourselves and that does not mean only our body, some of us need to learn some manners and stop discriminating,So when the next person comes to you with their personal opinion about your weight please feel free to do the same and you'll see how quickly they'll be apologizing. I have struggled with my weight for about 10 years now and I did not know I had a Thyroid disorder untill recently, so believe me I had to grow a thick skin and learn that if someone takes the time to make a personal opinion about my body that only gives me the same right.... I hope I was of some help...Best of luck, Oh!!! and talk to your doctor he migh be able to reccomend some healthy ways to increase your metabolism..

ugh... people are so insensitive & cruel.

Honestly, I've said the following very calmly.. "what exactly is your intention in saying that to me? Because if you're trying to hurt my feelings you've succeeded. It wasn't helpful or supportive. My weight is not a subject I'm willing to discuss with you. Thank you."

I've only had to say that a couple of time.. I receive appologies and we have moved on.
God bless... remember you don't have to be ugly to make your boundries clear.

I have been in your shoes. I gained 60lbs with my firstborn.
Many of us have unrealistic expectations about post pregnancy weight loss thanks to the media attention on celebrities.
Although some people are insensitive with their comments I believe most people care about you and are really trying to help you be your best.
Weight is always a personal, sensitive issue. Extra weight is more about being in a place where one is not making good choices about eating and activity levels. The reasons one continues to make inappropriate choices can be complicated. Maybe your beliefs keep you at size 14. Do you believe as a mom you shoudnt put yourself first? ( example: by taking time to workout or spend more money on healthful meals) Or maybe you are not comfortable with the attention you get from others at size 8? I recently worked with a woman who was afraid she would cheat on her husband if she lost 100 lbs. The weight made her feel safe.
Move your focus from others comments to how you can use your thoughts and feelings to help you feel better about yourself and you will let go of the extra weight.

So annoying you have to deal with this. I once told someone who kept making comments about my weight every time I saw her "You're just a walking scale, aren't you?" It felt really good and her daughter-in-law, who was there, thought it was the greatest thing because apparently she gets lots of comments too from her.

I don't know why people think it's appropriate to make comments, it isn't. We all do the best we can to look and feel our best.

Good luck!
R.

Hi A.! I saw your question and I felt I had to respond because I feel I am in the same situation. I've had four children, the youngest just turned two. Yes, many years ago I was a size 8. Now I am squeezing into my size 12's. I have lost/gained some weight over the last year. I've heard all the rude questions and comments, and I've even had certain people ask me if I'm pregnant again, knowing full well I'm not (just to point out the extra weight I gained). First of all, you don't owe these ignorant people any kind of explanation for your weight. Don't even waste your time (unless it will make you feel better). You can just say "I don't fee that at this time I can juggle time at the gym and time with my child, and my child takes precedence" that may or may not shut them up. If not then be more blunt. Tell them you don't like the conversation, you feel it is rude, and you would appreciate it if they worry more about their own lives, since you can take care of yourself.

Also, I agree with the other post that you need to learn to accept yourself and be happy with yourself. We all have some things we would love to change about ourselves, but no one is perfect. I know it's been said a zillion times, but what matters is what's inside. Once you are happy with yourself, those rude comments will just bounce right off of you!

Wait, I am confused - you mean people are telling you that you need to lose weight...and other people think that's no big deal??? Um, hi, I think that's terrible! First of all, you are absolutely right - each woman's body is different. There is no hard and fast rule about how quickly you should or will lose weight after giving birth. And guess what - if you never lose the weight and you stay a size 14 the rest of your life, who cares?! I mean, I realize that is not your ideal situation and of course you would like to get back down to where you were, but it's not like size 14 is obese or even fat. Actually, that is the average size for women in this country.

Your body did a beautiful and amazing thing by creating a life! You gave birth! I'd like to see a man's body do that. And if your body doesn't bounce back completely to where it was, then so be it. That's the attitude you have to have, because it was worth it! At the end of it all, our bodies are simply shells here to transport us through life. Your body is not YOU. And anyone who tells you otherwise...well, they suck. Plain and simple.

So to answer your question, the best way to handle these nay-sayers is to get comfortable in your skin again. Then those comments will roll right off your back. Just keep working on it day by day...exercise when you can, eat healthy food, and above all ENJOY your baby and your life. That is the best revenge : )

It apalls me in this day and age people still have no tact. Tell them what their mother's should have told them as children, if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. I'm sure you feel much like the rest of us who have not lost pregnancy weight, while you wish it would go away your children are worth every pound.

Sometimes it is shocking how rude people can be. I would say that to them. "What a rude comment." They are the ones at fault. Don't feel that you need to explain yourself, your weight or whatever. There is no excuse for commenting on someone else's physical appearence in that way. You might also try, " I hope you are teaching your children better manners than you have!". Good luck and don't feel bad about yourself. Everybody is different. Keep doing what is healthy for you and the weight will come off.

Hello A.
I totally understand what you meant, I gain 50 pounds and I am still trying to loose them. People are really insensitive, and they don’t understand how everything changes once you have a baby. I personally, when my baby was born, was doing everything you’re supposed to do (breastfeeding, eating right, etc) and I gained weight!!! I visited my doctor and he told me everything with my health was normal, and he didn’t understand why I was gaining weight.. people were telling me.. why you don’t do exercise and other stuff.. First, I went back to work, full time, and my baby went (and still) in daycare.. my husband has very crazy schedules so my day officially ends at 8pm, after my baby is sleeping.. and I am exhausted for an exercise routine!! I don’t have family here, so nobody can do childcare while I exercise (and this is NOT an EXCUSE, is a REALITY). I don’t have many options in my life.. the reason why I am telling you all that stuff is that you have to focus in what you have rather than what you don’t have. I lost 30 pounds only with watching what I eat.. (simple choices, like eating an apple instead of chips, or drinking water when I feel like snacking around, or eating a bite of chocolate instead of a whole cookie) I joined weight watchers but I decide to not pay anymore because I couldn’t go to any meetings or so.. I am not doing ANY exercise because I don’t have time (and energy, sometimes). I been loosing VERY SLOWLY and first, it was very difficult to accept that I am not loosing fast (because I had in my mind that your supposed to loose post pregnancy fast..) but now I accepted that fact and I don’t have other option that to live with it. I believe ACCEPTANCE is the key, and once you accept your limits you can play around them. Accept your new body, buy nice and cute 14 size clothes, (if you try to fit your old clothes you will feel really uncomfortable, believe is NOT the solution) love your self, enjoy your baby and your husband and little by little you will be size 12 and so.. doing that you will feel better with your self and people will feel that. Probably the comments will still there, but you’ll have more confidence to answer those insensitive people, and, the most important thing is that you will feel better with your self. I used to be 14 and after pregnancy I have to go to the pluz size department or stores to buy 1xL or 16W.. Now I am wearing 16 normal and sometimes 14!!. I am not proud of my size but I am proud of myself for being in this journey. Good luck! I wish you all the best, you are a lovely woman!

Ugh! Yuck, I remember those comments. I had a few people actually ask if I was pregnant again a few months postpartum. Hopefully the negative comments are balanced out by thoughtful comments about how great you look and what a great mom you are. As for the weight comments. I used to say something like "Thank you, that's exactly what a new mom wants to hear." Maybe you could say "Way yo make a mom feel great" or "Hey, thanks, you just made my day." The perpetrator of the rude comment will be caught off guard and embarrassed as well they should be. Stay strong momma. Anyone who has had a baby should know that our bodies are never quite the same after childbirth. Just remember, you carried a baby for 40 weeks, then nourished and cared for that baby. You brought a life into the world! That alone makes you one heck of a woman. Big hug!

Hi A.,
I would find something equally as uncomfortable to them, i.e. the hair coming out of the chin, or the fact that it looks like they don't do situps or walk anywhere or that they might need to change deodorant. Really And don't worry about it. I haven't lost my extra thirty pounds in eighteen years and after I recently had I uterine cancer I found out something. It really doesn't matter. I am alive. Anyone who is worried about your weight is pretty shallow and shouldn't be on your guest list anyway. And if it's a relative you can revert back to number one.They don't pay your bills. You do. And it's none of their business and if they want to buy a free health club membership and babysit for your child while you work out-well of course let them.
OH and of course ignore any negative comments you might get on this forum. Not everyone has the ability to take off and sustain a weight loss. Since I've had children my metabolism has also changed despite eating less, eating good and working out. Body shapes vary. Enjoy your body. It's too bad in this culture people have to think that being a stick is beautiful. My husband loves me and is not unhappy with my body. It's been me. But like I said, once you realize you are happy just to be alive, wearing a size four doesn't make any difference anymore.

I think you say exactly what you just said that you are perfectly aware of your size and do not need additional comment. That being said, it is not a myth that you can lose all the gained weight within a few months of birth. One of the issues is that many of us gain too much weight during pregnancy. The guidelines have been revised downward recently and so unless you started underweight, you shouldn't gain more than about 25lbs during pregnancy. Then if you are breast feeding afterward and eating a normal diet, you will loose lots of weight. The problem is that we are all surrounded by lots of food that is fattening - high sodium, high fat - eating out and not getting much exercise. It is possible to loose all that weight. I know many who have been very successful on jenny craig. I did a home version and am slightly lighter than I was pre-pregnancy (only by a lb). I suggest that you take the bull by the horns and go on a serious effort to loose the weight so you can be healthy and energetic. good luck.

"Well, you're ugly. At least I can lose weight."

Whoops, sorry. Knee-jerk reaction to being astounded that people still make remarks about other individuals' weight.

I know it's not exactly the same thing as being overweight but as far as strangers making comments and the frustration that comes with living with the problem, I'm feeling ya. While I managed to lose the "baby fat" in the first six months (largely due to nursing a chow-hound infant through the dead of winter), I lost clumps and clumps of hair. I've tried everything from Lady Rogaine to stress-reduction tapes with little success. I am missing huge patches of hair on the sides of my head (think Jason Alexander) and cannot leave the house without a hat or scarf. I've had to tell my husband and my mom to knock it off because I am well aware of the problem. If a stranger or someone who doesn't know me well does catch a glimpse of my scalp and makes a comment, I tell them "it's stress related" and change the topic. These remarks are EXTREMELY hurtful, especially given that I used to have such a long, thick mane of hair.

Best thing I can say is to keep an arsenal of sarcastic, humorous comebacks on hand, or change the subject if it comes up. That's what worked for me, anyway. I also have to remind myself that it's not about how I look, but that I am doing the right thing and trying to take care of myself.

Good luck and hang in there.