Troubled Teen -- Follow up to Boy Skipping Nearly 3 Wks of School

There's an awesome book for teens that I wish schools would put on their required reading lists... It's called "The 6 most important decisions you'll ever make," and it's from Sean Covey. It is written like a workbook, and it addresses all those things that impact teens and that ultimately impact the rest of their lives. Such an awesome book. I highly recommend it just for him to be able to read it and think about some of those things and also know that someone out there gets what it's like to be going through those tough teenage years.

It is soooo good to hear how things have transpired. He sounds like he is needing help, and ASKING for it. It also sounds like you all understand where he is coming from, and are doing everything you can to help him.

I would ask him who his favorite teacher/staff person is at the school, and ask that person to sit in on the conference with the principal, and counselor. I am sure they have many resources for you to follow-up with. Having his favorite person there may be enough to hurdle over the disappointment he thinks everyone feels towards him. It will also help establish a mentorship, and increase accountability.

You might also discuss with this group a story to "tell" his peers if necessary. Not everyone needs to know his business. I feel a little white lie to his peers would be worth it. It could just be something like, "D has had some problems at home that he has had to deal with." Sometimes it helps to have the sound byte ready to go for the questions.

I wouldn't farm him out to everyone to help him. Pick one or two people that will be consistent for him.

Is there a Big Brothers/Big Sisters program near you??

A Boys and Girls Club??

Good luck, and thanks for looking after him....even though he's not your own. It takes a village.

The school counselor is mainly an "academic counselor" so yes, He needs to see an actual psychologist.

He needs to find out if he can take some summer school courses and maybe some online courses.

Also here in Austin, Once you have enough credits to be classified as Junior.. You can attend an alternative Public High School. It is awesome because each student has their own personal guidance counselor with their own academic plans.. and yes, they can graduate with honors and AP courses!

. The student can come and go at their own pace. Some students end up completing their work and finish high school within months and others.. a little longer.

We have known quite a few kids that were just not into all of the "High School social stuff" and also just were ready to move on.. This was an excellent way for them to get the credits they needed and enter college early.. or take a year off and attend College on time, but not have to follow a typical school schedule.

He is obviously depressed and needs to get this balanced out. Depression is a physiological disorder. His brain is not getting the natural chemicals it needs. This can be assisted with medications, exercise and therapy.

Good thing you are all willing to accept this and help him..He is not alone. This happens to most people at some point in their lives.

I am glad that your BIL was able to write his brother about his problems Be positive with him and let him know that sometimes we all fall down but we get back up and dust ourselves off and keep going.

Get him in to a pediatric doctor and have him give a referral for psychiatric counseling.

As far as the the other kids go, he was sick or something. They don't have to know the truth in this matter. He will make it.

The other S.

I just responded to your previous post not knowing you had this up.l am so happy to such a wonderful post on Mamapedia.

I would start with counseling and see how that goes (I would leave medications for depression as a last resort). He only has another month of school so I would encourage him to finish the year and hope that he is not held back.

Would his parents consider homeschooling? There are so many kids that do much better in a home setting and can socialize with other home schooling kids. There are many groups and co-ops now and most public school offer web programs through the public school systems.

Keep him talking to you and be there for him. As long as you can all communicate together he will be just fine.

maybe get him involved in an extracurricular sport?

The best way to find out how to help him is to get him talking. He may have something that in high school seems like a huge problem but later in life we laugh at it. Something like he has PE with a few boys who are in better shape with well defined abs to he offered a wrong answer in a class and the teacher made him feel bad and the other kids laughed, to he found out the girl he likes made fun of him or laughed at him when he tried to talk to her.
Until you get to the bottom of the issue nothing else you do will help. He can read all the inspiritional books and talk to psycholigists until he turns blue.
Doing something as simple as helping him get his school work caught up and helping him find his passion will help him more than anything. Anything from learning to play drums to joining the track team to writing the great American novel could be his passion. Once he finds the thing that sets his soul on fire the thing he has to do as much as he needs to breath he will find his happiness.
I also recommend getting him involved in a physical activity Martial Arts, running, tennis, even dancing will help him to build endorphins and good feelings. It will also help him to work out the stress of going to high school.
Getting him a dog so he always has a friend to come home to and unconditional love no matter what else is going on. Dogs just love us -- they don't care if we have zits, or red hair, or are too tall or too short.

I highly recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-When-Theyre-Depressed/d...

It gave me a very good insight into depression and how it feels and how to cope with it and help them with it. It addresses depression in spouse and children. For those who have never been depressed, it gives a great intro into what it feels like. Good luck to you.

So great that you can start to help him. I would start with a good pediatrician or family doctor first. He needs help in learning to cope and roll with disappointments and change. Helping others is a great way to build confidence, feel useful, and get out of a funk. There are so many places and ways to volunteer - library, helping younger kids with a variety of things, animal shelters, etc. It may be a long road, so hang in there.

I am going to pm you with some private info.

If he's suffering from clinical despression, the school "counselor" isn't going to help him, neither will journals or chicken soup books. If he's suffering from clinical depression, he needs help, most likely from a psychiatrist because "counselors" cannot prescribe meds. I also would not count on the school for help if this boy was out for three weeks and this was not reported to administration and no staff inquired at home as to why. I know it's high school, and I have a high schooler and an individual teacher isn't likely to call, but someone should have.
If he spent three weeks not being where his parents thought that he was every day, clearly they are not on top of things and my big concern would be there, in that neglect. It's also important for your nephew to understand that his friends, other 14 year old boys, are not going to know how to help someone with depressions. Actual depression isn't something where you can "cheer someone up" - it requires professional intervention and is simply not something friends his age will know how to deal with.
He needs to be closely watched and when he returns to school, period by period attendance taken and reported to parents.

Your BIL needs therapy. Depression is a terrible thing. I would be so proud of him for writing a letter to his brother reaching out for help. A lot of teenagers wouldn't have done that, he sounds like a good kid.

I suggest therapy with a counselor and a psychiatrist consult for possible medication needs.

I still think the severity of what he did shouldn't go unnoticed though. He needs to understand that even if you're dealing with depression, you aren't excused from life. I'm not sure that letting him go unpunished is right, but it sounds like the family is taking action, which is great.