Potty @ Day Care

Updated on April 28, 2008
J.T. asks from Oklahoma City, OK
13 answers

My daughter is a few days shy of 18 months, and has been 100% potty trained @ home w/ me, for several months now (absent sickness like the runs or a vaginal infection when we might have an occasional accident). However, she continues to struggle at school and I am getting tired of doing dirty panty wash every night when I know she can successfully go in the potty. She says when she wants to go, and I've told them she needs extra time to poop (she even has a book) and it seems like her success varies somewhat by teacher. I have spent countless hours discussing w/ providers, and now think I might need to try another approach. I am considering some kind of reward so that she is more motivated to be extra vocal about her needs, but would prefer not to have to do it at home, which is creates a problem w/ consistency. I am also uncomfortable about the idea of offering rewards (particularly food/candy) for something that she must do (it's not like she's helping with a chore, feels a artificial little like rewarding for hair growth or learning to jump), especially given that just going on the potty and wearing big girl panties is always enough at home and the majority of the time at day care. Or maybe it's just normal for her to continue to have 1-3 accidents most days (but only at school, and some days she is 100% successful even at school) in early training (as in both age and length of time)?

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So What Happened?

Many thanks to everyone for your input. The directors have been great with communicating with me and her teachers, and I think maybe it does have something to do with the transition from morning to afternoon teachers. I'll continue to be patient with her school as long as they continue to be willing participants. Mostly I have just been worried that it will hurt her feelings or cause her to regress because she has more trouble at school so I am glad to hear that this is pretty normal. She has a written schedule that I provided some months ago to help as I know she and the teachers have a tendency to get busy and may have trouble remembering, as well as a before & after nap rule, however, we started teaching her sign language and this has allowed her to communicate when she needs to use the toilet both at home and at school. At home, unless we're leaving the house, it's up to her to let us know & she does great. Now that she has learned to say it, she also quite enjoys telling us she needs to poop! I empathize with everyone who is also struggling with this issue and wish you all luck.

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L.G.

answers from Tulsa on

She is seriously potty trained at 18 months? That's amazing (as my 2 1/2 year old would say). My 2 1/2 year old isn't 100% potty trained yet. I would just be thankful she is potty trained so early. There are a lot of us that are still struggling with this.

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M.B.

answers from Fayetteville on

Dear J.,
As a former day care worker and director I commend you on have your child potty trained. It is possible to have your child potty trained before the age of 2 and not just yourself trained. Obviously being a lawyer your must have a busy schedule. I just want to tell you that you were on the right track when you said your daughter dos better with some teachers thn others. Some teachers no the signs that a child needs to go potty even if they don't want to interupt their play or current activity. Some teachers are more willing to make sure that each child gets to the potty when needed than others. In some school the classrooms that conatin 18 month old children there are no pottys at all.
I would not do a reward system for her, just praise her and give lots of hugs on an accident free day and just let her know you still love her but to try harder to remember to potty on days with accidents. "Oh well, tomorrow you can try harder to remember to potty." and leave it at that. I have had mothers come and tour a center and tell me that their 3 year old is 100% potty trained and every day for the next 6 months I would find myself going to a classroom to change clothes or play games or read stories while the teacher was cleaning up a mess from that 100% potty trained child. Children do act and react differently at school. They get bust playing or invilved in an activity and forget what the urges are. It is something she will learn to control. Just be patient. If there is some way that you can get her to be with a teacher all the time or most of the time that she does better with, I would try that. Go to the director and talk to her about it.
Please do not let the mothers that think you are potty trained and not your daughter get you down they will be the ones that will tell a director and teachers their child is potty trained at 3 and isn't.
May God bless you and your family,
M.

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S.W.

answers from Tulsa on

It's completely normal for a potty trained child to still have some accidents. And sometimes it might not be her fault. I work at a daycare, and there have been times that we just weren't able to get the child to the bathroom in time (maybe we were outside on the playground or just waking up from nap or taking care of another problem with another child). If it varies by teacher, though... that makes me want to know how many teacher transitions her classroom is having. Shouldn't she always have the same teacher? If there are frequent care provider transitions, that could affect her potty behavior.

Anyway, I am really impressed that your 18 month old is doing so well with potty training... most 18 month olds aren't that far along, yet. I would avoid putting her in pull ups, since you know she can be successful with panties... you don't want to step backwards. At this point, I would try to figure out a pattern. Which caregivers is she successful with and which ones does she have the most accidents with. Then go from there. I wouldn't worry about doing anything to alter her behavior (rewards, etc). And remember not to punish her for accidents because that can definitely cause a step backwards, especially if it's an issue with the teacher and not with her.

If it is an issue with the teacher, and the director can't solve the problem, then take a good look at your daycare and make sure that you really are satisfied with how they are meeting your daughter's needs.

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A.H.

answers from Fayetteville on

That sounds great that your child is potty trained and not even a year and a half yet. I have worked with children for at least 10 years and have never seen this before. Is it possible that since you know your child so well that you know her signs of showing when she's about to go potty like jumping around or leg crossing so you take her and she goes? You said she needs a lot of time to poop, do you have her sit there until she goes? Is she in a room at daycare that is a "potty taining" room? If she's in the 18 month old room she's probably not. You might ask if she could be moved up to a class that has a consistent potty training schedule. Hope you have better luck soon.

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M.J.

answers from Huntsville on

Hey, As a director of a daycare, I understand your concerns. It is normal for her to have more accidents at school, if she is in group daycare. There are probably several children trying to potty train at the same time. At our center we make a big deal (sing a happy song, give stickers, etc) each time a child who is potty training goes in the potty. Most teachers are happy to help with potty training, and they should be happy to discuss your concerns with them. I would suggest speaking to the director if you are not happy. Good luck! She is a bit young to expect full potty trained

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M.H.

answers from Enid on

Umm, I don't want to insult you, but your daughter is not potty trained; YOU ARE! And I think it's pretty unfair to expect her teachers at day care to be potty trained as well when it is completely age-inappropriate for your daughter to be dealing with these pressures. Back off, go back to pull-ups and wait a year. THEN, you can start worrying if she still has accidents. If in the meantime she is successful at times, great! Dance, sing, jump up and down, but don't ever scold her or act disappointed in her when she has accidents. Not now, not later. And making a big deal out of this when she is still a baby is just silly. Also, with a new baby coming in a few months, she will regress anyway (especially since she is too young anyway). Enjoy this time when she is little and as tedious as diaper changes seems, cherish them because someday she won't want you anywhere near her when she changes, poops, etc.

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C.T.

answers from Fayetteville on

Great job getting your daughter potty trained so young-that is awesome and unusual, especially these days! My second is 17 mos and haven't even considered starting her yet. Being that she is so young I would think having accidents as being pretty normal, but since it is only at day care...maybe she is just too busy playing to worry about going potty (my 1st did that.) Does she poop at the same time every day-and do all the day care teacher know her schedule, b/c it may be a consistency thing. I would suggest asking the teachers to remind her a few times a day that she needs to go (unless thay have a schedule to do that already) and write it down for them!! I worked in that profession-it's not easy remebering each kids individual needs unless its on paper. And try to be nice about it-its a hard job with little pay and they will be more willing to help you if you are nice to them.
Also, does she know yet that you are expecting another baby?-At 18 mos she may sense more than you think, esp if you are stressed about it in any way. Hope this helps.

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J.H.

answers from Tulsa on

Don't be too h*** o* her. Most day cares don't expect one so young to be potty trained, and are so busy with all the children that they won't be on top of it.

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N.N.

answers from New Orleans on

You are asking too much from an 18 month old. She is still just a baby! Enjoy her as a baby! Don't make your children grow up too fast for your convenience (hence the laundry). This cruel world will make them grow up fast enough. I am a SAHM to two wonderful kids (3 year old daughter, 3 month old son). In my experience, and the experiences with countless cousins and nieces and nephews, children are generally potty trained around 3 years of age and will continue to have accidents every now and then for years (not making it to the bathroom, wetting the bed). I didn't offer rewards, just exuberant praise when she went. My mother offered candy for a bowel movement on the potty, but I didn't. Patience and love...that is what your child needs. Also, she might be apprehensive about going at day care. It isn't like going at home with mommy and daddy.

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A.V.

answers from Birmingham on

I think because your daughter is still so young, I may just wait and see what happens. I am a preschool teacher and mom, and I have several kids who only go potty at school and never for mom, and I have some who only go at home, and will never go for me. I promise it will click one day, and you will never see another pair of wet panties again!! =) Good luck with everything!
BTW-my daughter just turned 3 and still occasionally has an accident at school! There is a LOT going on in a classroom!

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B.B.

answers from Melbourne on

I have heard people say that if a child is potty trained before age 2 than the child is not really trained but the parent to take them consistently. Now that may not be true for your 18 month old, but it is quite possible that with all that is going on at daycare she is distracted and not paying as much attention to how she feels when she needs to go. The workers may ask her periodically throughout the day, but 10 minutes lateer she may be busy and need to go. If you had a normal routine at home, she was most likely trained to that routine and if it's not the same at day care well that would explain the accidents. You may be washing panties for a while, because it is quite difficult to cater to one childs needs at a daycare. Also I doubt there are any other 18month olds at the daycare who are trained. I pottty trained 4 children by 2 1/2 and they were still in diapers until 2 years old.
Sorry no advice on how to solve your problem. But know that this yucky time shall pass soon, hope it is before your next one arrives. good luck.

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M.W.

answers from Fort Smith on

Now I was a rare child but my maternal grandmother told me that by age 8 months I had trained myself, Yes that makes me rare. Young children can be traineed before 2yrs of age. BUt not all. My older brother refused to take time from his playing to go and was over 3 before he was trained.

If it is with only certain teachers she has accidents maybe there is a problem with the teacher. M. W

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D.K.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would just encourage her when you leave her at daycare to use the potty. I think she is doing a great job and with the changing teachers she may just be uncomfortable with some of them. I would wait it out, she will eventually not have any accidents.

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