Weening 2 Yr Old to Sleep in Own Bed

N.,

I went through that with my older child. I kept laying down with him to get him to sleep. When he'd come to my room in the middle of the night, I'd either let him go to sleep with me and then move him back or I'd take him back to his room, lay down with him and then go back to my room. It took a while but eventually he just quit getting up because he always ended up back in his bed. I'm not a fan of letting my kids scream themselves to sleep so this method worked well for me. It took some patience and some tired nights, but it worked.

T.

Wish I could help, but my son does the same thing. So if you find a way to fix it, please let me know.
Thanks and good luck
B.

Hi N.,
My son used to do this. I loved having him in bed but nobody slept real well. So, we started him out by telling him he could sleep in our room, but not our bed. Then, he could sleep next to our room but not in it. After that he had to sleep next to his room, then in his room, then in his bed. We let him have a night or two in each place and would always warn him of the rules for the following night. When he ended up in bed, we let him pick out where he wanted his bed, (little racecar bed). He wanted it as close to the door as he could have it. It was kind of a long process and any time I gave in, it lead to tears the next night. We had to learn to stick to our word or none of this would have worked at all. They have to learn that you are serious...so make sure you are. The first couple times I tried, I wasn't ready and it made for much more long nights ahead. She'll get there. Good luck and sleep tight!

I think the root of the problem is in having to move her. If you lay down with her IN HER BED and did the whole story/bed time routine....rubbing her head and such until she falls asleep not disturbing her by the move, then maybe she would stay where she was. That is what I have done with my little one...once it was time to sleep in her own bed I would always (still do and she is 8) lay down with her and read or tell a story. I made sure she was nice and comfy all cuddled up with her blankets and stuffed animal friends...then I lay there and rub her head or arms. When she talks I tell her to hush or cuddle time would be over....it works like a charm! When she was little we would start our bed time routine with a nice relaxing warm bath and a good massage with some night time lavender lotion....(bed time baths still make her sleepy)we get done and she is nice and sleepy…..SHE LOVES IT! At the end of it all she goes to sleep happy that Mommy cuddled her and she wakes up a well rested happy little girl. Give it a shot....you might be surprised.

Peace~Love~Light
V.

You know, the first thing my doctor told me when I had my son was to never let your child sleep with you in your bed because they will have a hard time leaving when they're older. But too late I guess. When my son was a baby I let him sleep in our bed a couple of times. But I usually tried to leave him in his crib. When he got older he'd crawl out of it to come to us. What did we do? We put him back. Try to leave her in her own bed. Don't sleep with her because she will get used to it and not give you any peace. Even if it takes all night, she get's out of it, put her back in. You have to teach her who's boss. Maybe you can give her a doll or a blanket she can be secure with. Good luck, and don't give up. I know it's hard, but just remember, this too shall pass. M.

First of all, congratulations to you N. for listening to your intuition about what is best for your child and for you.

I recomment Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" which is much more humane than "Baby Wise" and other such books. Pantley's book is perfect for parents like us who have been attachment parenting and co-sleeping but are looking to make humane and loving changes.

I had the same problem with my daughter. She is three and after several failed attempts at getting her in her own big girl bed I gave up. She out of the blue when it was no longer an issue simply decided she would do it. She slept in her bed for one night on her own accord and since then never came back to mine. She had slept with me since she was a baby and I was starting to worry because I hear all these horror stories about getting them in their own bed, but she self weaned at an appropriate age (18 months) and now at three taken the plunge into her own bed. I think sometimes pressure can make things harder rather than a more natural progression, either that or I was lucky. Anyway, best of luck, it is nice I must say to have my bed back!

Try starting off cuddleing in her bed, so that you won't have to transfer her.

Just an FYI, all 3 of my sweet-ones 9, 6, & 4 are still in and ouit of our bed!

Thay need our love!

Hi N., It sounds like you have allowed a habit to form, and now you are trying to break it. With our children, there should never be, will nots, won'ts refusses, things like that give kids power they were not meant to have. Set a bed time for her, tuck her in read her a story, pray with her, and tell her you are not to get out of your bed unles you need to go potty, and if she does not obey, then there needs to be discipline, she's almost 3 years old trust me, they understand alot. You may want to sit with her for a little while whule you making this transistion, you don't want to just put her in her bed and leave, when you have allowed her to be in your bed, she didn't know any better. Give it a couple weeks, be firm but loving. J.

Dear N.,
I may be able to give you some ideas that will help.
first, I need to know how much time during the day are you spending with your wee one and what time does she go to bed?

My son did that and we actually wound up moving our bed into his room and getting a new one. Kind of an expensive solution and it didn't work right away, we were due for a new bed anyway.

What we did was to lay down with him until he fell asleep. Then we moved to sitting/laying by the bed. Then a couple nights later we moved about a foot away. We just kept doing this until we were out the door. It was a long process and there were many nights when we fell asleep on the floor in his room. But it worked, for the most part.

My son sleeps in his room through the night almost every night. There are still some nights he'll come into our room and we let him in bed with us but they're getting fewer and fewer.

Just remember, no kid ever went off to college sleeping in mom and dad's bed. Eventually she'll get it, it just might take some time.

I hope this was helpful, if you can get past the ramblings.

M.

I don't have any real advice, other then to say get her in her own bed as soon as you can. I'm saying this from experience. :) My 7.5 year old slept with us and I waited way too long to get her in her own bed. There are still nights I have to lay with her in her bed for a cuddle or that she'll wake up and come to our bed. I've loved co-sleeping, but just wish I would have 'weaned' her from it earlier.
Best of Luck!

My son is going to be 4 and sleeps with me every night. You know at first I was all... I need my own bed, but when I suggested him sleeping in his own bed and saw his tears well up and ask me why I didn't want to sleep with him anymore. I was over it. I slept with my mom any night I wanted growing up and that was the best feeling in the world...to know I am always loved and accepted and allowed to be close when I needed it but to also have my own bed and space as I grew older. Personally I believe we are here to serve our children and help them grow to be loving caring adults. Love and care is my philosophy. It's in the process of allowing that we see the true majic unfold. Allow yourself to feel it.

Know your childs needs and fears. Stop pretending you don't know. Allow yourself the space to know.......

xo

Just a freindly reminder :)

Be patient with her. I know that supper nanny and so many parents judge ones parenting style on how quickly a parent can get there kid in their own bed. I do not know your daughter, but chances are she just needs that extra time with you. She is still very little and she is learning how to be independent while sleeping. That's great that she starts out in her own bed and that she has her mom to go to when she wakes up scared. Celebrate the time she did spend in her own bed by talking with her about it. Tell her good job for sleeping in her own bed and give her hugs/love when she needs them. I know this may not be the advice you want but night parenting is just as important as day parenting.
Good luck to you and I hope you are able to take some sort of nap in the day!
Take care
M. Carrillo, M.S. MFT
www.supportfornewmothers.com

I don't know if this will help as i'm not quite a mom yet, but one of my doctors told me that there's a book called "Baby Wise" that is about teaching your child how to sleep. I'm due in october so i'll be learning how to do all this very soon, but thought i'd share that bit of info with you even though i'm not sure how great it is...it came from my family doc and he said it'd be my bible for a while; that he used it for both of his kids and found it really helpful.

good luck!

W. b

Hi N.:
This may sound cruel,but my son at that age,would do that, and i'll tell you what we finally did.We listened,for when he was trying to crawl in our bed,and spread ourselves out,and pretended we were asleep so there was absolutely no room for him to get in. lol It was hard not to start cracking up,as he went from one side to the next (searching for a way to get in)He was so tired,that he gave up,and left. lol I got up a little later to find him sleeping next to the bed on the floor.I felt terrible! I put him back in his bed. We did the same thing two more nights, and he gave up. I guess he figured we had gotten so big, that he no longer fit! He stayed in his bed after that.You may think this extreme,but we were desperate.We weren't getting any sleep,and had to work. Wish you the best N..

When our daughter kept getting out of her bed to get into ours, we set up a "bed" on the floor next to our bed- a pillow & blanket. After a few months, we took the blanket away so she had to bring her own blanket with her, then took the pillow away. Eventually when she began getting up, I took her to pee and right back into her own bed. It was fine! Now (just turned 3) she gets up on her own to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and gets back into her bed, doesn't bother us at all. WONDERFUL!!

Enjoy the process! She's still a baby and she want the security of her mom. I would suggest you lay down with her in her bed, read a bedtime story and tell her goodnight. The first few days just sit in a rocker beside her bed...move it a little further from her bed for a few days....then move it further. Get her used to going to sleep in her bed. When you finally get to the point where she can fall asleep in her bed start a chart system. Every day that she can stay in her bed until a specific time, she'll get a star and when she gets enough stars she can have a favorite "something". It's more training of us than them at this point. We can't give in unless it's necessary. I don't see any point of making it tramatic though. She'll get there...and then she'll be going to school and not wanting you to kiss her goodbye!

I agree that doing the whole night time process should now be in her own bed. Makes all the sense in the world. Your starting young, so I won't take very long for her to accept it.
If she gets out of bed, just put her back. Time and time again.
Good luck!

Our sons would go through stages of coming into our room at night. We made a rule that you HAD to go to sleep in your own bed and if you got scared in the night, you could come into mom and Dad's room, but you HAD to sleep on the floor, NOT in the bed. If children are in your bed every night, nobody sleeps. If the floor is their only option, they'll take it. Eventually they decide it's easier to stay in their own bed and only come in if they are really scared. Also, your daughter needs to learn to fall asleep by herself. If you have to lay down with her every night, you are not helping the situation, only keeping her from learning how to fall asleep. Maybe try a realaxing bedtime routine and then put her in her own bed. If she cries, check on her and reassure her, but don't lay down. Good luck.