Temper Tantrums - Chicago,IL

The best suggestion I have is to walk away. There is a really good book called Have a New Kid by Friday. In it the underlying theory is that if there is no audience the behaviors stop. My son is older and while we don't have temper tantrums we have anger control issues. I no longer yell and explain. I simply say, I can't communicate with you this way and walk away. It has helped me settle down more and whether his fits continue or not I am not around to feed them. I know it sounds simplistic but it does work.

As for him not wanting to do something, we simply say. The expectation is that you will brush your teeth and walk away. I may say this a few times but always very calm and I don't say anything else until his teeth are brushed. I may walk over and turn the tv off if he has decided to watch tv rather than brush his teeth but the only words out of my mouth are, "the expectation is that you will brush your teeth." Calm and in control are the keys. I know, easier said than done :) Good luck!

I think it's fairly normal at his age to do this. My youngest (just turned 7) went through a similar phase and would throw tantrums. I was shocked to say the least. I agree with the previous poster that you should ignore them - or send him to his room until he calms down. I also think that you need to sit down and have a talk with him when he's calm.

You say, "Honey, lately, you've been throwing tantrums when you're upset or when you don't want to do something. This is unacceptable. You are old enough to tell me what the problem is, even if you want to say, "Mom, I don't feel like it." Know that there are consequences to having tantrums or not doing what I ask. My requests are not unreasonable. Therefore, you will get [favorite toy or thing to do] taken away for at least 24 hours.

We all have to do things when we don't feel like it. I am no exception. I still do laundry or cook or clean when I don't feel like it. You don't see me kicking or screaming, do you? Well, neither should you. If you need a moment to calm yourself, just go to your room and do it. I love you!" [hug]

I had that talk with my youngest and she did stop the tantrums for awhile, but then she started back up again. So I threw a tantrum when my youngest asked for something. I did the whole nine yards, screaming, "NO! I don't want to!" while laying on the floor and kicking it - pounding with my fists. It was a sight. My youngest was so shocked, but she also laughed. "Mom! Stop!" I told her that's how she looked (ridiculous) when she threw a tantrum. It was a dose of reality for her and she really made an effort to curb her behavior after that.

Good luck!

Let me guess- middle child :)
My 8 year old is the same way and I have noticed that it escalates when I get angry, too.
So I have been having talks with him on controlling his temper and getting a grip, so to speak, before things get out of control. I have taken away his ipod, etc and he has to earn them back by learning to react calmly and reign in his outbursts. I reward him when he responds to a situation calmly instead of having a meltdown and he is working on it- a work in progress. I think it is an attention thing for the middle child.

All good suggestions posted already, here's another thought.

It could be worth while to take your son out for a walk, just the 2 of you. My son was initially great when his little sister was born. But as she outgrew the infant stage and began to get into his toys, etc. he started acting out. I finally had a revealation of the connection and took him to lunch one day, just him and me. He was able to tell me that he felt ignored. We talke about the difference between positive and negative attention and we made a plan together for him to let me know when he needed my attention.
In the end, he wanted a guarenteed 3 hugs a day and one evening/afternoon a week of 1 on 1 time with me or Dad.

Now if he feels a fit coming on, he withdraws on his own and comes to talk to me when he's ready.

good Luck.

Mom of 3; Girl (8), Boy (7) girl (3). Married to the most amazing stay-at-home Super dad on earth!