Transitioning to Daycare Is Killing Me

M.-
My son and I had the same issues- HAD- being the key word. We both cried every day! But as one of the other posters stated they do pick up on our sadness. So I tried my hardest to be happy when dropping him off and everyday it seemed to get easier for both of us. 2 years later he LOVES it and so do I! He gets so much out of the environment socially. I promise you that it will get easier; I know that it doesn't seem that way right now but it will. I'm assuming that you like and trust the daycare that you have chosen for her so all should be good in time-

Hang there you're not Abandoning her you're leaving her in the care of responsible adults who will care for her!

Jackie

We're going through the exact same thing with our 17 month old. This might make you feel a little better. When my son was 15 months old his second nanny quit so we had to hire a temporary nanny to finish out the school year (I'm a teacher.) He cried for three weeks with her, even though he was still in our home. But, magically after 3 weeks, he fell in love and started enjoying his time with her. Three nannies later, we decided it would be better for him to start daycare in the fall. But, in June a space became available at our favorite daycare, so had to snatch it up. So, he started part time three weeks ago. He screamed and cried when I dropped him off every day. And, they said he cried off and on the whole time. But, this past Thursday, at the end of his third week there, I picked him up and they said he did not cry at all. Then, on Friday, they said the same thing. On both days he looked so happy there playing with the other kids, it was amazing! I think it's important to wait for at least 3 weeks to see if your daughter adjusts. Also, I always paste a happy face on when I drop him off and I don't linger or let him see me cry...it's a quick bye bye. If you can find a great home daycare, that's a great option. But, there would still be an adjustment period. We chose daycare because there is more accountability. Long story short, my son cried for three weeks with his new nanny, and for three weeks at his new daycare. That's his adjustment period, and we think it would be the same no matter what childcare option we select. Oh, another thing I like about daycare is that I can stop by anytime and spy through the observation window without him knowing that I am there. I do it a lot so I know they're taking good care of him. Good luck to you and your little one.

Have you considered a day care at someones home. It is less formal and there is usually less children. We found it to be much more relaxed and actually a little cheaper than a daycare center.

S.

Hi M.,
I can totally relate. I had been a sahm until last week. My son had never really been away from me for more than a few hours at a time. Talk about a transistion. This is his 2nd week there and he sounds about as miserable as your little one. He's still breastfeeding which makes it 2 times harder on the both of us, since he's NEVER taken a bottle. So of course, he's refusing to take his milk from a cup and doesn't want to eat for them either. They told me there that they've never had a baby that was so attached, and had such a hard time adjusting. I know that he's in good hands where he is, but none the less, it's still very hard for me. I cried the whole first week he was there. My husband drops him off in the morning and I make check up calls to the daycare every few hours. Usually they are not the greatest updates, but I know that we don't have any other options at the moment. I just keep praying that things will get better for the both of us. Sorry, I don't really have an answer to your question, I just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone. I hope everything works out for you and your little one. May God bless you both and keep you strong!!

Maybe you should consider home daycare. That way you little girl will not be in an institutional setting she will be in a home with less children. That way she will get more one on one attention, she will have less children around, and she will always have the same person watching her.
There are many places to find in home daycare.
www.lakecountyhomedaycare.com is a list of licensed providers in lake county.
You can also try calling DCFS directly for a complete list of providers in your area.

I hope this helps you and your little girl!

Good Luck!
J.

Hang in there!!! The best advice I ever heard about daycare, is that no matter how you feel about it, you need to be confident & put on a happy face. I used the trick, and my son does fine with the drop off 98% of the time. If you are insecure about leaving her, your daughter will pick up on your nervousness & hesitation in dropping her off which could, more than likely, make her nervous about being there. Maybe try learning some things about some of the kids that she does interact with. When you are home, talk up daycare like it's the best thing ever. For instance, if she likes to play playdough with Hannah, all night long say,"That's going to be so fun for you to play playdough with Hannah tomorrow!". Also, use pictures to describe her day (wake up, eat, get in car, daycare, play, nap, lunch, nap, play, Mommy!). Then, every day describe how her day is going to go & point to the pictures to help describe what events are going to take place. This could help too, because part what could be throwing her off is the drastic change in routine. Before she goes to bed make sure you go over the events, and when she wakes up, do it again. When you are on your way to daycare, do it again. When you drop her off, give her a kiss, say goodbye, and leave. The quicker you leave, the more it tells her that you trust who you are leaving her with. If you hang around to calm her when she's crying, you are telling her that you don't trust the people you are leaving her with to calm her down or care for her. It is a very heart breaking, delicate situation. If things don't turn around in a reasonable period of time, consider looking at an at home daycare with less children & more personalized care. Good luck! Be strong & it will get better!

If the teachers say that her unhappiness continues during the day, and if it continues after two or three weeks, I think you should consider trying another daycare environment. Before that, try all of the tricks for separation anxiety, like being cheerful yourselves at dropoff, making sure she has a favorite comfort object, etc. I sometimes put a little stamp or drawing in ink on my son's arm and kiss it - a kiss he can carry around all day (I get one on my arm too, which he kisses.)

But if those things don't seem to be helping after a while - I might be sensitive to it because my older son is (sensory issues), but you'd be surprised how things like the noisiness of a space, or the personality of a particular teacher, can make a huge difference. You might find out that she's totally happy somewhere else (that happened to us - people think it's always the kid, but sometimes it's that kid in that place and who knows why - it just happens.) Has she ever been in any other group environment, like sunday school or daycare at the gym, or something like that?

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope it does resolve on its own and she adjusts, but I really do think sometimes it's not a good time/place for whatever reason, which is something to take seriously. Pre-verbal children don't have that many ways to tell us what's wrong so we have to try to figure it out by trial and error. Don't feel guilty, but do keep working at figuring it out or moving her. Good luck!