Who to Invite to Out of Town Wedding

Updated on May 10, 2014
D.C. asks from Midland, TX
13 answers

My daughter just graduated college and has been living in another city for several years now. She is getting married there in August and I have a limited amount of invitations I am able to send out. Many friends know I am helping her plan the wedding which I have mentioned on my Facebook page. Would it be rude to ask my Facebook friends to let me know if they would like an invitation and to send me their address if they live out of town as many have moved throughout the years? I don't want anyone to feel left out or anyone to think I am sending one to get a gift so I am torn on what to do. Please tell me what you think.

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answers from Wausau on

People that you keep in touch with on FB but are not close enough to already know their mailing address don't get an invite.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Los Angeles on

Family and close family friends.
Lord, no! Never ask if people want an invitation!

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

You should invite only close family and friends. Not random Facebook friends

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

Your daughter is getting married.
She and her Fiance decide on who is invited and how many, to their wedding. It is, THEIR, wedding.

Since your daughter, seems to have given you a limited amount of invitations to use (?), I would not use it to invite your Facebook friends, unless they have known your daughter as well or are like family to her or if she knows them personally.

Yes, I think it is rude to ask your Facebook friends, if they want an invitation. That is tacky.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Santa Barbara on

There was a point in my life when I was getting SO MANY invitations (I actually miss in now). So I used to say to myself "Do I know their middle name?" Basically it was a question to see how well I know the person especially if there was more than one wedding on the same weekend. This time period was right after college and I went to a huge university as did my boyfriend at the time, so we were around tons of people getting married.

I would also consult your daughter. She may have a few favorite friends of yours that she would want included.

I would not use Facebook as a way to communicate. If you do not know the person's number or address, they are not too close (there may be an exception).

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

They should not be sent to your friends at all, unless they are also close to your daughter. This is her day and the people there should all be those closest to her (and the him of course) not friends of other family members. Also, if you put out a mass message what do you intend to do if you get more responses then you have invitations for?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Very close friends and family. That's it.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

Well, Facebook didn't exist when I got married but only close friends and family that KNOW your daughter. So her close relatives (she should tell you or you decide together what your limit is...aunt/uncles, cousins, etc.). For my wedding, I invited all aunts/uncles and their spouses, all cousins and their spouses (but not girlfriends or boyfriends). Because my parents come from large families that was enough. Children were invited because I believe that weddings are family events.

I had lived away from home for 17 years (left for college at 18 and didn't move back afterwards). My parents have plenty of friends they made after I left home but they were not invited - even though the wedding was in my parents' hometown.

Yes, it is rude to ask anyone if they want an invitation to something! Basic manners here. If you need to, call your friend to get a current address. If you don't have an address or a phone number than they are not close enough to get an invitation.

Do not put too much on FB about the wedding - giving details only invites theft and robberies. Oh, and I don't want an invitation.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

It should only be your closest friends and family.

I am friends with lots people on Facebook that I am very fond of, but they are not my closest friends, people I really get together with, or that I send a card through the mail. Have seen on a regular basis, would fly to see them, would offer to care for them if they became ill..

Would take in their children if no other family was available.. You see the levels of friendship?

We have been close neighbors we have known since before they had children. Their eldest is getting married here in town, but has been away since she left for college. I was not expecting an invite to her wedding. Especially if it was small.

You do what you can, true friends will understand, and not need an explanation.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

I don't really have an answer for you. Thankfully, Facebook wasn't around when I got married :-)

I just wanted to add that when I receive a wedding invitation, I have never thought, "Oh, they just want a gift." I choose to be honored. Sometimes it's an invitation from someone my husband works with or used to work with. They have summer interns, and he gets invitations from them a year or two later. I think that is wonderful and it shows that he's doing a good job of being a mentor. I know that some people assume they only received an invitation in the hopes of getting a gift. That's just not how I choose to look at it.

I would talk to your daughter about it. But my parents and my in-laws invited some of their own friends to our wedding. I thought it was nice, as the wedding is a family and friends celebration. It really is ok to invite some of your friends. I would probably think about which of your friends you are still close with (and not just casual Facebook friends) and who is really still a part of your life now.

Facebook does make it a bit awkward. I remember hearing about one of my friends getting married. I was not invited, although he had come to my wedding. But, it really had been years since I had seen him, and our lives were very different. I'm not upset. (honest) But I can see why you are asking the question. Facebook really does make you step back and wonder, "How do I handle this?"

Good luck!!! Sorry if you read my whole post and didn't find it helpful at all.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

If you have kept in touch with the people over the years it should not be a problem. They know you have a daughter and that she would one day get married. Send a wedding invite. If they can make it they will RSVP (you hope) so that you can plan accordingly.

Congrats to you and your daughter. Enjoy the day and let her shine. I enjoyed the day of my son's wedding five years back this June. As the mother of the groom I sat on the sideline as it was the day of the bride and her family. I know what work will have to be done when it is time for my daughter's wedding even though her wedding is a destination wedding to Las Vegas.

the other S.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Start from the center. Family is center. Work your way out. Only you know who is important. Do not ask friends if they want an invite!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

i would not open it up. weddings are expensive, and there are plenty that are small and intimate, and no one should *expect* an invitation. you're not leaving people out- you're choosing to share a very important occasion with those closest to you. there's no denigration in considering your high school lab partner or the guy you lived next door to when you were 20 a casual friend.

1 mom found this helpful
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