How to Help My Two Year Old Adjust to Moving

Hi K.. We moved when my son was about that age. What helped was letting him decide how he wanted to decorate his new room (trains, Pooh, etc.), and going to the store and buying something that went with that theme (Pooh sheets, etc.). Then he felt like he had some control over the situation and something to look forward to.

Having him pack is a great idea, but I would also suggest that his room be the first you UNpack in the new house. My twins were just 2 when we moved from the East coast to here and the only one of them had any trouble adjusting. For about a month, my one daughter would say when we pulled into the garage. "This is not my house, I don't want this house." But once she knew we were coming here everyday that went away. There is no problem now.

There's a book that is now out of print but can be gotten through the used book service of Amazon. It is "Meditations for the Passages and Celebrations of Life", by Noela N Evans. It has sections for death, birth, marriage, moving, end of a relationship, loss of a job, child moving out, challenge, regret forgiveness, giving thanks. It is more for you than your child, but in the moving section it suggests going into each room in the old home and thanking that room for the good things it provided.........that's something the two of you can do together. The book provides 7 days of 2-paragraph meditations before the move and 21 days of meditations in the new home. Two sentences repeat in each meditation. " The stage of my life is about to change(has changed in new home); old doors are closing and new ones now stand open." "I honor this place that has sheltered(will shelter) me, and I embrace the changes and opportunities that this move invites into my life."

K. - Unfortunately I have no advice just wanted to post and say I understand. I have a 23 month old and I too am going through a divorce. Slightly different where we still live together as the house hasn't sold yet but we live "separately" if you know what I mean. I fear the day we sell the house and move to an apartment as she will loose her house and her dad on the same day. I know she doesn't really loose her dad but that is how I feel right now.

The one thing I do is talk about our big adventure and how we are going on an adventure soon. We say prayers at dinner time so I also pray for strenght and fun times for our adventure ahead.

Thanks for posting this as it helps to hear other people's advice. I wish you the best of luck with everything.

Hello K.,
I'm so sorry about your situation. I have advise about moving, not divorce that might be helpful. When we moved a yr ago, I made a book with pictures of the new house so my boys could read about their new house, neighborhood, friends, etc. If you can't get pictures of the inside, you could take a few of the outside, the street, things around the new home (parks etc). I put them in a simple photo album and we would read it all the time. Talking about new things is great but I found having a "book" helped my boys the best way. Hope this helps & good luck with everything!

D. L.

I'm sorry about your divorce. I have a daughter who just turned 2 in June and we just moved 2 weekends ago. She has not had any problems adjusting. I made a big deal about our new house and always had a happy tone and smile on my face when we talked about the move so that she would take a positive cue about it. She was still sleeping in her crib, even though I planned to buy her a toddler bed and give the crib to her little brother who is in a bassinett. I kept her in the crib so not to have too many changes at once. Tonight will be her first night in her new bed.

I think the woman who said that kids under 6 adjust better is correct. Take small steps as to not overwhelm yourself or your daughter. Best wishes.

I have moved 15 times in my life the first 12 when I was a child who's parent divorces when I was 10. I am also an elementary school teacher and have seen many a child enter a new classroom and within a few days have friends and are doing fine. Your daughter is two and this move will not affect her as much as you think. Children are very not fragile and can handle more than adults give them credit for. But first I have written about how to handle your packing & moving so things can go pretty smoothly. It is what my mom did and what I have done. So first, remember this, it is very important - when you pack write on the box A)what is in each box and B)what room the box need to go into at the new place. Also, decide ahead of time where you want furniture to go. On paper have a lay out of each room and draw where each piece of furniture it to go. Tape the paper to the door/wall of each room. That way the people moving the furniture can look at the paper and know where to put the furniture. This will save time and yelling at you to come there and there to tell others where the furniture goes. Also label each piece of furniture with what room it goes into. NOW FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. First, tell your daughter that you are moving to a new home. If you can take her to the new place and give her a tour of the phouse and the front and back yard. Show her where the rooms are and which room is her room. Tell her daddy knows that they are moving will knows to here to pick her up after the move. Time to pack- tell her you want her to help you box up all her things in her room and mommy's stuff so nothing gets left behind. Do her room first. Have her help put items in the boxes from her room and also help with taping the boxes up. Then have her watch as you write her name and the items in the box like dolls, stuffed animals, clothing, shoes. Also, draw simple pictures next to the word of the items in the box so when she gets to the new place and see the boxes she will know which boxes are hers and what is in them. Make sure her favorite toys are not packed away. They need to go into the vehicle with her on the official ride to the new place. Put them in a special bag or purse. Label your boxes with the word Mommy, name of items in box and simple pitures just like you did for her boxes. Let her help carry boes to the car. When you leave the old apartment have you and your daughter wave a happy good bye(don't be sad)at the doorway before shutting the door. When you get to the new house get out of the car and tell the house a happy hello and tell it your so happy the house is letting you move in. You want this to be a happy occassion for your daughter. As you move furniture and boxs in have her help carry items in her can carry in from the car. Now go to your bedroom and start packing boxes with her help. Once every thing [furniture and boxes] are in the new place have her help you unpack her stuff and get her room in order. If you have other people willing to help unpack, then let them unpack the kitchen, living room and bath room, but not your bedroom. That room is for you and your daughter to set up after your done with her room. Do not worry about where the other items end up in the other rooms. At least their unpacked. they can be moved later. Right now this is time for you and your daghter to set up both your new bedrooms together in your new home. Having your daughter help pack and unpack lets her feel she is apart of the move and that you two are doing it together and that this new home is her and yours. That first night in the home at dinner make a special toast to the house for letting you stay there and that you are happy to be there. Keep everything upbeat. tell everyone during the move to be happy and upbeat for your daughter. Good Luck.

Involve her as much as you can. A friend of mine had almost the same thing happen to her. Her son was 5 and was afraid when it came time for them to move. He thought mommy was going to move out and leave him alone. She talked him through it and let him make choices about how to pack his own stuff and he helped mommy pack her own stuff. She also packed up some of her stuff with his so he would know they were going together. Then he helped her unpack when they got to the new place. It took time for him to understand that daddy would still be able to find them. 5 and 2 is a difference in understanding but you can work at her level.

K.,
I would suggest finding a local moms group that meets regularly to help adjust. Get your daughter out and having fun to ease the tension in other areas of her life right now. I am so sorry your family is facing divorce, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Get involved and keep you and your daughter busy. Fill your lives up with fun things to do right now. Good luck.

Hi K.,

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. Try to make it as positive as possible and think about it as a new chapter in your life - easier said than done, right? Anyway, you could try talking to your daughter as much as possible about the new house, letting her help make decorating decisions - especially for her room. It might also help if some areas were setup somewhat similar to the apt. It may be of some comfort to her. But, remember, children are very adaptable! I think she'll handle the move quite well as long as it is not just one big surprise one day. Take care and good luck!

I don't have advice about the divorce, but I can offer some about the move. We moved when my daughter was 22.5 months old. We talked it up for quite a while, and she spent plenty of time in the house before we lived there. The first thing we did (about 2 weeks before we really moved in) was to bring over a good amount of her toys, including some "new" ones (hand me downs). We took her shopping to pick out a new bed and had it delivered to the house about a week before the move, and then when the move happened, we made sure her furniture was in place before my parents brought her back. (We used it as an opportunity to lose the crib.) She helped us unpack her things and was very excited about her new room. One thing that I think was very important is that we never took her back to our old apartment. We made a clean break (for her). We even waited a month or so to take her back to the old building to visit friends.

good luck. Whatever you do, remember your daughter will pick up on your emotions. Be excited for her - it will make it so much easier!

My sister went through almost the same thing. What made it easier on her and her son, was letting him be a part of packing up his room, then putting it together at the new house. Have a main item (like her bedroom set) already in place (sheets, etc) before she starts unpacking her room, so she knows it's hers. Also, let her spend some time in the house before you start moving (helping clean, having fun donut time in the a.m) to let her get used to the idea of being there. Supress your fears so she won't pick up on them & act like it's the best thing ever. It may be a rough couple days, but she'll adjust quickly.

We moved when my son was 3.5 and my daughter was 20 months. By the time we actually moved, we were so stressed out it was unbelievable. (We sold one house and bought this one, but the buyers of our old house had a terrible time getting their documents in order for financing at the end; they probably had no business buying a house.) Anyway, we moved 2 weeks later than we were supposed to by the time the closing got pushed back half a million times. LOL.

Anyway, my daugther was completely fine with the move. At that age, it's all about them and so as long as she got to do fun things she was happy as a clam. For her, plaing in the mud at the "new house" fit the bill. She adjusted with no problems at all.

My son was a bit more challenged. He wasn't unhappy here, but he didn't get what happened to the old house. He wanted to move back there; he thought it was lonely with us here. LOL! The new house needed a lot of renovations (hubby's a carpenter, that's what we do) and we'd rehabbed the old one so it was very nice...he kept asking why did we move into this "yucky house".

ITA that if YOU relax and make this no big deal, so will she. If you are particularly worried about her being upset that say, Daddy couldn't find her because you moved, ask him to be around so that she knows he knows where she is.

Good luck and I am very sorry about your divorce.

K.

I have been through both, divorce and moving. My ex and I got divorced in September of 2007 but didn't sell our house until November of 2007. We moved at that time my 3 year old B/G twins at the time seemed to adjust fairly well. They would occasionally tell me that they wanted there old house back but for the most part seemed to be fine. I bought them new bedding and decorated their room tried to make it as fun as I could. Their dad sees them regurally which also helps. They turned 4 in May and just recently they are having some issues especially my son. Telling me that he wants to live in our old house with mommy and daddy, this obviously is very hard for me to hear but I couldn't let them grow up in a dysfunctional home either. You have to do what is best for you and your child.

My therapist tells me that children under the age of six survive a divorce better than those over the age of six mostly due to the fact that they haven't seen the dysfunctional, admnoral behavior. Have you been to a therapist to talk thru what you are feeling, that might help you with your daughter and her feelings. Not sure where you live but my therapist is awesome.

Feel free to contact me and I can get you her information. Also fell free to contact me to talk or vent about what you are going thru, it's not easy I know that much. Take Care and Good Luck.

K. Single Mom to B/G 4 year twins who works full-time!

Hi K.,
I am sorry that you are going through a divorce.

We moved when my oldest was 2 and I was so paranoid that he was going to have issues. He adjusted without issue.

I agree with helping him pack. When we set up his new room, we set it up similarly to how it was in the old house. The other thing we talked about for a while before we moved was that in the new house, there is going to be a fish in your room. This gave him something to look forward to and made any anxiety no longer the forefront of his mind.

When he came home (he stayed with grandma and grandpa for 2 days while we moved and unpacked). We did his room first (and I think "they" suggest that even if she will be with you), he saw his new room, with his old stuff and the fish.

*My* adjustment was worse because I was so worried about him. There really was no need - he was a trooper.

I hope this new chapter of your life goes smoothly!
B.

We moved 8 times in the 1st 10 years of our kids lives. Don't make such a big deal out of it and it won't be traumatic. She'll still be seeing her dad at the place she's now use to seeing him. Make her bedroom special for her and let her know how happy you'll be there...i.e park nearby, little friends for her to play with etc.

My son was three when we moved from our apartment (his only home thus far) to our house and I was pregnant at the time. Not the same type of stress your little one is experiencing, but stressful nonetheless. My son kept watching the boxes pile up and my belly get bigger, all the while thinking we were leaving him there. I was heartbroken. My little boy, the joy of my life thought I was going to abandon him for a new life!

The day we moved, he spent some time with Grandma. He cried when he saw the moving truck but my mother whisked him away for a day at the park and McDonald's. He came to the house later on that day and looked around. It looked familiar since he saw it before but it did not register that it was OUR house. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and I unpacked that house in 3 days. Pictures on the walls, no boxes in sight. His room was painted within a month of us moving in and he picked out the color. I was exhausted but it was worth it. Familiarity surrounded him and he was okay.

He is almost 11 now and will occassionally say, "Mom, remember when I cried at the building?" The building is what he calls our old apartment. My answer is always YES, I do remember! So, it will stick with your daughter but try to make it fun. If she wants to help move her stuff, let her. Put her things on the truck last so you can take it off the truck first and cart it to her room so she can start her decorating. =) Make it fun - yay, we're moving (even though I am sure you are not happy about it), we get to start out fresh! Go shopping for some decals that she can put on her wall (the ones that leave no mark if you are renting again) or a big fuzzy pillow to put on her bed. If she sees you not stressing about it, she will not stress either.

Good luck!!!

I went through a very similar situation, and it is hard, but I think more for mom then child. Even though we were moving from a big house to an apartment I presented the entire thing as a positive experience to my 3 yr old and he was very quick to adjust. We talked about his sadness to leave his friends (you can always go back and visit which we did) and to leave his special room (we'll make the new room even better!)and I think it's important to let them process the experience. Let them have their feelings but don't let them have yours if you know what I mean. You can let it all hang out with other adults. The main thing is that you are consistent with them and they will adapt without too much trouble. Find the positive things about whatever the move is and emphasize that. Good luck and God bless. There is a new life ahead for you.