So in an earlier post by another member, I noticed that many folks were dismissive of Valentine's Day with their spouse or partner (citing "too commercialized" or "too expensive" or other reasons) but nearly everyone commented that they were going to do something for their child - either young or adult children. Why? By definition, isn't Valentine's Day defined as doing something for a "sweetheart" or someone you hold "amorous"? We all love our kids, I get it. However, I have always felt the hype with the kids (at home, but ESPECIALLY at school) is fundamentally ridiculous.
That being said, I did get something for all 3 of my girls, because they are away over VDay, and we are taking the 3 boys to lunch and a movie, but honestly I feel it is because it is "expected of me."
I realize that partners and spouses should feel loved every day, but isn't Valentine Day a reason to specifically do something special for a partner (kind of like we should show our Mom's love everyday, but who the he** misses Mother's Day?). My personal opinion is that we should take back Valentine's Day from the kids and actually make that special day about our spouse. I feel like if I lost my spouse, this is one of the days I would really miss him.
I am certainly not suggesting that people run around and spend money on this day, but I believe that using it to show that special someone who is your partner in life, for the rest of your life, in any way you can that they ARE special is really important.
So . . . thoughts? Can we form the Take Back Valentine's Day Club anytime soon? :)
Assuming that my husband and I live to be 90, we will have spent 64 years together. Eating together, sleeping together, loving together. No one person in my life will I spend as many days and nights of my life with. Not my parents, not my friends, not even my children.
I found this statistic on line: "Various studies on US rate of divorce show significant differences when a comparison is made in 1st, 2nd and 3rd marriage breakups in America. The marriage breakup rate in America for first marriage is 41% to 50%; the rate after second marriage is from 60% to 67% and the rate in America for 3rd marriage are from 73% to 74%."
I don't know that the numbers are true - but even if they are remotely close, how very sad.
What is wrong with being a little angry about watching so many people slight a day that is meant to celebrate the love of your life? Celebrating does not have to equal expensive gifts or turn it into a competition of who gets the best gift. My husband and I love Valentine's Day because it gives us yet another opportunity to show how much we love and appreciate each other. We cooked our dinner last night together (fed the kids separate), opened a $10 bottle of wine, and watched a RedBox together. Is this the only night of the year we do this? Of course not, but it does give us the opportunity - especially after all the Christmas and New Years hubbub to say "oh yeah, let's focus on us again!" because in just a few more years, it WILL be just us - after raising 6 kids.
Many of the answers I read below sadly reinforced what I felt before I even posted this question . . . C'est la vie.
Everyday, every holiday, every birthday everything - is about my kid. Why should Valentine's day be any different. The way I see it, my child will eventually grow up and then I will be sad. May as well spend every minute loving every moment with her!
To me Valentines has always been about elementary school kids giving each other cards and having a party. I haven't celebrated it past elementary school. I do usually make something a little special for dinner, but that's about it.
I quit giving my kid valentine presents when she informed me that "valentines from your parents are lame."
To me Valentines Day has always felt so forced. I suppose some men are into it but no one I ever dated (or married) was. I mean what's so heartfelt about a guy rushing around at the last minute trying to get a romantic gift or reservation at a restaurant because he feels like he has to?
The only time I ever enjoyed Valentines Day was in high school, because our choir had an annual fundraiser where boys and girls could send singing telegrams to each other throughout the school day, that was always sweet and fun.
Also when my kids were little I always put a little Valentine gift in their lunch, usually a small stuffed animal with some candy and an I love you note. After all they WERE my little sweethearts and they actually loved and appreciated the gesture.
Isn't that what it's all about?
i totally agree. just about everything in the world is 'for the kids', it's nice to have one that's about lovers.
i've always got the kids a little something, but even though we don't do presents any more, VD is about my sweetie and me.
he gets me a dozen roses. i get him candy, and then i eat it.
it's kinda perfect.
ETA as a lit teacher, i can't help but go all chaucer around valentine's day. i had to point out to my dh that the pileated woodpecker brought his wife to the suet feeder for the first time today. SO valentine's day. :) so if you want 'origins' you need birds. i'd love to see hallmark take a back seat, and family traditions of reading 'the parliament of foules' take over.
ETAA when the kids were home it WAS about all of us, despite my words above. a traditional spurting heart meatloaf, valentine cupcakes, little gifts of candy, homemade cards. got candy for the kids this year too. so i'm more commercial than i let on.
:) khairete
S.
I thought everything is about the kids now.
Honestly looking at my FB it appears Valentine's day is about posting stupid memes about how your man doesn't love you enough because he doesn't worship you. Well at least my young nieces and cousins seem to enjoy that theme.
In my opinion V day is really just more about school and friendship, that was the only time it was truly fun. I hate the way some adults use it to put pressure on their partner to be romantic is a certain way. How many people feel badly after their partner falls short? or they fall short? It is ridiculous to put so much pressure on a made up greeting card holiday. Let the kids have it.
I'll admit that I don't really know the true origins of Valentines Day, but to me it's ALWAYS been a children's holiday. The only time I ever really celebrated it was in elementary school, when we decorated shoe boxes with red construction paper hearts and glue, and carefully went around giving all our friends little cards. It's a happy memory.
I've never celebrated it as an adult, other than maybe giving a card to a boyfriend or two when I was younger. I think I got flowers once (?) My husband and I consider our wedding anniversary "our" day, and of course we celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Mother/Fathers day and all the other stuff. The only thing I've ever done for Valentines Day with my kids is to help them with their school parties and cards, they seem to like it as much as I did. Like I said it just seems like more of a kid holiday to me.
Hello Privacy,
My DS is 14 and in middle school. They don't really do any planned activities at school during the day but there is a dance tonight for 6-8 grades. He's opted not to attend, he'd rather attend his weekly dungeons and dragons game. Yes ladies, I said dungeons and dragons...who feels like they're in their Delorians with Doc Brown...but I digress.
I will get both my DH and my DS a card because they are both my dearest loves. My husband and I don't really celebrate it aside from exchanging cards. We celebrate our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of our first date, as well as holidays and birthdays. I really feel that is sufficient. I recall getting a dozen roses from a former beau in my early 20s and that made me feel very special. However, my DH makes me feel very special all the time so Valentine's day is not required. :-)
I understand your point but cest la vive... :-) S.
I never did anything for my kids for Valentines. It's supposed to be for your spouse or people who date.
I don't get it...
I'm glad my mother always did something special for us on Valentine's Day, even in to our teens.
I think you should do what works for you, however, I also include my son because I love him dearly and frankly, it's FUN. Plus, I'm modeling for him what *he* might want to do for his own family. It doesn't mean I love him any less; it does show him that we value filial love deeply; in fact, if we're being honest, I love my husband *more* because he is my family, my partner, my son's father, than I did when we first got together and always had the hots for each other. It doesn't mean we don't do romantic things for each other, not at all. Those come all through the year, and sometimes 'romantic' really means "I put you first" (like being the parent who deals with the kid's nighttime waking so the other person can sleep; or running the errands the other person is feeling like they don't want to deal with). I try to show my husband every day that he's my favorite, best person in the whole world.-- and that is something I want to model for my son as well.
ETA: I know the world loves abbreviations, but can we drop the "VD", please? Brings to mind the graphic images they showed us in boot camp on why to use a condom.
Wow. What an awesome way to ruin a holiday about love.
Valentines Day is what you choose to make of it. If you feel like you want to completely focus on your husband on that day, go for it!
If you feel obligated to do something that someone else expects you to do, change that by changing how you think and react to this kind of thing, Learn to handle it in a way that works better for you. Your Valentines Day activities should be something that is joyful for You. Do what you truly enjoy and wish to do, regardless of what anyone else does.
"We" don't need to "take back" anything for you to make a change in your life. That is something you need to do for yourself.
I don't want the same thing you want. I like to send Valentines and gifts to my friends, sister, mother, father, etc. I use the day to celebrate love of all kinds, not just romantic. This is what brings joy to me.
My kids are teenagers. They are years past the age of classroom valentine parties and such. Even though they are both taller than me and have deep manly voices, they are still kids on the inside. This morning they each found a special candy treat waiting for them. Seeing their eyes light up and the grins on their faces is never going to be a bad thing.
Added: I decorate the house a little too. Heart spinners hanging from the celing, decals on the window, etc. You know those mini garden flags? I use them as curtains for the small window of my front door. I have a Valentine one hanging there now.
Technically I agree that the holiday should be for "lovers". My ex husband and I met at a VD dance and then married the next year on VD that happened to fall on Saturday. I don't suggest that to anyone else since we are now divorced and that will always be "our" anniversary date. lol
My current husband and I like to go somewhere to eat we haven't been before...but we NEVER actually go on the 14th because it's too crowded, we go on whatever weekend we don't have the kids. He almost always buys me a nice piece of jewelry and chocolate. He is my sugar baby so I buy him his favorite chocolate and something to go with it he needs.
I get the kids (teens now) their favorite candy and usually a new video game or something else they have their eye on, this year I'm giving them some cash. I also make something a little nicer for dinner for all of us and a few years ago started a new tradition of chocolate fondue for dessert. It's the only time I make it and it's fun and soooo gooood! I think anytime you can show you love those around you then you should, but VD makes it a lot easier and fun!!!
Eh, do what makes you feel good. I am not a big Valentine's fan. I will get a card for my DH, and that's it. I don't get anything for the kids. They don't seem to feel neglected.
We do handmade cards, write poems, bake cookies one year my daughter wrote a song for us and another year my teen printed these funny cards she found online. Little personal stuff and maybe I cook a special family dinner on that day.
My husband and I are volunteering at the AT&T golf tournament this year. Should be fun and a positive thing to do together. In years past we'd be sure to get a fun "date" in the week of Valentines Day. It doesn't have to be commercialized or celebrated on the actual holiday. For us it's about love, the kids were made by our love for each other so I say why not include them? It's fun!
Any holiday is what you make it.
Valentines for the kids is kind of a Disney-ed down version of an early spring fertility ritual.
Easter is more of the same.
And religions add their layers of meaning to celebrations from thousands of years before.
My husband brings me flowers for no reason any time/many times during the year.
We're sweet to each other and have been forever - well, for more than 37 years.
We don't need a specific holiday for that.
I get a kick out of making handmade valentines for my kids. We make them for each other.
We also make cupcakes or a big cake and decorate it.
I always thought Valentines was about sharing love. I mean, when I was single, I went out with girlfriends and we had dessert and wine and stuff. I don't think it HAS to be about your beau. My mom's a widow and we all send her valentines and I send her a big bouquet. To me, it's just about who you love.
My husband and I did lovey dovey stuff before we had kids. So that was a long time. We just shared the love around the more of us there were. But we don't spend a lot, no. It's more about the sentiment.
Our bigger romantic celebration is the anniversary of when we became a couple. The kids aren't invited to that. That day means a lot to the both us whereas valentines is just a day on a calendar (to us).
We got our kids a little bag of chocolate candies simply because it's expected. The school makes a big deal out of the holiday, so it's on our kids' radar and we don't want to be the mean parents who didn't get our kids anything. They know they're loved, but this is just a day to give them a special candy treat and remind them we love them.
My husband and I believe in being kind, loving and respectful throughout the year. We go out on date nights. We mark our anniversary, because it does have personal meaning to us. Valentine's Day has no personal meaning to us as a couple.
my husband calls it "the hallmark holiday." but i love valentine's day. so i do celebrate it for my kids and with my kids, so that they have special memories in case they run into a "hallmark" dude. i get them little jewelry pieces, and write them a letter each.
I always loved Val Day as a kid, trading cute little cards and maybe some candy. My dad always gave us a little present, after he died, my mom did. As an adult, we give our kids a little gift and I give my mom something, (candy, lottery tix etc). As for my husband, when we dated we always did something. Since we've been married, if Vday falls on a weekend, we may go out to dinner and say it's for that reason, but really not that big a deal for us. Guess we're not that romantic!
I guess I celebrate Valentines Day the same way I always have and the same way my mom celebrated it. As a kid I brought valentines in to school and exchanged them with my friends. My mom always gave my brother and I a box of chocolates and a card. And she usually went out or did something special that night or a night close to that day with her partner. I do the exact same thing with my kids each year...they get a card and a box of chocolates. And they exchange valentines with their classmates at school (which they love!). My husband and I both think it's silly to pick one specific day and it seems a bit commercialized. But we do exchange cards (I like to make him a homemade one each year) and small gifts or he gives me flowers...and we do go out to dinner as a date either that night or a night close to the date. So...to me...nothing has changed over time! I'm 44. I don't feel like it is a holiday for kids. Maybe some other families make a big deal about it with their kids...but I don't know about it. I don't feel any need to take my kids out to do something special. Maybe where you live people handle the holiday in a different way than where I live?
I like to get my girls something from their father every year. I think if they don't get attention from him they may go looking for it else where so I want their dad to make them feel special.
Personally, I know my husband loves me. We do a lot of nice and fun things together anyway. Valentine's Day is the one day I don't like to go out...often restaurants have a limited menu that is higher priced, the restaurant is crowded and I hate feeling rushed.
Also...could the Vermont teddy bear commercials be any cheesier?!?
