Photo by: Shutterstock

Ode to Chris the Caveman

Photo by: Shutterstock

My son was an action figure connoisseur of sorts. As a kid he spent hours engaged in elaborate battles with his huge collection. These ‘campaigns’ would continue for days on end and until completion, I was not allowed to alter their tactical arrangement in any way.

In the majority of these battles, an action figure he named Chris the Caveman (of mysterious origins) was invariably the leader and subsequent conqueror. I asked my son once, “Why?”, and he replied that his battles required super-hero strength against extreme powers and Chris with his ripped muscles seemed like the man for the job.

Now Chris the Caveman sits on a dusty shelf in the playroom, his battles behind him. The truth is, he has not only been abandoned by a maturing boy, but he has also been replaced by an enemy I must now face. A foe I wonder if even Chris the Caveman would have had the strength to overcome.

Electronics.

Before I go any further let me just say, Electronics are not inherently evil (okay, maybe they are, but in the interest of political correctness let’s just say they ‘behave badly’). And like most families these days we are equipped with the usual: computer, HDTV, phones (my smart phone may have been a stumble into enemy territory), microwave—plenty enough to distract from human interaction (those microwaves can really be addicting). But, I have tried to hold firm against an all-out invasion (i.e. big gaming units with flesh eating Zombies).

Nonetheless, I was blindsided by the enemy’s recent ploy. My weakness has been identified… my kids. When my boys presented the idea they “earn and save” the money (they took that Get a Yob thing seriously) to buy their own desired items I was all aglow with: smug relief (Ha! They will never be able to save that much), and maternal pride (Look at those little darlings willing to work for something they want, aaah).

However, this Custer–like underestimation of my opponent has proven to be a fatal misstep. For now, my boys are both in possession of their desired electronics, complete with bells, whistles, and zombies, and I feel like Mickey in Fantasia, helpless as Electronics march over me and into my house.

In essence, I have become Chris the Caveman—except, without the rippling muscles and, you know, cool loincloth. I am single-handedly attempting to fight an enemy of extreme powers with only help from my minions (well, minion—my husband), struggling to stop the time-sucking, interaction-obliterating, Electronics devices from completely taking over my home.

And as in all of Chris the Caveman’s battles, I fear it will get worse before it gets better. It will be bloody, with body parts scattered, and end with only one true victor. But like Chris the Caveman, there is no “if ya can’t beat, ‘em join ‘em”, only a fight to the last one standing.

I think I am the woman for the job but just in case… Better save a spot on that dusty shelf for me.

Paula is a Mom of two, retired professional dancer and singer turned hotel manager, turned teacher, turned WAHM. She loves to travel, snowboard, and find humor in all things. She can be found at Looking for the Sweet Spot and Celeb Style by Denim Debutante.

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