What Most Often Is a Factor in Your Decisions to Buy Something?

D.,

This was a long winter and it sounds like you have some winter blues. Fresh air, sunshine and digging in the dirt are some of the best pieces of advice I could give. You are not alone...many people feel this way. Today I have to be inside, but I have the window open and fresh air coming in the house. It is great!

L. :)

Have you discovered thrift stores? I don't feel like it's spring until I put on something bright! When I was a divorced mom with a home business, a 7-year-old, and barely paying the bills, they saved my wardrobe. With careful shopping, you may not be up to the minute trendy, but you'll be well dressed in name brand clothing that fits you well. You can buy trendy accessories to update anything basic. You're saving money, recycling, and usually supporting a good cause.

As some others have said my husband and I hold back a little from each paycheck (some for him and some for me). We stash it away until we have enough to buy something we'd really like. We consider it our "no guilt" money so he can buy whatever he wants and I can buy whatever I want. No questions asked and no negative comments offered no matter what we buy.

Another idea I read recently was to sit everyone in the family down for a family meeting. Have everyone list one thing they'd really like to buy. Have a certain amount of money set aside each month (maybe $50 or whatever you can manage). You take turns getting the money for that month. Ex. this month your husband gets it. Next month one of your kids gets it. Next month you get it. etc. If what you want to do or buy costs more than your monthly allotment then you save it until you get enough. That way the family takes turns getting the things they want.

Hope that helps.

money and time. Yes, I had to delay getting something for me for 3 weeks because of money and time. Then when I got it I was dissappointed and a little creeped out :)

Gluten free cosmetics???? Oh, what next: first beer and pizza, then wine and cheese (migraines improved greatly on gluten-free diet but even yogurt, onions, peanut butter, citrus & other favorites of mine can be headache triggers). Thanks, D., for mentioning that one. And as for shopping: I buy at Goodwill, the teen daughters at the mall... we spend thousands a year on music lessons, dance, etc, instead of movie nights and dates (babysitters were expensive but now the youngest is 12). In the wink of an eye they will be gone. My firstborn will head off to college in the fall. Next we'll be spending on grandkids -- but I won't be like my friend's mom, who can't afford her prescription pain killers and used her savings on presents for grandkids. The best gift grandparents can give is time. Parents too.... happy memories don't cost a lot of money. Play board games, take nature walks, drive old cars and don't let a limited budget get you down...esp at the gas pump and grocery store these days!

Look into Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University". It is an amazing program (it's expensive innitially, but WELL worth it!). You will learn to better-balance your budget, learn how to reward yourself, and you'll truly find financial peace. https://fpuonline.daveramsey.com

Most people have to budget. And those that don't are most likely drowning in debt and credit and truly are unhappy. I have lots of wants too. My husband and I give ourselves a weekly allowance. This money pays for activities, going out to eat, and any shopping. So, what I do is pull out about $20 every week, stash it away, and when I reach a certain amount of money I go shopping. And what's best is that I don't have to look at the prices of things. If I saved up $200 I might shop at Kohl's and buy lots of cheap clothes or I might go to Von Maur and spend it all on a pair of jeans. But, everybody is happy. I'm happy because I got to go shopping and my husband is happy that i didn't charge up the credit card.

Hi D.,
I can remember the days before marriage and children how I used to shop, shop, shop. I definitely belived in retail therapy! However, I shopped at discount stores like Marshalls, Ross, TJMaxx and dept store sales and clearance and never paid full price for anything. Now I have 2 small boys and my husband to consider. And just like you, I shop for them first!
In prepping for last summer garage sale and this spring children's consingment sale, I've realized my kids have way too much - even if I didn't pay full price for it.
I'm selling all or our baby equipment, more toys and clothes and that money I will save to shop for more mature toys as they grow older, summer clothes(once I decide what they still need), and some fun activities over the summer.
I've been with a jewelry home party business for nearly 2 years which has allowed me to have some fun money and feel okay about buying new decor, clothes, gifts for other so those don't come out of my husbands income. I also contribute to our joint account every month as well which has helped pay for preschool, and all those 'not planned for' expenses like car repair, insurance co-pay, owing taxes, etc.
I also use food & houshold coupons at the grocery store and target. I've heard of other women "banking" the amount they save on coupons for their "rainy day" fund.
I don't deny myself things like makeup or hair products and I found a great gal at a very nice salon that only costs me $30 for a cut. But I do color/highlight my own hair for under $15 and I get compliments on it quite often.
I found out that I can get massages through my chiropractors office so that when I get an adjustment (2x/month) I can get a one hour massage too and once I met the deductable, I'm only paying $15 for the whole visit! I rarely ever got massages before.
I've had to buckle down my shopping in the past few months, but I'm trying to make sure it's balanced throughout the house, as I need a few treats now and then too.
Blessings to you and your family!
J.

Yes - I hear you!! I always put myself last, and I realize it makes me feel really bad. I spent so much money buying my bf at the time work clothes, and everything he needed, and EVERYTHING under the son for our 2 daughters. I had one pair of pants taht fit me, and like an idiot I fell on the ice and got a huge hole in the knee, and I had only a couple shirts that fit. I use to get my hair highlighted blonde all the time, but went back to my natural brown color to save money and time so I could spend it on them. I've been feeling very horrible, because I had to wear basically the same outfit everyday, and my hair was such a horrible color and I hadn't even gotten a trim in almost a year. I finally went to Walmart and bought a pair of jeans - and even though they don't fit right, it just made me feel better to have a pair of jeans without a huge hole & bleach spots. Wednesday I finally went out and got a trim & a few highlights in my hair. I can't tell you how much better it has made me feel! Everytime I look in the mirror - I get so happy! Sounds pretty dumb - but I use to take such pride in my appearance, I loved to get all done up and wear cute clothes, and for the past couple years, I never do that anymore.
I guess now I'm venting, too! I've always heard you have to take care of yourself if you want to take care of others, but I feel so guilty buying myself something, even though my kids have more than they could ever possibly need. I know I need to take time for myself once in awhile, too. It's been YEARS since I went toa movie or out to eat with a friend. Maybe I should do that soon :)

This is so funny because for the past two weeks I have been thinking these thoughts exactly! I thought, maybe I am starting to go through perimenopause or a midlife crisis or something because all of a suddent I'm like, "Hey, when do I get to be first?" This is SO not like me, but ya know, it kinda feels good... Come on spring! :)

My advice would be to squirrel some mad money away with each payday. I actually have a mad money bank account. It's separate from the household account. 5,10,20 bucks a week adds up fast. You use this money for YOU and only YOU. Buy that new pair of expensive jeans you've been wanting, go to the spa, my vice is expensive purses and shoes. Whatever you like just so long as it makes YOU feel good. And don't feel guilty, you're not taking away from the family. Everyone knows if Mama's happy, everybody's happy. (Sidenote)Tell your husband what you're doing, my husband of then 12 years thought I was getting myself set up to leave him.

I have been there as well. I find even when I do have money I spend most of it on the kids. One day I finaly decided that I have worked hard and went off and got my hair permed at a Salon. Sometimes you just have to do something for yourself to feel good! Can you tell me more about the Motives Cosmetics that you are retailing? Thanks!

Oh the mommy guilt we lay on ourselves! I don't know why, but in this society, we women seem to think that we have to give up everything for our kids. Granted, we do have to sacrifice quite a bit (time and finances come to mind) but it does not mean that we have to sacrifice 'everything'.

I don't go overboard by any means, nor do I shop for myself or our home often as finances are a concern for me too (a single mom). But when I do need (or want) things for myself or our home, I make the most of it and buy something that I know I will be happy with, something that will last, and not something I've simply settled for.

I don't want to be embarrassed to be in public or of people seeing my home and I don't want my kids to be embarrassed of me or their home either. My teenage kids actually like that I do things for and by myself outside of the home, and it sets a good example for them for when they become parents. Plus it's nice to have something to talk to other adults about besides just the kids. I'm a much happier mom for it and like they say, "If mom ain't happy, ain't no one happy".....so go ahead, make yourself happy! You are doing it for your familys sake after all! :)

I always consider where it is made and how much energy it took to produce. Also, how likely I am to throw it away some day... is this something my kids will have to decide what to do with when I die?

Maybe you do this already, but go to some garage sales D. and mine through the things that others are practically giving away. It is fun and costs next to nothing. You also go home with good feelings from helping someone else to let go of stuff they don't need, but that you will cherish.

Shopping doesn't really make us happy anyway. Your bio is so beautiful! You know better than anyone that it is helping others that makes us feel good. Stuff is just.... stuff :o)

DO NOT think that everyone else deserves things while you go with out. You need to make sure that when you are buying clothes and stuff for the husband and kids, you also get you what you need. We wear out our clothes also! Maybe your children will have only 4 pair of shorts each then 6, but it will be ok, they can only wear one pair at a time and if you have a washer and dryer at home, they will always have clean ones.

The best way to find money to save for something special you want is by giving up something you don't need. If you smoke, give up cigerettes and put that money in a jar, then savings account. If you don't smoke, any habit you give up that costs money can help you find that extra cash to save for the items which you want. Making meals and not relying on fast or pre-prepared meals are also a good way of saving money. I remember when my kids were small and money was tight I would make a roast and we would have roast and potatoes one night, hot beef sandwiches the next and stew the third. I would make it stretch for a few meals. When we had turkey or chicken, I would save pieces like the back, neck and such to make chicken noodle soup with. If I made a big pot of spaghetti I could stretch that into a couple meals at least, spaghetti the first night, goulash or chili the next. You just add macarroni or a large can of chili beans with chili sauce in with the spaghetti sauce. If there was enough sauce left over from the first night I would make lasagna which was always a hit.

Crafting is another way to update the inside. Stenciling is a lot of fun and so is using a woolie when you paint. New throw pillows for the couch is a cheap way. Also if you are tired of some of your stuff, see if your friends would do a swap with you. You could do this with a group like your church group. Organize a church swap or garage sale.

I took an old blonde dresser that was my husbands from when he was little and sanded the varnish off, painted it a country white and stenciled roses on it. I still love the way it looks in my extra bedroom. So updating your old furniture might be a simple way to update your house also.

I'm a SAHM of seven, married almost 27 years and I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I lament that after so long we are circling back around to the "famine years" yet again, but then I stop and count my blessings: loving,dedicated, hardworking husband; beautiful, energetic, lovable kids; three troublesome but cute-as-a-button cats; house with sound roof and walls; quiet community; fabulous church family; supportive friends that would come to my aid in a heartbeat...the list gets quite long...and I can no longer remember what it was I thought I wanted that was so important! :) "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done."

Grateful SAHM with nothing to complain about

Let me just tell you that you are not alone out there on this subject. I, too often, feel like the last one to get anything. My husband buys expensive shoes like he was a Markos. Until last month, I wore the same Nikes for 3 and a half years. They were good shoes, just not that good! My daughter, well she always comes first, of course within reason, we have a tight budget and I don't want her to get spoiled.
The one thing I do to keep from feeling left out of the budget is to try to find things I like that include the whole family. My whole family likes camping, so this year I am buying a new tent for me and the family can sleep in it if they choose. lol I like sewing and other crafty things, I thank the Creator I am married to a Native American and we do the powwows, so I am always busy sewing regalia and beading everything up. I love going to the movies, so I always try to budget in a couple of them a month. Etc, etc...
I find that I have to look at things in perspective: What truly is important to me? I find that even the necessary things in life can be too much. My history Prof. once said that the American industrialization made our society all about stuff. He was right, but how sad... We are so fixated about who has what and how much, and how necessary it all has become, that we forget that most satisfying things are our relationships and love we foster. Though that said, I believe that we can forget our internal needs, to express ourselves and to see ourselves as important. I have a strong desire to leave a little something on this planet of me, to make some kind of impact. An analogy of this impact would be like a meteor; Its not important to me to be a planet killer but I don't want to burn up in the atmosphere either. I just want to dent someone's hood. :)
From your bio it sounds like you are doing just that - denting a hood, maybe a few of them. I hope that you are able to shake the gloom of the long shadow of this winter and get back to fighting the atmosphere. I'm wishing you the best of luck!!! :)

Even if you weren't working, you're contributing to your family and you deserve something for you. Allow yourself even just $10 a week... or $5. Saving it each week until its enough for what you're looking to buy. Incorrporate your saving up for something you want into teaching your kids the value in waiting for something and saving for it... or don't. You deserve something for you or you risk becoming bitter at your family as they get what they want and you're the one contributing to getting them to their lessons, getting them fed, etc. Do something for yourself, you deserve that.
Best of luck.

Oh honey, I hear you! We all give the world to our children, but sometimes it's ok to give the world to ourselves. :)

Every time I take cash out (whether for lunch, a movie, parking, etc) I stick what ever is left into a shoe box. That way, when the mood hits me to buy something I really want, I have something hidden away to offset the expense. I account for every penny out of my check book, so finding that shoe box is like a mini lottery. :P

D.,

Our number one factor on whether or not to buy something is "Do we have the cash for it without affecting our savings?" That includes cars - but we do pull from a special fund for cars.

Yeah, we don't have nearly as much junk laying around as most people, but less to clean - right? We don't eat out much and swap babysitting when we can. I keep my eye out for free coupons - free dinners, free massages, free oil changes. It all adds up.

When I really want something for myself, I find a way to get it. Find some things you have but don't want and sell it on eBay or at a garage sale or used kids items store. I needed new pants for my kids but didn't want to spend a lot of cash. So I rounded up a bunch of old baby clothes and toys no one needed any more, took them to Once Upon a Child. When all was said and done, I owed $4.00 cash and got about 10 pairs of pants.

I also decided I wanted a front load high capacity washer and dryer for Christmas. I did my homework - a lot of it - and found rebates from the store, from the manufacturer, the electric company. I found coupons and sales and discounts. In the end, I picked up a brand new set for under $1500 - almost as low as a regular set.

I hope your cosmetic business is very sucessful. Make sure to set aside some of the profits to splurge on yourself. And yes, I think we are all dying for a little spring here! I just moved to MN in December from the south where 45 degrees above zero was "an unusually cold winter day." I am learning that "cold" is a very relative term. :)

Good luck,
S.