Toddler Hitting and Throwing

If he throws something, don't give it back (and remove it from where he can get it back). If he hits, try to stop his hand from making contact, then unemotionally tell him "no hitting." If he keeps hitting, put him in his room and walk away.
To redirect, get him interested in something else. If he is throwing, give him something that can be thrown (and take him somewhere it's ok to). And just be patient. He will grow out of it eventually but it won't be overnight.

My advice would be to give him a choice when he throws something. You can choose to throw the (xyz) and Mommy will take it away from you or you can play nicely with it and hold it. I find that giving your kids choices empowers them to make the decision and gives them the control that they love to have.

Regrading the hitting: When he hits you put him down and do not pay attention to him for 1 minute. Continue telling him " we don't hit". He should figure out fast that if he hits he doesn't get your attention. You could also give him the choice: Play nicely with Mommy and mommy plays with you. Hit mommy and mommy puts you down.

I hope this helps.

Wow, I feel like I JUST went through this...because I did. The first thing we did (throwing) was to tell him that we don't throw X. I would then hand him something that he can throw, and explain to him that balls, etc. are for throwing but X isn't, it is for Y. If he threw it again, we would tell him, he would lose it for 5 minutes (and set the timer). If he continued to throw it, he might lose it for this entire wake time, or the day.

Hitting is the worst. I tried the holding hands thing, and I could feel him tensing up. The moment I let go, he would hit again and be frustrated on top of it. We had already been through the "soft touches" earlier with our cats. If you haven't taught him soft touches, then now is the time. I would take my son to the ottoman and ask him to show me soft touches, and hits. I told him that he could hit the ottoman, but not people or animals because it hurts to hit and gives boo-boos. People need soft touches.

In the last few months (he is almost 22 months), we started with mommy getting a time out when he hit. He seems to only hit me and he is very mommy-centric, so it seems to work for us. I started with, "If you hit mommy again (holding the arm that tried to hit), she will have to go to time out." I then let go of his arm, and if he hits, I say, "You're done", set him down and walk away. I usually sit across the room where I can still see him if I am home alone with him, or wherever if my husband is there to step in. My husband will usually then talk to him about why I am in time out.

He says the saddest, "Mommy", and cries. The first few times he tried to get my attention, I would tell him, "No, mommy is in time out because you hit her, and hitting hurts." I would ask him if he understood, and if he wanted me out of time out, he always said yes, and I had him say please. I would ask for a hug, and after a quick talk, we would go off playing. That was usually the last (for at least an hour) :).

As he knows the consequences, I now go into time out immediately with the first hit, and put the timer on for two minutes. We then talk about it afterwards. Sometimes, he will say, "Mommy, away." and I will acknowledge that yes, mommy had to go away into time out because he hit her. He will kiss my boo boo and give me a soft touch. It's all very repetitive, but it is definitely getting better, and is soooo much more effective than the holding the hands. He is still pushing boundaries, so he will try it at various times to see if I am consistent or not.

Sorry this is so long, but I am in the middle of it, so this is probably a bit more info that you wanted/needed. :) Feel free to message me if you need any support through this.

remember its just a phase, and even if its going to last another month, it will be over soon. So of course you know to NOT give any attention to the bad behaviour. If you get hit by him, just put a frown on your face and walk away... just like a dog, they will learn that they don't get love or laughs when they do bad actions.

Ah, the scientist in your child is noticing the acceleration of gravity and exploring Newton's second law. This is a competely normal stage, and you are doing the right things. It will just take awhile.

The urge to throw is powerful, because it's developing important motor skills and coordination between brain and body.

With my grandson, we would try to keep breakable or potentially hurtful objects out of his reach, and exchange non-throwables for soft toys that were okay to throw as much as possible. I thought that helped.

What I would do is when he hits you again cover the spot that he hit you with like your face and start to pretend to cry and try to make it sound
real. = )

Tell him that it hurt alot and that you are sad and that hitting hurts.

I hope that this helps.

I wish you the best.

God Bless

Hi S.!

For the hitting...I might also scoop him on your lap...tell him 'hitting hurts'...and then take his hands...IN YOURS...and stroke his hands on HIS face gently...and say 'we touch nicely, gently, softly'.

With respect to throwing things...get some things that ARE OK to throw...examples would be bean bag toss...balloons (they are HARD to throw...and he may be re directed thru laughing!!) etc...

Also...whatever he is doing...at this age...'give him words' - the words...and sentences he needs to express himself!

Hope this helps
Take Care
Michele/cat

For hitting, I do what you do or take out of their hands the thing they are hitting with and don't let them have it back for a while. For throwing I say, "That is not a ball. We don't throw it." Then I help them find an indoor ball. With my oldest I started time outs at this age because he just had too much fun hitting and destroying. When I couldn't distract him from this behavior, I put him in his crib, said "time out", and walked away for one minute. My second child would actually put himself in the time out corner at this age, but they have different temperaments. My oldest child belongs in a mosh pit. He is the kind that thinks pain is just part of the process of fun. Be consistent and try to get your son doing something safely active when he behaves this way. Good luck!

I posted this same question a few weeks ago, I totally feel for you. I had no idea that the pain of having a child didn't stop at childbirth! :) The best advice I got was to immediately take away the toy if there is one, and to leave the play area. Tell him (getting right down in his face) that you will not play with him until he can be more gentle, then remove yourself. Be firm and consistent and hopefully he will get it soon. My son doesnt like it when I stop playing with him. It seems to be working. I also think it is just a stage that they have to go through, but that doesn't mean you have to allow it. Be cautious of how rough you play with him, like wrestling and other horseplay too. And if anyone tells you that it is probably a product of how you treat him and your husband, just ignore them. :) Assuming you don't throw things at them, of course. If you do, I would definitely stop doing that. I just say that because that was also one of my responses. :)

My son (2 1/4) does this, too when frustrated - usually I can tell when it is going to happen to try to redirect him, but other times I get hit or something gets tossed! I bought the book Hands are not for hitting and we read that together A LOT! It has helped and I use phrases from the book and am consistent in my discipline "You hit, You sit" I tell him and make him sit then show him how to gently touch. Being consistent and ignoring him (Mommy won't play with you if you hit only when you use gentle hands) and walking away had really helped! Good Luck!

Well, I think you have a good understanding of the situation. It's good physical exercise to throw things, and it's fun to watch what happens when they hit, and whom they hit! And when Mama takes hands and says, "No hitting," then it's fun to keep on and play with Mama! It can turn into a power struggle ("Who's in charge here?") if given a chance.

You want to move anything out of reach that could be throwable. He can't throw it if he can't reach it. That may mean getting up for the remote instead of keeping it beside you on the couch, but it's a small price to pay for a short amount of time. Of course, you can't put his hands out of reach so you will need to do something else with those cute little things.

When a game goes awry, the game has to be over. I don't know how you and your husband have planned to deal with these situations (you have put a plan in place, right?). But when you're playing with your son and he starts hitting, the game is over. You turn the TV off (that quick-changes the whole environment), get up, put him in a safe place, and do something else. Don't use too many words about it ("No hitting" is about all a child that age can manage), but let him know it's not fun. Hitting people and other living things is never a good game.

If he persists, you need to move to your next level of response - a time out or whatever you have decided. Be both friendly and firm about it. You're not doing this because you're mad at him but because he's doing something he shouldn't do. It's his actions, not your feelings, that are the big deal.

Then, of course, you need to give him something else to do instead. He has all that energy! What can he throw, and throw at, that's all right? Are there soft balls or some sort of beanbag he can use indoors? Can you put up a target on a blank wall (with things around it cleared away) and show him how he can have fun throwing at the target (but not at the vase of flowers)? If you have outdoor-play weather right now, take him outside to play throwing games that are good ones. You'll want to supervise this kind of playing, of course. Be sure to give him lots of positive attention when he plays well and doesn't hit what he shouldn't.

You have several objectives here. You want to keep your home and everyone in it safe. You want your little guy to know what is good fun and what isn't. You want him to begin to learn to think before he acts. You want him to know that even when you two are playing together, you're in charge and will do what's best for him even when it means the fun has to change.

(I just read the previous answers, and you've got some good input here! Hooray for smart moms - here's an imaginary bouquet for y'all from an old grandma!)