I Had My 1St Child in My Early 40'S and Now I'm Considering Having a 2Nd One.

When I read your post, it sounds like you know the answer to your own question. It doesn't sound like you want another child. Having a child at our age is difficult enough without adding an element of doubt to it. While a sibling would bring certain advantages to your son, it will also bring complications into his life, and it is impossible to predict how all that will play out. You will handle it all just fine if you WANT to handle it, so that remains the question you have to settle for yourself, in my opinion.

Meanwhile, help your son build long lasting and life-long friendships by joining a mother's group, actively pursuing friendships with other families you are compatible with, etc. While siblings can be wonderful, so can cousins or that very special group of friends someone grew up with. By reaching out and building bonds, you can make that happen.

I am an only child and I had my one and only when I was 40.

Don't worry about having a sibling for your child to play with. As a child I made lots of close friends that became my family. My parents welcomed my friends into our lives and often invited one of my friends to join us camping or on vacations. It was a win win because my friends got a break from their siblings and I had a companion.

My parents encouraged my independence and self reliance. I don't have trust issues with other people. I believe it was actually easier for me to learn how to share and be a part of a group because I didn't have fight over stuff at home.

Good luck to you and your family!

I have a similar situation, I'm in my early 40's with two children (4/6). My husband travels and works late hours. The reality is that all of the responsibility falls on me during the week. My husband helps out on the weekend, but quite often I am the solo parent during the week. I am used to it now and although there are times that I have a hard time accepting all the household duties but I am grateful that I am able to be home and be a part of their day. I would never change my decision to have two children. I agree that if I tried for a third I would be nervous of a negative outcome but you have to search who you are and what you want. Your child will be happy as long as you are happy. If a second child feels right then do what is right for you and your family. If not, your most special gift is right in front of you! Your son will have friends and there will always be activities that will allow him to make friends. I hope your decision is a happy one for you!

Just on a medical note, the further you progress towards menopause and into your 40's, your chance of having a child with some sort of birth defect or disability increases exponentially every year. If your desire to have another child is so strong that you are willing to throw caution to the wind, then do so. But do not feel pressured to have another child just because everyone else has more than one (and trust me, a 2 1/2 year old, even at 3 and 4, wont want ANYTHING to do with helping care for a new baby. If anything, your job will become more difficult as he will be wanting MORE mommy and daddy attention the less he gets).
While women DO have children well into their 40's, you will find a much larger percentage of those children are born with developmental disabilities of some sort. It seems from your request as if you have more or less made your decision and are just looking for affirmation - your son will be JUST as happy as an only child as he would if he had a sibling. While having siblings has its benefits, being an only child has its benefits too. He will get 100% of your undivided attention and dedication, and there is nothing wrong with that. I was an only child for 7 years before my sister was born, and let me tell you, I remember very strongly wishing that I was an only child again!

Hi,
There was a request similar to yours about a week ago that you might want to check out (responses to) -'seeking input from moms with one child families' was the request heading (posted on 1/28 or 1/29, I think). Also, if you'd like, I can email you the web address/link to an Only Child parenting board (for even more input -from a bunch of great gals who I've been posting with for several years now).
If your reason for wanting a second child is solely coming from seeing so many families with more than one child rather than coming from the idea of having a another child be your own heart's desire, I'd defnitely take a lot of time and think it over. Whatever you end up deciding, in my opinion, if your decision is from your heart, it's win-win and you won't lose out on anything by having one child to raise or by having two to raise.. and your son won't lose out whether your family size is '3' or '4'.
If you decide to remain a family of 3, your age might be a great benefit in avoiding the comments from family, friends, even strangers that an only child family can sometimes receive (quite unsolicitously). Some of the younger moms on my only parenting board have had to deal with some flak and genuinely intrusive and insulting (and highly stereotypical) remarks regarding their family size and choice (often coming from extended family, let alone friends and strangers). The older moms have (happily) enjoyed a 'dying off' of such remarks as the years pass.
If it is your heart's desire and you decide to have a second child, I wouldn't worry so much about your age --unless your have pregnancy worries or health problems. Adoption is no 'second best', but an equally magical way to have a child (or a second child) and women in their forties can have healthy pregnancies and births --you've got options. --My mother was 42 when I was born (I'm the youngest of 8 girls).
One more comment, on having a sibling to play with and trust in adulthood: you never know what the sibling relationship will be. It could be beautiful, disastrous, or anything in between (in both their childhood and their adulthood). I'd definitely go into a second pregnancy or adoption process ready for the best or worst, ready for the child YOU want, not the sibling bond you hope for. Of course, if you want and have another child, I do hope everything does turn out to be all you hoped for. --And, I hope that if you remain a family of three, THAT turns out to be all you hoped for, too. Just look into your own heart; you know it best.
And, take care!

It sounds like you are isolated and doubtful, not the healthiest time to consider having a second baby (especially while you're still nurturing a two year old.) And if your husband actually thinks your two year old could be of any real help, he needs a serious reality check!
I don't know if your husband works overtime/more than 50 hours per week, but I would suggest giving him more time and responsibility with the child you have now.
Having a sibling is wonderful, but not if it comes at the cost of a mother's well being. My best friend of almost 25 years was an only child and she is an amazing person with a huge heart and many, many friends.
Best of luck with whatever you decide :)

I'm just curious how old you are? I just turned 46 and am thinking of having another baby. I am a little concerned about the the baby's health. How do yu feel about your age and giving birth?

ps I highly recommend giving your baby a sibling! I grew up as an only child and still hate to this day! I just turned 46....