Working Mom Feeling Guilty

Hi J.,
I'm a working mom who works over 40hours a week. It is normal to feel all those thing. Everyone says everyday will get eaiser and that is true sometimes. Than the kids get sick and need mom. The way I look at it is there it's just the way the world is now. Mom's have to work and it's not a bad thing. My kids know that I can leave them and I will always come back. They are learning more at daycare than I could ever teach them. I have met other moms and have made some of my own friends. The key is to find daycare that makes you feel like your baby is in a safe loving enviorment. Once that is done everything else falls into place. Love your baby and everything will be fine.
Good Luck with your new job.

hi J., I know it is hard to leave you child to go back to work I have the same problem that is why I started my own small business. I think you might be interested and if you are please go to my website at

Good Luck,
A.

www.themomteam.com/achabre
____@____.com

I have also gone through this same feeling where I feel like some coworkers whose kids are grown or do not have kids judge me for leaving work as soon as I can...but I know that I am doing my job well and that I am much more efficient with the time I am there. I also do a lot of work at home when my son is asleep, and I am sure to mention that to coworkers who I feel are judging me! Anyone who has worked and had a child understands why you leave work as soon as you can...because you are a good mother!

I know its hard not to - but dont feel guilty. Your being a great mom! And who are these people - do they have kids? If they do - I am 100% sure they understand your feelings about running out. Is there a way for you to stay late a couple days and they other days punch out at 5pm exactly??? I think you will find a happy medium, were you are putting in the time at work and still spending quality time with your son. I am a single mom with a 18 mo daughter and I always feel like I dont spend enough time with her because I work full time year round. But its something I have to do to give her a good life and when I look at it like that - I feel better.

J., you do what you have to do in life.... If you need this job, you do what you need to do. However, I will tell you from experience that you will never regret time spent with your children. They are truly an investment in your time and talents. I was at a party over the weekend and a woman of an infant and a seven year old was saying how she longed for monday and daycare..... I started to feel sorry for the woman, not so much the children, because she obviously isn't getting what it is to be a mother..... Why have children if you don't want to make the commitment to be there for them? You obviously understand what a source of joy (and frustration) they can be.... Your soul is trying to tell you something and you must have the courage to listen. Good-luck in whatever you decide!

Hi J.:

I feel your pain and understand your position, both personally and professionally. First, I want to tell you to please not feel guilty. The fact that you are working also benefits him, not just financially but emotionally and socially as well. I understand that you have a desire to spend as much time with him as possible and miss him tremendously during the day. I am also working full-time and have 2 children, ages 5 and 3. I took my traditional 3 months maternity leave and then returned to work full-time after that. I am not sure what kind of job it is and whether it's possible for you to start work earlier so you can leave at 5 pm. Because that's what I did, I changed my working hours while still keeping the total number of hours worked. In fact in the summer I start at 7:30 am, work through lunch and then leave at 3 pm so that I can spend more time with the kids at the end of the day. I agree with you that getting home at 6 pm and by the time dinner is prepared, eaten, cleaned up and bath, there is no time for free play with your child. I was in the same boat. Even leaving at 4:30 pm vs 5 pm made a big difference b/c I was not in traffic as much when I left earlier. I hope things work out for you and that there is some flexibility for you to start work earlier so that you can get home at a decent time to spend time w/ your son. Good luck. C.

Hi J.,
Anyone who is a good worker and a good mother is going to feel torn. I did and it was awful. You want to be the best at all the jobs you are doing. It did get to the point though where I had to make a decision because I was getting burnt out. First I cut back on overtime. Try doing twice a week of staying longer or something. Let's face it you have another full time job once you leave that one. So if people seem judgemental, just say you have to get to your second job. If they ask you what it is, just say it proudly and with a confident smile that you have to go home and be a Mom to your 15 month old son. People will either understand or not. Bottom line is that as long as your boss is happy with your work then you have no worries. It doesn't matter about the others. You can't please everyone.
I did end up leaving my full time job, which I enjoyed very much, to stay home with my children, which I enjoy even more. Not because people at work made me feel like I had to. It was my choice to do it. And in the end my boss didn't want me to go, but he understood and I had no idea he felt that way. People can surprise you.

Warmest Regards,
M. C

Hi J.! I do feel your pain as a working mom myself. One thing that I finally did was resign myself to feeling the guilt... my theory is that you will feel guilty if you work because you're not with your son, and guilty if you don't because you aren't bringing home a paycheck or because you feel like you have to enrich your son's every single day with activities and the like. Now, it's what you do with that guilt that matters. One thing that has worked for me is to let myself just feel it once or twice a day during a downtime at work, then let it go. I know my kids are okay at daycare and I have to trust that it will stay that way. It is REALLY hard finding the balance and there is no answer. Our work-obsessed culture has totally made it next to impossible to have a flexible job so you can actually have a decent amount of quality time with your kids. This is not your fault!

As far as the hours go at your job, my opinion is, as long as you are meeting the expectations they have of you, doing your work, and making a real effort, you should NOT feel badly for leaving after a full day. Can you work through lunch some days to leave earlier? Or maybe take a shorter lunch? I also liked the previous post's idea of working later a day or two a week so you can leave a bit earlier the other days. I am a teacher, and I notice that most of my colleagues with kids leave much earlier than those without kids, or whose kids are grown. I know for sure that I put a lot into my job and give it my all when I'm there, so I don't feel badly when I leave. My kids come first and that's that! Best of luck to you, I know how hard it is, but you can do it!!

I would suggest you look into working a different shift than your husband. I did it for about a year after my last son was born and it worked out great! I got to be with the kids all day. and my husband was with them all evening. We only needed a sitter for two hours a day. (2:30 - 4:30).

Hi J.,

This sounds exactly like deja vu. My husband and I had our first daughter back in July 07. I knew that once I had her, I had to go back to work to financially support the 3 of us. Luckily, the company I worked for at the time was very supportive and understood the needs of me being a new mommy. Unfortunately, I was laid off in October 07 which was such a bummer because I loved what I did there, but the bonus was I got to stay at home and raise my daughter for 9 months. Well, I'm back to work now full time, and although I love what I do now for my job, the commute is about a hour ride home at night. I find myself preparing to leave ahead of time so by the time 5 o'clock rolls around, I'm ready to bounce out the door. I get home around 6 pm, and I only get to see her for just a few hours before I give her a bath and put her to bed. (My husband gets home first and gives her dinner).

I guess what I would like to say is although it's very overwhelming and I feel guilty for leaving her everyday, the best I way I try to look at it is I know she's got great care during the day (she's in a daycare program with other kids her own age). It's very cute to see how she will crawl/walk over to them when I drop her off and start playing with her "friends" It gives me piece of mind that she's happy. I'm a mother, and although financially we can't afford for me to stay home, I am not only a wife but a mom and as my responsibility I need to provide for my family. Everytime I feel like I'm going to get teary eyed or feel guilty, I try to remind myself that my daughter is happy, healthy and that I'm providing for her. I'm not sure if this helps. Just remember you're a wonderful mom, and you love your son very much. Try to hang in there. Have you also considered working from home options? I'm working with the Pampered Chef and I'm able to set my own hours with that, which is nice =)

Good luck!