5 Year Old Laughs When She's in Trouble.

It could be anxiety and nervousness. Ive seen it in my kids when they know they are in trouble. I've felt it happen to me when I said something wrong to my husband and he was verbally angry with me. You will also see it on talk shows where people are smiling or laughing after they have been publicly reprimanded for doing something the audience is in thier face about.
It might be a subconsious way to bring down the tension in the room. I know when it happens to me it is not something I planned to do.

I think this is a great question. Laughter is a different kind of way of responding to tension. In common perceptions and situations, we're responding to something 'funny,' and we laugh. That's the socially accepted version. In other cases, though, particularly with kids, i think that kids use laughing as a different way to discharge tension in an awkward or difficult situation. i'm sure that your daughter is very intelligent. Don't take her laughter as an insult or denial, and get mad about it. I suggest that you strive to understand that she's having a very complicated reaction to something she's done that isn't okay, and simply move forward with talking about it, responding, etc. i know this is incredibly difficult, and it's usually easier to have this response to other people's kids, rather than your own. But how about you give it a try. I've seen that the kids who respond to tough situations by laughing are often actually very intense kids who want to avoid going down an intense emotional road in response to a particular situation, particularly if it's one that comes up often. They're sick of/afraid of responding intensely, so they unconsciously decide to laugh instead. i hope this is helpful. Try to respond lovingly, not angrily. Easier said than done. Best wishes.

Years ago on a tv show, a woman asked what she should do when her child laughs at her after a spanking. The host of the show said.. "Give her one that's not so funny." I have remembred that for 30 years and used it many times. I agree with Nicole. You need to make her uncomfortable with the punishment to make it mean anything to her. If my child was playing with thier food and I had asked them to stop and they continued, that plate of food would be in the sink and she would be done eating until the next meal. I would have her sit with no plate, and no food until the rest of the family is done eating so she can't go off and have fun for getting in trouble at the table. Biting and slapping would earn her a BIG time out and loss of time to play with others for a long time. She can sit in the chair by the wall for 30 minutes while the others play and have fun and keep reminding her she's in time out because she hit or bit. I don't think it means much to a 5 year old to sit for 5 minutes. It is really a short ammount of time and barely makes an impression. Make it matter to her and she will make the right decision to behave better in the future.

Dear K.,
Ahhhhhh, laughter....the old diversionary tactic.
While it's true some kids may laugh while you are trying to discipline because they don't take you seriously, often they laugh because they are hoping YOU will laugh and they are thinking, "Hmmm, I just did something I shouldn't have. Think fast.....okay.....I'll try pretending it's cute and funny and maybe Mom won't notice." It's a way of trying to change the subject at hand.
A lot of kids try it.
I believe in laughter. I have always joked around and played and been silly with my kids, and my kids have great senses of humor, and because of this, I had to be sure they understood there are things that are funny, there are times to be funny, and there are things and times that just aren't.
Hitting, biting, tearing up books....that's just not funny.
I would say, "I think it's really funny you are going now to stand in the corner for 10 minutes and laugh at how funny the corner is. 5 minutes because you are 5 years old and another 5 minutes so you have time to pray you will learn to love this corner. We'll see if you're still laughing after 10 minutes because then you are going to clean the mess you made, apologize for biting (or whatever), then you are going to go back in the "laughing corner" for 5 more minutes. Nose to the corner, I want to hear you laugh about how funny this is. I'm timing you."
If you do something like that one time over the serious stuff, the little things will fall into place.
There's funny, and then there's mom being dead serious.
Telling your daughter to stop laughing isn't working and she already said she doesn't know why she does it. Stand her in a corner, just her and a 90 degree angle and the fun will wear off. You just have to let her know that cute and funny won't get her out of everything.
Standing in the corner for a while actually gives a kid some time to think about Plan B. Such as, "I will get in trouble for this....maybe I shouldn't do it next time".
The Plan B concept takes some practice and contemplation. And, a little reverse psychology once in a while.

Best wishes!

I'm not sure why your daughter is doing this, but I have a niece that did this when she was younger and admits that it was something difficult for her not to do when comfronted with something she had done wrong. She is a lot older now and still gets that way but of course she is the adult now and can do whatever she wants and grew up to be a really sweet person. I think it is just a nervious reaction, but something that is difficult to stop. I don't think she is making light of the situation, it just seems that way to you or hears and sees what she is doing. Don't know how to help you but wanted you to know that it happens to other people.

Hi K. R,

It is a nervous habit she has. I used to do that also as a little girl.

N. Marie

It is, as others have suggested, her way of dealing with her stress. She knows whatever you are disciplining her for is something she shouldn't be doing, is inwardly embarrassed, but doesn't know how to deal with it so she smiles or laughs. I think what I would try in this sort of situation is to have a place for her to simply sit out a short distance from the table, and tell her when she's ready to return to the table and behave in a proper way, she can come back. Do all of this gently, but firmly and be sure you are putting the responsibility of the behavior on her. Five is one of those difficult ages... aren't they all? (smiles) She is in a transition from small child to big girl now, and she doesn't quite know how to react.

Do evaluate how you are responding in your discipline that is leading to these episodes. For instance, if she's playing with her food, are you using gentle reminders or showing frustration or possibly even anger? A couple of gentle reminders should be enough and if she continues to play with her food, perhaps she should be (again gently) told that since she's obviously finished eating she can be dismissed from the table to whatever activity you think she should go to next. Choose your discipline carefully to match the offense but try to avoid angry responses as much as possible. This doesn't mean you can't ever be angry with her.. some things are worth anger, but be careful how you express that anger. Here I'm thinking of what you said about her hitting or biting her sister. The biting is the one thing... at age five... that is most disturbing to me. What is causing her to bite? Do you need to be more aware of what the older sister is doing that may be causing her to feel the need to bite in retaliation? This is the behavior I think I would be watching very closely to find out exactly what is going on and figure out how to deal with it appropriately, because biting, especially at this age seems to be a sign of some sort of ongoing frustration, whether it's from the sister or some other source.

Ignore it. She's not going to turn into a bad person because of playing with her food at dinner and laughing about it. Obviously if your commenting on it is making her laugh more, then stop commenting on it.

Remember - she's "sweet, affectionate and generous." What more can you ask for! Sounds like a great kid!

p.s. Just noticed the part about hitting and biting, and tearing out pages. Those things are a little worse, but she's still only five. I think her laughing is her way of covering up feeling bad about herself.

It could be just her way of reacting to tension or stress. Probably why she doesn't know why she's laughing. My 5 year old does the same thing much of the time. I ignore the laughing and continue with the discipline as appropriate. I don't think it is a sign of disrespect, as much as release for her. Frustrating for us, yes. Just keep going and don't get over-upset by it. Try not to react, it helps here.

Take care!
D.

My daughter used to do this at age 3-4 and we wondered why she was being so disrespectful and uncaring...until I came to understand it was a nervous laugh that actually bordered on crying. We eased up on speaking so sternly to her and made sure our discipline was regular and consistent (time outs and calm discussions/apology afterward work wonders for her sensitive nature)and the laughing went away. She does get upset about being disciplined, but knows what to expect each time, and this consistency and calm firmness takes her nervousness away. That being said, each child is so unique. Hope you find your answers.

K.,

I would really nip this in the bud while she is a child. We have a receptionist that has a nervous laugh and a forced toothy smile while she is talking. It is CREEPY and annoying. When she is trying to explain something WITHOUT laughing and smiling, she rolls her eyes up to the back of her head so far it looks like she's about to have a STROKE! Equally CREEPY.

I agree with the mom that said let her know when behavior is NOT acceptable to the point she isn't laughing. I do NOT mean corporal punishment,(though a swat or two on the bottom will not SCAR her for life and might bring your point home), since nothing else has worked

Blessings....

I used to do the same thing to my mom, & many of my children have done it to me. I know for me when I was young, I'd laugh at my mom or smile when in touble to show her it doesn't affect me, kind of to test the limits, to show her I don't take her serious & she doesn't threaten me. LoL. Boy was I wrong! LoL. That sign of disrespect soon stopped as any time I did it I'd get a nice little pop on my butt & you think that's funny now?? LoL. Ofcourse times have changed now, but I still see that as a sign of disrespect. Your daughter sounds like she's testing the limits right now, seeing how far she can push before you don't allow her to push any further. Next time she plays with her food, simply ask her to stop, & if she does it again, then maby a time out is in order. If she doesn't do it again, but just laughs when you ask her to stop, then you could ignore her completly. Turn away at once, don't even look at her & talk to your husband or other little girl about there day or whatever. If you pay her too much attention when she does it then it's just adding coal to the fire. When she's acting nice, & wants to join in conversation, then look at her & pay attention to her. Reward her for the positive behavior. Hopefully she'll get past this phase & on to the next soon. ;)

i have a nervous laugh myself and did not know how bad it was or how self-defeating until i was in group therapy with my partner and the therapist brought it to my attention, by asking me what was so funny and requiring me to speak about serious matters without the laugh. what a difference. i feel stronger and more valid when i respect myself by not hiding behind silliness. however, these tactics will not work with a 5 year old. as she grows, you can explain to her the value of treating difficult things with respect, but right now the thing that comes to mind for me is to make sure your discipline is not ill-fitting for her sensitivity level. she will probably -- like all kids -- respond well to consistency and calmness. perhaps the moment of discipline is not time for dialogue with her, but more of action. for light matters, redirect the behavior and/or ask questions to get her to speak herself of the problem instead of speaking at her and having her respond with that crazy-making laugh. for bigger issues, a time out with minimal discussion may be in order. speak with her after she is calm about what happened and be patient to remind her that it is not funny and you will continue the conversation over and over until you can complete it civilly. basically, i do think itis important to address the issue, but i do not think you can force this behavior to change with discipline -- not if it is truly a nervous issue. you can use this opportunity to train her to be a self-confident communicator, it will just take some time and effort