to open presents in front of guests at a child's party but not at a wedding?
I went to my fair share of child hood parties and we always gathered around and watched as the birthday girl or boy would open each gift and everyone would oooh and ahhh. Inevitably, half way through some of the kids were already diving into the pile of things to examine them and everyone wanted to play with the new gifts. One kid would be devastated that his gift isn't the birthday kid's favorite, to be buried at the bottom of the pile and forgotten. Another would be embarrassed because they didn't get an expensive gift and another kid's parents sprang for the hot new toy that everyone wanted to play with.
So then, if we realize it's potentially hurtful to some of the guests to have all the gifts opened and scrutinized in front of an audience, why do we still do it? As adults who grow up to get married, we take the pile of gifts home to go through them in private and write wonderful thank you notes to each guest individually, and privately, showing appreciation even if the gift was not something we cared for... most of the time.
I was unfortunate enough to attend a wedding where the bride, while the food was being prepared, went over to the table of gifts and started ripping them open and holding them up, as if we were at a children's birthday party. My gift was not flashy but it was selected off her registry and very practical. I'd spent a good chunk of change on various odds and ends to help make a kitchen complete, like dish towels, drying rack and a number of other things she wanted. When she got to mine, she didn't outright make fun of the gift but the look on her face... it was akin to a child opening up a present and finding socks. She said thank you, of course, but it was hard not to miss her obvious disappointment that it wasn't a fancy crystal vase, a chocolate fondue set or something equally fun and extravagant. When I selected her medley of gifts I thought about all the things I wish I had when I first started a home of my own and selected accordingly. The crystal goblets get used infrequently, but the rice cooker gets used every damn day.
This wedding was the exception to the rule as at most weddings, the bride does not tear into her gifts shortly after saying "I do", however it begs the question... why do we still make our kids do it if we realize it's embarrassing to do as an adult? Would it not be just as embarrassing to a kid? Or do we so easily forget...
As an aside, the bride's marriage did not last but six months. However, she's now recently affianced again.
Most of the children's parties we've gone to (and thrown) no longer open presents as part of of the birthday party. Only when there is down time or unscheduled time at a party have I seen presents get opened. But if the party is planned out and follows a schedule, then usually there is no time to open gifts.
(What a rude bride. No wonder the marriage didn't last.)
I am guessing that she opened the gifts because she was a immature bride who was still much like a child. At children's parties we open gifts because the kids like it and a personal thank you is good. The kids are always excited to give their gift and see what others got. No child I have ever seen at any party for kids has ever been embarrassed their parents did nto spend enough or any of that. I think you are projecting your feelings onto the situation and it really does not apply. And you are an adult, why are you so sensitive about your gift not being the favorite? Although i do think it was tacky of the bride to open the gifts when she did, any feelings you have about your gift are yours alone and do not reflect those of the bride or any child.
Umm....I don't see the comparison between a kids party with a small amount of children to a wedding with a ton of people. Sorry-apples and oranges. And it is not at all embaressing to a kid....it is fun to a kid. Its part of the beauty of being a kid-they don't care so much about what other people think. IF THEY like it is is allright.
Well I must be in the minority, because the day after the wedding we have a 'gift opening' party! hahaha Basically, the families and whoever wants to comes to watch the bride and groom open gifts. There's food and drinks and lots of socialization. Really, it's an excuse to prolong the party :o)
I don't see anything wrong with kids opening their gifts at their parties. We've done that for all the parties we've had AND been to. There was one party that we had to leave before the birthday girl got to open her gifts and my girls were bummed that they didn't get to see what she got.
But everyone does things differently and has their own ideas about what is or is not appropriate.
I would have loved your gift!!! I have often wondered why we don't have a party after 15 years of marriage instead of after the wedding. I think couples would appreciate it more and then they would understand the value of the gifts they are receiving. In this day and age it is a real feat to be married past ten years.
As for the whole gift receiving thing, I will tell you what we do. We don't have expensive birthday parties and invite tons of kids. We take a family day trip together. The birthday boy or girl chooses the trip. I give the one gift and grandparents give them a gift.
In my house people are more important than things. It is something that I am adamant about. My kids don't get a ton of material items and they are very appreciative of what they have. I don't say they are perfect. There has been a time in each one of there little lives that we have had the gift practice. We go around putting just silly things in a gift bag, like rocks, a washcloth, or the dog bone. We then sit in a cycle and give our gifts. I challenge each child to convince the rest of us that they truly like the gift they have received.
one of the reasons i'm a shower curmudgeon is because i loathe sitting there while the recipient squeals through a mountain of gifts and everyone oohs and ahhs over every single one.
your bride was an inconsiderate schmuck.
i guess kids do it because kids get excited to see their friend's reaction to their gift, but since kids are even less able to fake reactions than schmucky brides, it's a loaded situation.
i say we start a movement to have all present-opening private and thank you notes a must!
khairete
S.
I think kids should learn how to show appreciation and say thank you, so they should open the presents with the kids there. Also, most kids want to see their present opened -- they don't usually feel embarrassed.
I think people should be able to do the wedding the way they want -- it's just too bad this bride didn't have better manners, and learn how to at least fake it.
Don't fret, you did good, over time she will use that rice cooker and think to herself, wow, this rice cooker and drying rack are so handy! I'm glad I got them after all.
I remember when i was a teenager I attended the b/day of an italian-american girl who just moved back to Italy from NYC with her family. She was raised in the US so her party was obviously american style, all of us invitees were italians. I remember she put on a big table all the presents she was getting without opening them right away (which is what we do in Italy - as soon as we get the present we open it in front of the giver and we thank him directly) and, after some party time, she called us all around her and asked us to sit as she opened the presents in front of everybody. That was weird for us, as we had to interrupt the mingling, the dancing, the eating ..etc.. just to see this apparently "big event" happening (she opening her presents), the music stopped and everything, but eventually we resumed our party activities and the day went on. Still to this day, I remember how uncalled for was the inevitable comparison of the presents and how uncomfortable I felt. I don't do it to the people who are my guests, I don' care what the tradition is. Just my opinion.
I don't have my children open their gifts in front of everyone, we do it at home, after the party.
I've never liked that either... for us it's about sharing the day w/ your friends not gifts. As my children get older we'll be switching from gifts (from friends) to 'Please bring something for ....(fill in the charity)'. One of my friends had her children meet the guest at the door and would open the gift as they child brought it in so that the gift giver could get a one on one thank you, appreciation for the gift.
Re: the bride... I'm sorry that your feeling were hurt... but man that's one of the funniest/tackiest things I've EVER heard!!!!! She ripped into her gifts during the reception!!! OMG. That poor groom......
My wedding (in 1975) was what my dad called a 3 day Polish Catholic wedding. Friday we had the rehersal and dinner, Saturday the Wedding, and Sunday the gift opening party at my parents home with close relatives and then went out for dinner. One of my bridesmaids sat and wrote down all of my gifts and who the came from. I was exhausted by Monday. In the past in the mid 60's I remember the gift opening right after the cake was cut at weddings. Now it is considered bad form to bring the gift to the actual wedding but it should be dropped off at the brides home or her parents home the week before the wedding. But what if the bride is a co-worker and you don't know her parents and know the bride is crazy busy the week before I would hate to go to her home and expect her to open a gift that week. I would rather take the gift to the bride and groom a week or two after the wedding so they have a chance to relax after all the hoopla.
As far a kids b-day parties go I feel the gifts should be opened at the party so everyone can join in the fun.
Most of the kids' birthday parties I've be at, the kids didn't open the gifts at the party. From my experience it's not very practical to do so. First, it's kind of boring for the other kids. Second, as you pointed out, some of the gifts may be "better" than others. Third, in my opinion, it takes way too long and that time is much better spent playing and having fun.
I would not be opening mine mostly because by the time it may be "appropriate" I will be too drunk! Honest, I will be. But, my thought was mostly that many gifts were mailed to the bride's home BEFORE the wedding, that has been my experience ... I have never arrived at a wedding with gift in hand, it has always been mailed to the bride or grooms home if they share a household or a designated parent's home if they do not live together yet. Plus there are TOO many darn gifts to open at a wedding your guest list typically has nearly 100 people that means nearly 50 gifts or more depending and your average kiddo party has about 10-20 gifts. The flow of a wedding as well does not really have a place to put that in either ... really once you start the dancing/drinking ... DON'T STOP IT!
Don't be so insecure about your gift, I'm sure she loved it and you said it was practical and something she can actually use.
I would cherish place-mats over a crystal vase any day.
Maybe she isnt planning on sending out thank you notes and thats why she opened them in front of everyone?
Great question! I think opening presents after ANY party is the more polite thing to do. Like you, I've never understood why children's party built in this painful, and exceedingly boring, process. At one of my baby showers, a friend gave me a great gift bag filled with maxi pads, Tucks medicated pads and lots of other things I'd need after the birth that no one told her about. It was hugely embarrassing to pull all this stuff out of the bag and not understand why I was getting it. To this day it remains the single best baby shower gift I ever received but it really wasn't at the moment.
I solved the gift problem with my children but making sure our parties were either "no gifts, please" events or very low key events where gifts were not the primary focus (the activity was). This seemed to work for me and my family. My children, now teens, associate their birthdays with extra special time with family, not a gift-fest. The only exception was their 13th birthdays when they had their Bar Mitzvahs.
Thanks for your post!
Man, I wish this site had a "Like" button.
