Pregnancy is Like a Box of Chocolates

Pregnancy is a transformative experience. You’re bringing life into the world. Pregnant women are beautiful, “glowing,” sexy fertility goddesses. Pregnancy is also…freakin weird.

I’m not sure I was fully prepared for all the many side effects that accompany being with child. I knew my body was going to change. I knew there was probably going to be morning sickness (10 weeks worth in my case). I knew pregnancy hormones did some funny stuff. But there were quite a few experiences I was not prepared for that I thought I would share for anyone keeping score:

I didn’t know how much the most benign comments from friends and family would affect me. For example, “You’re 16 weeks? You’re not even showing!” This kind of statement would send me into a complete state of panic. Suddenly, I was sure our baby was eons behind on the growth scale, and I needed to load up on vitamins, protein and baby growth hormone (is that a thing?) stat! I soon learned that the size of one’s bump (especially in the early weeks) is not a true indication of how well the baby is growing. Everyone “pops” at a different pace – this is especially true if this is your first pregnancy and your muscles are working to stretch (and your body is trying to figure out what the heck is happening).

I knew there would be hormone fluctuations, but I didn’t know they would cause me to lose all emotional control at the most random moments. I thought I had my hormones in check until about 12 weeks in when I cried (sobbed) during an episode of “Dance Moms.” That’s right. I wept my heart out watching children participate in dance competitions while their overbearing stage moms battled it out behind the scenes. I still don’t know why I became so unglued – or why I was watching “Dance Moms” – but the only fitting explanation is the great hormonal shift of 2016. Full disclosure: I also had an epic meltdown over my husband sending a thank you card a day later than I had requested. Hormones…

I didn’t know that chicken is actually disgusting. Ok that’s obviously not true. Under ordinary circumstances, chicken (and most all other meat) is delicious, but there’s something about chicken while pregnant that is disturbing to the core. At one point, I fled to the back of our house so I wouldn’t smell my husband grilling chicken breasts in the kitchen. Some say this is my body’s way of protecting the baby from a possible brush with salmonella poisoning, but this was little comfort when the mere smell of the stuff made me beeline for the bathroom. The good news is that I’m now a plant-based protein connoisseur (and my repulsion eased up some in the second trimester).

I didn’t know how much I would hate maternity wear. To be clear, I don’t mean ALL maternity wear. Maternity jeans are genius and everyone (pregnant or not) should be wearing them. Why don’t all pairs of jeans include an elastic waistband? But most maternity wear is 1) absurdly expensive and 2) ugly. I didn’t want to pay $120 for a dress that resembled wallpaper, but I did because the further along I get in this pregnancy, the less clothing options become available. Sometimes wearing stretchy leggings and a blousy top is just fine (aka the pregnancy uniform), but sometimes you want to look like your stylish self with the addition of a baby bump. Why is this so hard? Now at 35 weeks, my solution is to try to buy larger sizes of non-maternity clothes at a lower price point. If things get stretched out, it’s not the end of the world. If I can wear some of these items post-baby – I’ve cracked the system.

I didn’t know that pregnant women wield serious power. Before I became pregnant myself, I would always do my best to assist a pregnant woman if she seemed like she needed help. I would be sure to hold the door for her or offer her my seat in a crowded space. While nice, this is nothing compared to what I’m now experiencing on the other end. So far I’ve taken advantage of special parking at the mall, coworkers have brought me homemade treats, I’ve been given front-of-the line privileges at a wide range of establishments (including Starbucks!), the drycleaner personally loaded my clothes into my car, I got a primo desk setup at my company’s new location, the mechanic hooked me up with an extra fancy rental car while my car was in the shop, and I continue to enjoy random acts of kindness from friends, family and even strangers on a regular basis. You might say I’m cashing in. I haven’t figured out if people are so nice because they want to show support or because they are just plain scared of me (pregnant women are a little terrifying), but it’s truly heartwarming and appreciated.



Jillian Gordon is the Managing Editor of Mamapedia.com. A Los Angeles-based lifestyle writer and editor, her work has appeared in Beauty Launchpad, Nailpro Magazine, Saturday Night Magazine and Westside Today. She is also the former Content Manager of Mom.me. Jillian is currently expecting her first baby in late November, 2016.