Seeking Advice: Having 1 Child Verse 2 - Newbury Park,CA

Actually plenty of people regret having a second or more child(ren)! Please don't ever have a child (after all you're bringing an entire human being into the world) just for your existing child. The sibling isn't a pet for your son, and if you don't really desire having another, you absolutely should NOT do it! I'm an only child and I have no issues with it. Except for a blip when I was 5, I've never wanted siblings. I got to choose my family in my wonderful friends who I've had for years now. My mother died last year, and they comforted me more than I've seen most siblings do for one another.

You have absolutely no guarantee that your son and a sibling will get along or share anything in common. I know a lot of siblings who really have nothing to do with one another -including a number of them in my own family on both sides.

My husband is also his mother's only child. He has two half sisters in California, but he only saw them now and then and never lived with them growing up. He doesn't have any regrets about not having full siblings either.

Yes, IF -and only IF you and your sibling or siblings get along and REMAIN that way when your parents age and are dying -then it can be a great help. However I've watched my mother and her 5 siblings and my father and his 4 siblings fight, quit speaking and have a number of arguments and issues over the care of their aging parents, funeral arrangements and everything in between. If I had a brother or sister -it would be nice if they were near by and I knew I could count on them to help as my father ages, but you know what -that's no guarantee! My very best friend in the world has 4 brothers and only one lives anywhere near her parents and her, so their care primarily falls to her. The closest brother doesn't speak to her dad.

If you're financially comfortable -that's HUGE! Plan for your old age and retirement years now. Think of the fact that you have an only child, so you want to make sure you have enough savings to put yourself in a nice assisted living center if you ever need it. My parents did that, and it has eased my mind considerably now that my father is alone and aging. If he gets to the point where he doesn't need to live alone -he has the means to stay somewhere very nice.

I also got to do many things that I wouldn't have been able to do if my parents had another. They took me everywhere -all over this country, the Caribbean and Europe. The schools where I grew up were really lacking, so I got to attend a private school. My mother was also able to stay at home and work a seasonal business my parents owned for about 3 months every year, and they couldn't have provided what they did for me for another child also without her working full time. There are definite benefits!

From what you've said here, I would advise against having another. The only reason you should have another child is if YOU truly want one -regardless of the child you already have. I have no idea how old you are, but you probably have a few years to play with as well. Put it on ice -and in a year or two if you feel differently, then you can revisit the subject. There's nothing wrong with being or having an only child though!

honestly, i have gotten bashed pretty hard for my opinion on this, but you asked so here i go. the reasons you list for only having 1 are valid, mature, and responsible. your reasons for having 2 seem a little...lacking? your child will have lots of friends throughout his life - hopefully, when you pass away, he will have a family of his own. why would he be completely alone? people with lots of siblings can still be alone. to be honest i don't agree AT ALL with the "my child needs a sibling" reasoning. never have. and if it's truly the ONLY reason you can come up with...i would say having another child is not the right choice for you.

now having said that, there's not a thing wrong with having an only. my husband and i do and have no plans to add on. it's great. we can all fit in a small inexpensive car that gets great gas mileage, even going on vacations. we can afford to go to the movies (at least occasionally!) out to eat, to theme parks, wherever we want. and we are so incredibly close. my four year old is one of my best friends, and he is truly a blessing to my life. i can't help but wonder if we'd be so close (i know we wouldn't) if we had another. having been given such a perfect gift, how could i ask for another? i don't believe you hit the lottery twice. if you feel your family is complete, there's nothing wrong with that. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Having another child does not guarantee they will be close. I know more people who aren't all that close with siblings, then are. I am not close with my sisters. It's not that we don't like each other, it's just that we have nothing in common...other then being sisters. We all live within 20 minutes of each-other and speak to each other very infrequently and see each other even less. We don't do this purposefully, there just isn't a lot of common ground. If something (god forbid) tragic happened, I would lean on my husband and very close friends...more then my sisters. If you put your hope into assuming they will be best friends and very close...I'm not sure that's a great idea.

We are having one child, by choice. I can't imagine having two and I don't get excited about the thought. Personally, I would not have a child just for my son. He will have great friends, that will be like family. A great church community and a solid foundation. He will find the comfort and companionship he needs in friends and his future spouse. I have no doubt, that he will have a very full life surrounded by people who love him.

I'm not telling you to not have another child, I just thought I'd share that bit of insight.

My husband and I only have one child. We feel we are the perfect family. She is surrounded by friends, some who I know she will have for years. I look at it this way, there are so many families that the siblings don't talk to each other, so who knows if I had a second that she would get along with her brother or sister. I also like the statistic that more CEOs are only children. :) I can see why since we are in the position to give her a lot more opportunities.

It's a person choice that we made, but like you, we struggled to make it. Good luck.

N.

I haven't read all who responded so I may be repeating myself, but IMO having only one for the reasons you described is responsible! My husband and I decided to have one early on in our marriage (for many of the reasons your described) and we don't regret it. Our son is surrounded by friends and cousins. He may want a sibling down the road, but both my husband and I have siblings and neither one of us are super close to them. I have friends who are closer to me than my own family. Times are different. There seems to be a pressure to have more than one. I hear people tell me all the time that I "can't just have one". Really? Who says? We are perfectly happy with our family and I do think having more children would change things in a way I'm not comfortable with. In regards to his parents (my husband and I) being a "burden" on our son someday... please! That's ridiculous. You can look at it differently... he won't have to split his inheritance. :) Do what feels best for your family. There are plenty of families only having one child. Don't have regrets. No one can make this decision for you. Good luck!

My daughter is also almost two and a half and she will be an only child- I have two siblings and my husband has one- we get along with our sibs- but both have closer relationships with friends (the family we have chosen). growing up- my sibs and I had little in common- we played together when we were younger and entertained each other- but would have done the same with neighbors the same age- as we got older their was constant competition for our parents attention and limited time- with three girls and two parents- someone was bound not to have a parent at a event or have to miss out on something they wanted to do because there was no way to fit in all the schedules- My sister has two girls and they split the girls events- but that means one parent is always missing out on the doings of the other child...

All this to say that there is no perfect answer here- it is what is best for you- and your family. For my husband and I- one fits our lifestyle- we have family overseas- it is expensive to travel for three- four would be prohibitive- not something we are willing to lose- Sitting with my daughter the other night- just she and I talking and watching her mind work- I love that time- I love that she gets my undivided attention-

Could I love another child just as much- I think so- but in my view- I feel that it would be at a cost to my daughter- and my husband and I.

As to the myths about only children- they are just that- If you raise a child to be self centered and spoiled they will be- but not because they are an only- I know quite a few children ( and come to think of it adults) who have siblings and are still the most self absorbed people you could meet-

Best of luck

We have one due to medical issues and neither of us has a loving sibling. In fact, that is what we had in common, an abusive sibling.

I know 2 families who wanted a second and had a difficult second child.Another family wanted a third and the child is very, very difficult. Plus they are 10 years older now and were enjoying traveling and socializing before the cranky child was born. It disrupted their perfect family, though they love their children of course.

There are no guarantees.

I have 6 children. One of the most common things older women tell me when they see me with my family is this: I wish I had had more children.
They tell me how they thought that 1 or 2 was enough, and had all sorts of reasons at deciding on so few, but it was the great regret of their lives. They see now, in their old age, that they are lonely, and the most important thing in this life is their family. They wish they could be surrounded by children and grandchildren. Time is fleeting. What do you want your tomorrow to look like? A bunch of stuff that just rots and breaks and needs dusting? Or family?
Blessings to you as you sort though this.

Hi L. S :-)

You mention "no one regrets having a 2nd child"... I'm not certain that statement is completely correct. I know of people who have regretted having children.

I will only speak from experience. I only have ONE child.. but.. I have TEN brothers and sisters! And.. with all of that growing up we actually are not THAT close.. as close as you would imagine a huge family would be.

You never know how your lives will turn out with a second child, so having one because you feel it will meet specific needs and turn out in a specific way is too big a risk and not really fair to everyone who is being considered, including the unborn child.

For the moment, a nice big dog will fill the role for being a super buddy for your child as well as encouraging interaction with other kids and family. Keep on loving your child as you do and enjoy your family unit as it is and why not see just how the universe responds to whether a second child is in your family's future. Right now you are financially comfortable and in a good space with your family as it is.. keep up the good work and enjoy your family "in the moment!".

Life has a funny way of changing the "best laid plans".. :-)

hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

Hi,
I wanted a second child because I have a sister and I could not imagine my son growing up without a sibling. That being said, it took us two years to get pregnant and I had really given up and worked h*** o* getting past this want.

What I did realize is that my son regardless, would have been totally fine either way. I would have made sure of this. He has a one week old sister now and is enthralled, yet I know that he would have been just as content being an only child.

What I did learn in my research is that the myths that surround only children are just that...myths. My son is five and I am so happy for that time I had alone with him and I think he gained so much from this. I am feeling super guilty right now that my priorities have had to shift for the moment.

Uggg, tough call, but what I do think you need to do is ignore all of those things you hear about only children and go with your gut.

Good luck!

Speaking as an adult only child, I can only say how much I've yearned for siblings my entire life. But of course, that wasn't my call. I know sibling relationships aren't always perfect, but having someone to grow up with and share a common background with is something I always wanted. After our first child was born, I knew I didn't want to have an "only" - it took awhile, but 4 years later I gave birth to my son. And that's when I knew my family was complete. No one can make that determination for you, though. It's just something you know and feel inside. By no means should you have another child just to keep your other one company - and there's no way of predicting whether or not you will regret it - if you're really not sure, maybe you should just give it awhile and keep the door open to the possibility. You may feel differently in the future.

We decided to have our second for our son, for the reasons you listed. My mom is an only child and had a HUGE burden caring for her mother and having to make life altering decisions for her in her last ten years of life all alone, she often said she wished she had someone to help her, or at least someone who she could call and lean on who really knew her mom the same way she did (her parents couldn't have any children and adopted her later in life). She also said that growing up she would go to friends houses and just love seeing all the siblings play together, and although she enjoyed her quiet time, always felt she was missing a bond of some sort. SO, we decided to go ahead and have another child, even though our son's toddler years were kind of rough and we thought we would be happy with just one child. BUT, we were financially able to care for two, and knew we had the parenting skills and family support to handle two kids... and we LOVED our son so much, we knew that adding to our family could only bring more love. As soon as our daughter was born (before, really) she was adored and anticipated by all of us to be such a wonderful individual and special addition, not just a sibling for our son. My son and daughter get along marvelously and love each other to the ends of the earth, he protects her and she makes him laugh. But the best part is, that she is another love of my life and I cannot imagine not having her little giggle dancing down the halls of our house. We made our decision based on logic rather than emotion, but she has captured us all with her beautiful heart. I can't imagine anyone regretting adding to their family when they love the children they already have! Oh, and after the first few months, two is actually easier than one (in my house anyway!), so only having one child isn't neccessarily "keeping things simple" - just food for thought!

Hi L., it's M.! Don't you love the Mamapedia community? Anyway, it looks like you got lots of good answers to your question, but I wanted to add to what I said today after I read what people told you. I totally agree with the sentiment that only children can be just as happy and well-adjusted as those with siblings. Almost all of the only children I know (as adults) are some of the MOST well-adjusted, thoughtful, wonderful people I know! After giving it some more thought, I agree with the people who said you shouldn't do it just for your son, but if YOU (and your husband) want another child. You can just ramp up the playdates or get to know the neighbor kids, and when you're older, he won't be alone b/c he will have his own family. Maybe he will even marry my daughter ;)!! See you soon and good luck with everything!

Think of all the Opps babies out there that are loved and adored by their whole family.

Hi L.,

By choice, my husband and I have just one daughter, now eight. There have been times, even recently, that I have had doubt about my decision for the same reasons you listed. However, it occurred to me that having a sibling does not guarantee they will be there for one another, no matter how much we wish for that to be true. I have known people who have three or four siblings and are closer emotionally to friends than their brothers or sisters.

I think it really just comes down to your own comfort level. If you both prefer just one child, there is nothing wrong with that. You might have plenty of people telling you otherwise (I once had someone tell me that you aren't a real mother unless you've had more than one and another person telling me that if I didn't give my daughter a sibling, she'd grow up to be completely self absorbed and selfish), but it's important to do what's best for you and your husband, whichever way you choose to go. Don't let people sway you either way, and don't feel pressured to defend yourself if you do decide to have another one. Your son will turn out great no matter what you decide, as you seem to be a sensitive, well thought-out type person (and I mean that in a good way!). :)

Take care,
L.

Choosing to have another child is a big choice. You said yourself "we both prefer one".

That should be your answer unless you somehow change your mind down the road.

We have an almost 16 yr old daughter, only child by choice and we have no regrets whatsoever. If you ask her, she likes it the way it is.

I see no reason for myself to have another child (when I already feel complete) simply because of my daughter. Our daughter has had a very stable, secure, fulfilled lifestyle. She has been able to participate in many things that larger families cannot feasibly do with more than 1 child. She is not a self centered little brat, she is a very bright honors student, talented violinist, cheerleader and black belt. She loves community service projects and serving others Our home is usually full of teens on weekends, no shortage of friends and social activity.

I knew during pregnancy that this was it and I never looked back. People tell you horror stories about only children but don't believe everything you hear. Some people just like to harp on someone out of jealousy, financial or whatever reasons.

We have prepared our funds so that our daughter will not be burdened if we fall ill as we get older. She is fully aware of our plans. Communication is key at our house.

You have to make the right decision for your family and not worry about what others have to say.

After my 1st pregnancy I really dreaded being pregnant again. But I did, and they love each other sooo much, our family is amazing. Im pregnant with my 3rd. Oooops! lol

Hi L.,
Definitely take your time on this and whatever decision you make will be ok. Having one child doesn't mean your child will be alone and having 2 children doesn't mean your child will not be alone. I know only children with many close friends and family. I know siblings who don't see or talk to each other.

My husband wanted 2 kids and I only wanted one. For many of the reasons you mentioned, I thought one would be perfect and I would only want a 2nd child so my son would have a sibling. But I realized I just couldn't do it again, and I finally convinced my husband that I would be a better mother with only 1 child. As a family of 3 we can do a lot more things together and go on more trips, etc. than we could if we had a 2nd child. We can give our son more opportunities. My son has lots of good friends and his 2 first cousins are like his sisters (they sure fight like they are siblings!). I asked my son if he wants a sibling and he said no.

So whatever you decide will be the right decision for your family and you should not have any regrets either way. Don't let others pressure or guilt you into doing something you don't want to do.

Good luck.

Don't have a second child just for your son. Trust me, my mom has three siblings and they all hate each other. There's no guarantee your kids will be there for each other at any point in life or even comfort each other when you're gone.

I have friends who just have one child and are perfectly content. If you prefer one child, go with that.

Why don't you and your husband give it another six months to a year and debate the pros and cons? My sons are nearly 4 years apart and it's been a wonderful age difference.

However, having said that, given your stated reasons for a second child...all to provide some kind of "service" to your eldest...I would say no, you don't really want a second child. If the only reason you have a child is to serve the needs (or perceived future needs) of a current child, well, I don't think that's fair to the second child. I mean, what will you do if your two children don't get along, are not playmates and are not a source of strength and comfort for each other? Then you're stuck with a child that has not fulfilled his/her stated purpose. Sound crazy? Indeed it does. On the other hand, if you and your husband decide you want a second child for the joy and blessing that is a new addition to your family, someone new to love and share the home you've created, great! But, until then, I would say no.

Good luck!

I see that you already had plenty of answers and have made a decision.
Still I wanted to add something.

Please, only have another child if want with all your heart to have him or her, if you are ready to love this child and share your life freely.

My husband and I are in the exact same position with the exemption that our is 23 months, not 2.5. We decided to not *try* and have a baby but not not try either. It was hard for me to pregnant with my first, it took a lot of ovulation planning and timed love making. This time around, we decided to not plan anything out or track anything. Sometimes we have unprotected sex, sometimes we dont. If I wind up getting pregnant, I know I will be very happy and will provide my son with a sibling. If I dont, then I still be happy because my son is everything to me and he makes me so happy as it is. I grew up with younger brothers and they were essentially my best friends. Thinking back, life would have been so depressing growing up without them. My husband is an only child and wants to give our son something that he never had, a brother or sister. We are financially and emotionally prepared for another child, so if it happens, it happens, and I will consider it to be another blessing from God.

We had a second so our first would have family - my husband has one sister who has no children, I have 2 brothers who have no children. NO cousins from either side, just distant cousins. We have had no regrets - actually having the second helped me to fall in love with the first all over again.
Good luck!

I'm sure you would love another child, but if you dont really want one, dont force it! We're waiting b/c of financial reasons even though we really want another child.

Well, when my daughter was approaching 3, we decided to have a 2nd child... because we did not want her to be alone.... in the future after we are gone..... and we wanted her to have 'family' (a sibling) and the continuum of that.... after we are gone... someone to share... in life... with a sibling.
We had our 2nd child, and they are 4 years apart. It is cool.
They LOVE each other and are very close. 2 peas in a pod.
It is a family.
When I gave birth to my 2nd child, my son... my daughter was SO happy... she told everyone "Mommy had baby brother for me...." (although that is NOT what we told her). That was her own way.... of expressing her feelings about it. She LOVED her baby brother and still does.
She now at 8 years old... has told me many times "I'm glad I have a brother...." and she is very.... happy and 'appreciative' about having a sibling. She even tells me she wishes she had MORE brothers or sisters! But well, I am all done, having babies. :)

all the best,
Susan

I am an only child and growing up, I always wished for a sibling. I saw the closeness that my friends had with their siblings and I so badly wanted that. Having a sibling meant, to me, that no matter where you were at, you wouldn't be alone because you would always have your sibling there.

The plus side of being an only child is that, I seem to have a much stronger relationship with my parents than most of my friends with siblings do. Also, the fact that I was alone more often than my friends were, the experience of that taught me independence.

There are pros and cons to both sides. I think the most important thing to do is figure out what all the pros and cons are for you and weigh them out. For me there were more pros to having more children than not.

When I was pregnant with my first I was very young, 19, but even then I knew I wanted to have more children and I even bought things in neutral colors so that I could use them for the other child I would have some day. Now I have 3 and while the money situation has changed with each, I am happy my children have each other to lean on through life. Good luck!

N. Hodgins
Helping Moms Work From Home
www.MyFamilyFirstCareer.com

We have an only child for many, many reasons and we love it. I would never consider having a second child just so our daughter could have a sibling when we pass away. There are no guarantees that siblings will like one another or even get along. Or that both children would be involved in your care when you are elderly. Our daughter is 5.5 years old, is close to her cousins, has tons of friends in school and her teacher just told us that she is a natural leader in class and very social and happy. We love the low stress of having one and we're extremely close. Good luck in your decision; you must do what is right for your family.

I think you should have another child if that is what you and your husband want , if not then stick at 1. Your son will not know any different if he's never had it and plenty of kids are only children. Do you have much of an extended family? Cousins etc? If you do then he has "other" family around just not a sibling.

No one can decide this for you and your husband - you both have to want it. You don't want to decide to have another and end up resenting that child because 'things were better/easier with one'.

I've got three little girls and, before my second was born, I totally understoos why some people have just one - it's great being able to dote on your 'only' child and you're able to devote all your extra time and attention to that child. But I'd always wanted a larger family (4 kids) so we had 2 more.

Having 2 (or more) is more difficult financially. It can be tricky to make sure everyone has enough time and attention. It can be downright exhausting. But there is so much more love and joy and laughter and 'I love you mommy's' that make it all worth it.

You have to listen to your heart and make the decision you can best live with. On a scale of 1-10, how important is having a sibling for your son? How important is keeping things the way they are?

First of all, the most important gift you can give a child is love and attention from you! A child does not have to have a sibling to be complete. I have an only child. It is not by choice... we wanted another one, but my body will not allow us to. She is the most amazing gift. She is smart, outgoing, and fearless because she KNOWS she is the light of our lives and she doesn't have to share any of that with anyone else.

Just a funny story... Elizabeth has two friends who both have baby brothers named Benjamin. So one day she asked me if she could have a Benjamin. I asked her back if she wanted to share Momma and Daddy with another kid. Her response was NO! lol! She doesn't want a sibling ever.

On a more confirming note, I sat down with my 15 year old nephew who is also an only child. He is an amazing kid and is very well liked by his peers. He is very grounded and focused on the huge goals he has set for himself. Anyway, I asked him if he was sad he had never had a brother or sister. He told me no that he always gets time with his parents and whenever he goes to other kids houses who do have siblings they never seem to get along. He doesn't like that frustration, very much like his aunt. :-P

Do what is best for your family. If you and your husband feel complete, then there is no reason to add another. Your son will be fine either way.

I understand your situation, as I think my husband and I will face the same question. I think single kids are fine if there are good friends and other family around. What about cousins? Or other kids to grow up with? I have had the same girlfriends since childhood, even though I have hardly lived at home for years. They are like sisters and will always be. Don't pressure yourself. Just follow your guts. Wait another year and reflect maybe.

My son is almost 4 and I've finally decided that I don't feel I need to 'give' him a sibling. Deciding to add another person to your family is HUGE. If you don't feel like you want another baby for yourselves then you shouldn't feel like your son needs a sibling. When you add another sibling the dynamic in your house changes. The first born will behave differently after the next baby comes along. If you love your relationship with your son then keep things the way they are. It's nice to be able to give 100% of yourself to one child. Children adapt and just because an only child doesn't have a sibling doesn't mean they won't develop very strong relationships with other family members like cousins or friends outside the family. If you want more kids because it's what you want then go for it but if you aren't sure just wait until you are. I'm the baby in my family and my closest sibling is 8 years older than me. I have a great sister relationship with both my sister despite the 8 and 11 year age difference. Don't pressure yourself to make the decision and the right answer will come to you.

Hi L., I think I'd be asking myself the same question 2 years down the lane, when my newborn is 2+! :)
I am an elder sibling myself, and glad to say my younger sister is one of my closest friends, and vice-versa. So is my hubby and his brother. Since we both have a very positive and happy sibling' background, am sure we'd no doubt go for a 2nd, maybe even a 3rd baby, God permits..
But its a huge huge responsibility, and not something we can do on a whim too. Like you say, financial comfort and self-motivation is very important. I like your decision to simply try without planning and take it however it goes. Either way, am sure it'll be a happy thing for you!
Godbless!

I have 2 boys and couldn't imagine my life without both of them no matter what I have to give up, no matter how un-simple my life may become at times, no matter what. And on top of that my son has a friend for life.

We had exact similar situation like a year ago. And, we wanted to have 2nd one because of our son mostly, although we both love kids but still preferred one that time. Then, we finally have our daughter, she is now 7 months old and we couldn't imagine that the reason of having her at the beginning seems totally changed. We love her as much as we love our son. She is totally unique and our son loves her. We never regret it. At the same time, it is not bad to wait and see one more year etc. We kind of couldn't wait because my bio clock is ticking.. haha.

We decided on 2.. Im 8 wks pregnant now. Our son is 3, and we had the exact same discussions you listed for 2 years! We initially wanted 2 really close together, but were so satisfied with 1, we just went in circles with it. We finally decided to stop birth control when we realized we could go in circles for several more years to come and not decide. Since one of the main reasons for a second was a sibling for our son, we figured now or never since he will now be almost 4 when the baby is born. Not sure if my reasons are any better than the next for pro-creating, but we went with it.
Good luck! :o)

Having two is a highly personal decision but since you asked...
I think each and every child you have has to be for your own sake and not to make anyone else happy be that a grandparent or another child. I think that more people need to consider the cost of a child and not just have them and assume that they will provide somehow. I grew up in a family with four children and much as I love my siblings I think the sacrifices made because we were a family of six instead of three or four did hurt and were not necessarily "character builders" or "fun adventures". Having one child would allow you to still have your own interests and allow your child to develop his or her own interests as well. We always had every intention of having 2 children and would not change it for anything. But we find that sometimes one child cannot do what they want because the other has something else planned or they both have to do the same thing even if it is not what the other wants to just as a matter of how much time we have to do anything. I am not saying that sacrifice is bad, it is an important life skill to learn sacrifice but between two parents and one child there is sacrifice and each child added means more has to be shared or even not be had by someone. Also while it is a nice thought to have two children who can be friends as adults that is never guaranteed. While I would not suggest giving your son any kind of substitute sibling like a pet I would encourage you to let him know (whatever you decide) that he is an important person to you and that some decisions have to be the parents and not the childs.

Yes, it's enough reason. My mother told me that she thinks this is the only reason anyone has a second child. And I'm her second child. It didn't bother me a bit to hear this, for a number of reasons, among them - my mother and I are very close. You'll love the new child unconditionally when he or she comes along.

Oh I just read your "so what happened" section and that plan sounds great. I am so in love with my second of course but if I knew then what I knew now I would wait longer!!! Mine are 2.5 years apart exactly and WOW what a handful!! I do think I want one more but I am going to wait until my little one is about three to try for baby three. That way I will have potty training out of the way, and my little one will get to have his baby/toddlerhood without sharing it with a baby. So I think you are good to start trying bc even if you got pregs soon your first would be close to three or three, which is great. Of course now my little one is 10.5 months, walking and chasing after his brother and they play alot, so I do think giving my first a sibling was a great decision for us. They love each other so much and they do fight some but mostly they play and it is super cute. I think as they grow up I will be really glad they are closer in age as they will be able to play well, so there are benefits no matter how you do it and as you say I just cannot imagine life without both my boys, even though two is much harder!!!!! The neatest thing about having a second is to see the difference in their personality and to see how you really can love another child the way you love your first, it's like your heart just enlarges, both my kids totally light my world. So anyway, I think you guys will do what is best but in my experience two is a lot more work, but totally worth it and I think you are already at a good space and a little more time will only make it better. Best wishes!!!

I have 2 kids 19 yrs apart and after bieng a single mom highlysuggest having 2. its lonely being an only especially if the parent lives in the country. like I did. and yes i say its enough reason to have 2 kids but someone will always be the last sibling.

We decided on 2, and I would not have it any other way, but that is what worked for our family, and may not be right for yours. I love that my boys (20 months apart) always have each other to play with.

I think a sibling is the greatest gift you can give your child. Period. Once a second baby is born into a family they are loved as much as the first and parents always say they couldn't imagine their lives without the new addition. I know a lot of moms on here keep saying that having a sibling doesn't guarantee that they'll be close and I know that's true but really only by a small percentage. MOST siblings get along and love each other. The reasons those that don't get along stand out to us is because they are in the minority and it sounds so unnatural that we remember them. We don't really dwell on all the friends we have that do get along with their siblings. We probably rarely think about it. Also, keep in mind that all of the friends and cousins in the world cannot replace the everyday life and experiences that happen in your family. Only a sibling can really know and cherish the family dynamic on a day to day basis when they are older. I also think that asking a child if they want a sibling is kind of silly. If you ask kids if they want to drive a car or eat dessert for dinner they'd probably say yes. They're not really capable of knowing what a true sibling bond is or will never be as a child. They may think of siblings as those you have to share your toys with or fight with. And even though that happens there's a bit more to it than that. I know you and your husband will make the right choice for your family but of the five women I know that were only children only one has ever told me she was fine with it. The others till this day wish they had had a brother or sister.