Okay, so my brother has been with a girl since my oldest daughter was born, so almost 4 years (maybe a little longer, I don't remember). I intentionally avoided calling her "Aunt" to my daughters until just this past summer when they got engaged. She went on a long-term (9 month) trip overseas in an underdeveloped country as part of a program for school. Apparently she's decided she wants to stay longer than the 9 months (about a year), come back for a short time, then go back their permanently, and has broken off the engagement with my brother. My daughters ADORE this girl and my older one asks about her frequently. I'm not sure what is or is not appropriate to say at my daughter's age. She'll be 4 in February. The younger one I'm not really that concerned about because she's only 16.5 months and won't remember any of this anyway.
So, ultimately, my question is this: Should I tell her anything? If so, what?
Also, in advance, I'd really appreciate it if people try to stick to the question.
Thank you all for the kind and helpful responses. I needed to get an idea of how to handle it since we'll be spending Thanksgiving with my brother around and she COMPLETELY associates the two of them. It's kind of crazy to think how many of even my plans included her without really realizing it. (I had planned on asking them to take our kids if anything ever happened to my husband and myself and she IS my 2nd daughter's godmother, but I'll let her take the lead regarding what she wants to do with that.)
The truth,she is capable of understanding the the lady she called Aunt isn't wanting to come back home she is living else where & likes it there.She loves her family still some people like to live somewhere other than home.
Just be honest when she asks.
I would tell her that Uncle Frank and Aunt Mary decided not to get married.
Tell her Aunt Mary likes living in XYZ better than in ABC, and she has a job there and has decided to stay.
If she asks if she will see her ever again, just tell her maybe, because you never know!
Your poor brother! Hope he's OK.
I'm sorry for your brother. I'm sure this must be so hard for him.
I think that I would wait until your daughter asks. Don't bring it up. The more time goes by, the better. When she does ask, tell her that she is living far away and decided to stay there. She may not understand, but it is an answer that doesn't give her hope that she will see her soon.
I'm sorry for you too. It sounds like you were very fond of her.
Dawn
We have a close friend who is like an uncle to my daughter. He started seeing a woman when my dd was 3 and they broke up this summer. We just explained to her that Uncle B wasn't seeing S anymore, and it wasn't anything that had anything to do with dd, but we wouldn't be seeing her anymore either.
In your situation it might be even easier, since she lives so far away now. Do you have a globe? Can you show her where you live in proximity to where she lives? Tell her that it doesn't have anything to do with your daughter, but the ex has moved away and you probably won't be seeing her again, and it's sad, but it happens.
Our daughter asked about ex-g/f at an event this fall that she had come with us to the last two years, but we reminded her that she wouldn't be there and she didn't ask again. It sucks when this sort of thing happens, but it should probably at least be addressed so your daughter doesn't think she did something wrong so aunt ex girlfriend won't come over anymore.
At 4 years of age, just keep it very vague. Where is Aunt so-and-so? She is in Africa (or wherever). Is she coming back? Not right now - she likes it there. Will I see her at Grandma's house at Thanksgiving? No, it is too far for her to come. If you stick to very basic vague answers and repeat them over and over, she will probably stop asking.
Please don't ask her to stay in touch with your daughter. She is going to move on and her new boy or girlfiend won't like it. Your brother will move on and his new girlfriend won't like it.
I actually think more concern should be for your brother in this case. He is big time heart broken, perhaps and your daughter's constant questioning may be overbearing for him.
Sometimes people break up. Your brother and this woman decided not to get married and they have gone different ways.
Depending on the relationship, you might also ask the woman if your daughter can keep in touch or at least get a good bye. My DH's GF before me kept in touch with the kids (birthdays and such) for a bit before it naturally faded.
I do think your DD needs to know that the woman has moved to that country and is unlikely to be back.
The truth, after a while she will forget her too.I speak from experience.
Just tell her the truth. When my brother divorced his wife, my daughter was 2.5/3. I just answered her honestly, saying things like "aunt X has moved out of the house and is no longer living with Uncle Y." "Why momma?" You'll have to ask Uncle Y about that, sweetheart.
thats life. she doesnt probably question whether they are together and J. wants to know why she isnt around, so i;d answer that the same way you would if your brother was the one to move far away.
aunt X is helping people fix their country...or whatever she does. you can put a positive spin on it. she can still be there aunt and also you can let her know this as well. you can reach out to her and say the girls would still like her in thier lives so when she comes back to visit or makes skype calls you hope they are on her list.
i'm sure that will die off eventually but its up to her
i hate when people write people off J. because of break ups
