Why Do Men Gripe over the Stupidest Things???

Updated on September 01, 2011
J.K. asks from The Colony, TX
21 answers

I swear I think DH searches for things to gripe about just to gripe. Maybe he's bored, maybe he needs something more entertaining in his life, maybe he tries to get a rise out of me and thinks my frustration is funny...either way, what's the point???

Tonight, DH was helping me with the dishes and was wondering why I used so many knives between last night and this evening. It upset him that 3 extra knives had to be cleaned and it was a waste of water and money to use so many utensils. I told him I run the dishwasher once daily and didn't see a big deal in washing 3 extra pieces of silverware. I mean, if I was going to run the dishwasher anyways, what was thet big deal? It's not like I'm gonna need to do an extra load of dishes just for these extra knives. He didn't like that I wasn't more concerned about conserving water and money so his reaction was, well since you don't pay the bills I guess you don't have any reason to be concerned about money anyways.

I WAS LIVID! I know he only said that b/c he was upset but really...why get upset over something so stupid??? He's acting like he's looking for a fight. Acting like he's upset about something, but having it come out in a subject so trivial. He can't be upset over this...can he? He did have a very hard day at work and is very tired. But, really that shouldn't matter b/c I don't care how hard of a day you have, you don't take it out on other people.

Do you have a DH or SO that argues and complains about the stupidest things? Do Tell!

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now.

1 mom found this helpful

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Thanks so much, Moms for your responses! I love hearing everyone's views and even personal stories. I will absolutely take all your advice into account in the future. Ya'll are great!

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answers from Charlotte on

Next time he fusses about the cost of water and soap to wash something, tell him that perhaps you should just forego having sex with him since you have to wash off afterwards. That'll shock his butt so hard he should shut up!


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15 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

You know, what really works for me if I'm the one feeling grouchy and complaining is when my husband puts his arms around me and repeats back the gripe I've just expressed. Like, "Honey, I'm hearing that you'd really like me to put the pizza pan back in the left end of the pan rack. It's frustrating for you to have to hunt for it every time I've put the dishes away. I'll work on that."

He doesn't remember next time, and he still sticks it somewhere creative and invisible. But it's easier to forgive him, knowing that he heard why it bugs me. I do the same listening/paraphrasing process with him. It works really well.

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answers from Topeka on

I have been married for 42 years....and believe me..it doesn't change!! What CAN change is your reaction to is...when my husband grumbles and growls about some silly little thing like that my standard response is "Oh Honey if I didn't give you something to growl about you would go DAYS without talking to me" And I give him a silly grin. Normally...he laughs....I laugh and the whole thing is forgotten.
Men and Women operate on totally different spheres...women deal with emotions, feelings, HORMONES...men deal with FACTS !!! Your answer is in your last paragraph..he was tired..he had a hard day..maybe someone had just gotten on his LAST nerve at work but of course he couldnt take it out on them...so he brought it home where it felt safe to let a little steam off.
Maybe you could have put down your sponge, or towel ...gone over and wrapped your arms around him...give him a big kiss and say something like "Sounds like you must have had a rough day at work today...I am sorry".
It takes two to fight...so if you refuse to fight...it will al blow over a lot sooner!!

13 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I think it's all relative. Woman complain about some petty and stupid things, too. I'm sure my husband has a list about me, just as long (or longer) as my list about him!!

12 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

My husband and I own a business together, and today he yelled - literally yelled - at me because he didn't feel I was enthusiastic enough about a project he wants to do. I told him, very calmly, that I didn't feel the project met with our company objectives for this year, and in fact I was concerned after crunching the numbers that it was too risky a project to take on right now. Well, he absolutely flipped out about that. I don't support him, I'm so negative, blah blah blah! Dude, seriously?! Someone has to keep the company on track financially. He's the creative mind behind the work we do, and I am the one who does the project management - finances, long-term projections, loans, vendor payments. So yeah, SOMEONE has to rein him in if he starts talking crazy! That's how we stay solvent! For him to blame me was a cheap shot for sure.

UGH. Yeah, I'm totally with you. Finally I interrupted DH's tirade to tell him that I had had enough of the conversation, and hung up the phone. He did call later to apologize, but guess who WON'T be cooking dinner tonight? Yeah, that would be me. >:-/

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Orlando on

Why do men gripe about the stupidest things? Probably for the same reason women do....I know because I see it here on this site every day :-) sorry, that was just plain rude, maybe I need to take my tired self to bed now LOL

10 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

OK quick story...we HAD to go to Super Evil Mart one night (No Other Option - or believe me, Id have taken it) We're heading out to checkout with the necessary thing and he grabs a can of Bush's Baked Beans. "I'm getting there..." Really? Because we have 5 cans just llike it at home! We're at the all time consumer trap mega center offering 2 zillion items, and you just HAVE to have THAT can of baked beans???? LOL

OH!!! The sugar comment reminded me of this one. When "his" toothpaste is getting low in the tube, he leaves it out in the middle of the bathroom counter, I guess as a 'signal" to me to replace it. This can go on for 5 to 7 days. Really? Dude! Two steps to the cupboard and Violå! there's the new one.

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answers from Redding on

Just say "I'm sorry", that usually shuts everything down pretty quickly. Don't know why saying we're sorry is so hard when it's really the best thing to do.
Then, keep track of how many I'm sorrys you said each day for a week, that should be interesting. I've been sorry for over a week that I have clothes slung all over the place in our bedroom... due to getting ready for a camping trip and now with no quarters to do the laundry. He keeps griping about when I'm gonna clean it up and I keep saying "I'm sorry, I'll get to it tomorrow". I love it when tomorrow never comes ;)

8 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

Um, you do read the other questions, right? This is not a gender specific question. :p

We both argue about the stupidest things. We sat in the basement discussing what is the best direction to put the fish tank. Mind you the basement isn't finished and this is not where the tank will be set up.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

My brother told me one time that the reason the ice didn't come out of the dispenser on the front of the fridge evenly was because I didn't stir the ice in the freezer every morning......it's become a joke in our house.....Gotta stir that ice! What in the world do they think we do all day??????

Do you stir your ice, lol???

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answers from Denver on

My husband went off the other day because "whenever he goes to make tea, the sugar is ALWAYS out" - he was seriously pissed. Really? Like I set that up on purpose? I get in trouble ALL THE TIME when he's missing something: his wallet, his belt, like I hide them from him! I think it's just stress!

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answers from Albany on

Well, you're right and you answered your own question. He's NOT really all pissed off about the extra knives, he's pissed off cause he had a rough day at work and the REASON he works is to keep you and the kids in comfort, and CLEARLY he was feeling under appreciated on this day!

(Quicky in the laundry room will be an easy attitude adjustment for him, works for me at least!)


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answers from Honolulu on

Men... vent like that.
We... vent in different ways. Also irritating to them and does not make sense.

Men.. also act like babies when they are sick.
Then when we are sick, they have no clue.

We have... PMS.
They have their own version.

We ALL have a hard day... and are tired.
Makes no difference about gender.
We just gripe differently.

My Hubby complains about 'me' leaving a dish on the table after I am done eating. HE... leaves his plate there too, and all his crumbs and cup and everything else he used to have a snack.... and THEN... says he never does that. Only me.
What... ever.
Last night.. he left the cheese out on the kitchen table after he had a snack.
I had to throw it away. I did it in front of him.
Meanwhile the entire rest of the kitchen was put away and clean.
No mouse could have left the cheese out.
Only, him.

Humans... need to vent. Men. Women. Children too.
And they do it to those closest to them.
What a compliment!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Rockford on

Was he nearing his time for manstruation??? LOL...I have to say, mine doesn't gripe too much...he actually does a lot of housework and all the outside and car stuf! I am lucky...but every once in awhile, he'll complain about how many dish towels I use in a day..."O, got one wet, better get another one!" Well...I run a daycare, so I have to keep grabbing clean ones! Anyway...sounds like he was grumpy about something and just needed to find something to pick on w/out saying what was really makin him mad! Who knows! As far as the money comment...wait til you are both calmed down and address that one...that wasn't nice! I'm sure you both agree that you staying home is best for whatever reason. Good luck and hope tomorrow brings a better day for you!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

Not usually but today my husband is on my last nerve.

it was my fault he went the wrong way towards my obgyn appointment because i didnt mention he was doing it. If i had told him how to drive it would be another argument.

he also argued with me over whether or not the man walking into the cafeteria looked like his g-pa

because i opened our truck door and a water fell out and rolled down the driveway.

Because HE forgot his phone and i said "if its important they will call me" and he disagreed with that.

Because i said i did not like the interior of his International scout (an off road vehicle), i told him that my opinion cant be argued

There were other things i just dont want to remember. I told him that it was HIM that was acting pregnant, not me.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Just like the way we PMS as certain times, they can also get "overwhelmed" and if they had a bad day, well that is just the straw that broke the camel's back - so-to-speak.

Sometimes they can feel like we dont "respect them". In your case... he probably had a crappy day at work and in the heat of the moment felt that if he is paying the bills, why cant you respect that and try to help out a little.. but his reaction to that was negative and very UN-LOVING, therefore making YOU feel like a fool and that he does not LOVE you, otherwise he would not have said those things.

SO, it becomes a chain reaction. You say something back to counter his UNLOVING behaviour, he feels disrespected even more, and so on... you get the message...

It is just one big misunderstanding. God made women to love and nurture, that is in our nature, and God made MEN to respect and protect. SO in return we want our partner to treat us like we want to be treated. We want love, they want respect. But neither of us know how to give each other just that. Make sense? Clear as mud? LOL! I learnt the hard way.

We still bicker over stupid things and then we have to remind ourselves that, Hold on, this is not REALLY what it is about. I feel UNLOVED, or I feel DISRESPECTED right now. THATS why we are fighting. Not the stupid knives.

I think it was most likely about him having to work a crappy job to earn money, because it is his responsibility, and he got a little fed up having to deal with crappy people all day long, BUT he should not have taken it out on you either way.

With that said, perhaps show him that you are trying.. if you have to do the dishes early so it is done when he gets home... so be it. If a light is on, turn it off, just for a little while and mention to him, oh honey, can you turn off that light please I am trying hard to help you/us save money.

Men are very black and white. Sometimes you just have to TELL him, or boost his ego a little. Tell other people in front of him in your group, ya know, I am so proud of my husband, he works SO hard, and he helps out around the house too! that will make him feel like a million bucks.

Hopefully, in return he will show you some LOVE... (I don't mean sexy time)

If you like reading, try this book: LOVE and RESPECT, the never ending cycle.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

My husband gripes about lights being left on. When I'm carrying laundry through the bedroom and bathroom to the closet, I like to have my whole path lit, especially if I'm going back and forth. But when I'm gone to get the next armful he turns off the lights so I have to walk through a dark area with my hands full. He says, but you weren't in that room. It annoys me because I do try not to waste electricity, he just doesn't notice.
Conserving resources doesn't have to mean not using them at all. I have this same argument with my recycling-obsessed son. If you really want to use less water you could bathe less often, save the used bathwater to water your plants, don't flush the toilet, wear the same clothes days in a row without washing them, never mop the floor, and all share the same drinking glass. But most people would not do this because their hygiene and health are a lot more valuable than the water.
My husband's family likes to push his buttons because they think it's funny. They'll mention stuff about politics to see him get worked up and he won't realize they're not serious. Ironically, he does the same thing to our son.

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answers from Naples on

My husband is wonderful 95% of the time, but when he's stressed about work he gets mad about the most bizarre and random things.
My dad is the same way, or at least was when I lived at home. I'll never forget, one day he was doing dishes and I asked him to hand me a fork. I thought he would hand me one out of the drawer, but he reached into this sink full of what looked to me like dirty dishes, and handed me one from there. I said, "No, a clean one" (no attitude at all) and he FLIPPED OUT....how DARE I assume he would hand me a dirty fork? Did I think he's stupdid? Blah blah blah.
I told him the same thing I tell my husband when he acts that way - You're being ridiculous.

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answers from Dallas on

To answer your question: Yes, I had one, and he's soon to be my ex-husband. No joke. I moved out last week, and I haven't felt this good in years. No one is perfect, but I don't need to spend the rest of my life being berated and micromanaged about how many utensils I use (yep, we had that exact discussion at my house, too), about bathing my daughter with two washcloths instead of one, about how I fold the dishcloths, about how slowly I drink my water when he wants to take my glass and put it in the dishwasher, etc. Actually, I might still be putting up with it if he hadn't started in on our child. Seeing that man squish the light out of her every single night when he came home and seeing how she went from being happy that Daddy was home to telling me that she hated it when he came home made me see how his behavior was hurting her. And that, along with a ten-minute tirade over how she was holding her fork one night at dinner (she is 6 years old, and he'd never once taken the time to show her how to hold it properly, and she was TRYING as hard as she could to please him) and then another irrational, mean outburst at her, is what caused me to pack our bags and leave. He's a much better father these days, now that we're gone. Thank goodness, because she was going to end up hating him with his mean, hypercritical attitude and constant nitpicking. Now that he has limited time with her, he goes out of his way to be nice and patient. I doubt I was ever going to be worth the effort from him, but at least he's going to be nice to his only child.

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answers from Dallas on

I can't believe he said that when you had 3 knives in your hand!!!

Anyway, I'll bet there was something else bothering him and that was just his way of blowing off steam. I wouldn't take it too personally unless it becomes a habit.



answers from Tyler on

They only get worse with age, so batten down the hatches and pray for an extra dose of love. You are going to need it!

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