Three Year Old Moving Stress

it sounds like you are doing all the right things to me, keeping him involved. When we moved with our daughter, she was 2 1/2, we took her along, showed her the new house, I even took her shopping to get a new bed & bedding. (she went from a crib to a full size bed when we moved). We kept it all exciting, we were excited about the move, so she was also! Now with all that said, she started having "accidents" also. I think she pee her pants twice on moving day. I started crying thinking it was all my fault & putting all this stress on her. But now that its all over, she did just fine adjusting, a couple accidents are OK and kind of expected with a big change like this.
Just keep thing exciting and maybe get him something "new" for his "new" room!
And Congrats on getting a new place!!

I don't think he'll actually understand the move until it is over and done with...he's far too little to fully grasp it all, especially since children absorb our stress (good and bad). No matter how fun it sounds and how involved we allow them to be, its still very scary...its the total unknown for them, its stressful and he's reverting back to wetting as a result.

We as adults tend to get really busy with packing and talking about the move that we forget to still play with our little ones and just sit and talk/hug/cuddle without chatting about the move. You and Daddy are home to him, and as long as you guys are calm and have it under control, he won't care where he's living as long as its with you and he feels a lot of love and attention and his daily routine stays the same. As fun as picking out duplexes are to an adult, its not play, its not cuddle time, and its not the attention he may need, especially at 3...he's still a baby.

Its wonderful that you're trying to include him in the process, but I think its too much for him to absorb. Children are quite egocentric and need constant reassurance that all is well, all is taken care of, and they are loved all the time, especially during times of stress and change. I would try to limit the logistical moving talk to times when he's in bed or busy somewhere else, and focus more on him and keeping things as calm and his routine the same...he doesn't need to be bogged down with adult concepts and moving chaos. He knows its happening, and now all he needs to know is all is taken care of.

If you can have someone watch him the day of the move at a different location, that would be also a good thing for him and you, as you don't need to be having to worry where he is, what he needs or if he's in the way all day. No matter how many people are there to watch him, he's going to want to be with you, and you will be too busy. Maybe he could have a special day for him with someone he loves at a park or children's museum, and then come to the new house once all the chaos has died down? Moving days are stressful for adults and way too much for children under 5 to deal with: hearing people complaining, watching people lug heavy stuff around, watching his old house get empty, his things loaded in a truck, things bumping things around etc. He needs an easy-going day with someone he loves and trusts away from the hectic move, which will also allow him to continue his regular daily routine of lunch, nap, etc. Then, when he comes to the new house at the end of the move and sees you and daddy, you can all talk about plans for his new room and what he did on his special day while you all cuddle and rest. Good luck with it all, and wishing you a happy new home!

I am a military wife, so we move a bit. I think you are doing everything you can to help him. What I did with our last move that helped a lot was I bought a couple of bright pink (I have a girl) plastic bins and let her put her favorite things in them. She got to be in control of what she wanted to be unpacked first in her new room. It helped a lot because the first things we unpack are the bright pink bins so she has her room almost all set up on the first day so the house already seems familiar. I hope that helps and good luck. Talking to him about change not being a bad thing may help as well.

I would also try and have him spend the day with someone else doing something fun on the day of the actual move, personally I wouldn't involve him in all that. And I would stop talking it to death with him too. It is good to tell him about the move, but now he knows and I would leave it at that. Kids at this age...are all out of sight, out of mind. If you keep bringing it up, you keep reminding him to be upset over it. I know you are just trying to prepare him, but honestly just try and keep his days as normal as possible and he will feel secure. I think talking it up so much just makes him dwell on it more and ultimately upsets him. If he wants to talk about it, he will bring it up to you. He takes his cues from you. If you just go about your business and do the move and then bring him to his new room and act very excited about it, he will fall into stride with that. If you spend the next few weeks talking about how moving makes him feel sad and scared, he will feel sad and scared. You seem like a very caring mom and are just trying to do whats best for your son, but he's just a kid and they are more resilient than we think. You don't want to set it up so that he fears change. Change is a part of life and you can teach him now that change can be good and to just sort of roll with the punches =) Best of luck on your move.

I agree with getting someone else to keep him on the actual moving day/days, if you can. Let him go do something fun, and then be sure to set up his room FIRST, so that when he comes in he sees right away that all his stuff is there and he can start adjusting.

Having done both an international and cross country move in less than a year, I S. the opinion to have someone take care of the kids during the move. My 3 yr old is in his helping stage so even him being home during part of the packing and unpacking progress was a bit much. He got in the way alot not on purpose but just because he wanted to help. And it's hard to keep little people occupied when you're making sure everything gets packed right and on the truck without damage.

Letting him know about the whole process is good though and now that he knows, he'll talk about when it comes to mind. I don't think it has to be an everyday thing.

And with the two big moves, the potty became a S. thought for my 3 yr old. It took a few weeks both times for him to get acclimated to the new area and to stop having so many accidents. We've been in our current place almost 2 months now and just this week he's just getting to the point where he's not having any nighttime accidents. Go with the pull ups for awhile until things get settled. HTH!

Is there any way family can take him away while you actually move?
We have moved 6 times. 4 of those times I had a toddler, 2 or 3 year old with me. My mom took the kids twice and it really relieved the stress for them as well as me.
Kids feel and handle stress differently than we do. What we feel as excitement rubs off on them but they don't know how to handle all this excitement.
I have found for us that just findign a house and then telling the smallest ones that this is your new bedroom after we get there makes it go much smoother.
You are upsetting his entire world. All he knows is this house and this room and this yard. So now you are tellign him he will have a new house, etc., but he is too little to understand. Does he believe that you will be with him? Will Daddy? Why are you moving, what about his toys? Even though you tell him that everything will be the same what he knows right now is you took his toys away.
At about 6 they understand more and can be more involved, as this is our new house and you can choose your room.
We are moving this summer and my youngest is 9. We already have things in boxes and have started looking at houses, he has taken it on himself to look on the internet and find some, although they aren't always in the city we are moving too.
Good luck on your move. It is very exciting the first time.

Moving day can be so hectic, I would get a backpack of goodies for him just to help keep him occuppied on moving day. Special snacks like individual ziplocks of teddy grams or the little snack size mini's, fruit snacks, go to the dollar store and get a new coloring book or some other small trinkety toy. My 2 1/2 year old likes the color wonder stuff because he can color w/o supervision, but if your 3 yr old is trustworthy you could add reg washable markers. Maybe make something you can count down the days on, and be sure and take some pictures of the "old" house in case he gets homesick and just for memories. But I am sure when you are all instilled and he has his familiar things around him he will easily adjust.
Lots of luck!
B.