Thinking About # 2 and Am a Bit Nervous . . .

Hi J., I'm a little curious about the amount of influence and power this relative has had over you. Are you and your husband financially dependent on her? As the other posts have stated - get some distance! My concern is that getting some distance might require the help of a really good therapist. Do you trust your last OB/GYN? Do you currently have one that you could discuss your preterm labor issues with? Your response to this situation with your last pregnancy was rather extreme, and quite possible not going to happen at all with this pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different, and being with a midwife or doctor you can really talk to, one who listens to you, can be temendously helpful. Also, seeing a couselor who can specifically address your responses to this relative will be helpful. I have a brother who is bi-polar whom I once had a really good relationship with. Because he can be so antagonisitic and hostile, I had to limit my realtionship with him because I would get too upset. He now lives far from me and I'm glad. I do really miss him and he's been significant in my life in the past so I really feel a loss, but it's healthier in the long run to remain only cordial to him. You won't regeret this next baby, and I'm sure you'll do just fine. God bless you!

Distance yourself from that family member as much as possible. Let the answering machine screen calls, etc. Your focus is on your family, not someone else's destructive ways. She is an adult responsible for her decisions while your responsibility is to your hubby and son. If the "what if" happens, be strong and tell her your not able to help because you need to take care of your family first. It will be tough but you can do it. If you start worrying about her busy yourself with your son or house stuff. Do what you can to push her out of your mind and your life. You'll have to work hard, but you can do it. Look at is as protecting your family and it will be easier for you.

It's natural to have jitters about another baby. Life is full of "what if's" and you just have to go for it and not live in fear. You'll love #2 as much as #1. There is always adjustments with a new baby that get sorted out as they come.

The main thing is for now to be the best wife and mom and take care of your wonderful family. You can do it! Get healthy and have fun making a baby. Your husband will thank you for it and the satisfaction you get from overcoming this will reap more rewards than you know. Good luck!

I knew I waned a sibling for my son but I was scared with the question, how can I have enough love to love another baby? I love my son too much to let him share that with another. You will be surprised at how much you can love.

You will also be surprised at how easy it is to have more than 1 kid. After a while, they take care of each other, especialy close in age.

As for your son feeling displaced, look at how many millions of babies have siblings, they're all ok. He will go through a little something. but he's so young, he'll adjust very quickly.

As for you being affected again by family members, GET OUT!!! Get them out of your life if there's a tiny chance of them screwing you over again. I know they're your family, but your immediate family meaning your hubby and kids are most important now. I had to cut family out and only see them on holidays because their lifestyle was affecting my family.

J., if there is any way you can distance yourself from that family member, do it. You need to do what is right for you and your immediate family & that person is not it. That being said, I do know that those things are easier said than done.
I think it's totally normal to have those 'what if' questions. I guess what you have to be prepared for is that things may or may not be 'perfect'. I'm sure your son will be just fine with a sibling but not all siblings are best friends for the rest of their lives. Unfortuntaly, there are no guarantees. Just do what you feel is right for you, your husband and son. Trust yourself.