Would Love Ur Thoughts on a Second Child:)

I would say no. It sounds like you don't have much time for the child you do have, and by adding another one, you'd have less.

We decided to only have one; my kiddo is three too. I work on the weekends only, so I'm home 5 days a week, and my husband is home all the time. But we have a severe fertility problem, and pregnancy is difficult for me; my ob said I'm not built for babies. When you add that stuff to the financial obligation, it just doesn't make sense for us.

It doesn't seem to make sense for you either.

I have 3 and 1 more coming soon.You while adapt to the child.I am divorced with 2 of my kids and my 2 others are My boyfriends and I's.

I think it's easier with more kids. They entertain each other, play together when they get closer to being over 3 or 4, they get to do all sorts of stuff together.

I think it's truly sad for a family to only have one child. My brother is 15 years older and my sister is 11 years older. Even though technially I am not an only child it felt like it. I can't tell you how many times I was in my room feeling lonely. I wanted a brother or sister my own age so much. My bff all through jr high and high school was 1 of 12 kids and it was never lonely or boring at her house. When my friends son died from falling off a bunk bed her whole family pulled together and she was supported and never had to be alone. I want family like that. I am close to my sister and talk to her nearly every day. My brother is going through some stuff and I haven't talked to him in a while.

I think the bigger the family the better of they are.

Don't have a child for your son. Siblings are not built-in playmates or automatic best buds. I love my sister and would shed my last drop of blood for her, but we had NO common interests as kids, very seldom played together, and to this day, don't just hang out.
Only have a child because YOU want another child so badly that you cannot imagine your life without him/her..

I'm with Mamazita.

We chose to have one child because, to be truthful, we simply weren't aching and wanting a second child. Period. Finances were one very real consideration, and I strongly believe that unless we really genuinely wanted a second child for ourselves as a couple--and not so much as an obligation to give a sibling to our son-- we likely shouldn't have that second kid. There are no guarantees that they would get along, either. Many people create family for themselves outside of their circle of blood relatives.

So, not saying that you should or should not have a second kiddo-- just that as one dear friend is fond of saying "You shouldn't have a baby unless you want one so bad it makes your teeth hurt." My teeth used to hurt before my son came, but they don't any more.:)

Some siblings may be close but that is a roll of the dice. I would never create a human in hopes of that. Only children are not deprived and something to be looked down on.

I know some parents believe love is exponential and I get that to a point. I was not willing to dilute myself or my daughter's opportunities and a single child was perfect for us. There are only so many hours in a day/week/month. I also feel that it would have been wrong for me to birth playmates for her with no guarantee they will like each other.

Good luck with your decision.

All I can say is, time flies. Your worry about it not being easy to take your son swimming? He'll be swimming across the pool in no time, and then you don't need to worry about it anymore! I'm not trying to be cavalier. That comment struck me b/c when we were trying to figure out if we should go from 2 kids to 3 my girls were ages 3 and 5. I remember playing on the trampoline with them and thinking, "Wow, if I had an infant I wouldn't be able to do this very easily." And I felt the same way at the pool. Fast forward a few years. My girls are 9 and 11. They play on the trampoline with all their neighborhood friends and they swim circles around me. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I also had a 6 year in the mix. Something tells me it would've been just fine. Does that make any sense? I guess what I'm trying to say is this - I highly doubt you'll have a baby and then think, "Dang, I really wish we didn't have this baby." But, you might someday regret NOT having him/her. Good luck with your decision. I know it's a big one. For the record, we LOVE having 2 kids :)

I don't think fear of your child being alone after your death is a good enough reason to have a child. I also think that if the child would be a financial burden then you probably should not. It sounds like you are spread pretty thin now and you are right that it will be harder with another child.
On the other hand, although I did not plan it, my girls are 5 years apart and I think this spacing is perfect. Since you are only 29 yo you still have time. You may be in a much different place in a year or two from now and you may find that adding a child is the right decision for your family then:)

I come from a family of 6 and I am not close to all of my siblings. Having another child won't guarantee that your son will not be alone.

We had two kids because we really really wanted 2 kids. Not because we didn't want an only, not because we wanted a playmate or a child to carry on the family name... we just knew. I knew as soon as I delivered my daughter that I wanted to have another baby.

I will tell you that though I knew I wanted at least 2 kids, no one can prepare you for how difficult it is to have two. Although mine are 20 months apart and that may have had something to do with it. But having two is not just double the work. It is exponentially harder. If you feel exhausted by the every day trials of life now, I'm not sure if a second child would create such a happy environment for anyone.

I think that there's a lot of pressure to have more than one child, but having more than one is not right for every family. You have to do what is best for everyone involved.

I would wait. You still have time to decide...

Adding the second wasn't a big deal. It honestly wasn't. But I added my second when my first wasn't even 2. I'm now adding a third. I'm sure things will be a bit more crazy, but let me tell you something: life is too short to let the small details distract you from listening to your heart. I spent almost 2 years pondering a third child. I was so conflicted. But now I know I did the right thing, becuase I followed my heart and ignored all my fears and worries.

Look deep inside, and if you hear the call for another child, have one, and you will make it work.

Besides, the sleepless nights and inconveniences are short moments in the long picture of life. I was worried about swimming. My plan is to take my other kids to the baby pool --and to sit by the side of the pool with the baby. I was worried about giving up my freedom again...but the thing is....you will be right back where you are in a few short years if you decide to have another baby. You're only 29. You are sooooo young....

I don't know that we would have had a second if I had to work full time. I am just now back to work with two kids and they are both in school. It is grueling.

As babies I could barely get the grocery shopping done and a shower with two kids two and under...if I had had to work all day then come home and do it all...wow!!

But you know I know moms who do it. If you want a bigger family for yourself go for it...but don't do it for your son. I have a sister whom I have no relationship with what so ever...my husband has three sisters and he only speaks to one (and that is only every three to four months).

Have kids for yourself...believe me one child that is calm at the end of the day is better then two who fight constantly driving you crazy...I have friends who have kids that fight like cats and dogs all day long...

Good luck in deciding...I would never never never send my second child back she is a light in our lives...but if I were working full time I am honestly not sure she would be here...

I have to second what someone else said: Do not have a child to provide a relative or playmate or future friend for your son. There is zero guarantee -- none! -- that they will be close or that, if they get along as kids, that they will stay close as adults. They may have totally different personalities, interests, goals, etc. and may never be the close family you think they will.

Have a second child only if you feel you want a child for that child's OWN sake, no matter what happens with your older one. Be prepared to deal with it emotionally if you discover that your children either do not get along, or get along but are not close. You are setting yourself up for huge, lifelong disappointment if you have a second child as a friend and playmate for your first child. Only do it if you feel you really want another child and you feel you are financially and emotionally ready to handle two kids at once. And if you feel you are "somewhat selfish" -- it is OK to admit that! -- remember that with a new infant you can restart the clock on when you will get more free time. If your son now is 3, you would get more time back in about two years when he begins kindergarten. If you have an infant, reset that clock and expect more time for yourself (for your own education, a job, volunteering at your son's school, whatever) only in another five years after the new baby is born.

I have to disclose that I write this as a happy parent with one child so I cannot give you the insights that others with two or more have, but I do know that it's a bad idea to have a child just to provide a sibling for another child. And I do know that parents with more than one child have less time to spend on and with the first one -- it's just a fact of life.

My Mom always said "You are busy 24 hours a day with one child. How can you be any busier with two?"

Having a second, third etc baby were the best decisions for our family! If you have it in your heart to have another, the details will work out. We have never regretted it. Your son will love having a brother or sister! Go for it!

I'm expecting my 6th child in June, my girls from 1st marriage are 22 & 16, my boys from current marriage are 6, 2.5, and 1, my only regret is my girls are 6 yrs apart and wish they were closer in age but my ex was hard to convince to have a 2nd, and I misscarried between my 6yo and 2.5 yo, I always wanted lots of children close in age. My sister has 11 children (10 adopted). Simply put, you will learn how to juggle 2 children, and after 2 it's a piece of cake, the more the merrier!!! With each situation you'll see what would make it easier in the future and you'll be fine, just like you did with the 1st, you'll adjust things as needed. Enjoy!

Considering we have three kids, I guess adding a second worked out somehow! :)
I had some fears when I found myself pregnant with my second, even though he was totally planned. My first child was and still is a very high needs child. There were times when I was horrified with what things might be like when I had two. And then I had my second and it was so fast before we were in that smooth groove and off we went.
My third was sort of a surprise, sort of not. We were at the point of if I got pregnant great, if not whatever. The exact timing of that pregnancy was the surprise.
I didn't have as many fears with her because I knew that it worked out fine the last time. Yeah, there is more planning to get all 5 of us out the door some days. Our mini-van has a permanent collection of the things we always need when out to save having to gather them each time.
If you want another one, go for it! It does all work out.

What ever decision you make, don't let fear dictate your decision. Decisions made in fear are often regretted. We all worry about another child stealing our time from our other children, thats just normal even if you are a SAHM. I don't think you need to be 100% certain to have more children. Its scary. Sometimes the scariest decisions are the best ones we ever make. Stop living in fear. Try praying about it.

My kids are 4 years apart. Just so happens. But also, as my eldest child got older... I was not sure I wanted another child. I was enjoying being more "free" as my daughter got more independent and older. It was nice.
BUT then, my Husband and I.... decided we wanted a bigger family, another child. So then we did. Fortunately, I was able to get pregnant naturally. I was older than you, and older than your Husband at that time we had our 2nd child.

Anyway, we LOVE having 2 kids. It is perfect, for us. And our kids adore each other. I have a boy and girl. We are not rich, financially. But with our 2 kids, our family is whole. Emotionally.
My eldest, when I had my son.... she was SOOOOOOOOOO happy. So happy. I still remember her face, when she first laid her eyes on her newly born baby brother in the hospital. It is unforgettable. She told everyone "Mommy made brother for me!!!!" as that is how she felt, even if we didn't per say tell her, that that is why we had a 2nd baby. That is simply, how she felt, as a young child... who now had a baby sibling.
And yes, now I know my daughter will not be all "alone"... when she gets older and us too, or when we are gone. BUT that was not our sole decision in having another child. We wanted a bigger family. Not only 1 child.
My kids are close. And that is really precious. But not all siblings... like each other. So you need to keep that in mind.

And of course, life gets busier with 2 kids or more.
It just is.
So you just deal with it.
That is our job as parents.
AND your Husband, NO matter what his work schedule is... NEEDS TO and must, help and be a participatory, parent. It just is. NO one, no parent is exempt, from parenting or doing parental duties, just because they have an unusual work schedule.
And it cannot be only you... that does everything.

my honest opinon is not to do it.

As far as not having anyone as family when he grows up, I think alot of times people have to choose friends that can stand in for family because alot of time family has problems.

If I said you could adopt a child tomorrow woud you still say yes?

i think you are better investing your time and money into the child you have and really doing a stellar job with him.

that's just my opinion and i know it's probably the minority, but i just think if you don't know for sure or if you aren't thinking with your head then the answer should be no.

I had my second when my daughter was 3. Our lives changed drastically prior to my son's first birthday. However, ours is not the norm for why it changed. My son is autistic so we've had challenges since birth. Thankfully I've been primarily a SAHM so we've never had to use daycare or a sitter. My children are best friends, always have been, and of course there is sibling rivalry which is expected. In our case it's been a super blessing and gift to have a second child.

I will say that you don't sound as though right now you're in a place to have a second and that's okay. There's no sense in rushing things. If you know for certain you two would like to have a second child plan everything out and have funds set up so that you will be able to care for your children the way you see fit. There's no reason to rush into adding to your family if it'll cause problems for those already in it.

I have to tell you that I was more scared with going from 1 kid to 2 than I was later with going from 2 to 3. Now that we're going from 3 to 4, I'm just excited.

You'll adapt. You'll realize you're capable of so much more than you ever imagined. You'll figure out how to do with 2 kids everything that you do right now with 1.

My husband is gone 98% of the time. M-F he leaves for work around 7 am and returns around 8 or 9 pm. He works about 5 weekend days a month as well. I do almost everything for the kids and the house by myself. It can get stressful, but ultimately, I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I'm actually wondering if I'll be bored this fall when my 2nd son starts pre-school and I'm home with "just" a 2 yr old and newborn. ;-)

ETA: I should add that I am a SAHM right now, because it just isn't cost-effective for me to work and pay daycare for more than 1 kid. Daycare around here is really expensive--minimum of $250/wk for an infant, around $200/wk for a toddler/pre-schooler.

We have two children and they are 4 years apart. My son will be 5 in May and my daughter will be 1 in April. We both work full-time outside of the house and my job required a lot of overnight travel (at the time that she was born). Both of our children are in preschool/daycare. Yes, we had a housekeeper at that time. We've moved to another state with new jobs in the last few months, so life is "in flux" right now across teh board.

Bottom line... if you want a second child, have one. You can pro/con it as much as you want to but where there's a will, there's a way.

Did things become more complicated? Not really. It's actually easier the second time around b/c most of us are less crazy with the second child.

Was it a pain to bring a diaper bag again? Sort of... packed much less this time around b/c I learned the first time that you don't need a weeks worth of spare clothing for an afternoon at the park.

Was it a financial strain? Yes and no. Daycare, formula, diapers... all added. BUT we had all of the "stuff" from our son, so we didn't need a carseat, Boppy, changing table... etc. If you didn't save all of that, then it is going to cost more.

We swam all summer. Babies sleep a lot. When she was awake, she was either playing on a towel under the canopy, in her bouncer under the canopy or in the pool with us.

If you want another child, you will make it work. If you don't really want a second child, you will find 100 reasons why it won't.

It sounds like your plate if pretty full with full time working outside the home as well as the regular work inside home.

I've been fortunate enough to stay home and work from home (however my work from home has been within the last 5 yrs when daughter was self sufficient). Most work from home moms are required to have child care, etc. We own our company and I would not hire a work from home person unless I knew their work ethic, discipline, etc.

For us as far as children, I never had an urge to have another child. I felt complete with my 1 which was 18 yrs ago. To this day, I have no regrets.

We are able to financially take care of her well, provide for college, provide a solid stable home and have a great family team. We enjoy our family just like it is.. ALL 3 of us. My daughter has never remotely suggested the desire for a sibling either.

Not once would I have considered another just for the fact to have a sibling for her. To me, that is the wrong reason to have another child. The choice for another child should be based on the planning of mom and dad and if they BOTH want to add to the family.

You can not guarantee that siblings will get along and be close with each other.

You can set yourself up so that your only child will not be burdened long term if you need care, your retirement, etc. We have things set up so that our daughter will not be faced with any financial burden due to our health, retirement, etc. We also are able to fulfill our parental obligation to provide her college education to her so she begins her adult life debt free.

There are SO many factors that come into play. I have 2 relatives that pop babies out like Pez dispensers because they love the baby experience and I feel sorry for the older children that are no longer "babies". One of these women jus had #5 and one had #4. If they were financially set up and able to care for all of the children respectively it would be 1 thing but I already see resentments building with the older children.

I will add that the stigma of "only child" is just that... stigma. You will find MANY spoiled bratty children with siblings. My house is routinely full of teens to this day and there is not a dull moment around here. The attitudes and behaviors are what YOU make and model for your child... they are not based on being an only or not.

Bottom line it is your family, your money and your decision. Good luck whatever you opt to do.

if you both work full time .. you barely see your child. if youhave a second child day care gets really super expensive.

but having a sibling is great for kids..

We have 3 children. It just feels right for us. I will throw in my 2 cents on an only child. My husband is an only. He never missed having a sibling growing up--he always had neighborhood kids to play with. When we were starting our family, he said he'd be happy with one. I, on the other hand, come from a family of 4 and did not want one child. We decided on three. Now, at 36 years old, my husband wishes he had a sibling. He sees our boys playing together and wonders what it would have been like to have a sibling. Plus, he sees the relationship I have with my siblings and wishes he had a brother or sister. He realizes once his parents are gone (they are doing well in their late 60s), he only has my family. Something to think about...

It takes time to actually get pregnant, and then 10 months till baby is born so if you started trying now it would be at least a year til you had the new baby potentially much longer as it can sometimes take many months to get pregnant again. So your son would be at least 4. If you want to cut down on the cost of daycare, wait a few more months so he will be 5 before baby comes and in school. My feeling is the benefit of a sibling is more important than anything else.

At age 29, you definitely have time to reconsider...