Photo by: Cameron Cassan

Some Days, Parenting is... Hard

Photo by: Cameron Cassan

Some days, parenting is… hard

That was my exhausted thought as I drove my daughter home from swim team one night last week.

The whole day had been a battle.

I can’t even remember as I write this what the issues were, but it just seemed like everything was a challenge that day.

Maybe it was because we had a busy schedule and I was being impatient.

Or maybe it was because she’s almost eleven and she’s becoming more independent.

Whatever the reason, I was frustrated.

She was mad.

And it was one of those days.

So there we were, driving along, on the heels of an argument, and I was done.

I sighed.

She sighed.

I could almost hear her arms crossing in the back seat.

We were both quiet.

And in that silence, as we drove down the freeway, the sun setting in the distance, a thought came to me.

“You know what?” I said.

“What?” she answered, sulking.

“I just realized, even when we have our differences, you and I are still more the same than we are different.”

She didn’t say anything.

“And I think the fact that we disagree sometimes might be good.”

“Why?” Her voice softened.

(Was that the sound of her arms uncrossing?)

“Because I see your determination. You’ve got a strong will, and you can do a lot of great things with that in life.”

“Hmm,” was all she said.

We drove along, maybe another five minutes or so, and then…

“Mommy?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

It took me by surprise.

I smiled in the darkness.

“I love you too.”

“Thank you for taking me to swim tonight.”

I got a lump in my throat.

“You’re welcome.”

And that one moment—that glimmer of sweetness in between the day’s bickering—reminded me that even though some days, parenting is hard,

in the end,

it’s still good.

Genny lives in California with her husband and two kids, where she balances writing with motherhood and loves both. You can find her writing regularly at her blog and can read more about her books and articles at GennyHeikka.com. Follow her on twitter @GennyHeikka.

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65 Comments

That is wild that today I read this post. My 11 year old daughter and I are fighting about her school work. And because she chooses not to follow through with her responsibilities, I have to punish her. She doesn't like me very much right now and that is hard. I don't want her to hate me, but it's my job (right?) to teach her how important school is and to follow through. She was never this way in elementary school...

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Wow! That is very cool that you were able to turn that mom and me moment around. I hope I can remember and implement this the next time my 12 year old daughter and I have one of those moments... which seems to happen more often than I prefer. Thanks for giving me a few tears, lump in the throat and the heart to be a better Mother in just a few strand of senteces.

I really needed this. I am mom to an 18 year old and 2 two year olds, who are not twins. I deal with tantrums and outbursts from both ends of the age groups on an almost daily basis. My children are all girls and all have special needs. I have to remind my self often that they do love me. The two little ones do not talk, so the only way to get out their frustrations is the tantrums. I get hugs from the older of the little ones throughout the day and kisses too. That helps.

Thanks so much for writing this :) I am having one of those days already with my 13 month old. And it just made my day to read this and give me a good reminder of how it's all worth it....even the grumpyness :)

I totally relate to this. I have 3 girls, the oldest almost 11 years old. Some days are so exhausting, physically and maybe more so mentally! I just keep thinking some day they will be grown and gone, and I try to enjoy every minute I have with them.

I am also dealing with this same back and forth stuff with my daughter and guess what, she is only 3 years old. At the end of the day, she then cuddles her face into my thigh, rubbing it left to right, (if Im standing), and says the unthinkable, "I yuv you mom" Thank you so much for sharing because its not a bad idea to be reminded about the good and the bad days of parenting and being reminded I'm not alone...

Very beautiful

I am a single mom with a soon to be 3 year old daughter. She is a blessing because I was told I would never have children and at the same time, being her mother is the hardest thing I've ever done. She is already strong willed, determined and stubborn and every day is a challenge, but at the end of the day, when she kisses me good night and tells me she loves me it's all worth it. She is the reason that my life is worth living.

Wow! I will remember even when things are crazy, being sensitive at that crucial time can mean Soooo much to the little ones that matters the most! Thank you!

I really needed this today... I am having the same kind of day...nice to know I am not alone..thank you for sharing your story.

Loved this post. I have no idea who signed me up for this site, but I always open it and always find everything I read so sweet and helpful. I too am having arguments and bickers with my 12 yr old son. Its to the point where I say I wnt to send him back with his dad..thats where he was and now he is with me for other reasons. I get so frustrated. If anyone has anything for me..advice a comforting word. Im all ears...

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I love that story! What a wonderful job you did with that! I raised 2 daughters, and there were some very difficult days. They are now 29 and 33. Both have good jobs and no arrest records. When my children were younger, a woman from my church with 6 children said if you can get them to adulthood without any arrests on their record, you did a fabulous job. I thought she was joking until the teen years came...

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I love those moments. The day, not so much, but the moments make it worth it.

Thank you som much for such thought. My 3 yr old and I are almost identical and she does the whole arm crossing thing as well.
Some days by the time my husband comes home from work I feel like you did. Thanks for making me rember the good parts of her strong will.
Peace,Jeanne and Aubrey Rose who is 3 going on 30

It's moments like these that make you realize how truly, vitally important the role of mommy is.

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