We Want Our Children to Have a Stronger Bond with Their Grandparents!

I really don't see how going to your parents and kindly telling them you'd like for your kids to spend time alone with them could possibly be taken the wrong way.

I think what happens in this type of situation is that the grandparents becomes more of an actual parent. You wouldn't normally leave your kids behind to spend time with your nephew, would you? That might be how they see it. But the hazard of this is that your children will grow up without really knowing your parents. And someday, your parents will wake up and realize they completely missed out on something incredible.

So I think it's really your obligation to encourage special bonding time between your kids and their grandparents. There might be the small risk of hurt feelings, but I think it's worth the gamble.

And I wouldn't even mess with talking to your sister. She's the most likely one to be defensive in all of this. Instead, talk to your parents alone and let them deal with her feelings.

Just my two cents...

Oh, and to Vanessa R who said "I think that this is your problem and your problem only."

That had to be the most thoughtless, unhelpful and unsympathetic response I've ever read on Mamasource. Congratulations.

Share with your parents how you feel, in a non-threatening, loving way. Tell them that while you enjoy the family times, you ache for your children to have some experiences of them with just them. Ask them what they might be willing to do to make this happen and have some suggestions of your own. Invite them over for dinner, ask them to stay with your children while you are gone, create other opprtunities for them to spend time with you and your children.

Unless you bring this out into the open, nothing will change. I hope you will find the place where you can be really honest and share what you want/need. Talking to your sister about it would also be a good idea. Spending time with your sister alone might also be a good idea.

Set up dates for your kids to spend time alone with their grandparents and your family. Be honest with your sister and parents. And face it, your kids probably won't be as close as your sister and her child. Be glad your folks can provide that relationship and bond that your sister and nephew need. They aren't losing out on anything by having their cousin there. Your kids have you and your husband.

I am a grandma of 14 and we started spending time one on one with our grandchildren. We take them (each - one at a time) from 2:30 to 9:00 (after school). My husband (who is more free in the afternoon and works some evenings) takes them someplace, like a museum, etc., then they buy what the child wants to make for dinner. Then I come home from work and make it with them and bake cookies or pie with them. We have a fun paper that we fill out, like, favorite color, what I like to do with grandma, how tall I am, etc. Then I play whatever game they want to play. It has really been a great bonding experience for us. I wonder if you could approach your parents with that? Or you could invite just the grandparents over and explain to the sister that you want to spend a little alone time with them. I would talk to the sister and the parents, but separately and kindly. It is a good request.

Dear R.,

What you should do is send a copy of your posting here to your parents and your sister. I'm a grandma, and, believe me, I would understand. They should be happy that you want to feel closer to them and that you want your children to have a special bond with them as well. They cannot read your mind. Your feelings might look like jealousy or distancing yourself, and you might be conveying the opposite of what you want. So SAY what you mean, and mean what you say. I am sure they love you and your children just as much as your sister and nephew, but they NEED to KNOW that you NEED them as well. God bless you and your family.
K.

I think that if you have a good relationship with your sister and parents you should be able to just come right out and tell them. Explain to your sister how much you enjoy spending time with her and her son but also let her know that you would like your children to enjoy some one on one time with thier grandparents just as her son does. If she is understanding she won't be hurt and will be glad to step aside a little.

Good luck!

If it was me with my kids I would just tell them (if you can by themselves;just say can I talk to you guys alone) like you told us. If you hold it in your feelings are only going to get stronger and be more trouble. So just let them know how you feel. They are your parents they should understand that you want them in the kids' life more. And they will probably be happy and feel wanted. Hope that helps. Good luck!

I think that this is your problem and your problem only. I'm sure your parents, sister, nephew or children don't feel anything like you do about the situation. My brother and nieces lived with my mom until my youngest niece was two years old and my parents obviously spent more time with my nieces because they were around them more but it didn't make any difference in the way my parents spent time with my children and I was glad that my nieces were there because not only did my children get to spend time with their grandparents but they also got to spend alot of time with their cousins, which I loved and I got to see my brother alot which was also a plus.

Hi R. -

I wish I could tell you I had an answer for you. I experienced the same thing when my children were younger. My kids and I lived about 100 yards away from their grandparents (my ex-inlaws) and their daughter and grandson lived with them. Susan and Cody were included in everything they did and my kids (2 boys & 1 girl) were not. One time I asked why they didn't stay with my kids so I could have a night out. I reminded them that they watched Cody all the time. Their response was that I had 3 and Susan only had 1. Go Figure! Shortly before we moved to AZ, they had a falling out with Susan. That didn't change anything with how my kids were treated, they constantly talked about how she had done them wrong and how much they missed Cody. They never realized what they were missing with my kids.

Very long story short - you can change them. If you want a night out without your sister and nephew - tell them so. No guarantees, but it is the only way you can get your feelings out there.

M.

Invite just your parents to your house for dinner, and tell them there. Show them how concerned you were of the possiblility of hurting feelings, show them this site and your posting so they know how serious and gentle your are wanting to be about it all. I am pretty positive they will be receptive and greatful that you want them involved in your kids lives. Good luck, open communication is always the best answer, no resentment can build doing it that way.

Rachelle

I agree with those who responded that say you just have to come out and ask for some special dates. I would also plan times when you just invite your sister and nephew or just your nephew to do kid things with you. Your parents could use a break as well and your nephew needs another father figure along with your dad. Instead of seeing that your nephew has a better relationship with your parents, see that your kids have a DAD that they get to have dinner with every night, go to the train park and movies with, etc. Your sister is probably very envious of you. Growing up, there were so many cousins (25) that I never had my grandparents to myself, and I never thought anything of it. All of us lived close and were at their house a lot. Be sure to let your kids know how blessed they are to have grandparents.

Dear R., awkward but manageable. We have the same situation, except with more siblings that occupy all of their time. What we've done is we plan vacations with just the grandparents. It's a great help because my husband and I can have some alone time while they watch the kids. It's a little more expensive, but you can't put a price on quality time with relatives. We get 2 hotel rooms or 1 huge suite, condo etc. for all of us. We plan sometimes a year in advance,(saving) and have an awesome time for 1-2 weeks making unforgettable memories of pictures and videos that can be seen over and over again. On special holidays, b-days we invite them to stay with us for a week or so to help plan parties or special events. The kids love it when grandparents come and stay. It's their special time. My kids phone frequently inviting my parents to come. They tell them how much they miss them. We often send pictures made by the kids with comments like....I miss you, when can you come back. We also take them out for picnics, or dinners just our family and them to celebrate their special days. I've learned that you can't complain about what you allow. I'm bold and assertive, and well if my siblings can't figure out that my kids need alone time with their grandparents then let them be offended. I love my siblings and wouldn't do anything to hurt their feelings but I'm responsible for raising my kids and I do what's best for my family as a whole. I own a cattle ranch and business' but mostly a SAHM (because I can choose my hours) with 4 kids, the 5th due in October.

You should sit down and talk with your parents and your sister. They probably don't realize that they are hurting you or that you feel that the relationships are unequal. They will never know unless you tell them. In a kind, non-argumentative way of course.

ooo sounds so familiar and it can go either way if you say something. i guess you have to determine how you think theyll respond and then go from there. same thing with my sister and her twin boys. they lived with my parents until he boys were 9. so it was hard not to visit and be alone and he boys went every where with my parents so coming ot our house was the same thing. Ilove the twins hey were my god sons. but my children didnt have the grandma they deserved. mom babysat the boys all the time even when my sister was out all night with her "boyfriends" they never got to see her much. i talked to mys siter and i got Rage. she said i was jealous and it wasnt even about my kids it was about giving mom a break becuas she was raising the kids. so mom took her side and i was ostracised. the didnt talk to me for a long tiem. iknow dad missed doing adult things he used to. he neer did what mom and my sis did. he stopped by for coffee every morning. my kids missed out on grandma and aunt. i even volunteered to baby sit for a few hours and overnight so mom and dad could go be with their friends, etc. my kids neve lsot grandpa though he has been involved in their lives almost ever day. we live abotu 60 miles form them now but dad calls every day. things are a bit better but still strained after 21 yrs.in the meantime i met a wonderufl family that used ot babysit for my youngest. they have becom outr grandparent family so my son has had grampies in his life even if not biological. now that my son is 18 and jsut graduated my mom is all of a sudden wondering why he never visits, never talks much( he's a real quiet kid anyway). sh has been trying to buy him off but he wont take money form her and she wonders what is wrong with him. i have learned not to say anything because i dont want to lose my relationsip with my dad. (my mom runs the house there). she found out he was collaing me and she would take the phone away at night so he wouldnt call so how he calls when he is on his way to work. he buys me horse related gifts all teh time but we have to hide from mom. (non of the other kids like horses like i do and he does). she found out he bought a pair of spurs i had admired one day and she gave them to a brother who hates stuff like that he didnt want them but she told him he had to take them so i wouldnt get them. he gave them to me anyway. its a sad situation for the but i think that i would have just been more open and talked to both of them together so that things that were said dont get turned around. just tell them that your kids would like to have a grandma day alone once a month or so and that you would be glad to take the nephew for a day so they can have her undvided attention. also with taking our mom to lunch. just tell them that yu miss being alone with mom and that on this date you would like to go to lunch jsut the two of you. i dont know how it will end but let me know