When Do You Let Your Girls.....

I wore a bikini from when I was a toddler - they didn't even used to have one piece suits for little kids. My first one piece was in high school. They were bigger and not 'sexy' back then - they were just bathing suits.

My mom let me shave my legs at about 12-13 - that was when I started having darker hair.

Dating - 14 (after a lot of negotiation).
Talk to boys on the phone - whenever I was allowed to talk to girls on the phone - I assume Jr. High but I honestly don't remember.

If I had a daughter I'd let her wear the bikini. For the majority of us, the window of time when are bodies are not too embarrassing to wear one is tiny.

Well, kids don't talk on the phone anymore, don't you know? All they do is text, lol!
I think you will know when the time comes. I don't care about makeup, other than the weird raccoon eye phase they all seem to go through in 7th grade none of the girls wear a ton of makeup around here.
Shaving? They can shave when and if they want/need to.
Bikinis? There are some very conservative bikinis and some truly slutty looking one pieces so that's just a matter of personal taste. Once your daughters are out of your sight they WILL wear whatever they please, trust me. If you don't buy it they'll just "borrow" from a friend.
My 7th grader has a boyfriend. They don't go on dates, it's more of a status thing at school, everyone knows they are "together."
Keep an open mind momma. the shorter the leash the harder they will pull!

Your upbringing sounds similar to mine, and I feel a lot like you on these issues. However, the deal with the bikini is where I have a little more leeway.

I was not allowed to wear bikinis and was influenced by my mom that they were "slutty". (I do not believe that today, but as a teenager, yup) I grew up having a very weird sense of sexuality - that it was wrong to be sexual, that it was somewhat of a "bad" thing. It made me very self conscious of my body, and I didn't want to disappoint my parents. For me, it turned into a mental thing that I should be ashamed of my body and hide it all costs.

I cannot repeat this effect to my daughter. If she wants a bikini, I will go with her and help her pick one out that is age appropriate and not too risqué. I do not want my daughter thinking that her body is shameful, but in the same token, I want her to learn that she doesn't have to use her body as a way to get attention from men. There is a fine line, but I believe you can teach morality and values and still wear a bikini. That's my two cents.

Make-up: 13 or 14, maybe a little bit of concealer/lipstain/light mascara or something if she needed it earlier, but it would be in moderation and I would teach her how to do it and how to do her eyebrows.

Bikini: never, it's a religious thing.

Shave: as soon as she needs to start, that is developmental.

Boyfriend: that's loaded. b/c so many bf/gf start young and at school and I can't stop that. But one she spends time with a lot, probably around 15/16, but we will encourage her to not be in a relationship and to spend time with other friends equally

Date: 16 group dates only, 17 1/2 - 18 for single dates

Talk to boys on phone: around 7th grade, but in moderation, and it depends on the reason.

My daughter is 9. She can wear a bikini any time she feels comfortable in one. So far, she wants a tankini. I wear a bikini (I'm 50) when we go to the beach or pool. I shaved my legs right before 7th grade. She can shave her legs whenever she grows visible hair. I'm quite sure that will be before 7th grade, as she is maturing much faster than I did. She can talk on the phone with girls or boys when she wants to. So far, she is uncomfortable talking on the phone to anyone. I'd like her to get over that soon. I started dating, going out alone with a boy who had his own car, when I was 14. I would like her to be older than that, actually. I would rather she stuck to group outings. But, as she gets closer to 14, I will reevaluate.

I have raised two kids already, now 29 and 27. Negotiating the teen years is a little scary for the parent and the teen. My approach to parenting is not as a drill sargeant or police officer, but as a guide and a trusted advisor. But, I am quite capable of laying down the law if the situation requires it (just ask my oldest two), but only resort to this if I feel they are putting themselves or their future at risk.

My philosophy is that all of these questions depend on the child, not on a special "age". We love the 2 piece suits at Justice, they are modest and cute, not revealing at all. If your dgtr has baby fine and light colored hair, put off shaving as long as you can. Neither of my girls ever had an issue, razors today are so safe and you almost have to try to cut yourself ( do not try this at home..haha!) phones and texting, just have the passwords and check the messages every once and a while. Boyfriends are very much up to the individual child, including the boy she is interested in. Try to take every situation and look at the pros/cons and base your decisions on the information you have, not a sweeping declaration on what happened to you when you were that age...times change and I'll be the first to admit that my daughters probably deserve a lot more freedom than I deserved at their age..so let your daughter be the barometer upon which you judge whether or not she is mature enough for the milestones of becoming a lady.

I have a 17 yr old daughter.

I believe open communication is key. We talk about everything. I believe I am way more open minded than you are which does not mean you are wrong. We don't shame our body, we embrace it.

So to answer your question....

Bikini... I don't think she's ever owned a 1 piece or tankini, neither have I. You can wear a bikini and still look nice. Now if you don't have the body to rock it.... Please cover up for everyone's sake.

Shave.... Whenever she noticed hair growth and it effected her self esteem. Oh how I hate seeing a 10 yr old who is not allowed to shave when she needs to and it is so obvious her self esteem is crushed. Put yourself in the situation of being among your peers, hairy and can't shave because mom has a certain age in her head for shaving.

Date... In middle school ( grades 6-8 here). A lot of kids went out as groups ( not 1 on 1 dates) to movies, mall, etc. I believe my daughter was 15 when she had her first "real" date.

Talk on phone... Most kids have a cell phone and do a lot of texting. Many Facebook and twitter. Just monitor it.

Don't be the police... Be able to give a little and allow them to grow naturally.

If a child is over sheltered/ helicoptered, etc. rest assured when they get out of the house, they'll do exploring then. Wouldn't you rather to be open minded, communicate and have a lot of this happen on your time when you'll be there to catch them when a heart is broken or a big decision is on their mind. It is hard to let go but we have to let our children grow up, learn and experience life. We can't protect them from everything. Communication is crucial.

Good luck!

ETA: our daughter is a black belt and there is no doubt she has the ability to use it and use it wisely if needed. It is not something she advertises to people... only her closest friends know.

Depends on the age. I think that a tankini is just fine for most girls up til HS age. And even at 13, we'll have to see what KIND of bikni we're talking about. SD has a few she knows never to wear in our home, but she is with her mom most of the summer. I am fine with a girl shaving in middle school. She can talk to boys on the phone, too, but I want to meet them. Dating depends on when and who and how. SD is 17 and is on only her 2nd boyfriend in about the last year and change. She did not date before then.

Our daughter started experience with make up at 12, just at home, in middle school she started wearing makeup. she started shaving her legs on her own at 12. She was never interested in a bikini, we raised her to be modest, as for boys theyn talk to boys their whole life, but she was not allowed to go alone with a guy til she was 18, and mostm people this that is harsh, but she is now 22 with her virginity in tack and very happy that jer dad was pretective of her.

My daughter will be 11 in a couple of weeks & I'm just sort of winging it. I'm taking each of the things you listed as they come & dealing with them on a case-by-case basis. Here's what we've encountered so far:
make-up--lip gloss only outside of the house
bikini--string-variety, no way until high school, 2 piece is ok with me though
shave--she started that about a year ago because, well, she is kind of hairy & she was asking to. I would not have brought it up on my own & I held her off for quite some time after she started asking, but eventually I figured I'd show her the correct way to use a razor & let her have at it. After all, who am I to make choices that could negatively affect how she feels about herself, right? If it's something as simple as a little bit of hair removal to make her feel more comfortable in her own skin, I wanted to make sure she had the proper tools & know-how.
Dating--we're not even close to that yet, she IS only 10 after all
Boyfriend--ditto
Boys on the phone--hasn't happened yet. I'll see how I feel about it when it does.

I don't think it makes any sense to just arbitrarily come up with dates/ages for when she'll (or I, for that matter) will be ready for some of this stuff. I am trying to be reasonable while still remaining in charge.

I started shaving when i got my period.
Makeup in Jr high, but only a L. bit, and very light.
Bikini, high school.
Boys, Jr high. Boys alone, high school.

No, I never did a specific age. You can have an age in mind and things happen in a way that it's best to allow these things before, or the age passes and your kid isn't interested. My daughter is 16. She was "allowed" to wear makeup for special occasions at 12 and to school at 13, but guess what? Not interested in makeup. For the prom or a sweet 16, she wears some, but that's it. Not a glamour girl. Shaving? I never imagined I'd let a 10 year old shave under her arms and an 11 shave her legs but guess what? She was hairy. It needed doing. I never had a dating age. It depended on the situation. She started dating at the end of 8th grade. Okay dates at that age - going to the skating rink for open session, skiing together with a parent on premises, group date to the movies. At that age, being dropped off at an amusement park or the fair was not an ok date. At 16 1/2 it is. Almost 14 may not be the age that my son starts dating. Kids in middle school (even 5th-6th grade middle school) have "girlfriends" and "boyfriends." It means they like each other, see each other at school and maybe text but of course are typically too young to date. You can't stop them from having these boyfriends/girlfriends, which usually last about 2 weeks.
When my daughter was 13, there were no one piece suits other than sports suits in the sports store, sold in regular stores. Really. Every suit in Penneys, Target, Walmart, Kohls, is a bikini. Nowadays, she usually wears a bikini top with board shorts.
Kids don't really talk on the phone anymore. They text and IM.
By deciding on mandatory ages before these issues come up, you are not taking any circumstances or situations into account. You might say no shaving til 12, but what if you have a really hairy 10 year old whose armpits are causing teasing and BO? Having a clear cut age for anything does not take them into account as individuals based on their needs and the situations that come up in their lives.

Make up 13/14 shave hum I think we did early cause she has a lot of dark hair and started to get made fun of 11, group date at 14, boyfriend 16, talk to boys, like as friends until she could date, and bikini, not in this house! My oldest is 18 and out the house but talking with her now she is greatful

The bikini right away, then stopping that completely once puberty hits and hopefully not again till they have their own pool :0)

Makeup- not till high school . And then modest. Lip gloss and powder maybe sooner, I will let the wax their eyebrows if they are unruly as soon as they become unruly.

Shave- when hair turns dark or puberty

Date-- high school

Have a boyfriend--- anytime, a real one is answered under the previous question.

Talk to boys on the phone.... Hmmm I guess as soon as they want too.

Mostly I will wing it

Ok, I will agree with you on the "bikini" thing! I strongly agree actually but thats also my opinion, however if it was in our backyard then maybe but going to a public place no only because I feel that it is showing too much and you never know who is out in that public area, there could be child molester's and such ( I watched too much Nancy Grace! LOL). As for the makeup, I don't don't stress about it since my daughter doesnt really care for it, I definately wouldnt let her "cake" it on her face only because I feel that it's too much and she's still young. Now the "shaving" part, my daughter started at the age of 11 which was also when she got her period (sad face!:( ) I have been taking her in to have her eyebrows threaded ever since last year too only because she has such thick beautiful eyebrows but are not thin, just more natural looking. The way I look at it is my parent's NEVER allowed me to shave my leg's or wear make up, I would secretly shave my legs behind my mothers back only because I was embaressed to wear shorts in gym class! The make up I would wear was lip gloss and maybe mascara but my parents made such a big deal once they found out! Now I wilol admit I am a bit strict about my daughter's clothing and she respects that, for example her shorts must be down to her knees as well as skirts, her top's must not show any cleavage and no belly shirts! But in all honesty I havent run into a problem with her arguing about it at all or getting mad so I guess I'm thankful for that. And with that said, everyone does have their own opinion on this infamous subject lol....But I agree with you! Hope you have a wonderful night!

I too grew up in an old fashioned (strict) household. Mom used the wing it approach, and I probably will too.

My daughter has worn a bikini all of her life (she just turned 6). She is long torsoed so most one pieces either fit in the length and are way too big in the sides or the straps are stretched to the point where they are just above what she is trying to cover. And when we were potty training or when she was still in diapers, it was much easier to change/go to the bathroom when it was a two piece. Most of them have been tankinis but two pieces none the less.

Shaving--when she needs to. She has dark hair everywhere. I noticed the other day that the hair on her legs is awfully dark so it will probably be about 8 or 10 depending on how bad it gets. I will not sacrifice her self esteem for waiting til the "set age of __"

Makeup--she plays with it at home right now, but it is mostly kid make up. She knows the only thing she is allowed to wear out of the house until she is 13 is lip gloss. She plays with mine sometimes, but we wash the face before we go out.

Boyfriend/Dating--that's a tough one. If you ask her, she has already been married twice (LOL...the babysitter's twin boys). She will be allowed to go out on group dates as long as an adult is in attendance. (movies, mall, skating, etc). I am not saying adult hovering, but will be in the general vicinity.

Talk to boys on the phone--depends. My best friend growing up was/is a guy. We used to be on the phone all the time.

My daughter will be 13 next week. She has had a bikini every summer since her first swimsuit at three months old :). There are obviously certain bikinis would not allow. She usually chooses a tankini, but sometimes she doesnt. She pretty much knows what will and won’t fly. Same thing with make up. I have never really not allowed it. She started last year with lip gloss and mascara, sometimes sometimes this year she adds some highlighting powder. We wouldnt let her wear the super thick eyeliner or caked on anything....so she doesnt ask. As for shaving she just started when the need came up. Around 11 she was embarrsed to wear shorts at school.

I think it all depends on the child. My almost 12 year old has been shaving under her arms for a while now out of necessity, but she hasn't started on her legs yet. I'm trying to hold her off as long as she can stand it because once you start, you can't stop!

She is self conscious about her body, so she won't wear a bikini (I never felt comfortable in one either), but she does like the tankini's. I am thankful for that because I'm not keen on her wearing bikini's. She started doing pageants about a year ago, so I think she gets her makeup kicks during the pageants. Every once in a while she'll put on lip gloss, but she doesn't typically wear makeup at any other time.

She wants a phone, as does her 13 year old brother, but they will have to wait, maybe until they are 15, which is when their oldest brother got one. We haven't gotten into the boyfriend thing yet, but we'll simply deal with it at whatever time she becomes interested.

I never cared about the bikini, my parents didn't either, but maybe because my daughter and I are petite and small breasted? Make up was never an issue for my daughter she used very little until about 18/19, if I wanted to use more than my parents allowed I would have just put it on on the way to school rather than at home. My daughters friend was not allowed to go places where there were boys when she started high school, Next thing you know her boyfriend is a senior, star of the football team. Hows that? She's not allowed around boys? Does her mom know, I ask? Weeeellll.
The more you prohibit the more they will hide. The more they hide the less they will be able to ask for help and guidance. Teach your daughters if they are honest with you you will support them and love them even if they want to wear a bikini or shave. Then you have a chance to guide them as to how revealing the bikini,how much makeup, how to shave without cuts or infection, and how to be safe when out with friends in mixed company.

i dont believe they need to date or have boyfriends. if she wants to like someone that's fine but to me dating is to find your soul mate. when she can bring someone home that can support her we'll talk. she can call anyone she wants to but she doesn't need private space and time to do it...i need to be able to hear it if i want to and listen in...so no funny business.

she can shave if she wants to but i don't see the need. i myself only do it because society says i should. she does shave her armpits.

i've already told her that she can wear makeup. all i ask is that i get to see it first before she leaves the house. i dont think i should be able to tell she has any on...it should look natural.