Training a 10-Mo-old to Fall Asleep on His Own...

You are an awesome Mommy!

Please don't think what you're doing is wrong...no matter what anyone says. It is completly natural to nuture and feed your child when they need it.

You haven't spoiled him by rocking him to sleep, you have done what is completely natural for a mother and child. I did this with my little dude, and he now sleeps on his own at 2.5 and falls asleep on his own...but, some nights he needs Mom's extra comfort and I'm totally there for him. It's about creating a bond between you and your baby, and it's the most amazing thing when you see it in their eyes at different moments that they KNOW you are the person they can turn to if they NEED something.

The CIO method is severe, and at this point in time there is tons of research that shows it releases a chemical in the brain that can be very harmful to emotional development.

At some point, you will want to transition, but it needs to be something you do as a TEAM. I use that term a lot with my son, and it's true. Working together with your child and help him understand what you are doing together.

What I did when we started to transition away from Mommy being the comfort to sleep at about 13 months, I think, was introduced a 'lovey'. It can be stuffed animal, blanket or something soft and cuddly. I would rock my son to sleep holding it in between us, and then once he was fast asleep put him on the bed with his lovey. He would wake and look for me, and for the first few weeks I would pick him up if he needed me to and rock him to sleep. Otherwise, over a few weeks he began to resort to the 'lovey' as his source of comfort. He would only NEED Mommy cuddles on nights when he was teething, sick or just having a bad night with night terrors or the fear of the dark he developed a few months ago.

But, now at 2.5 his lovey is obselete and he sleeps on his own.

I think, the truth is that kids never really 'sleep through the night', there is always some kind of issue or stage/phase thing that happens to disrupt the calm in between those times.

Don't think of this in terms of 'training' your little one to sleep, think of it as teaching/guiding him through a NEW process. Babies weren't born with the instant understanding that things will change, and why change happens. They need love and guidance, and most importantly patience.

You ARE doing a GREAT job, and I say keep up the good work. If you are ready to transition it will take time, and effort. But, don't think of this in terms of cold turkey, it is SO painful and confusing for infants to be cut off from the source of love and comfort.

Best wishes to you and your little one!

D.

I'm going through the exact same thing with my 8 month old daughter. I'd rock her or nurse her to sleep, then put her in her crib. When she would wake up, I'd breast feed her in bed with me and then we'd fall asleep together. It dawned on me that she is old enough to sleep through the night but she wakes up just to have that comfort so we're trying to get her to fall asleep on her own, and go back to sleep when she's woken.

Hearing her cry BREAKS MY HEART so I've been doing a lot of reading about various strategies. The one I'm trying is first of all, trying to stick to a nightly routine (bath, jammies, etc). THen when she's looking sleepy I rock her and talk to her,tell her it's time to go night night and put her in bed. She cries like crazy. I go downstairs so I don't have to hear it. After about five minutes, my husband goes in and talks softly to her,telling her to go night night, puts her binky in her mouth and tucks her in. She goes right back to sleep (woohoo!) We've been doing this a few nights and it gets a little easier every night. I find that having my husband go in there helps because if I go in there then leave, it traumatizes her because I'm mommy and she's always with me and breastfeeds.

(sorry if my thoughts are babbly I took an ambien to help me sleep because of the SLEEP DEPRIVATION from babies waking up through the night...lol)

From what I've read, crying it out is not bad (but it breaks my heart). BUT you have to have a strategy...routine, a phrase to say goodnight, then leave. If she cries, you or your husband (Preferably him) go to her, lay her down (if she's standing..that's what mine does), pat her back or tummy to soothe her and tell her to go night night...then leave. If she cries again, give it 10 minutes and do it again. If she cries after that, try 15 minutes. Ultimately, it WILL get better, but it may be slowly. She may fall asleep after the first two tries... or whatever. But don't get discouraged, I've only been doing it a few nights and I see a great deal of progression. Research other methods too, if you're curious and keep us posted...I'd like to hear how it goes :) Good luck!

I had to do this with my son. It took about a week of him crying a bit when I put him in the crib, but he would always fall asleep and soon he was going to sleep on his own in the crib without crying. We started this around 9 months, so you are definitely not too late. What helped for me was to have a fisher price aquarium mobile (not really a mobile- it hooks on the side of the crib). It plays music and the fishes lightly move, which distracted my little guy from being put in the crib and helped lull him to sleep. It did not work all the time, but helped the transition for sure.

We had a strategy similar to the one in the first response. If he was still crying after 5 minutes, we would go in, lay him down and give him his pacifier and rub his belly for a minute then say goodnight.

It is definitely worth it- my son loves to go to bed now! He almost asks for naps! He'll go into his room, turn on his noise machine, pick up his pacifier and little stuffed animal and stand at the crib. Such a blessing!

No, don't anguish over your "not" putting him to sleep autonomously, earlier. What you have done, and are doing, is all normal comforting things. ALL Moms do that.

The thing is, in our culture to a certain extent... the "emphasis" is on DEtaching a baby/child from anything comforting or self-soothing. In other approaches, they ENCOURAGE "attachment" and soothing and comforting.
So... it is up to you, on how you want to approach your baby, and how you want to nurture him or not in helping him to sleep.

My feeling is, that there is nothing wrong with comforting, attachment, self-soothing or providing a baby with whatever "cozy" things which comfort them. In the extreme... in orphanages for example, children do not get much affection or comforting or soothing... later, as they mature, they get "reactive attachment" disorders, from lack of attachment (you can look it up on Google). This is an extreme example, but it is just illustrative. I once babysat a baby, that the Mom wanted to her baby to be "strong and independent" and so she was not very affectionate or responsive to her very needy baby. But her baby was just getting lack of bonding from her Mom. And it showed in how her baby was developing. Unfortunately.

The thing is, a baby needs to learn to self-soothe and fall asleep. Some do it with no problem and some don't. My eldest child was tooth and nail difficult to put to sleep. My son, is not. They are just different.

Like Courtney T. suggested, you could try and put some child safe stuffed toys in his crib, and get a crib toy like the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders music toy... my son also has this and LOVES this and has had it since he was a baby. He still uses it and it lulls him to sleep and he will even turn it on at will. It has become his "habit" for sleeping. My son also has a "lovey", a stuffed cow that he sleeps with, and his pacifier. But, I also co-sleep with him, when and IF he wakes during the night. I do that with both my kids, since they were babies. It is the way me & Hubby are, and feel fine about. Some may say these are all "bad" habits and builds "dependency" in a child...but I disagree. BOTH my children are very resilient, independent, self-motivated and affectionate, and confident.

With any method you choose, it is a transition & will take time...BUT also, at this age and others, a baby gets "separation anxiety." They can't help it and it is purely developmental. So, there is that factor too.
ALSO, he is at the age where they DO pull-up to stand in the crib...BUT, they don't always KNOW how to put themselves back to sitting and then into a perfect prone position to sleep. So, this is also normal, and you need to help him lie back down, if necessary. Or yes, a baby will stand, and then cry... because they need help in getting back down and to lie down. Again. It can be a repeat thing. But well, they can't help it, it's developmental.

Just think G-R-A-D-U-A-L. Don't rush it. And if he gets the hang of it or not... well, at least you tried. All babies have different personalities. With my daughter, I tried EVERYTHING to no avail. But so, with her especially, I co-slept with her and this is what worked. But I didn't mind. With my son, he loves to co-sleep, but he will also sleep in his crib for naps as well... he is more flexible and more easy going. So that is the way it is with him. Total opposites between my girl and my boy.

And oh YES! KEEP TO A ROUTINE no matter what. Because in the long run... it will be a benefit. BOTH my kids (ages 6 & 2) STILL nap. My son still naps twice a day, and my daughter naps in the afternoon. Still. I have kept their nap & bedtime routines the same for years...and now, like the other respondent said, all I have to do is say "nap time in 1/2 hour... lets start the routine..." and they do it. No protesting. My son, like Courtney T.'s will even get up, grab his cow, walk downstairs, sit down, drink his milk, and I turn on his "Little Bear" video or he'll get a book to read.. .and then like auto-pilot, he goes to nap. A couple of times he even climbed into his crib by himself and laid down. Both my kids have the same routine. EVERYDAY, non-fail.

If your son likes music, then try and put on some soft calm music in the background or "white noise" like a fan on low. This is how my son naps.

All the best,
Susan