UGH ........ Their Starting to Frustrate Me Really Bad.

you just start blaming "the doctor" LOL. if its medical or things like bottle, pacifier, potty training, etc that works well

basically the words "my needs are..." are powerful. that way it never puts the blame on them, it becomes about what you want which is .. well, what you want.
you just tell them, "my needs are that i raise my son the way i feel is best" or "my needs are that i raise my son the way i want to raise my son"

its HARD to have pushy family. it makes you want to run screaming in the other direction, and its especially frustrating if you live close to them
good luck with this.

I am sure that there is much more to this story than meets the eye. A couple of questions, do you live with them? Do you rely on them for anything (daycare, food, money?) I think that the only way to break free of parenting styles such as these is to completely break free. If you have already done this, then don't answer the phone, but as long as you are taking any help from them, unfortunately the advice and complications will come with it, because they will continue to see you as a child who needs their help.

C.--It sounds like this is really weighing on you. It is tough when especially your family wants you to do things THEIR way. You can't get away from them and their opinions! One tactic you might try is saying, "I'll consider what you're saying." It shows that you're thinking about what they've offered, but made a decision based on what you know is best for your child. Good luck and I hope you can find some other kinds of support locally for yourself. Hang in there!

It starts with you. By listening to them and doing as they tell you to do, your honeslty only showing them that it is okay for them to tell you what to do in regards to your son.

First stop doing what they are telling you to do, nobody can force you to do anything if you don't let them.

Then, make it clear to them you are the parent, that you are the one who makes the decisions for him, and walk away, maybe don't talk to them until they respect you. But walk away, clearly letting them know that YOU IN FACT are his mother and YOU IN FACT will be the one who makes decisions for your son.

If you feed them loads of information, slow down in telling them 'everything' that is going on. Stop the 'info train'. It will leave less room for them to insert their opinion or demands.

Basically to be honest it does completely start with you and ends with you, somewhere find the strength for yourself and for your son and don't let someone else take over parenting for you...

I agree with Amy to an extent, if you are receiving help from them in any way, it still doesn't give them the authority to tell you how or what choices to make for your son.

C.,
They really can't FORCE you to do anything you don't want to do, unless they are holding you at gunpoint. I know you feel like they are forcing you, but really you are LETTING them do this. They may be using all kinds of tricks like manipulation, bribery, even blackmail, especially emotional guilt trips etc, to get you to do what they want you to do, but ultimately IT IS UP TO YOU to do what you feel is right for your self and your child.

We face the same problem with my father-in-law, who is extremely religious (I am spiritual but don't go to a church). He is trying to pressure us into sending our son to Sunday school. I have to tell him repeatedly that we aren't doing that. It is not his decision.

If your family begins to do things like taking your child to church or teaching him things you don't want them to teach him, then you NEED to stand up for yourself and your child. If what it takes is restricting the amount of time they spent with your child, then so be it.

I know it can seem like they have you over a barrel especially if you are dependent on them for financial support or childcare. If this is the case, one big step to take is to do what you must to become independent from them. You will feel like more of an adult then. They may or may not respect you more, but at least you will feel more free to do what you feel is right.

You are the adult, but you need to step up to the plate and stand up for yourself if you want to be treated like it. (And sometimes, other people just don't change. My father in law never lets up. We just limit our contact with him, and hold fast to our own values and ideals, and don't let him wear us down.) HUGS to you. Just keep trying to do what's best for you and your child. Other people don't have to like it.

I really understand how you feel. My mother was the same way but has gotten better now that I have 3 kids. If you just need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me.
____@____.com

Hi Chrystal:
You don't say what your parents are trying to force your son to do.
I think it is time to sit down and explain to them that the 1st amendment allows each person freedom of religion.
The bible says love thy neighbor -- if they are disrespecting you they are not loving you. The bible also says judge not lest ye be judged, if they are sitting in judgement of you they are defying the bible. so what they are being is false christians.
Each person has to walk his or her own path. If they will not understand that tell them you will be seeing less of them.
If you want to provide more details and continue this privately write me at ____@____.com

I'm sorry about this frustration with your parents. Of course, decisions regarding your son are your responsiblity and yours alone (assuming that since you said your were single, the dad is not a primary caregiver). I guess there is nothing you can really do to "make" your parents realize this. You can only act on what you think is right. If your parents state that your son should do xyz, you have no obligation to them to follow that advice (or mandate). If you'd like, you can give an explanation for your decisions, but it is NOT obligatory. By simply responding to them, "no, I will not be doing that for my son," you will have established that you are the mother and the person in charge. Consistently doing what you know and feel is best for your son-without apologizing-is the best way to show them that you are mature enough to be a mother. Be calm and firm with them and simply say you love your son and make decisions for him out of your best intentions. If they never "get it," that is not your fault, but at least your son will recognize that you are HIS primary caregiver - a strong momma and the person he can always count on to show him the values that you believe in.

When you say that your parents are "forcing you," does this mean that they physically taking your son and you to do things or is it force of an emotional/manipulative kind? If you rely on them for money or childcare, I'd suggest to try to find alternatives in case they don't respect you when you tell them what is and is not acceptable for your son. Being a single mom is very tough financially, so I'm sure that this might be close to impossible at this time. Do you have other resources to tap into?

I wish you the absolute best - growing into confident motherhood takes a lot of time and effort. I'm 38 and still struggle at times to establish respectful boundaries with overbearing parents/inlaws who think they know what is best for my daughter. The more you trust yourself, the easier it will be :)

What type of special needs?
Are they (your Dad & Step-mom) Christians?
What type of religious activities?
What part of the cities do you live in?