Just wondering how strict you guys are on making your kids dress up for weddings (and how dressy is "dressed up"). My 13 yr old daugher is a total tomboy and hates anything that can even remotely be described as girly, especially wearing dresses. Her aunt is getting married this weekend and once again we're in a battle over what to wear. She has a pair of black coulottes (sp?) that we've used as a compromise in the past. They're flowy enough to look like a skirt, but are actually pants, but now she says she doesn't like them anymore either. I asked her to pull out what she would wear for pants if she were to, and she pulled out her best dress pants which do look nice, but are a somewhat dark grey color and she wants to pair it with a navy blue button down shirt she has. Overall, she'd look nice, if a little drab, but I still think it's still a little casual for a wedding. On the other hand, the wedding is somewhat casual anyway. She has another nice shirt that's a light green (but does have some ruffle, even though she picked it out) that I think would lighten her ensemble up a bit if she wore it with the grey pants, so I'm thinking of telling her she can wear the pants if she wears the prettier shirt. She also has a nice pair of strappy black sandles that she can wear with whichever outfit we decide on. I'm torn between putting my foot down and saying she has to wear the coulottes or a skirt (she has a nice black one) and having to deal with scowling and pouting all day or letting her have some say in it and have a great time at the wedding as a result. She loves her aunt and I don't think she'd (the aunt) care too much either way, but I also want to get it into her head that there are certain times you have to dress up and do things you don't really want to do. She's a good kid and, so far, this is the only real issue where we butt heads. How firm are you in making the kids dress up for weddings? And how dressed up do you get them? Is it ok if she's in nice pants, nice shirt, nice shoes, nice hair, etc.? (She's not playing any part in the wedding, just a guest). The wedding will be on the coast, in Maine, this weekend, so weather may play a part as well, although the ceremony will be indoors and we'll have the option of being in or out at the reception. Thanks for your help!
Thank you ladies! After reading your responses, I feel better that it will be ok for her to wear her slacks. It isn't worth the fight and she will still look nice. I think I will see if I can convince her to wear the prettier green shirt, but if she doesn't want to, I won't push it. Maybe I can bargain for a pair of earrings instead! I personally hate to wear dresses, too, so I feel her pain. I just want her to understand the importance of showing respect for the event, as one poster said. I feel very glad that my clothing battles with her are ones of this nature and not ones of inappropriateness or modesty. She is very modest and hates seeing girls in the short shorts and low-cut or high-cut shirts, so I guess I'll count my blessings! Thanks again ladies! I know we'll all have a great time this weekend now!
I think she would be just fine in nice pants and a nice shirt. You will be much happier through the night if she is comfortable and happy in what she is wearing. Everyone understand what it is like to have kids that have an opinion of their wardrobe, and if they don't undertand.....You don't want to be around them anyway. :)
Take care and have fun!
I think it's perfectly acceptable for a child of either gender to wear a nice top (button up shirt/blouse) and slacks and nice shoes for a wedding. I insisted on something that was dressy enough to show respect for the event.
My sister barely wore dresses or skirts through her teen years and only wore a sundress to her own wedding. We joked that the world was going to end when she bought not one but two dresses for work functions in her late 20s. There's no more wrong with your DD than there is with my sister. Just let her wear something appropriate for the event, even if it's not a skirt. At least you are not having the opposite problem where she's wanting to dress in something too short and too revealing.
ETA: the last wedding I attended, come to think of it, I was in dark gray slacks and a top with purple, gray, white and black on it. I didn't feel out of place with either the color or the outfit. I was not the only one in slacks.
To force your 13 yo daughter to wear a skirt when you truly know how she feels in one is not a good idea. She is obviously trying to work with you on this by offering up her own outfit idea (which may be drab but still appropriate.) Compromise is really important. If she was wanting to wear a t-shirt with a vulgar expression then you would have some say but she doesn't like dresses or skirts, why would you push her on that? Would you rather have a 13 yo daughter at the wedding that is having a miserable time or one that is able to enjoy herself in something that is appropriate just not exactly what you would wear? It sounds like you have a good relationship, keep it. Teach her compromise not submission. Oh, and if she were in the actual wedding party then she would wear what was asked or gracefully bow out.
I think as long as she isn't in jeans and runners she is probably OK. I was 11 when my brother got married and I didn't want to wear a dress, so I wore a corduroy nickers and vest set. I wasn't in the wedding party or in a lot of pictures. My parents figured it wasn't worth the fight, because who would enjoy having a pouty, cranky kid around all day. People weren't there to look at me, they were looking at the bride and groom. Have fun!
Sounds like you've reached a good compromise with either the culottes or the pants. Slacks are fine, a tailored look is totally appropriate vs. frilly and fancy. In fact, some people say NOT to overdress lest guests show up the bride & bridesmaids. Black pants are a great basic item, and if she can dress it up with the green ruffled shirt, fine. If she sticks to the blue, that's okay too. Nice shoes and clean, brushed hair, and she's fine. If she'll add a little jewelry or something in her hair, that's fine, but I don't know if she's comfortable with that. But since you say the wedding is casual anyway, it's fine. Even if it were not casual, you'd see plenty of women in slacks, so forcing your daughter to wear a skirt is going to backfire once you get to the wedding anyway. You're better off with a happy kid since nothing she's wearing is really inappropriate. I wouldn't bother asking the aunt - she has enough going on and she's not going to dictate the dress for others, so why put that pressure on your teen? (It's a tough age anyway.) You're entering the teen years of individuality and occasional defiance so it's wise to choose your battles.
Let her wear what she wants. There should never be a time when she HAS to wear a dress if she doesn't like them.
I am a grown up who doesn't love wearing dresses. I wear them on occasion, but every time I fidget. I am uncomfortable. Out of sorts. I wouldn't consider myself a tomboy, but I just feel better in a pair of slacks. I have worn slacks to many weddings and never felt out of place. I also like darker "drab" colors. Double check with her aunt to see if her attire will match the occasion. If her clothes are clean, nice ironed and match, let her wear what she will be comfortable in. Otherwise, you will be dealing with a sulking teenager who feels self conscious about her appearance, instead of enjoying the wedding. This is not something I would battle over.
I think your daughter will be fine. Her attire sounds nice so I would let her wear what she wants. My daughter is 5 so she loves dressing up. If she did have a problem dressing up I hope I will be able to compromise. I think it depends on the wedding. You say it's casual so I think she will be fine with what she's wearing. Good luck.
Ask the aunt! :)
When my SIL got married it was a rather formal affair - but the kids were only invited to the ceremony. When I asked her, she said that they could wear shorts or nice pants and polo shirts - totally causal.
My kids are much younger - they were 5, 3 and 1 at the time.
I do not understand if she is a tomboy why would you force her to be styled differently? Here is what I suggest
Black wide legged pants
Color (nice pop color) button down top with a nice accent would be nice (tuxedo top or ruffle or something)
Black vest - a woman's with a nice cut
Black mary jane's or boots
add a fun braided half up/down do and some simple gloss to her lips and she is good to go!
I am using Diane Keaton as a mental inspiration - I LOVE her style it is a wonderful balance of boy/girl mixed fashion.
I hated the way my mom dealt with clothes do I don't fight with my kids about it. I would rather they feel comfortable with their outfit and have fun. Do you have time to go shopping? Maybe some fun accessories will jazz up her plain outfit. I honestly think most people give a wide margin when judging what teens wear. It's awkward enough just being 13!
I would honestly tell her that if she dressed oddly that people will be looking at her and talking about her.
She needs to know how society does this. It is especially true at weddings. I mean, how many of us have never gone to a wedding and say someone wearing something odd and we talked about it all through the reception...just sayin, she needs to know that people will look at her and talk. Sometimes when we accept an invitation to attend an affair like this we do so knowing we'll have to dress up.
Otherwise give her the option of staying home or at the hotel and not dress up at all.
Her wardrobe sounds like an old woman's clothes but it may just be the words you used to describe it. At 13 she may need to go shopping and update it.
I don't know anyone who has worn coulottes for at least 5 years. Just consider trying to look at some magazines and let her pick some more fashionable clothing. It doesn't have to be expensive either, even Walmart has some cute teen stuff. But places at most malls have clothes that would fit a young lady and not be too mature.
Let her wear what she wants!
Women wear pants to things all the time. Your daughter will look fine wearing dress pants; they can definitely be part of an event-respectful outfit. She will want to look well put together. Maybe that's a better term than "dressed up."
You might encourage her to look around during the reception and make mental notes of the outfits she likes (and doesn't like). That's always fun.
Unlike you, I'm happy that dresses are back in fashion, and I wish I could wear them more! Sadly, I'm way too short-waisted.
