Toddler Won't Stay in Toddler Bed

Updated on April 22, 2010
A.D. asks from Raleigh, NC
10 answers

Okay moms, I need some advice. About 3 weeks ago we converted my 23-month old son's crib to a toddler bed. He was content in the crib but I am due with another baby imminently and I knew that I would not be able to lift him up over the crib rail safely to get him in and out. He really loves his new bed and, unfortunately, loves the independence that goes along with that. At first he was going right to sleep but over the past week he has gotten out of bed immediately after I put him down and is up for 1-2 hours after his bedtime - going through his drawers, knocking things over, etc. I have doorknob locks that keep him in his room and his room is childproofed, so I'm not really concerned with his safety but am concerned that he's cutting himself short 2 hours of sleep a night. He has been fussier during the day and I know he's becoming sleep deprived. I thought about putting him to bed later but now I'm wondering if I should do it earlier so that once he gets bored and tired it's at an earlier hour. Our monitor allows me to talk to him in the room and I have tried encouraging him to go to bed but that doesn't seem to work. Has anyone else been through this? I do not plan to go into the room to lull him to sleep - not an option with a newborn to take care of. I'm hoping this is just a phase that will pass. Any advice/experience/etc. would be greatly appreciated!

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C.R.

answers from Raleigh on

You're doing everything right. I think he's probably too young for punishment or bribery to work. I think you've got the right idea. Put him to bed earlier and make his room as boring as possible. Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

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B.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Put the side back on and leave him in his crib. I don't know why you wouldn't be able to lift him while pregnant, I lifted my 3yr old into his crib while 8mos pregnant, and he was 40lbs!

He's obviously not ready for a toddler bed, so put the side back on and wait a few more months.

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S.R.

answers from San Francisco on

We had to put all the toys away and lock the closet (walk in where the toys are). It did take time but he did get past it. We keep the door open and have a gate in front of his room (He's now 3 1/2 and can open the gate so we have a new set of challenges). We let him know that we are watching and that he needs to stay in bed. If we see him get up in the monitor we holler up stairs for him to get back in bed. He usually does. Occasionally we still have have to go upstairs and help direct him back to bed.

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H.J.

answers from Lexington on

He's not too young, we did this with my son and he did fine! If you want him to stay in bed, then you are going to have to follow through with your words. Go through your bedtime routine, then give him 5-10 minutes to play. After that, tell him it's bed time and put him in bed. When he gets up, put him back in bed. Do this every time he gets up. Right now, he doesn't have a reason to listen to you or to stop playing and he is too little to really make the connection to being tired the next day. As a parent, you need to teach him to go to bed at bedtime. This could be a long process, but he will be learning to do what you tell him to do. Good luck!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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S.M.

answers from St. Louis on

It has been a long time since I have had to deal with this however you might see if there are some side-boards that could fit on his bed andremind him that he is secure and must stay in the bed till tomorrow---you might look into furniture stores,baby supply houses, or even check the library to see if there are books to teach you how to build something. This is not the same as bumpers-this should be on the side of the bed where he still has room to role around if he likes but will have the comfort of the side rails. Good luck Mom.

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D.G.

answers from New York on

My daughter who is now three and a half was aweful when we changed her into her toddler bed. She was up all night and yes cranky in the morning. As a matter of fact many night she fell asleep on the floor in her room and i just transferred her back into her bed. Instead of closing the door to her room we put a gate up in her doorway so we were always able to see her. We did not give her much attention by visitng her or talking to her in her room. Our ears were always open for unusual sounds and when things got quiet we would sneak a peak.

Be patient it will take a few weeks but once the curiosity starts to calm he will be able to go right to bed and sleep. Just leave him be and let him wind down himself. Yes, you can start the bedtime routine a little earlier than usual.

Good Luck

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/15520970775552131073
Here is a link from MamaPedia on a similar "problem."

Your child is REALLY young... to put himself to bed.

You need to "cue" your child. At this age, you can't expect them to just "know" what time to go to bed. He's too young. Or you have your Husband to ALSO pitch in... he needs to do this. You will both have 2 kids very soon... and he has to get in the habit of it.

Next, you will bring home a new baby soon. And your son will have to adjust to that too. Expect him to not be perfect. It will be busier, he will have transitioning to do... and kids, especially that young at 23 months old... they don't even have the cognition or emotional development to self-manage themselves. He will need TONS of attention. And being the "oldest" is not easy for a young child. Its a lot of pressure and "expectations" upon them. So... even allow for "regressions" to occur too, because it is normal, when there is a new baby and the oldest is no longer an "only child" anymore... and his parents/Mom is "changing" because OF the "baby."

When I had my 2nd child... I also put both kids to bed.... with Hubby's help. Because... my oldest child still needs "Mommy" too. ESPECIALLY when going to bed. That is a bonding time as well. And in light of another newborn baby being around... the oldest child really needs you. Still.
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Here is my response from that link above for this similar problem:

You need to "cue" your child.

Its great he is self-reliant and can entertain himself in his room, before bed. Many kids that age can't. So that is the upside to it. And be glad he can do that.

But since he is only 3 years old... he cannot like an older child, just "stop" according to a clock nor even know how long time has passed. Nor can he even tell time at this age. To a kid this age, 1 hour can seem like 5 minutes.
So, as the parent, you need to "cue" him. After he has done his "routine" of playing by himself in his room prior to bed and actually falling asleep... YOU need to tell him "5 minutes sweetie, then put away and sleep time..." Give him a head's up. Then, after you feel it has been long enough.... go in and Prompt him and perhaps help him put away, and get into bed. Tell him that is all, in a nice calm voice. Not an irked voice. Then allow him to put away or just to hop into bed. You need to HELP him transition and stop playing (and compliment him that he played by himself well, you're proud of him, but now it is sleep time), then stay there and let him hop into bed and get comfy. Then say good night and leave the room.

If you let a child just "play" on and on and on... on their own, they don't know ON their own, "when" to stop. He is only 3. At this age they don't even have full "impulse-control" fully developed yet. So YOU need to "cue" him... when to hop into bed.

Teach him, there is a start time, a play time next, then a finish up time & "conclusion" to everything. Going full-circle. If you use this repeatedly in a pleasant way... cuing the child, they will learn. It takes practice. So allow him to get used to the "routine" and pattern of his going to bed SEQUENCE. And him getting used to this pattern. And then in time... all you need to say is "okay, full-circle... time to hop into bed." Instead of saying "GO to bed..." which is more confrontational.

So, its not a "bad" habit HE did... he is just playing by himself in his room before bed like you tell him. And he IS able to do that. When most 3 year olds can't. So praise him for that. BUT then YOU need to then "cue" him and let him know what the next step is, and that play-time in his room is completed, full-circle, and that its time to HOP into bed. And be sure to tuck him in... so he feels positive about it.

There is nothing wrong with him playing in his room by himself before bed... but you need to start the routine earlier... so he does not end up falling asleep at 10:00.

My son is so self-reliant too...and he likes to play his Leapster before bed... I let him and it winds-him down... but then after a certain time, I "cue" him and tell him the next step, which is going to bed and getting tucked in. My son does not battle about it either. But he knows the "routine"... and its fine.

All the best,
Susan

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F.K.

answers from Charlotte on

I had this problem at naptime with my two year old. I was also pregnant at the time. My advice to you is whenever you hear him get up, put him back in his bed . You may have to do this over and over and over again for the first few nights but eventually he will understand that when you put him to bed, he is to stay there. Try not to interact with him when he gets up, no talking or eye contact, just put him back in his bed. I remember one afternoon at naptime, I had to put my two year old back in bed over thirty times. It was exhausting but the next day, when I put him down for a nap, he stayed there until he fell asleep. Good luck.

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S.F.

answers from Wilmington on

Not quite sure, unless you have complications and can't lift, why you can't put him to bed safely while pregnant. My oldest was 4 when my middle child was born. I carried the 4 yo to bed every single night after rocking him to sleep, including the night I went into labor. Same with my middle child. He is 17 months older than the baby (now 5 months old). I carried and continue to carry him to bed after rocking him to sleep.

My oldest (now 5) puts himself to sleep. I get the baby to sleep, then sit down with the middle child and rock him to sleep. He adapted to the baby very well. There were many nights in the beginning I'd have him sleeping in my lap and the baby nursing. Now that the baby is bigger it doesn't work so well, but there are almost always 2 kids in my lap when I'm sitting down LOL.

My middle child will put himself to sleep if/when needed, all I have to do is put him in bed and he goes right to sleep (sometimes, he falls asleep on the couch by himself). They are all three sleeping by 8:30 unless we are out late for church or something, and they all sleep 11-12 hours straight.

Personally, I'd put him back in the crib for a while longer. He's about the same age as my middle child and he's no where near ready for a toddler bed.

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