The Evolution of Motherhood: What is a Momma Addict?

The greatest honor and joy of my life has been working with my husband to raise two beautiful, smart, and talented daughters. My initial dreams of motherhood can actually be traced back to my youth when I consciously remember taking care of my dolls “to share with my daughters”.

With such vivid memories of future motherhood deeply planted in my brain, as I grew into adulthood, I may have already had a predisposition to slowly transition into a full-fledged “Momma Addict.” It seems that since the birth of my first child, every fiber in my body has remained on high alert to guide my children forward. As with any other addiction, most addicts do not know exactly when they shifted from being a normal “user” to becoming a person who cannot go a day without a fix.

The word addict gives off a negative vibe because…let’s face it…who actually wants to be an addict? Addiction means you have lost control or perspective on what is normal compared to what is required by your brain.

Aren’t most mothers involved in their children’s lives, and don’t they seek to rear successful happy kids? Yes, this is true. But in the same way that a casual drinker may love a nice glass of red wine, at some point, you must acknowledge that a full bottle of wine each night may not quite be normal.

What makes a Momma Addict different from others moms? I believe each of us has a different story. In fact, I believe there are armies of women who are unaware that they, too, are indeed Momma Addicts!

Going back to my alcoholic example: There are varying degrees of alcohol addiction ranging from the functioning alcoholic who appears normal as she runs a multi-million dollar company to the spiraling alcoholic who cannot hold a job and loses relationships with her family because of the uncontrollable addiction. Frequently, addicts do not know they are addicted until they try to quit. This was the exact situation where I recently found myself. I reached a point where I had to admit that I have been involved in my parenting role just a little (perhaps a lot) deeper than normal. I had no idea that I had crossed over to the other side with “those moms” and was unprepared to have trouble returning to normal mother mode.

I became an empty nester a few years ago and proudly sat back to reflect on the successful launch of my daughters into a prestigious university. That was the time when my husband and I started to refocus attention on our personal wants, needs and goals…and this was when I realized I had a problem! My wants, needs and goals had been tied directly to my children for over 20 years. Entering empty nesthood can be a rocky transition period for many parents; it is just magnified for Momma Addicts.

To many people, it appears that I have moved forward and have adjusted to empty nesthood. I look very much like the functioning alcoholic CEO running a successful company, but I remain addicted. I have continued to be a secret Momma Addict to young 20-somethings who do not need my daily input. There are times when I am proud of my accomplishment of allowing a few days to go by without contact; however, a simple text or phone call to bounce an idea off me leads to my heart racing and brain springing into action; ready to assist, guide or console. It is as if an alcoholic has taken one tiny sip of wine, and all the urges rush back. They crave more. I crave more.

I have loved every moment of being a mother and cannot imagine my life any other way. I now recognize the need to achieve a better balance of my role in my children’s life. So, this blog represents my parenting reflections and allows me to acknowledge things I did well and things that did not go as well as planned. By understanding my past decision making, I hope focus on thriving as an empty nester who can simply mentor my young adult children and enjoy watching them achieve success on their own terms.

My name is Debby Burton, and I am a Momma Addict. My story may empower you to have a self-reflective moment or perhaps provide some useful tips for your upcoming parenting decisions. Join me on my journey to recovery.



Deborah M. Burton, MD is a proud pediatric surgeon and military veteran who has raised two wonderful daughters but has recently realized that she has become addicted to being a mother! As a new empty nester, she hopes to share parenting reflections, tips and insights during her journey to become a recovered Momma Addict. You can follow Deborah on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram